pooksters55 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I have been with my current boyfriend for about a year and a half. He is my soulmate. We are just about perfect for eachother. JUST ABOUT. There is only one thing that we cannot get past: his porn addiction. It is unlike anything I have ever seen. ANd it's not the fake, scripted type of porn, its amateur porn. It's upskirt, down-blouse, webshots, girl down the street type of stuff. He is turned on by seeing everyday girls naked. It got to the point where he downloaded a special program where its possible to see through clothing. And he used this program on girls that I knew. He has been doing stuff like this for years. I cannot seem to deal. He has gotten so much better from where he was 6 months ago. His porn addiction had gotten to the point where it severely affected our sex life. All he would do after he got home from work (he had about 8 hours until I was off) was sit in his room and look at amateur porn ALL DAY. And when I confronted him on my dislike for this "everyday girl" porn issue, we butted heads. We fought about it all the time. He lied to me about it. ALL THE TIME. That is the only thing he has ever lied to me about, which still killed me. After months of fighting he realized that he did have a problem. So now he looks at it probably once a week, but he no longer masturbates to it. He doesnt flaunt it in front of me, he covers his tracks pretty damn well (which irks me) but I still know that he does it. His hormones are off the charts. But when it comes up and we tak about it, he actually starts to cry (which is crazy because I'm the emotional one). He is so ashamed of himself for what he does and he hates how much he hurt me. I want this to work. But I don't know how. Should we see a specialist? How do I come to terms with this problem? I understand that its not like he is going out to strip clubs, cheating on me, etc. He would never cheat on me... I know that... but why can't I just come to terms with him looking at naked girls on the internet? Girls my age (21) who like to take pictures of themselves in skanky situations. I hate it. It kills me. Everyday I go to work with knots in my stomach and it makes me feel less than. What should I do? We have our future all planned out, marriage and all. I just don't know how to solve our biggest problem that is hindering us from being amazing. Help!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Yes, he needs therapy, someone who specializes in breaking addictions because that's what this is, an addiction/obsession. Put your marriage plans on hold.. Does he realize how bad this is? And, how you feel about it, recognize that it's affecting your sex life? Is he willing to change, go to therapy, get past this porn addiction? Link to post Share on other sites
johnnyj Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 You mentioned, "he downloaded a special program where its possible to see through clothing. And he used this program on girls that I knew." Um, what kind of computer program allows you to see through clothing? That's one of the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pooksters55 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 whichwayisup- Yes, he realizes how much it hurts me and how much I hate it... but its like he literally cant stop. He is so ashamed afterwards! It's like theres a monster in him and it comes out with the porn thing. He is the sweetest most lovable man I have ever met, but its like he becomes a different person. He is trying to stop, we have both agreed that when we can afford it we will seek a therapist (for us both). He literally has NO self control. johnnyj- adobe photoshop. yeah. it works. I've seen it. but you have to be wearing white. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 (edited) When "porn" surfaced on the Computer, mainly on bullitin boards (pre internet) I got interested. This caused some pretty serious fallout in my marriage. I cut back my interest by about 95% in respect for my marriage, my wife, and the mother of my kids. A couple of more times it came up in the ensuing 15 or so years, but it wasn't to critical. I know why I was interested. Frankly while my (now ex) wife and I had a reasonable sex life. While satisfying physically, my ex was never an "erotic" woman... rather she was "seldom an erotic" woman lover, she did occasionally have her moments. Porn can be very erotic. That's what made it compelling to me. If Vic's Secrets catalogs were available back then, they would have inspired the same reactions in me. Porn is a habit that can be broken. It's not all that difficult, positive reinforcment is the key. When you find out what he likes, try and give him at least enough of it to make him willing to give up the images. Grown up, real live women are much better than pictures on a screen! BTW porn holds little interest for me now (at 57 years old) the images are way to young, most of the women are younger than my daughter (28) and looking at naked "semi-kids" isn't stimulating to me. I am also much more attracted to "real women" than the current rage of surgically enhanced females. Give me a gal who keeps herself well, and comes with original equipment! Edited January 4, 2008 by LakesideDream Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts