chocolate_boy Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 So I broke up with my ex 8 months ago now, and still miss her like crazy, when does this end? I ended it and got with another girl as we were both going through probs, now she's with another guy but her feelings for me have all gone. We were together 2 years and engaged. I've been meeting her for lunch every day this week, stupid as it may be, I'm unfortunately living on my own at the moment and have no friends in the city I live in (I'm moving away on Monday). I remember the last time we spent anytime together she fell for me again (back in late Feb) but we hadn't really spent any time together then, so I had this crazy idea of just meeting her for an hour a day to see if it gets the feelings coming back. Prob is she's keeping it a secret from her new boyfriend cos he has banned her from talking to me (which pisses me off, if it has a right to or not I dunno... she has only known him since Feb, I have known her over 3 years). I miss her like crazy, she was my best friend as well and I hate not having her in my life, I've had this empty feeling in my stomach ever since we broke up, for 8 months. How do I cope with this, I've tried not contacting her for 2 months, but she came back and hassled me to meet her. Then we sort of had no contact for a few weeks and today we ended up chatting about our relationship, and she was telling me how much happier she is with her new boyfriend, and how amazed she is cos she didn't think she could have a better relationship than ours, and how lucky she was that she fell instantly in love with the first guy that came along after we broke up (she met him about 2 months later). Being stupid, I asked her if she loves him as much as she loved me... (at the time she had had 2 long term relationships before me, one for 3 years and one for 18 months) and she told me "sorry if it hurts you, but yeah I think I do...". She said she misses me from time to time but doesn't really think about me much anymore, which she said suprised her "cos you were my life 6 months ago, and even not seeing you for a day would kill me inside". It does hurt and confuse me how she got over me so quick and how she fell even more in love with the first guy that came along and how I tried a new relationship but it fell apart cos it didnt compare to us. Even now, whenever something good in my life happens, I want to call her and tell her, whenever something bad happens and I need support I want her to be there. I cry myself to sleep nearly every night cos I miss her so much, and I kick myself that I broke up with her rather than try and sort our problems out.... She was my first serious relationship and I didn't really know how to handle our rough patch, I just saw us both being unhappy and ended it cos I couldnt bare seeing her so sad and I was feeling trapped. Will this get better when I move away... How can she feel like this? Move on so quickly and replace me almost (she even is doing the same activities and planning the same holidays we were going to have with this new guy). Any help is much appreciated, it seems this pain will never go away. As far as coping, have no more contact with her. Stop meeting her everyday. That's insane. No more contact of anykind, ever. Time will heal you and you will survive. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 12, 2003 Share Posted June 12, 2003 YOU ASK: "How can she feel like this? Move on so quickly and replace me almost..." That's a great question...but I'm afraid I have never found anyone with the answer. It happens all the time...and probably will continue until the world ends. Love is about timing. If it's not time, they will move on. If you're not the right person, they will move on. If they are afraid for some reason, they will move on. There are just so many reasons and, as mysterious as they can be, women (or men for that matter) have no obligation to explain themselves. Relationships are lot more about other things than love. There's got to be many components there. If you don't meet a ladie's subconcious requirements, she can leave and have no conscious idea why. Lots don't have any idea of why they behave the way they do. If you want love, you have to take risks that it could end at anytime. That's just the nature of love. It gives itself by the moment...not by the day...or by the lifetime. The love you give yourself is about all you can really depend on...and, oh how so many don't love themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted June 12, 2003 Author Share Posted June 12, 2003 Tony, can always rely on your wisdom my friend. That's so very true. I have made a decision tonight, I'm not gonna put myself through this anymore. I'm moving to a new city, making a fresh start on Monday, and what's more tonight I have seen a job become availble in the city I'm moving to (at the same company I'm working for) which has been my dream job I've aimed for many years! This is a new start, I have just finished writing my application, and even though I feel I may be slightly young and not as qualified as they may hope, I'm gonna try and put all my passion into getting this dream job. I have wrote my ex an sms basically explaining that I won't be meeting her for lunch today (which was to be our last goodbye), and that I didnt realise how serious her and her new boyfriend are, and that it is wrong of me to come between that. I wished them both all the best for the future and told her not to disrespect him by contacting me (cos it really upsets him). This sounds like a good positive move in my book. ~C~ Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 13, 2003 Share Posted June 13, 2003 Sometimes you get the love you long for, just not in the exact person you thought it would come from. Keep positive and enjoy the move. (ps. I'm a little proud that you didn't do that last meal thing with your g/f. Her ego sounds ok, she can handle that... Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted June 14, 2003 Share Posted June 14, 2003 Hey chocolate_boy Believe in yourself and what you are doing, Be excited in this new part of your life. You will meet many friends in your new city that you can share losses and wins with! You are brave and should be very proud at the healing you are going through. Know what you want and go for it… but most of all know who you are and NEVER be scared to admit it! Remember life is beautiful! Enjoy it! Good Luck! Stay Strong… Light and Love Emanuela... (~PurpleAngel~) oxox Link to post Share on other sites
Author chocolate_boy Posted June 15, 2003 Author Share Posted June 15, 2003 Thanks for the replies guys, your support on this site has helped me through a lot. I think the main reason I am having so much trouble moving on from her is because she was such an affectionate person and made me feel so loved in our relationship. But at the moment I'm looking after me. I did send her that sms on Fri that i wouldnt be meeting her, she tried calling me that evening but i didn't answer. I got an sms back off her on Sat afternoon saying thankyou and I am right she needs to put her new boyfriend first and that she's very serious about him and ended it with "good luck with everything u do, u will make every 1 very proud, love always xxx" which left me with a lump in my throat... But I didnt contact her since and I have packed everything today and am moving tommorow lunch time. Here's to a new start.. just wish I didn't still feel like I've been punched in the stomach! ~C~ Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted June 16, 2003 Share Posted June 16, 2003 Well Chocolate_Boy… Good Luck and congratulations. Think of it this way, you are not alone. Last week my heart was crushed for the 3rd time by the same man. The man I was meant to marry. Unfortunately I do not have the luxury of leaving to go to another place and start again, but, in my own ways I will try to pick up the pieces, mend my broken heart and move on! So be strong hang in there and remember that at the same time you feel your heart hurt know that this is because you where blessed to have felt essence of love! Not everyone can say that and know that every morning you wake up you are ONE more day closer to finding the woman who was born to be with you! Let us all know how you go! Good Luck! Stay Strong… Light and Love Emanuela... (~PurpleAngel~) [color=violet][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
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