haoxin Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 Hey Chris . C'mon .. don't let her hurt you again ! Its okay to be friends with her ! But don't have any feeling for her . You will end up hurting yourself trust me ! Yes it was your fault you could feel guilty bout it . You apologise you done everything you need to do . What she wanted was a guy that pick her feeling and understand her . Its too late to turn back time . Get over it . If you would really wanna get along with her . Tell her how you feel bout the past and the times without her . Tell her that you changed , show her that you are understanding and a very good guy now ! I guess she was scared from the last relationship with you . When she needed you so badly you blast at her . Yes the main point is whatever you wrote in that mail . All her trust is gone after reading the mean mail you sent . She turn sad thinking how could you wrote all that stuff . I think now you need to build her trust and control your temper . But her act of ignoring you and all the blank date , its all wrong . Though she have family prob doesn't mean she is the QUEEN OF THE WORLD she can do anything she want . She is wrong . She could get more attention care and love but not acting like that . You have a lil hope here .. but i suggest not gettin with her . Time would heal if you really wanna want to ! She doesn't seem so devoted she would hurt you again ! Can you take it ? Sometime you just feel she is not your type . If you do feel so and you both can't compromise and talk things out .. Quit this love . Be sweet with her .. instead of asking her out why don't you try to look for her and does the activity she does . By that time you should realise if you still have chance with this relation . If she reject you strongly don't be sad . She is just hurt from past like you ! You've been thinking too much you need to rest your mind . 2 choice for you . Forget bout her ! or Start from being as a friend ! Good Luck to you ! Link to post Share on other sites
michiganmale27 Posted July 16, 2003 Share Posted July 16, 2003 Chris11, Let's look at the facts- Let's hang out sometime "I come home and go to sleep, or go to the bar with ppl from work." Translation- if she cared about you, she'd find time for you even if it was watching a movie to unwind at home What about Sunday "Beach Day" How about taking me there "We'll See" Translation- If she cared about you, she would love to spend a sun filled afternoon on the beach barbequin' and swimming etc... Not to hurt you or anything, TRUST ME, I have taken subtle hints well enough in the past, these are basically polite ways of saying she isn't interested. All of us are trying to heal wounds from unrequieted love/break ups. You need to do your best to get this girl off of your mind. Easier said than done, I failed a final exam in Graduate Auditing because an ex was on my mind so much. I was on such a wreck I had to be put on Xanax/Paxil, DON'T GO THERE, or I will hunt you down no girl is worth putting yourself through what I did, or what you appear to be doing to yourself. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris11 Posted July 17, 2003 Author Share Posted July 17, 2003 hey guys I understand what your saying. I agree with you guys. But Its still to early to tell I think. We just made up a month ago. Im gonna give it sometime. And if after this summer its still just as bad as it is now. Then I'll leave her alone. I just wanna give it one last shot. I have to. Any pointers for making my one last shot work? Please just tell me what to do to make it work this summer. Just one last shot, or I'll regret it all my life Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris11 Posted July 17, 2003 Author Share Posted July 17, 2003 I think I just have to give it a chance. Its not gonna be supper and peachy after a year of not talking and arguing. I mean shes being nice to me and polite. She really is busy. She works everyday. I dont know. Im just gonna give it some time. Its just hard sometimes. But I hope its worth it in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
michiganmale27 Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Chris11, I am going to tell you something that my father told me about my ex-gf. Only YOU control your life. I can only give you advice when you seek it out, ultimately you have to live your life. If this girl makes you happy go for it. However, just realize the possibility is there where she might hurt you YET again and trust me the pain will be even more unbearable than it is now. As far as advice goes to make things work this summer...I would see if she wants to go to a concert to see one of her favorate bands, they most all tour during the summer months. If there are nights where she wants to just go home, see if you can swing by to watch a movie...(NO RESERVOIR DOGS OR PULP FICTION EITHER) with her or just relax and enjoy the nice weather. GOOD LUCK, I WISH YOU THE BEST CHRIS11 Link to post Share on other sites
