She packed all of her things.

[chumly2110]

Hi. This is my first post here. Glad to find the forum. Anyway, here is the situation.

 

I met a woman online almost a year ago. We really hit it off and it wasn't long before we knew we were falling in love. We didn't really mean for it to happen, it just did. Once or twice we both tried to stop talking to one another and we just couldn't do it. Finally, we decided to meet. Since then we have been together every few weeks.

 

This is not always easy. She has children and lives quite a distance away. I have just changed jobs and have very little time off. She does the traveling. I know she understands this, but at the same time it seems like she makes the sacrifices. I feel awful about it, but really there is little I can do. With air fare and the trip, it is fiscally sensible for her to travel as the trips can last longer.

 

Anyway, from her first visit she has been keeping things at my apartment. Mostly personal items like shampoo, hair curlers, etc. When I moved to take my current job, I took her things with me. Since then she has visited me several times and left her stuff. She just left again today after being with me for about a week. This time, she packed everything.

 

I mentioned it to her. I made a joke that I felt as if I had been robbed because my shelves looked so empty. When I mentioned it, I noticed an odd quiet. She did respond eventually, but the pause was strange and it seemed to me that she was uncomfortable. She has sent me several text messages since this morning telling me she misses me and loves me, etc.

 

Why do I have the funny feeling she is going to tell me she isn't coming back? I can't tell if she just didn't want to broach the subject of not being able to visit again for some time or if she really doesn't think this is going to last much longer. I am dying to ask her, but fear that it will just start an argument.

 

What do you guys think? Even if no one responds, it was good to get that off my chest.

 

Thanks.

[TMichaels]

Did you ever think about the fact that perhaps she felt bad or embarrassed that she had left a bunch of things at your place that you were then forced to move as part of your relocation?

 

She may have intended to take them home when she visited your new place on previous visits but forgot. The fact she just packed everything up and didn't mention it is a bit odd, but maybe she thought you wouldn't mind either way.

 

The fact that she has texted you a couple of times since she left with loving messages is a good sign. I wouldn't freak out about it just yet.

 

However, I'm curious about who pays for her trips (i.e. airfare)?

 

I can understand what you mean about you having just started a new job and not having a lot of time off, so it makes more sense for her to come visit you so you can be together longer, even if that means only spending time together after you get home from work.

 

But, if she's not only making the trip and *also* paying for the ticket, you're right, she *is* putting more into the relationship and making most of the sacrifices. All I can say, having been in the same position, is no matter how much you're into each other, that set up gets old fast.

 

I'm not saying that perhaps this is what is going on in your g/f's mind regarding taking her personal items home, I'm just tossing it out as something I think you should think about.

 

In other words, if you're not at least splitting the cost of the airfare, you should be. Yes, that may mean you see each other less often as it's a financial strain *for you,* but on the other hand, it could just as easily mean you could see each other *twice as much* since one person wouldn't be footing the bill.

 

Another point of clarification... Have you ever gone to see her?

 

Though I realize you would like to spend as much time together as possible when the two of you hook up, have you considered making a special trip to see her, even if it's a weekend?

 

You say you've known each other almost a year. What about planning something special for your "anniversary" -- like you go see her, have a special night/weekend away, etc?

 

Certainly would demonstrate to her that you're willing to make the effort, and in a back-handed way reinforce the fact that for longer visits, at least for the time being, she needs to continue to come to you.

 

Anyway, just my two cents. Hope it helps!

 

Good luck!

 

TMichaels

[chumly2110]

We share the expenses, of course. Usually, if she does pay for air fare I pick up all the bills for outings (which usually comes out to more than air fare). I think we do that pretty well.

 

No, I have not gone to see her. The situation is complicated and goes a bit beyond me not having any time off. I would rather not get into it here. However, I don't even see how going for a weekend is possible. I would have to leave after work on Friday and would have to leave Sunday morning. I would be there for about 1 day. I am trying to save up some time so that I can take off a Friday and then fly down. Well, when the time is right. Again, the situation is complicated. It is probably something we should discuss again.

[sderenzi]

I wouldn't worry about it mate, chances are she'll rethink her ideas of leaving you and come back again. I don't think she'd just up and leave because she doesn't sound like the type who would, she'd tell you "I need some time" and then take off. You're paranoid. Plus maybe she wants some new things to go with your new place, to make her feel kinda new herself.

[TMichaels]

No, I have not gone to see her. The situation is complicated and goes a bit beyond me not having any time off. I would rather not get into it here. However, I don't even see how going for a weekend is possible. I would have to leave after work on Friday and would have to leave Sunday morning. I would be there for about 1 day. I am trying to save up some time so that I can take off a Friday and then fly down. Well, when the time is right. Again, the situation is complicated. It is probably something we should discuss again.

 

Interesting you think even having one day together isn't worth the trip. Quite frankly, with all the obstacles and complications you infer are inherent, I don't know why you are bothering to try to keep the relationship alive.

 

On-line infatuations and phone romances are one thing -- they are not reality. The tough part is sustaining a relationship, especially a long-distance one -- in real life.

 

I retract what I said to you in other threads about not worrying about whether you g/f is going to dump you. If you've said half the things you've said in this forum to her, despite the loving text messages she sent after she left this last time, I think she's already seen the writing on the wall.

 

Can't say that I blame her, to be honest. You give the impression, anyway, of someone who' wants things your way or the highway. Not the best strategy for a successful relationship -- but it's your life and your call.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[HisLove]

Is she married? Is that why you can't go to stay with her?