Decisions, decisions

[Holly]

I have recently broken off a 3 year relationship with my boyfriend because of his excessive relationships with other women. I know he was seeing at least 5 other women, plus me at the same time. I broke off with him a few weeks ago, and now he has vowed that he has given them all up and is consantly persuing me. He shows up at work with flowers, and leaves flowers on my car for me to find in the mornings. He calls at all hours of the night to tell me he loves me and has "changed his ways".

 

He has never been this way with me, ever before. He is being so sincere about his feelings. He has even said that he will go to counciling. I told him I would consider going with him, but only if HE initiates the appointment, to prove that he is genuine about his feelings. He is aware that I don't know how I would ever trust him again, and I don't know how it would be if we got back together.

 

I am having a very difficult time determining if his efforts to get me back are genuine. I don't know what to do. Though I love him, I don't know if we should be together anymore. He is hurting so bad right now, and has never behaved this way with me before. I don't know if I can believe what he says about giving up the other women.

 

Should I give him a second chance? Should we try again? Please help me! My heart says yes, and my brain says no. I don't want him to continue this. I've told him that he is not to call me anymore because he gets upset and cries. I told him he's not allowed to come to my house anymore either. I hope someone out there has some good advice for me. Thanks for listening.

[james]

Holly once a cheat always a cheat... Find someone who will be true to you from day one.

I have recently broken off a 3 year relationship with my boyfriend because of his excessive relationships with other women. I know he was seeing at least 5 other women, plus me at the same time. I broke off with him a few weeks ago, and now he has vowed that he has given them all up and is consantly persuing me. He shows up at work with flowers, and leaves flowers on my car for me to find in the mornings. He calls at all hours of the night to tell me he loves me and has "changed his ways". He has never been this way with me, ever before. He is being so sincere about his feelings. He has even said that he will go to counciling. I told him I would consider going with him, but only if HE initiates the appointment, to prove that he is genuine about his feelings. He is aware that I don't know how I would ever trust him again, and I don't know how it would be if we got back together. I am having a very difficult time determining if his efforts to get me back are genuine. I don't know what to do. Though I love him, I don't know if we should be together anymore. He is hurting so bad right now, and has never behaved this way with me before. I don't know if I can believe what he says about giving up the other women.

 

Should I give him a second chance? Should we try again? Please help me! My heart says yes, and my brain says no. I don't want him to continue this. I've told him that he is not to call me anymore because he gets upset and cries. I told him he's not allowed to come to my house anymore either. I hope someone out there has some good advice for me. Thanks for listening.

[Been There]

Holly,

 

I sat in your shoes many years ago and took a woman back who cheated on me. It was a mistake. From that point forward in our relationship, the trust had never fully recovered and the relationship was "unbalanced" because I viewed it (and maybe wrongfully) that I had "taken her back." It become MUCH more difficult for me to put effort into the situation because just me taking her back, I thought, was more than she deserved. It's hard to recover and grow from an experience like that. I vowed NEVER to do that again. I wouldn't expect a woman to return to me if I cheated on her, and I expect the same from anyone I get involved it.

 

As far as what he's doing now -- he's trying to relieve his own guilt. It is now a "game" to win you back. I don't doubt that his feelings are sincere, but I personally believe that he has to learn that what he did was unacceptable -- that he should NEVER expect anyone to come back after that. Let's face it, for 3 years he had the best of both worlds. That is a very difficult foundation to re-begin your relationship and I can guarantee you that you are in store for a very tough road. I walked it, and in the end realized I am just not emotionally capable of staying with someone who violated my trust -- it infected every part of the relationship from that point on.

 

3 years is a long time to be with someone - my own situation was for 5. It's tough to walk away from, but you'll be better off if you do. Break contact and let him go. You will be glad you did once it's over.

Holly once a cheat always a cheat... Find someone who will be true to you from day one.