Gwyneth Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Thank you Thank you! I believe this will be a perfect fix for my recent sadness. I am really looking forward to moving foward--every thing happens for a reason and I believe this man has come into my life, right now, for a very good reason Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Thank you Thank you! I believe this will be a perfect fix for my recent sadness. I am really looking forward to moving foward--every thing happens for a reason and I believe this man has come into my life, right now, for a very good reason Good attitude, Gwyneth!! Have fun and do keep us updated!! Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Thank you Thank you! I believe this will be a perfect fix for my recent sadness. I am really looking forward to moving foward--every thing happens for a reason and I believe this man has come into my life, right now, for a very good reason Hey, my BF did too and now we've agreed to get married. Oops! Didn't mean to let that slip! Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Hey, my BF did too and now we've agreed to get married. Oops! Didn't mean to let that slip! Congrats!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Red Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 If you knew each other for 6 years, what made you decide to start an A after he married less than 2 years ago?....that's what me thinks! I dont see your story.....are you OW/OM? I never thought I'd ever post this, but here goes: I had a long distance EA for 9 months which became a PA when we met up face to face for a 2 week group gathering of friends. After arriving back home I discovered I was pregnant but didn't tell him. I was planning on travelling to meet up with MM when his wife went out of town & I would tell him about the pregnancy at that time. That trip never happened, I couldn't get the time off from work. After a few weeks I got ticked of at MM for screwing over one of our mutual friends, someone I love dearly & would die for. I went NC with MM over this & he stopped pursuing me. Around 12 weeks into my pregnancy my dear friend (the one I would die for) came to visit me & my H & my friend went with me to a pre-natal appt. He mailed a picture of the sonogram to the MM with a short note: "She doesn't know how to tell you" and MM never responded. I mis-carried at 14 weeks. My H never knew I was pregnant but I did end up telling him about the relationship with MM who is a friend of his. I told my H about this after he moved out (I told him to get the F*** out during a heated fight one night). My H moving out had nothing to do with the EA or the PA. We get along better now as co-parents for our son than we ever did as H & W under the same roof. We have been separated now for 16 months. I am crying now. I haven't talked about all that for a while. When the pain tries to surface, I slam it to the back of my brain. Speaking of slamming, I'm going to go slam some more booze now & fire up my FPS & get some game on! Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I never thought I'd ever post this, but here goes: I had a long distance EA for 9 months which became a PA when we met up face to face for a 2 week group gathering of friends. After arriving back home I discovered I was pregnant but didn't tell him. I was planning on travelling to meet up with MM when his wife went out of town & I would tell him about the pregnancy at that time. That trip never happened, I couldn't get the time off from work. After a few weeks I got ticked of at MM for screwing over one of our mutual friends, someone I love dearly & would die for. I went NC with MM over this & he stopped pursuing me. Around 12 weeks into my pregnancy my dear friend (the one I would die for) came to visit me & my H & my friend went with me to a pre-natal appt. He mailed a picture of the sonogram to the MM with a short note: "She doesn't know how to tell you" and MM never responded. I mis-carried at 14 weeks. My H never knew I was pregnant but I did end up telling him about the relationship with MM who is a friend of his. I told my H about this after he moved out (I told him to get the F*** out during a heated fight one night). My H moving out had nothing to do with the EA or the PA. We get along better now as co-parents for our son than we ever did as H & W under the same roof. We have been separated now for 16 months. I am crying now. I haven't talked about all that for a while. When the pain tries to surface, I slam it to the back of my brain. Speaking of slamming, I'm going to go slam some more booze now & fire up my FPS & get some game on! I am so sorry for the loss of your baby at 14 weeks. I am glad you have not been in contact with MM since. The fact that he didn't even respond to the monogram shows what type of a man he is - an arse! Fire up that FPS and have a good game! Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 hello Everybody, I have been with mm going on 4 years. We work together. I was in a R at the begining too, but ended it after feelings started getting deeper for mm. Before I ended it with bf, my mm wife got pregnant. Broke up for a month or so, then got bsck together. it has been a rollarcoater ride all the way. We have had really 3 d days, 8-9 deadlines, and thst many breakups, each lasting only days. He is currently in IC, and I am leaving for a month to get my head hopefully back on. Figured this is a way to detach. He claims he will finally get his S___t together while I am gone. In a way I am kinda of pissed that he would tell me this before I leave, I am tired of promises broken, words at this point mean nothing anymore, its now show me..... Anyway wish me luck, that something good will happen. goodnight:) Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I am tired of promises broken, words at this point mean nothing anymore, its now show me..... Anyway wish me luck, that something good will happen. goodnight:) I know what you mean - some men will say anything to make their OW stay by their side but the thing is, actions should follow after the words are spoken. If he hasn't - not even one of the things he promised you then the best thing is to tell him that you have had it. He should act on his words. I can understand that it isn't easy but if he keeps stringing you a long years after years, that's no good. All the best and I hope things will work out the way you want it! Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Congrats!?! Yes, definitely congrats. Am very happy about it and have kind of surprised myself! Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I am so sorry for the loss of your baby at 14 weeks. I am glad you have not been in contact with MM since. The fact that he didn't even respond to the monogram shows what type of a man he is - an arse! Ditto. Ms Red, I am so sorry for your loss but, yes, you are definitely better off without the MM! I hope you can heal in time and eventually find happiness with someone else. It's good that things have worked out ok with the co-parenting. The same goes for me - my ex and I get on great now that we are not together and I know it's so much better for our son. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Hey, my BF did too and now we've agreed to get married. Oops! Didn't mean to let that slip! That's cute! Congratulations!! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I never thought I'd ever post this It must have been really hard, the secrecy, the silent loss. I admire your strength in moving on with your life. (hugs) Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Hey, my BF did too and now we've agreed to get married. Oops! Didn't mean to let that slip! Congrats Posh - enjoy! Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Frannie, SO sorry that things didn't work out for you and your MM in the way that you hoped but I am really pleased for you that you have had the strength to end things. Is it hard staying in touch? Do you still talk about your feelings for him when you speak? (Apologies for thread-jacking!) Hmm I think it is hard staying in touch, but it was hard doing NC. I don't think there's an easy way to end things, really. I'm just letting time etc. do it's job, like in the old days when we split up with people and no one had heard of 'NC'. On the other hand, he's still working on leaving. Which is obviously not 'ending things' at all in one sense. I don't know how to describe our situation at all. Yes, we talk about feelings, or more precisely what his progress is. On the whole I'd rather know what's going on, whether he's making any progress, than the situation I was in when I went NC with him which was hoping and dwelling on what he might be doing. At least this way when he says, 'I can't leave', I'll not have seen him for months and contact will have been reduced, and I'll more or less know what to expect having heard how his counselling has gone. I've set in my mind that I may never see him again, and started living life as if he won't be in it in the future, and I'm OK with that right now. Hey, my BF did too and now we've agreed to get married. Oops! Didn't mean to let that slip! CONGRATULATIONS! :D Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 He is currently in IC, and I am leaving for a month to get my head hopefully back on. Figured this is a way to detach. He claims he will finally get his S___t together while I am gone. In a way I am kinda of pissed that he would tell me this before I leave, I am tired of promises broken, words at this point mean nothing anymore, its now show me..... Yeah, this is similar to my experience. As soon as I told him I couldn't deal with this any longer he went into IC to sort things out... which has shifted things again. It is quite infuriating that whole HOPE thing... or whatever it is, 'possibility'..? But there really is no way of getting rid of it unless it happens naturally in its own time. I think as you say, what will end things for you and for me is the ultimate lack of action on their part. We've done our bit, as far as we can. Because what people don't really realise is, you can go NC, you can tell him whatever, not to contact you again etc. etc. but the feelings and the 'possibility' doesn't really go away. Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Been with MM for two years upcoming in January. Have no doubt he is "the love of my life" and all of that palava. He makes me squidgy inside which is annoying as most of the time I would prefer to dislike him. We have had no less than 5 D Days, he separated for nine months, sold his house to split finances, went on holiday with me - and then returned home. He has two kids and his W is fighting for him (unfortunately using the children a lot of the time). He is ping-ponging between his own space and his marital home at the moment. I'm getting tired, its been a rollercoaster, but I'm still holding on. I'm waiting for the day I wake up and think "enough" or he wakes up and thinks "Ok, I'm ready for my future." But hey, it hasn't been bad - 90% of the time I have the most wonderful contented amazing feeling when I'm with him. Now...for that pesky 10%... Link to post Share on other sites