Cpunch75 Posted July 17, 2003 Share Posted July 17, 2003 Chris, hello man, Rejection, get used to it, it's a big beast and it's hairy and ugly and you HAVE to get used to it. There is no denying it. Accept it, don't fight it! From what I see, if you've known her since the 2nd grade, then it's old love, an antique love, she's gonna want something new and fresh. sorry but i'm being an honest jerk here. (I failed a stats class cuz of my ex too, torn up and crying my ass off in coffee shops lol....Cheers to the damm double expressos!!!) "All of us are trying to heal wounds from unrequieted love/break ups. You need to do your best to get this girl off of your mind. Easier said than done, I failed a final exam in Graduate Auditing because an ex was on my mind so much. I was on such a wreck I had to be put on Xanax/Paxil, DON'T GO THERE, or I will hunt you down no girl is worth putting yourself through what I did, or what you appear to be doing to yourself." I hear ya man Punch Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris11 Posted July 18, 2003 Author Share Posted July 18, 2003 Its worth it guys. I mean theres always hope for friendship atleast. I know Im wussy...I have really low self esteem. I cant help it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris11 Posted July 25, 2003 Author Share Posted July 25, 2003 guys...you have to hear this. Well we were talking and stuff. And I was asking her to hang out with me and she said this: " dont worry we'll deff hang out be4 the summer is over". Then a week later I ask her to chill with me and she says: " Look Im sorry you have no one to hang out with but its not my fault". And then she says that she doesn't hang out with any of her old friends anymore. She says " If my new friends saw me hanging out with my old friends they make fun of me and not wanna see me". Then Im say " Im not a dork" She says : " your still all ghetto and stuff though". (Im black shes white...she comes from a rich background....I come from a slightly more then average back ground".....then I say how its not right to judge me. And how ghetto pple dont care about old friends. I mean I dont act ghetto. ANd I say it makes me mad to be judged by pple. And she says " welcome to the real world"...then she says " Look I just dont hang out with pple like you anymore".....guys she sounds so different then what she was be4. But everytime I get mad at her she mentions that time I slipped and blew up at her. What do I do?.....I feel so terrible I wanna shoot myself. I dont wanna live feeling depressed like this. I feel suicidal. I mean I wont go through with it. But I just dont wanna live and stuff. If I leave her alone..I'll be depressed. If I stay with her I'll feel depressed. I say do you want me to leave you alone she says: " I dont know.....why cant we just leave it to talking online". and Im like " will you ever wanna chill with me"....she says " I dont know...I dont think so". Link to post Share on other sites
michiganmale27 Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 Run to the Hills, AND FAST. We have words for people like that, that I am going to reserve to keeping to myself. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to inform you that she doesn't want to have anything to do with you. Let her live in her make believe world, go out and find you someone that would want to spend time with you regardless if you are "ghetto" or not. The sooner you let go of this "person",ad-lib'd for another word, the faster you will be able to begin the healing process of getting over the depression you are feeling. I felt the same way, started to date another girl and the feelings went away TOTALLY different outlook on life. You can do it, just have to committ yourself to wanting to be rid of this "person". Hang in there kiddo Link to post Share on other sites
kayti Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 you're being way to hard on yourself. its not fair for her to keep bringing up the one time you lost your temper with her. This chick sounds really superficial. she's embaressed to be around you because you're black and not rich. Why would you ever want to be with a person like that? You should have more pride in yourself, and who you are, and more pride in being black. I would never stick around someone who judged me like that. she is so shallow. maybe you could look into some kind of therapy options to work on your self-esteem. you need help.. you need to learn to love yourself instead of trying to force other people to do it for you. in the long run you'll be much happier without her. you sound like a great guy, go out with someone that will treat you right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris11 Posted August 25, 2003 Author Share Posted August 25, 2003 Ok alot of have probally seen my story be4. Heres a quick version: ME and my girlfriend got into a fight be4 college.....faught for 4 months...didnt talk for 5. I've known her since I was 8. Im 18 now. Ok so were talking again online. And sometimes shes nice sometimes shes mean. This is a convo I had with her online. Tell me what you think: ME: I haven't talked to you for a year .I just wanna know how everything is going.why are you being so mean HER : you talked to me last week ME: you told me not to hold grudges on pple.....how theres always hope for friendship and you said to me that if I ever cared for you.....we should make it work HER: omg stop being such a loser ME: cause the things you say to me are so mean such as:" if my friends saw me hanging out with you.....theyd make fun of me" HER: they would ME: why? cause you said I’m ghetto. Thats soo superficial HER: god just let it go ME: man you make me feel soo terrible I apologized a billion times and all you do is hurt me HER: i just want different friends and a different life ME: and why cant we be nice to eachother? HER: