OpenBook Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I'm gonna call a spade a spade and tell you whats really sad. You all are debating a story the OP made up. did any of you bother to look this up? it doesn't exist any where on the net that I have seen. Did any of you bother your selves to read the OP's prior posts? they all match what she is saying was the volatile relationship with her 'friends' husband right down to the 5 kids and separation! She also only felt the need to post it in this forum? wonder why eh? to create the hornets nest I'm looking at and you all fell for it, hook line and sinker! maybe not perhaps you all just like a damn good argument however I am not pleased I felt so sorry for the OP and her friend just to realize she would make up such a ghastly story. if any of you can prove me wrong, post a link and cast the first stone. I'm sure you can't but if you can she will get a very appropriate and honest apology from me. Well, even if she did make up this story, I stand behind every post I've made on this thread. And I hope she gets some help, for the sake of her children. NO MAN is worth contemplating such an extreme and destructive act. I don't care who he is. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Suicide can be a mental health issue, but it can also be a 'rationally chosen' path. If you think that it's the H's fault that W killed herself...do you also think it's the W's fault that the H cheated on her? and BTW, I'm male. And a cheater, perhaps? Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 And a cheater, perhaps? Read the whole thread... Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 When the kids find out WHY their mother killed herself, you can be certain they will think their cheating snake of a father was a horrible "human being." Ya know, when I began to read this thread, I just KNEW cheaters (or those who cheat WITH cheaters) would come on here and start spewing their rationalizations. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Read the whole thread... Yeah, it didn't take the whole thread for me to figure YOU out IMMEDIATELY! It was the rationalization road all you OW/OM go down when the spin on someone's cheating takes a horrible downward spiral. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 And for people who are talking about not finding a story, for cryin' in the rain! Do you think they're gonna post some poor woman's suicide? They leave that kind of stuff out of the obits out of respect for the family. Geez! It makes me positively ill that folks are so hell bent on disproving any negative stories about cheaters (so they can feel okay about what they're doing) that they'll beat up on a dead woman. Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Yeah, it didn't take the whole thread for me to figure YOU out IMMEDIATELY! It was the rationalization road all you OW/OM go down when the spin on someone's cheating takes a horrible downward spiral. Yup, you figured it aaaaall out. Is that why you are so happy and free of bitterness? :/ Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Yup, you figured it aaaaall out. Is that why you are so happy and free of bitterness? :/ You confused being PO'd with being bitter. When I read a story like this, and your type comes on here to poo poo it, it makes me irritated. I'm not bitter. I'm not a BS. I have a loving man who has never and will never cheat, nor would he tolerate a cheater. It's called integrity. It fits him, but definitely not all, as is painfully obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 You confused being PO'd with being bitter. When I read a story like this, and your type comes on here to poo poo it, it makes me irritated. I'm not bitter. I'm not a BS. I have a loving man who has never and will never cheat, nor would he tolerate a cheater. It's called integrity. It fits him, but definitely not all, as is painfully obvious. 'my type' ?? And do you really think it's the H's fault and/or responsibility that the W killed herself? And what makes you think I would ever cheat on my GF? Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 You confused being PO'd with being bitter. When I read a story like this, and your type comes on here to poo poo it, it makes me irritated. I'm not bitter. I'm not a BS. I have a loving man who has never and will never cheat, nor would he tolerate a cheater. It's called integrity. It fits him, but definitely not all, as is painfully obvious. You're right about that one. This thread I don't BELIEVE was supposed to be about the OW gaining support, or anything else for that matter. It's really about the poor deceased wife, the children who have to live their whole lives with this tragedy, and the consequences there after. One might even guess that the poor woman had many other things horribly wrong in her life, but I who guess this one thing that the ONE person in her life she should have been able to always count on, betrayed her in the most terrible sense. And it pushed her over the edge. RIP. Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I just wanted to let those in relationships with married men to consider the harm they can do to a family. My friends husband had decided to leave her and her five children for his mistress after 23 years of marriage. They did not fight and seemed to have a great relationship and she was not even aware of his plans to leave. He left three months ago and filed for divorce last month and got real nasty to her. She was confused and hurt not knowing what she had done to incure his wrath. This morning she drove to the OW's apartment where her husband was, pulled her car behind his, attached a flex hose to her tailpipe with a pipeclamp. She pulled the hose through the back window of her van and placed a clear garbage bag over her head with the hose inside and started the car. They found her when he went out to head to work. I got the call from her husband to please pick up the kids from her house and keep them for this next week. I have not told these children what has happened and I am finding it very hard to keep it together. When he told me what she had done he seemed to be in shock, he kept stopping in the middle of a sentence. It did not seem to be the problem with the OW, I could hear her in the background stating Linda must have been crazy and how stupid to kill herself over a divorce. I needed to get this out without anger because all I feel right now is a deep sadness and I know if I waited I would become angry and not say what I meant to say. Linda just wasn't strong enough to go on by herself, she had never lived alone and she told me it was her biggest fear. Her mother is dying and could not offer her support and I tried to do the best I could. She seemed to be okay when I spoke to her yesterday and if I had known what she planned I would have called someone. She seemed happier yesterday then I had seen her in months. I have been where she is at, but my husband and I reconciled four years ago. TFW OMG! I am so sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 'my type' ?? And do you really think it's the H's fault and/or responsibility that the W killed herself? And what makes you think I would ever cheat on my GF? I didn't say you would cheat, but you ARE tolerating a cheater in a sense. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Ok, to all you having an affair, how do you feel now? No different than before. Suicide has always been a distinct possibility with my MM's W, given her state of mental health. However, as Frannie pointed out, that can't be held as a gun against someone's head for wanting to leave a M that is broken beyond repair. (And yes, I accept the OP's claim that the BW didn't see any problems in her M. My MM's W didn't see any problems in her M either - despite her H trying to, and the MC openly telling her, that her behaviour was abusive and would need to change dramatically if the M had any chance of survival. She refused to accept that and persists to this day in believing that any "problems" are of the MM's making and therefore his to resolve - which he has done, by leaving the broken M.) If MM's W commits suicide, will I feel guilty or responsible? No. I will see it as the result of her steadfast refusal to go for the counselling EVERYONE has been telling her for years - long before the A - that she so desperately needs. I did speak to MM earlier about this thread, and he's going to discuss it with his kids later, when they all go for counselling. OP apologies for the t/j - I think I provoked it earlier by challenging CB's claim that the husband caused the suicide. But - for the record - I did that on the basis of my experience as a counsellor on a suicide hotline, and NOT from the perspective of being an OW. And I would like to think my posts reflect a position that is rational rather than partisan, however some may wish to construe them. I hold by my position that ALL parties are responsible for their own choices and actions, as indeed we all are, and that had any of them known what the consequences were going to be, they would LIKELY have acted differently. We make the choices we make on the information we have at the time. In this case, sadly, the result was tragedy. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Ya know, I don't fault anyone for wanting or going through with a divorce. Of course not. It's the fashion in which you carry it out that makes you a person of integrity or not, and often whether it will affect someone this deeply or not. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Ya know, I don't fault anyone for wanting or going through with a divorce. Of course not. It's the fashion in which you carry it out that makes you a person of integrity or not, and often whether it will affect someone this deeply or not. Totally agree. But it takes two to have an amicable/civilized divorce. Usually, the party that does not want the divorce tries to make it as tough as possible for the one who does. We must learn to accept that people are not puppets and we the puppet masters! If someone wants out, show him/her the door! We can not / should not want to bend people to our will. Link to post Share on other sites
american-woman Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I'm gonna call a spade a spade and tell you whats really sad. You all are debating a story the OP made up. did any of you bother to look this up? it doesn't exist any where on the net that I have seen. Did any of you bother your selves to read the OP's prior posts? they all match what she is saying was the volatile relationship with her 'friends' husband right down to the 5 kids and separation! She also only felt the need to post it in this forum? wonder why eh? to create the hornets nest I'm looking at and you all fell for it, hook line and sinker! maybe not perhaps you all just like a damn good argument however I am not pleased I felt so sorry for the OP and her friend just to realize she would make up such a ghastly story. if any of you can prove me wrong, post a link and cast the first stone. I'm sure you can't but if you can she will get a very appropriate and honest apology from me. I read her posts also. It does seem odd. I hope she is not thinking of doing this to herself!!! That would be a cowards way out. I know she has lost a child which is horrible, one you never get over and then her husband cheating on her. That would put one in a terrible state. If you read this faithfulwife and I am right . Please DO NOT do this!!!! Please seek help right away!! I hope Im not reading into this and I hope Im wrong!!! Please be honest about your story Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Would you be so nice to explain what exactly you meant? TrialByFire was saying it was our guilt as former OP that made us say she shouldn't have done what she did. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 this is soooo sad. I'm so sorry for your lost and for the kids... The kids must be older though... after 23 years of marriage I would think she must be in her mid to late 40s... When I hear sorry like that, I think how sad it is for women to live their life according to their family and not thinking about themselves... Suicide are tragic... for the family and friends. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Totally agree. But it takes two to have an amicable/civilized divorce. Usually, the party that does not want the divorce tries to make it as tough as possible for the one who does. We must learn to accept that people are not puppets and we the puppet masters! If someone wants out, show him/her the door! We can not / should not want to bend people to our will. No, but it would also be nice for a man/woman to NOT have a little side action PRIOR to at least letting the other half know of an impending divorce, now wouldn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I'm gonna call a spade a spade and tell you whats really sad. You all are debating a story the OP made up. did any of you bother to look this up? it doesn't exist any where on the net that I have seen. Did any of you bother your selves to read the OP's prior posts? they all match what she is saying was the volatile relationship with her 'friends' husband right down to the 5 kids and separation! She also only felt the need to post it in this forum? wonder why eh? to create the hornets nest I'm looking at and you all fell for it, hook line and sinker! maybe not perhaps you all just like a damn good argument however I am not pleased I felt so sorry for the OP and her friend just to realize she would make up such a ghastly story. if any of you can prove me wrong, post a link and cast the first stone. I'm sure you can't but if you can she will get a very appropriate and honest apology from me. It is not our job on here to speculate on what is fact and what is fiction. Use the information at hand on the thread and give advice. Keep your little theories to yourself. This is exactly what makes these threads go out of control. Attacking the character/reliability of the OP is completely pointless and leads to nowhere. This may genuinely have happened, and if she comes on here and sees your post, it just adds to the hurt. Then the OP becomes defensive, and it becomes a bitch fight when all she wanted was a bit of a support. Sorry, it is just I see this happen so many times on here. These are peoples lives we are speculating over! I hate to think anyone who genuinely needs help comes here and leaves feeling worse off because they are attacked. Link to post Share on other sites
Tyra Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I'm so sorry to hear this. My prayers go out to you and her family. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 it would also be nice for a man/woman to NOT have a little side action PRIOR to at least letting the other half know of an impending divorce, now wouldn't it? Ideally, yes, this would be the right thing to do! Ah, but, sadly, we live in an imperfect world. Life just isn't fair sometimes. The sooner we realize this, the better off we will be. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 When the kids find out WHY their mother killed herself, you can be certain they will think their cheating snake of a father was a horrible "human being." Ya know, when I began to read this thread, I just KNEW cheaters (or those who cheat WITH cheaters) would come on here and start spewing their rationalizations. Unfortunately, they will wonder about both of their parents...And they can do nothing but wonder and speculate about their mother. Suicide is a selfish act that hurts the family, but if the children hurt because daddy hurt them, imagine how they feel now that she made the choice to abandon them. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Well, Let's see how long this is going to last with the OW, now that she is going to have to care for those 5 children. Osho's view on marriage regarding unhappy unions and infidelity: Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I feel so bad for the children. OW must be panicking about now. I'm sure her greatest fear is that for the rest of her life, everyone who has any sort of attachment to this broken family is going to see her as "the reason Linda is dead". I can't help but to wonder what sort of guilt that this MM and his OW will carry, and be forced to carry by those around them for the rest of their days. What a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
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