My story (pretty interesting stuff)...

[Trialbyfire]

My daughter is doing well. I see her and we have a great relationship. I will say that I know everybody will tell me it's wrong, but I have been having a very difficult time taking her Thursday night thru Sunday morning, bc that enables easier all nighters for the ex.

Who cares what it enables. Your first priority should be your daughter and maintaining a loving relationship with her.

Your marriage is over. You don't have any right to have any say in her life, unless it affects the well-being of your daughter.

[Kasan]

Major mistakes? 3some, letting her go to LA, playing games, hooking up with girls right after we split... Some pretty immature things. Don't know how you can help. And those are probably just a few of the major mistakes I've made.

 

Do you want her back?

[watchconcierge]

lol... I'm dead serious when I say this... Getting laid is not my goal... I've just been going through the motions...

 

I hate to say it, but I'm more like a woman when it comes to sex. I want it to be meaningful and with somebody about whom I care a great deal.

 

I've just been trying to force myself into a relationship until recently.

 

The first and second time with the calendar model, I couldn't finish. And she cried both times. I'm not kidding. I'm a mess.

 

But at least I'm talking about and being told what an idiot I've been so hopefully I will take something good from this public beating I'm taking.

[watchconcierge]

I definitely want her back... BUT I know that I can't live with the person she's become and that too many things have been said and done to ever get the relationship back.

[Kasan]

I definitely want her back... BUT I know that I can't live with the person she's become and that too many things have been said and done to ever get the relationship back.

 

Okay, so you are looking for information on how to win her back right?

[watchconcierge]

I care what it enables. And I know I shouldn't. But it does suck to think about her out partying it up while I'm at home. It makes me feel left out of the adult stuff and on the nights on which I could be out with friends. I'm trying. I know I'm wrong for feeling that way, but it's real. It's how I feel. Now I need to figure out how to fix it.

[cj1988]

We will beat it into your head LOL ! That is what we are here for and you are not responsible for the model, she knew what she was getting into you are still married you know !

 

I will not even date anyone until it is over, I am not a cheater.....do right by others or it will kick you in the butt, I am living proof what goes around comes around.

 

We are all grown ups here, getting laid is fun for SINGLE well adjusted people, we are not those YET )

[Touche]

You really have nothing to apologize for. And you didn't offend anyone. We're just trying to help. It's good for you to let it out.

 

And yes, forgot about what your ex is doing. She's the EX. Are you going to hurt your daughter just because you want to make it harder for the ex to go out? Uhm, she can always get a sitter or have the child stay with someone if she is of a mind to.

 

Wow, you really, really need to get your priorities straight. Haven't you messed up enough? Don't mess up your child's life just because you want to get back at your ex. It's really wrong and extremely immature.

 

You can really change your life. Start with one thing at a time. Start with the child you brought into this world. Do you want to mess that relationship up too? You'll regret that one day. Why add another regret to your life? Do what's right. Take charge of your life NOW.

[whichwayisup]

Go talk to a therapist about this too. For your daughters sake. I'm sure she's in pain as well and has alot of confusion going on inside of her as well.

 

Forget dating and other women. Fix yourself, get your anxiety under control by doing CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) and/or medication.

 

Sometimes this is tough crowd, but the advice you'll get WILL help you. Harsh, yes, but it comes from a good place.

[watchconcierge]

cj1988... I get the impression that you think I'm cool, but messed up. Everybody else thinks I'm scum. :-(

[watchconcierge]

Thanks for the good advice Touche. I'm trying.

[Kasan]

cj1988... I get the impression that you think I'm cool, but messed up. Everybody else thinks I'm scum. :-(

 

I don't think you're scum at all, but I hate bs and now that you are being real, I can respect that.

[watchconcierge]

I don't think you're scum at all, but I hate bs and now that you are being real, I can respect that.

 

Ok... I see the benefit in quoting in replies.

 

I'm having a rough time. I will try to be the best father I can.

[Kasan]

Here are some success stories about women returning that I lifted off another thread. They might be worth the read.

 

ilmw

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t90264/?highlight=PSwx3

 

Wolfe

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t95838/?highlight=PWSX3

 

PWSX3

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t96821/?highlight=PWSX3

 

uksurfer (You'll have to look other posts for all his threads, but here's the main one:)

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t88277/?highlight=uksurfer

[Trialbyfire]

I care what it enables. And I know I shouldn't. But it does suck to think about her out partying it up while I'm at home. It makes me feel left out of the adult stuff and on the nights on which I could be out with friends. I'm trying. I know I'm wrong for feeling that way, but it's real. It's how I feel. Now I need to figure out how to fix it.

Reread what you wrote, over and over again. You have a beautiful little treasure that you get the wonderful opportunity to continue bonding with and you're concerned about losing out on partying time for yourself?

[whichwayisup]

I didn't even think about people here googling my user name. Hope my wife doesn't google that name! Fortunately, when I just googled it, I didn't see anything about me. This is a private name and email address that I've maintained for something like 10 years and don't use it very often.

 

Unfortunately, this thread just came up on page 2 of google. If you are concerned about your identity and privacy, then maybe start over and create a new username. I'ts impossible now for the admin/mods to change your username.

[watchconcierge]

Here are some success stories about women returning that I lifted off another thread. They might be worth the read.

 

I definitely don't want to read about women returning. I need to face the fact that we're done. In less than five hours, it will be four days since I last talked to her.

 

She has tried to contact me a number of times. I don't want to contact her to tell her this is what I'm doing in part because I believe that I will want to contact her more and in part because I feel like I have the "upper hand." You know... that sense of well being you get when you're the one in control... It's better than being the in the position of calling or texting and not getting responses.

[Touche]

I care what it enables. And I know I shouldn't. But it does suck to think about her out partying it up while I'm at home. It makes me feel left out of the adult stuff and on the nights on which I could be out with friends. I'm trying. I know I'm wrong for feeling that way, but it's real. It's how I feel. Now I need to figure out how to fix it.

 

Left out of the "adult stuff?" So let me get this straight? Partying is "adult stuff" so what is taking care of your child? Wow.

 

How do you fix it? By growing up. You already know it's wrong so what are you going to DO about it. No offense but stop being such a wimp. Be a MAN!

 

And you're welcome for thanking me. No thanks needed. I'm just trying to help, like the others.

 

You really can change your life around for the better. You sound like a decent guy at the core. You just need to really set some goals and take little steps to change your life around. You really can do it.

[watchconcierge]

I DON'T party. I go to charity events and make some public appearances. I don't go to the bars at all. I haven't been to a bar since we've broken up. And on New Years, I made a donation to a group of bars and they were going to pimp me out to their patrons... make an announcement that I was in attendance, etc., but I didn't go. You're making some assumptions about me that aren't correct.

 

I meant to say that I don't like feeling like I'm stuck at home while she's out at the bars. Then I'm tending to our child while she's having the time of her life.

 

I am not a partier! I am a worker who likes to be at home with family.

[watchconcierge]

Unfortunately, this thread just came up on page 2 of google. If you are concerned about your identity and privacy, then maybe start over and create a new username. I'ts impossible now for the admin/mods to change your username.

 

LoL... Whatever... Being in the public eye, I've accumulated some thicker skin. Page 2 of google... LOL

[Kasan]

She has tried to contact me a number of times. I don't want to contact her to tell her this is what I'm doing in part because I believe that I will want to contact her more and in part because I feel like I have the "upper hand." You know... that sense of well being you get when you're the one in control... It's better than being the in the position of calling or texting and not getting responses.

 

Games, games, games. I wish some of our men would respond to you.

[cj1988]

This is the time when parties and girls should not matter, just you and your daughter !

 

Be a Denzel and love your family first, that is way hotter than the bad boys....I have been attracted to bad boys all my life, those days are over !

[cj1988]

Those are games that WOMAN and MEN hate to play, it is not about having control over HER now, it is about control over YOUR SELF and your own actions.

 

Be a dad she is proud of, not a jerk like mine !

[Touche]

Unfortunately, this thread just came up on page 2 of google. If you are concerned about your identity and privacy, then maybe start over and create a new username. I'ts impossible now for the admin/mods to change your username.

 

I don't get it? How would anyone know who he is from the username? Am I missing something?

[watchconcierge]

Left out of the "adult stuff?" So let me get this straight? Partying is "adult stuff" so what is taking care of your child? Wow.

 

How do you fix it? By growing up. You already know it's wrong so what are you going to DO about it. No offense but stop being such a wimp. Be a MAN!

 

And you're welcome for thanking me. No thanks needed. I'm just trying to help, like the others.

 

You really can change your life around for the better. You sound like a decent guy at the core. You just need to really set some goals and take little steps to change your life around. You really can do it.

 

 

Ok... So tell me this... How would each of you feel if the reason you left your spouse was because he/she was partying and staying out all night and then shortly after you were the "babysitter" while that person got his/her partying on? I don't think it's ridiculous for me to be having a difficult time with that. I don't want her to have the time of her life after I left while I babysit.

 

Do you think it would be an acceptable compromise to simply choose to see my daughter at times other than those that enable the thing that makes me so angry?

 

What if performing parenting time during those times makes it so I end up becoming an "old maid?" What if I have a great relationship with my daughter by spending all of this time with her, but I let years go by and become too old and end up lonely in the romance department for the rest of my life? This is a legitimate concern.

 

How can this be appropriately balanced so I don't feel taken advantage of, have a prosperous relationship with my daughter, and am able to move forward (when ready) in the romance department?