because i don't want to HER: why do we have to ****ing be friends so badly ME: I cant say why w.o sounding gay and girly.....its just that we were close.....and I cared about you...and still do as a friend and I just need you to be there for me like you used to be and I wanna be there for you cause like .....half the things I wouldn't even have done if it wasn;t for your encouragment : like I wouldn't have stuck with school ME: but your judgment about me is faulse : "ghetto" Im far from that HER: but close enough ME: Im still almost the same person you were so close too.....Im not ghetto that hurts alot that seems so shallow that remark and I know your not like that HER maybe i am ME your not shallow : why would you wanna be anyway HER: cuz i can ME: cuz you can? what do you mean HER i'm not stuck around the same ****in fourteen people everyday, i can choose who i want to be friends with now ME: so you didnt choose to be friends with me HER: oh come on if we were in regular highschool would you really think that we'd be friends? ME WTF? : why wouldn;t we be? : cause Im a dork? : you sound so stuck up HER wouldn't your friends make just as much fun of me ME no they wouldn't HER oh please ME: my friends dont judge like that HER: wake the **** up ME: “HER: oh come on if we were in regular highschool would you really think that we'd be friends?” ME that what you said right there : is the most stuck up thing : ever : said to me : and meanest thing : ever HER: fine ME: I dont deserve that ME why cause Im a dork HER no because we're different HER please you would never be friends with someone like me ME: so ....different pple can be freinds ME yes I would! HER: look i know we became really good friends in highschool, and i will always look back on those times as really fun times, but things are just different now ME: I know : but it never means we have to be mean to eachother : I mean all the times we've laughed : and smiles : and acted like moron : together : and we were there for eachother : pushing eachother : and making eachother happy ME: you just cant forget things like that ever HER: i won't forget HER: but highschool is over ME I just miss the times I've spend with you HER: yeh well i miss alot of ****in things about my life but that doesn't mean that they will come back either HER you have lots of friends from there still, ME: but I just wish ....I didnt take for granted the times I spent with you : I know it sounds gay HER: no i understand what you're saying HER: just everything and everyone that reminds me of that place makes me angry ME: I owe you alot HER: no you don't ME: yes I do..... HER: you didn't need me to do that ME: yes I did : trust me I did HER you would have done it anyway ME: time when I felt soo depressed : I would just talk to you and I felt better HER: i'm just frustrated by life ME: me 2~~~!!!!!!! omg I am HER: i'm ****in bitter ME: look.....I just still care about everything with you.....and I feel horrible for the way I cated : and I always will HER i know you do but really it's not about that HER: but then if i talk to you i'm gonna have to talk to everyone else too ME: I'll keep it secret I wont tell anyone HER it's just easier this way ME: what I was going through.....and just talking to you made me feel good : even if it was just about stupid stuff HER: i can barely handle all the bad things going on in my life i don't think i could handle someone elses too, honestly ME: I wont ever bring them up : just talking to you period : makes me happy like ice cream talk HER: lol ****in icecream ME: and like...when I saw you.....all those feelings came back HER: lol i bet i looked really bad too, oh well ME: and I dont know how to deal with it is it a race factor? : I dont talk ghetto HER: its many factors ( now she talks and were getting along ) ME: show off HER: lol HER: hey atleast i learned something this year ME so howd you do in class sorry its the father in me HER: i was a good student dad ME: yay HER: i made deans list both semesters ME: I'm proud of you HER: and i was nominated for national dean's list HER: loL HER: so basically i'm a big dork HER i was introduced to white america this year ..and not that i agree with it but i've become more aware of it ME: and you make me soo happy! we dont have to see eachother....whatever happens happens HER: what if we just talk online for now HER AND i'll think about it this is all in the same convo. But see how the second half shes nice to me. And we get along. Its like she has two personalties. What do I do?....and giving up is not an option. If you say that please dont post Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 25, 2003 Share Posted August 25, 2003 I'll post what I'd like! Why you are wasting time with this bitch is completely beyond me. You are playing right into her hand and she is lapping it up. You know what she's saying to her friends? "Chris11 won't leave me alone...he wants to be friends...he's such a loser..." Etc... Why give her the ability to do that? She doesn't want to be friends with you. Why are you so intent to hang on? Do you enjoy being insulted and hurt by someone? Do you have any dignity? