Sad things on the front of love.

[Todd]

Hi peoples. Well I recently (2 months ago) met and fell in love with a beautiful girl. She kinda outclassed me. She's real shy, and I recently found out that she was molested at a young age. Now, I'm wondering, if when we make love, if that's what is going on in her mind, because she tells me she WANTS to, but then when we do, I get NO emotional response out of her. I really do love her and if there's some help I can get her, from here or elsewhere, I'm going to do it.

 

Thanks

 

=-T-=

[LoveAngel]

Hi peoples. Well I recently (2 months ago) met and fell in love with a beautiful girl. She kinda outclassed me. She's real shy, and I recently found out that she was molested at a young age. Now, I'm wondering, if when we make love, if that's what is going on in her mind, because she tells me she WANTS to, but then when we do, I get NO emotional response out of her. I really do love her and if there's some help I can get her, from here or elsewhere, I'm going to do it. Thanks =-T-=

Todd,

 

This is a very touchy situation. You have to understand that what you consider "making love" to be, does not equate to what she considers that act to be. She's most likely not experiencing what you may be. I'm not going to go into whether or not you really are making love or just having sexual intercourse -- that's an entirely different topic that has been discussed here before, or at least in the #LoveShack channel on numberous occasions. Regardless, you have to realize that what you're doing to her was done to her in the past in a very intrusive, uncomfortable, horrid fashion that doesn't equate to love. Most likely, she's allowing you to have sex thinking that it's the right thing to do to please you. She's not getting the same emotional connection as you may feel out of it. As far as helping her, you just need to be supportive and be there for her. She should see a professional psychologist which can be provided usually at school or work -- whatever your situation is. Just because she says she wants to, doesn't mean that's what she truely desires. A very large part of her has been hurt in a very bad way. I'd suggest discussing it with her in detail and finding out what's comfortable for her or not. Even talking about her may make her upset, so you have to be careful. Listen to her and find out what she wants out of the relationship. There are thousands of ways to make love without having intercourse or sexual contact. Best wishes to you both!

 

Yours,

 

LoveAngel

[D]

Hello Todd

 

I agree with everything that loveangel said. But I can offer you maybe a differant view in the way that I have been in the position that your girlfreind is in. Its really hard to be close to someone again, especially in a sexual way when you have been violated in that area before. Its VERY HARD. And Although she says that she wants to its very hard to be emotionally connected during, when all thats going thru your head is OH MY GOD..Ive been hurt this way before. I to, said yes, Ok...I want to. My boyfriend was very supportive of me, and understanding as you seem to be and told me that it was NOT a big deal and that only what I felt comfortble with would go. But I had fears of disapointing him so I shoved how I felt outta my head and said ok , yes..I want to.

 

Its hard. But I to thought that if I just ignroed how I felt , then It would be like getting over it.I realised that its not that simple.

 

You just have to make sure that its WHAT she really wants, and that she isin't doing it for some other reason, like fear of losing or disapointing you. And you seem like A really nice guy, and very supportive of your girlfriend. You want to help her and that is just awesome! Talk to her, make sure that its something she truly wants. You can never talk to your " significant other " to much!

 

Hope this has helped you some.

 

Best of luck!

 

D

[Todd]

You guys have been so helpful. I was lost and you guys came through! Thanks so much, I'll keep ya posted!