JustBreathe Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I made a mistake and went over to ow/om and read where a betrayed wife and 5 kids were abandoned by the cheater. He left her for OW and she ended her life. It scared me a little because for about a year after D-day, I thought about it alot. How I would do it even. Did you ever think about it? Not melodramatically, but seriously? Link to post Share on other sites
Dazed1 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Even remembering this takes me way back to a dark dark place. yeah. i considered it very seriously, but I could not would not leave my daughter to fend for herself. Self pity can only be taken so far before it becomes gross negligence. -Dazed Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Uhmmm... no. I thought about murder... but not suicide. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I also consider(ed) it. To be honest I thought about it today. Not only am I dealing with my WF but I am also dealing with my family drama. Sometimes it seems like it would be better to just end it. I am still in that dark place. But, I think of what everyone in my life would think and feel like my X would hold himself responsible and I couldn't do that to him (sick how I think about his feelings first, huh?) Early on I actually wished for trucks to hit me or drive in to me. I just wanted the hurt to stop. I think about ways I would do it...what I would write in the letter...how he would feel...wonder if he would be sad...It's sick, really. I have had a bad life...but nothing has ever made me contimplate this before. I really feel for that woman and her children. I know where she was at. Like all of you replying, I just didn't act on those feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 If suicide thoughts are being considered then it's time to seek medical help, see your family doctor, get on meds and get counselling. I think at times we've all thought about the what if's of suicide in the worst moments, and it doesn't have to be affair related either. Could be the loss of a loved one due to death, spouse, parent, a child etc... Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Uhmmm... no. I thought about murder... but not suicide. I second that! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I quite seriously considered BOTH of the options we've talked about here shortly after d-day in my case. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Never have. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 If suicide thoughts are being considered then it's time to seek medical help, see your family doctor, get on meds and get counselling. I think at times we've all thought about the what if's of suicide in the worst moments, and it doesn't have to be affair related either. Could be the loss of a loved one due to death, spouse, parent, a child etc... This should be pinned up for everyone to see. If anyone is having these thoughts, seek help immediately! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Suicide was never on my mind although I wasn't terribly interested in eating or anything, for that matter, beyond...mutilation... Edit - I should also mention that death by a thousand cuts was also on my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustBreathe Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 Self-mutilation? I have to read up on what the mentality is behind that. I'm sorry you felt that way and glad you have recovered from that. Confused1: I also didn't do it for the same reason. My boys. I didn't want them to live with that their whole lives. I doubt I would have done it anyway though. Everyone: It was just deep depression. I was already on anti-depressants because while the affair was going on (I estimate around 2 years although he does not admit this), I had periods where I would cry for no reason and didn't know what was wrong with me. Went to 3 doctors and they all said I was depressed, but I said I had nothing to be depressed about. Talk about denial! I finally got on the anti-depressants but they can only help so much when you are torn up inside. Confused9: Yes, it is one thing to think about it, plan it in your mind even, and quite another to carry it out, huh! Glad you are feeling better. It's just a down day for you today I guess. My family is chaotic as well and the drama just never ends. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Self-mutilation? You've got to be kidding. More like neutering and spaying of the affair partners. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Self-mutilation? You've got to be kidding. More like neutering and spaying of the affair partners. OUCH!! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 OUCH!! I consider it a favour to the gene pool, to ensure for non-breeding for the weak links. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I consider it a favour to the gene pool, to ensure for non-breeding for the weak links. Oh I understand. But just the thought..OUCH! Link to post Share on other sites