melbar68 Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Hi I am also the OW and have posted my own question because i want to leave the A. I have been with my MM for about 6 months now and although i dont get to see him enough or as much as i would like because he is what he calls on lock down since his wife got suspicious we do speak everyday and text eachother and even though they are sweet it's still not enough. I live with somone, but we sleep apart and have been for many years so that relationship to me doesnt even count and i thought by being with a MM would be okay because i live with someone and i think i got involved with MM because i was lonely in my relationship and my home, but guess what i feel more lonely now than i did before and find myself crying about it when i never did before. Although the A has boosted my selfesteem because all he does is address me as sexy and beautiful and tells me i have a great body when i am with him and compliments me on everything from my body to the way i dress to my hair to everything and those things are flattering because i feels better and look better. I am 40 my MM is 43 and my SO is 54, what a difference and i have been with the SO for 10 years, they were not all bad, but they did get bad at the end because i was lonely and felt alone until i met my MM, but that was at first now i feel even more lonely now. we were seeing eachother two three times a week at first just meeting kissing talking, going on dates no sex for three months and he didnt push it which is why i think i fell in love with him, but eventually we both knew whay we were in the affair. Now i am head over heals for him, but i am also lonely as we can only see eachother once a week or once every other week since his wife got suspicious maybe two months ago. Its very lonely because although its exciting you sneak around, but the loneliness in your heart is also overwhelming and deciding what to do to leave or handle it the way it is, is also very difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I have been with MW for over 3 1/2 years now.. Just about everyday, and totally had found my beautiful Angel.. I really thought that everyday, we were one step closer to becoming WE.. Dday was in July. Threats of kicking her out did not stop the A. Several other Ddays since. 2 weeks ago H told her that he wanted a Divorce, told his parents that he was divoricing his W, and almost told the children. 2 weeks ago I was being begged to "wait for her" to last week being told "goodbye". Needless to say, I am VERY hurt, lost and confused.... I always believed... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nextel Posted January 5, 2008 Author Share Posted January 5, 2008 I never thought I'd ever post this, but here goes: I had a long distance EA for 9 months which became a PA when we met up face to face for a 2 week group gathering of friends. After arriving back home I discovered I was pregnant but didn't tell him. I was planning on travelling to meet up with MM when his wife went out of town & I would tell him about the pregnancy at that time. That trip never happened, I couldn't get the time off from work. After a few weeks I got ticked of at MM for screwing over one of our mutual friends, someone I love dearly & would die for. I went NC with MM over this & he stopped pursuing me. Around 12 weeks into my pregnancy my dear friend (the one I would die for) came to visit me & my H & my friend went with me to a pre-natal appt. He mailed a picture of the sonogram to the MM with a short note: "She doesn't know how to tell you" and MM never responded. I mis-carried at 14 weeks. My H never knew I was pregnant but I did end up telling him about the relationship with MM who is a friend of his. I told my H about this after he moved out (I told him to get the F*** out during a heated fight one night). My H moving out had nothing to do with the EA or the PA. We get along better now as co-parents for our son than we ever did as H & W under the same roof. We have been separated now for 16 months. I am crying now. I haven't talked about all that for a while. When the pain tries to surface, I slam it to the back of my brain. Speaking of slamming, I'm going to go slam some more booze now & fire up my FPS & get some game on! Sorry to read about the silent pain that you went through. You are a strong individual. The most important factor that we as women tend to forget when we are in a R is to have fun. When it is not fun anymore, we need to take the time to re-evaluate things and find happiness. You are strong and get out there and have some fun. If you knew each other for 6 years, what made you decide to start an A after he married less than 2 years ago?....that's what me thinks! I have always been the type of girl that believes in a man being the hunter. The first 2 years, we saw each other in passing. He knew of me, I and knew of him, and that was pretty much it. 4 years later, we started talking on the phone. He gave many signals in conversations, that he was interested in me, but he did not act on them. He would call, and we talked but he never asked me on a date. When we met in passing, we talked but still he was not proactive. After sometime, I got tired of the phone calls and pretty much started ignoring them. When I did talk to him, it was conversation with no mention of him taking me out on a date. Every time I saw him, we had beautiful conversation, but still he never mentioned dating, dinner or anything. Then one day, I heard from a mutual friend that he got married. The pain I felt in my heart was tremendous. I never showed him nor did I voice my discontent. I just figured it was never meant to