Luke Posted June 14, 2003 Share Posted June 14, 2003 I recently went out celebrating with friends. I was extremely drunk, so drunk I cant exactly remember that nights events clearly. But the jist of it is, I snogged a friend (someone I knew who had fancied me for 2 years). However, I have a girlfriend who I adore very much so I regret kissing that friend. Its eating me up from the inside, I totally regret that night and its a feeling of guilt, unhappiness and shamefulness which has been hanging over me for the past few days.... I cant remember exactly what happened but I would never intentionally cheat on my girlfriend. I promised her I would never ever make her unhappy and this just throws it all back in her face. Ive decided I wont tell her what happened and instead try to forget about it. Ive regretted it soo much ive decided to stop drinking alcohol altogether....ive sworn to myself I will never ever touch a drop of the stuff ever again. I would like your opinions on whether any actions taken when under the influence of alcohol is a forgiveable offence? I just wasnt myself, I dont think I knew what I was doing and I believe for some reason I actually felt I was single so it was ok. Maybe it was partly my friends fault because she knew I had a girlfriend (she was totally sober) and went ahead with it. What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Would you be able to forgive yourself given you drank so much you couldnt remember what the hell went on? Ive decided alcohol is not for me, I am determined never ever to drink again in my life. Please give opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 14, 2003 Share Posted June 14, 2003 1. "I would like your opinions on whether any actions taken when under the influence of alcohol is a forgiveable offence?" Anything we do as human beings is forgiveable...no matter how bad or destructive. Unfortunately human beings often have a lot of trouble doing so, especially towards themselves. This is a good opportunity to get some practice. However, the laws in most countries hold people fully accountable for what they do in a drunken state. If you kill someone in an accident, with a gun, assault someone, commit vandalism or whatever, the fact that a person was drunk is not a mitigating factor when determining guilt or administering punishment. So the law does not forgive drunkenness...only humans can do that if they desire. 2. "What would you do if you were in a similar situation?" Keep my royal mouth shut, forgive myself, forget about it, and never drink again....something like you are doing. Everybody makes mistakes and there's no point in bringing innocent victims into the scenario by discussing this with others...such as your girlfriend. I do think it's a great idea that you are cutting way down on your drinking. However, if you don't have the self discipline to just have one or two drinks in one session, you have a problem. 3. "Would you be able to forgive yourself given you drank so much you couldnt remember what the hell went on?" No problem whatsoever forgiving myself but it would drive me crazy wondering what stupid things I may have done. I would be horrified that somewhere along the line the lady I hit on would come to me and tell me she was pregnant with my child. I personally have never, ever been drunk. I have drank to the edge a few times but I don't feel good about losing control of my actions so I can't relate to what it's like to be drunk and totally out of it. It's a place I never want to be. These days, I don't even consider myself a social drinker. I have a drink once in a while but at parties I mostly carry around just plain Coke and tell people it's rum and Coke. I always know what I'm doing, who I'm biting on the neck and who I may be getting pregnant. Forget about this and stay sober. Enjoy your weekend and hope no slobbering drunk runs over you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luke Posted June 14, 2003 Author Share Posted June 14, 2003 thanks...I have the determination to stop drinking altogether. very true....drinking induces vulnerability. Thanks for your opinion, much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 14, 2003 Share Posted June 14, 2003 I would like your opinions on whether any actions taken when under the influence of alcohol is a forgiveable offence? I have no tolerance for drunken behavior. No. It would not be forgivable. Whether I could deal with it on another level would depend on a great many things and would take a rather long time. I just wasnt myself, I dont think I knew what I was doing and I believe for some reason I actually felt I was single so it was ok. Maybe it was partly my friends fault because she knew I had a girlfriend (she was totally sober) and went ahead with it. Sounds like you are trying to justify your actions or pass some of the blame. Nope. Doesn't cut it. "just wasn't myself" - what did you do - turn into the Hulk? That wouldn't hold up in court if you had hurt someone while drunk. What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Would you be able to forgive yourself given you drank so much you couldnt remember what the hell went on? Nope. I am my own harshest critic and if I wouldn't forgive myself I would'nt expect anyone else to forgive me. I'd spend a lot of time trying to find out why I behaved the way I did - and NOT blame it on the alcohol. Ive decided alcohol is not for me, I am determined never ever to drink again in my life. Good luck. Sincerely -- good luck with this. These are my opinions and you asked for 'em! Link to post Share on other sites
sissy2go Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 From a female's POV, I can tell you that I have been in a similar situation, although I wasn't drunk, just vulnerable, but my point is,some peole aren't as forgiving as others, and if you really love this gal, and you know that you made a mistake, live with your guilt, you will get past it....she may not be as forgiving to you as you may be to yourself....I don't mean to promote lying between couples, as I think it is inappropriate...but sometimes it may be beneficial not to say anything at all, rather than risk losing your gal over something she may not quite understand, no matter how much explaining you do....and there's no way to know what she would think unless you do tell her.... Some secrets are best kept to ones' self. But, if it is eating your conscience that badly, then maybe your only alternative is to risk it and be honest....it all depends on what you can live with... I hope no one takes offense to the post, I am sure that we all have our little secrets, whether we want to admit them or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 I think every person is entitled to forgive themself for a mistake if no-one else is hurt. I wouldn't use the alchohol as an excuse, but rather I would accept that it harbours an avenue where you can do things that are not condusive to your own set of values. Put this down to a little education about just what is possible when when you are not thinking straight and use it as a warning to stay away from alchohol in the future. We all live and learn. Link to post Share on other sites