Crestfallen_KH Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I did, but three key things stopped me. 1. Suicide is the most selfish thing a person can ever do. I've seen two families left behind after a husband and father has committed suicide and the wounds that such an act leaves run very, very deep. Having seen what I have, I knew I couldn't do that to my family. 2. I kept telling myself that weaker and lesser people have dealt with divorce and infidelity before and made it - I could too. That might not be a nice judgment to make, but it helped get me through, especially since I have such a perfectionist personality and view myself as strong. 3. As sick as this sounds, I thought they would "win." Had I killed myself, my cheating bad guy husband would instantly become eligible for sympathy. I kept envisioning him having a conversation with her, and her saying "Wow, she really WAS screwed up - no wonder you had to get out. I'm amazed you put up with her as long as you did." I imagined how he would react when he got the news - that he would be sad, it would hit him, but he would then nod to himself in some sort of acknowledgement that I was "too depressed" after all. I actually ended up calling the suicide hotline at one point when I was in tears and couldn't stop crying, but they hung up on me. When I burst into laughter, I figured I was probably ok and was going to make it after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustBreathe Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 Al-l-l-l-righty now, TBF, I understand more clearly....... Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I made a mistake and went over to ow/om and read where a betrayed wife and 5 kids were abandoned by the cheater. He left her for OW and she ended her life. It scared me a little because for about a year after D-day, I thought about it alot. How I would do it even. Did you ever think about it? Not melodramatically, but seriously? In regards to being cheated on, suicide never crossed my mind, but hurting the other guy very very badly did cross my mind for the longest time until I realized that it wasn't his fault because he had no idea that she had a BF at the time and no POS of a person is worth taking my life away. Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I did, but three key things stopped me. 1. Suicide is the most selfish thing a person can ever do. I've seen two families left behind after a husband and father has committed suicide and the wounds that such an act leaves run very, very deep. Having seen what I have, I knew I couldn't do that to my family. 2. I kept telling myself that weaker and lesser people have dealt with divorce and infidelity before and made it - I could too. That might not be a nice judgment to make, but it helped get me through, especially since I have such a perfectionist personality and view myself as strong. 3. As sick as this sounds, I thought they would "win." Had I killed myself, my cheating bad guy husband would instantly become eligible for sympathy. I kept envisioning him having a conversation with her, and her saying "Wow, she really WAS screwed up - no wonder you had to get out. I'm amazed you put up with her as long as you did." I imagined how he would react when he got the news - that he would be sad, it would hit him, but he would then nod to himself in some sort of acknowledgement that I was "too depressed" after all. I actually ended up calling the suicide hotline at one point when I was in tears and couldn't stop crying, but they hung up on me. When I burst into laughter, I figured I was probably ok and was going to make it after all. I absolutely loved your entire post. I like how you rationalized things and you came to grips with your own life. You sound amazing! Good for you. I especially liked what you concluded about your ex winning instant "pitty" from others, and that is the LAST thing you want on your enemy if you are seeking revenge, revnge is is for weak controlling people. Good on ya for thinking that through. Suicide is never a solution it is a cop out period. It's a pitty some cannot see this through. I was hit with a very low point in my life and I thought about taking the easy way out but just the thought of leaving my poor family and friends behind to deal with my stupid and selfish choice was enough to say "what the heck was I even thinking!?" Since that happened I actually did lose someone close to suicide and it is a very traumatic experience for those left behind, I deem it as an unforgivable act and in my mind this person has changed for ever, anyone who could be that selfish does not deserve my pitty. I do pitty those he left behind. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I have thought about it but I wouldn't leave my child. My STBX his mother committed suicide when he was a child and I see how much it screwed with his head and his family. So no way would I put my child through that......but now if I was to be hit by a truck at 100 mph is another story. Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I have thought about it but I wouldn't leave my child. My STBX his mother committed suicide when he was a child and I see how much it screwed with his head and his family. So no way would I put my child through that......but now if I was to be hit by a truck at 100 mph is another story. Oh PinkRibbon, no no no, please don't say that :-( No one deserves to die in any shape way or form because of another human being. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Yes I did consider it many many times.. but in a 6-year period... I attempted 3 times... almost succeeded every time... I was p*ssed everytime I was at the hospital, back from the coma, that I had failed yet one more time... I even tried at the hospital, the nurse caught me... they were very rude and unprofessional with me... First time I took 350 sleeping pills... I was sure, sure I wouldn't miss... I was stone for a full week.. my brother took me to the hospital... the doctor asked me how I could get so much pills... I had come up with all kinds of lies to my doctor.. even went to a walk-in clinic to get more... I had kept them for months... Second time... Carbon monoxide... I was 11 hours in the garage... it's a miracle I didn't die then ... My bf found me... I was in what they call a 'shock' just before you die.. your whole body jerks like crazy... He took me to the hospital (he got sh*t for not calling the ambulance, because the doctor said I could have died on my way to the hospital, we were an hour away from the hospital)... I was a week in the coma under an oxygen tank... Secondn time... I took a ton of different pills, attached one cement block at each ankle..and lied down on a 4 in. retaining wall on the river... I fell in the river... finally got out of the water (don't ask how.. because I can't swim... this is the strangest thing)... then I broke in my bf's house, I ripped the screen patio door and opened the door... My best friend found me, she called the ambulance and the police came... they had to investigate... I was 2 days in a coma... I don't remember having done all that.. how I got out of the water and I lost my shoes on the way to the house... broke in the house, took my dirty wet clothes off and went to bed... that's where the paramedics got me. The psychiatrist told me that my 'survival instincts' saved me eventhough I wasn't totally conscious.. my subconscience was doing the work... When someone commit suicide... they don't even think straight... they are completely 'blank'... you know you'll hurt your family and friends.. but in my case, I was thinking that I would be a good riddance for them... that I was a 'pain' for them... To be honest, I had absolutely NO feelings... and every time.. they had no clue I would do it again... It didn't show at all.. I showed a totally different 'facade'... they thought I was happy and everything..but deep inside I knew I wasn't well but just didn't want to talk about it. Nothing matters anymore... life sucks.. and you're sooo unhappy, I would even go further and call it 'melancholy'... it's extremely painful... No one knew I was depressed before my first attempt... then I was on medication, counselling... I got better.. then I was deep down in depression again 2 years later... 2nd attempt.. got better.. blablabla.. then 2 years later was my last attempt... again counselling... psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist... the whole nine yards... I got much better since..... It's been almost 6 years now since the last attempt... Now I am happy... I have never ever thought of suicide after that. I stopped my medication for a few years.. I'm back on now...but not for depression... I know I am now OK... but I totally understand people when they do commit suicide... I know how it feels.. People that DO commit suicide usually never talk about it before... I don't want to sound dramatic.. but I just wanted to share my experience... I have no problably now to talk about it... I know I'm OK. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I have thought about it but I wouldn't leave my child. My STBX his mother committed suicide when he was a child and I see how much it screwed with his head and his family. So no way would I put my child through that......but now if I was to be hit by a truck at 100 mph is another story. I also thought about that a few times... but what if you don't die but become quadraplegic... just think about it.. because once you're totally paralyzed you can't do it anymore... that's what stopped me. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIdeaAtAll Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 (edited) Not actively suicidal - but you know, hey, if that next lightening bolt takes me out - no worries. No-one could blame me then or be mad at me. That's on a bad day. In saying that - another option - never love anything or anyone, shut down, close off, push the world away including all friends and family, don't ever let anyone get close - considered that too - same result - no feeling anymore - no nothing. That's on the next bad day. However, with my rational and sensible head on - 2 beautiful children, family who love me, friends who love me, people who care for me, sincerely have a lot to be thankful for in my messed up life and shouldnt be such a miserable git .... and maybe the sun will shine tomorrow - I guess that's what I try to focus on when I wake up in the mornings. I wouldnt do it because the people in my life don't deserve the heartache. It would be just nice tho not to feel the hurt and to find a balance in my life right now ... and I am, slowly, and I will get there ... eventually ... I hope. Edited January 5, 2008 by NoIdeaAtAll Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I also thought about that a few times... but what if you don't die but become quadraplegic... just think about it.. because once you're totally paralyzed you can't do it anymore... that's what stopped me. Seriously I did think about the being paralized thing and that scared me more than being hit by the truck. Link to post Share on other sites
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