be. But he never stopped calling me from time to time. Suddenly one day, he called me and we talked for over 2 hours, but not about his M. He became proactive and really stepped on the gas peddle. We went out to dinner and had a good time. After a few dates, I told him that I was aware that he was married and asked him what he wanted from me. He stated that he wanted me. I told him he had to prove himself. He did and the rest is history. It is important to note that, even after I heard he was married, his friends kept saying that, "you would think he would be happy since he just got married". He never brought his wife for anyone to meet. Some people said he was not happy. Needless to say, when we started dating, we really talked and he told me things that I heard from other people. The attraction was always there on both ends. His eyes would lit up every time I saw him. When he is with me, he has a sparkle in his eyes and he is happy. I am happy too when I am with him. I am just happy to that, thus far, he has kept his word. He left at noon today, with a new set of clothing on.......I keep teasing him that there will be pots and pans thrown around in his house. He tells me that, he has made it clear, the M is over. BTW: had a a beautiful night. I got laid really good. Sorry, TMI, couldn't help it. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 2 weeks ago I was being begged to "wait for her" to last week being told "goodbye". Needless to say, I am VERY hurt, lost and confused.... I always believed... Stamp? This is new? Are you OK? (sorry OP for the t/j, but I can't find stamp's thread to post it on, and he's here now...) Link to post Share on other sites
Can'tGiveUp Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 We started dating when we were both separated. He went back when she asked him to give his M one more shot. We maintained "friends status" for over a year until I told him I couldn't do it anymore because it hurt too much. That is when the A started. It ended after a few months because he was not able to "compartamentalize" and it was affecting his entire life. That led to a year of sporadic "Hi, how are you?" emails but no 'real' contact. We broke that and met in person a couple of months ago. It's been kind of messy since then...him accusing me minimizing the effect on him...me reiterating my thoughts on 'staying for the kids'...both of us agreeing that there should be absolutely no more contact...breaking the absolutely no more contact...more contact in the past 3 weeks than there has been in the past 2 years. I guess we are trying to get in as much as we can before we actually sever everything. I find it amazing that I am back in this spot. I just assume that with so much time I shouldn't fall back into it. I read of so many people with anger toward the MM and I wish I could find that. But I understand his decisions...I don't agree with them but I understand. And I spent years finalizing the decision to leave my H...weighing the pros and cons...the impact on the kids and what is better for them. I wouldn't expect any less from any other parent. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Stamp? This is new? Are you OK? (sorry OP for the t/j, but I can't find stamp's thread to post it on, and he's here now...) Is what new, the development or my story? I have posted a few threads before.. The development is new and I am reeling. 3 weeks ago we were at lunch, and she promised me HER.. After lunch, H shows up in the parking lot, face to face, her 2 worlds collided.. He told her he wanted a divorce, called his parents that already knew about the situation for the past 6 months.. He was going to tell the kids, but was talked out of it until after the Holidays.. 2 days later, she is pleading with me to wait for her.. Last week, she told me good bye, she wasnt coming.. However, they hadnt talked yet.... 3 1/2 years of thinking, hoping and believing that you are getting there.. and then, BAM! It feels like I just ran off of a cliff and am free falling. I can't hear anything, see anything, feel anything and I know nothing... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 SD, copy and paste what you've said here and make a new thread. I'd like to offer you some words of support but not on this thread...okay? Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 SD, copy and paste what you've said here and make a new thread. I'd like to offer you some words of support but not on this thread...okay? done.. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleGirl Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 We met on the internet. We were online friends for a long time before a face to face meeting. Don't know that I ever planned on meeting him in person but after much begging from him to finally meet the person on the other side of the computer I gave in. I knew I could never get involved as anything more than a friend with him because he was married and I simply wasnt the kind of person that would ever do something like that but we were friends and what would be the harm of meeting him just that once. I wasnt attracted to him at all when we met but we did continue to be friends after that. our friendship grew a lot stronger after that and somewhere along the way we fell in love. Its been a year and a half since we met and although we refer to ourselves as friends our relationship is both an emotional and physical affair. I've left out a lot of details but I guess you should never say never to something that you won't do in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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