lOvE_bUnnY20 Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 [font=century gothic][color=violet]Omg i did the same thing and i totally regret it! But I had a boyfriend at the time and i kissed 7 people that night! Four of them were guys and three were girls! Then i gave some guy i didnt even know head. I felt so horrable after my friend told me what i did, i half remember it but i just couldnt stop my self. I just told my boyfriend half of the story...but i still carry it around with me. Its been about a month since then and i think about my mistake everyday. I know you feel horrable to but its just one of those things you cant forget. Just think, its not the worst you could have done.[/color][/font] Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 Tell your g/f. I don't care what you say, if you found out your g/f got drunk and hooked up with some dude and she didn't tell you, you'd be outraged (and you'd think some very bad things about your g/f). If it was just a kiss (or two, whatever), just tell the g/f. It's not that big a deal. It is not appropriate for you to decide on your g/f's behalf what she will and will not have to accept. Its the ultimate disrespect. Lastly, since it was a friend, your g/f is bound to find out eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Auz Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 I would tell my g/f. If she loves me enough, then she would forgive me for my stupidity and see it for what it was. I dont think I could handle the fact that she may find out from someone else, and then let that anger build up inside her over time until she finally tells you. As for lOvE_bUnnY20: a) 7 people and a BJ? Thats different to just kissing 1 person (which i dont condone). Obviously your boyfriend means alot to you. b) Its not the worst you could have done? Sure, I guess sleeping with someone, therefore, would have been ok, because you COULD have slept with 5 guys, right? What a poor excuse. I guess its up to every individual, whether they tell their other half or not. I would. But if you are comfortable with knowing she may find out from someone else, then good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 I think its f*cked up and I think you should tell your gf and let her decide what to do about it. Its not fair for her not to know. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted May 8, 2005 Share Posted May 8, 2005 Originally posted by Luke I recently went out celebrating with friends. I was extremely drunk, so drunk I cant exactly remember that nights events clearly. But the jist of it is, I snogged a friend (someone I knew who had fancied me for 2 years). However, I have a girlfriend who I adore very much so I regret kissing that friend. Its eating me up from the inside, I totally regret that night and its a feeling of guilt, unhappiness and shamefulness which has been hanging over me for the past few days.... I cant remember exactly what happened but I would never intentionally cheat on my girlfriend. I promised her I would never ever make her unhappy and this just throws it all back in her face. Ive decided I wont tell her what happened and instead try to forget about it. Ive regretted it soo much ive decided to stop drinking alcohol altogether....ive sworn to myself I will never ever touch a drop of the stuff ever again. I would like your opinions on whether any actions taken when under the influence of alcohol is a forgiveable offence? I just wasnt myself, I dont think I knew what I was doing and I believe for some reason I actually felt I was single so it was ok. Maybe it was partly my friends fault because she knew I had a girlfriend (she was totally sober) and went ahead with it. What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Would you be able to forgive yourself given you drank so much you couldnt remember what the hell went on? Ive decided alcohol is not for me, I am determined never ever to drink again in my life. Please give opinions. If you do stuff you regret when drunk, then you really ought to consider giving up drinking. It's either that or continue to drink, and continue to risk doing things you'll regret. Is drinking worth more to you than your relationship? I think you realise your priorities - I'd go along to AA, even if just to get some information. Also, you definitely have to tell your gf that you kissed someone. It is not like you had sex, so if you have a good relationship then it's probably something she would forgive you for. It's unfair on her to keep her thinking the relationship is perfect when you have strayed. So let her know and then work things out. If you can't do that, then you really ought to break off. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Alcohol is no excuse and shouldn't be used as one. Link to post Share on other sites
harleygirl92156 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Tell your girlfriend. Honesty will get you tons of points with her. If she finds out from someone else, namely the girl you messed with, that will be it. If you are honest and up front about what happned and be sure to tell her how you feel about what you did then if she loves you she will forgive you. If she hears about it from someone else, buddy your screwed!! The alcohol thing is no excuse. You are still responsible for your actions. If you can't behave in a moral responsible manner when you drink, don't drink!! Sounds like you figured that out yourself. You can't blame the alcohol and you can't blame the girl you messed with, you can only blame yourself, make it right and be sure you never ever put yourself in that situation again. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 People, the original poster posted TWO YEARS AGO!!!!!!! He's long gone. Link to post Share on other sites
harleygirl92156 Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 hey moimeme good point.......lol.....that is too funny......well maybe the guy will come back and give and update.....haha. I feel like a dope.......lol Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted May 11, 2005 Share Posted May 11, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme People, the original poster posted TWO YEARS AGO!!!!!!! He's long gone. Well I normally don't check the dates when a thread is on the first page. I guess I'll have to for now on since people seem to be fond bring back dead threads. Link to post Share on other sites
gooskrrn639 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 It seem like everyone gives the answer they believe, witch is quite rational. Alcohol is a drug wich alters ones thinking ect. People who say alcohol is no excuse don't truly understand alcohol. they should be saying that a person should know alcohol is a drug wich alters the brain ect and not have used it to put them in a position to do something that they would not normaly do, but the sad truth is that most people don't know or understand alcohol, even the people who say the above. and even if it is explainded to them in bright colors they don't see it. Even most people who have drank don't see it. A person who is not alcoholic will probly never see it. Alcohol is an excuse but only in an adept sence of explanation. Any person who is under the influence can be alured to do anything. Being under the influence is greatly different to each individual, depending on past and tollorance. Most non alcoholic people have never been under the ifluence to the degree that alcoholics are regularly, because their body stops them way before that point. Link to post Share on other sites
CptHowdy Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Man, I get sick of all the "I was drunk so it wasn't my fault" posts. Dude, alcohol is not an excuse. It does not justify it. It lowers your inhibitions, yes, but you still make the choice. At least you're gonna own up to it and give her the choice of whether or not she still wants to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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