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris11 Posted August 25, 2003 Author Share Posted August 25, 2003 But see how shes nice to me in the second part. I think its worth it if me and her can be friends Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted August 25, 2003 Share Posted August 25, 2003 Why be friends?! Wouldn't you rather be friends with someone who treats you well MOST of the time, and doesn't insult you for an hour before saying a few nice words to you, after you're literally on your knees?? cmon, bud, nobody will respect you until you respect yourself. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris11 Posted August 25, 2003 Author Share Posted August 25, 2003 I agree guys. But the thing is I have no self confidence. This girl I was with was so beautiful. And amazing. I dont think I could ever do better. I mean Its my fault I cursed her out after standing me up and ignoring me. And thats why she stopped talking to me. I dont get it. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 if you have no self-confidence and know it, there you go - you know where to start - i.e. get some!! like RIGHT NOW! go to a counsellor, read up on it, exercise, etc - do whatever it takes to be confident, and THEN look for a girl to treat well, who will treat you well right back. good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 I don't really see how she was particularly nice to you in the second part. All she did was answer your questions about how she was doing and tell you she'll think about continuing to talk to you online. Does that mean "nice" nowadays? You need to work on your self confidence--you deserve better treatment than this. Heck, I wouldn't wish this treatment on my worst enemy. She is not the best you can ever get--you will meet tons and tons of women who equal her in every way except they don't treat you like garbage. Wouldn't you rather be with one of them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris11 Posted August 26, 2003 Author Share Posted August 26, 2003 But I love her so much. I just think maybe she needs more time. I love her so much Id give her as much time as she wants. If I quit Im always gonna say i didnt try hard enough. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 I think you've tried plenty hard. You are in total denial. Eventually you will wake up. She is not acting like someone who wants any future with you--not even friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris11 Posted August 26, 2003 Author Share Posted August 26, 2003 She once told me " theres always hope for friendship". I believe that Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 ever heard of girls who like to keep guys on a string?? phrases like "there's always hope" are classic for these gals... of course she'd rather you beg her on your knees and take anything from her - it serves her ego. ugh, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris11 Posted August 26, 2003 Author Share Posted August 26, 2003 but I love her so much. Id go through hell for her. Anything whatever it takes. Shes just confused I think I dont know. Shes going through alot to Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 Shes just confused I think I dont know. YOU ARE IN DENIAL. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE FRIENDS OR ANYTHING ELSE WITH YOU. Seriously, move on. I see only heartache ahead for you, not hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chris11 Posted August 26, 2003 Author Share Posted August 26, 2003 why does she tell me her personal problems and tell me she wants to remain in touch and stuff Link to post Share on other sites
devinmusicman Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 I've been reading this post, and thought I would like to add my two cents: I agree completely with what everyone has been posting...abandon this one quickly man. Just jump ship, you wont regret it at all in a few years. Here's my personal very similar story from high school: I had the largest crush on a girl, and she flirted with me so bad...even promised sex and everything. Man was I one horny and "ready to pounce" 17 year old. The next week, she changes her mind. I was devestated. Throughout the rest of high school, she could constantly tease me with little hints "you wanna do it tonight?", and get me all worked up, only to get the same old "no, i don't think so, I changed my mind", and to hear the next day "we really should have". I was so stupid to put up with this crap, but I did for the rest of my high school career. And when it finally ended, I had had enough. I ended up getting into a much more meaningful (or so I though) relationship my first year in college (I was dumped cold, but that's another, much more pressing story in my life right now). Not to say that this will happen in your case, but as it turns out, the girl who was leading me on was one REALLY REALLY REALLY messed up girl. She had issues with her family (particuarly, a sexual relationship with her brother). When I found that out long after I had gotten over her, I nearly threw up. I was SO glad I never did anything with her, and was completely relieved that the relationship never went anywhere. I'm telling you this just so you know that girls who lead you on like that tend to have genuine problems, and you don't want to have anything to do with them. Don't even concentrate on a friendship right now. Just cut it off, you don't need that kind of taunting. And just wait, you will see down the road that you will be very glad u didn't get mixed up with her once she lands in prison or something. Link to post Share on other sites
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