moorem Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years i have three children but only one of them is his! I am just 30 and wondering if we are ever going to get married? He is divorced and says that he wants to marry me but he wants to do it right! The wedding the ring family friends the whole ordeal!! Which is fine but we don't have money, we live paycheck to paycheck! I don't need all of that would rather have small ceromoney and a reception that is equally small yes it will still cost but not alot!! So what do I do? I want to marry him! I love him! But on the other hand marriage is very important to me and it is in my future, but should I wait for it with him, which seems like it will never come! I don't think that marriage will make everything perfect or anything! It is a full commitment that is meant to mean something and that is what I want! Some people say well why do you have to get married! If things are okay now why mess with it? Well If everything is fine right now why not get married? If I am good enough to have children with and live with and share a home and money with, than I should be good enough to marry? Right? He says he wants to but he wants to wait for the right time! Well how long should I wait before I say enough is enough? I am not one to give an ultimatum to someone but what else do I do/ Please help me out I have been going over this for awhile now and I just don't know what to do! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Have you told him that a small ceremony would suit you just fine? Link to post Share on other sites
Sashy Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Wow, seven years is a really long time! Heck, I need a resolution or decision even before 2 years are up! I do not have experience of living with someone, and with kids involved, and so take my advise for whatever it is worth - but if I were in your situation, however hard it is, I would have a serious talk with him about what I need, inorder to continue, and I would move out. By continuing to be remain in this situation, you are letting him buy more and more time. He is getting everything without marriage! But you are not! It's not even fair. Seven years. I cannot even imagine. U need to tell him you do mean business, and you love him, but you cannot go on further in this situation. Unless you take a drastic step, be prepared to remain in this situation for an even longer time. I do not believe you or any woman deserves this state of being in limbo. Once you show him your self-confidence and that you mean serious business, and you actually start taking the steps to move out, he will be forced to reconsider. If he IS Indeed waiting for the RIGHT TIME, then why don't you have him chalk out the Exact Plan? This way you will get to see how sincere and active he is in planning for his future with you. U will know if he is serious. I don't know your ages...that could play a role too. Whatever you do, I do feel you need to take a drastic step here. Be firm but polite and do what you have to do. And don't worry - if he cannot work to have you with him, was he even worth it? And if he does realize his folly, he will for sure come to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moorem Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Yes I have told him that I wanted a small ceromony!! I am 30 and he is 33. We live in my trailor but it can't be because of that that he sticks around because he makes more money than i do!! The hardest part is that i know he loves me!! Link to post Share on other sites
Jordane Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 So you live in a trailer and have three children? Can you afford ANY wedding? Is he afraid of not being financially stable enough to afford it? Is that all that is holding him back? Maybe you can clue him into all the tax benefits you can get once you are married? Link to post Share on other sites
Elyssa Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 (edited) Actually, getting married costs like $75 (possibly less) in fees. Being a low-income family should not stop him from taking that step after SEVEN years and children. Get your marriage license from the local townhall, put on a pretty sunday dress and off you go. Have only your closest relatives and friends attend. To celebrate, make a reservation at a restaurant you both like. Sometimes, people have a mindset that a wedding has to cost lots of money and involve a reception and a dress and other large expenses to even BE a wedding. That is not the case. Don't let people talk you out of getting married because of your financial situation. Weddings are about celebrating the union of two people who love each other and that's all that really matters. Everything else is unnecessary. -E Edited January 6, 2008 by Elyssa Link to post Share on other sites
Jordane Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 It may not be MANDATORY but to some people it is very important. He husband might really want a more formal wedding and that might just not cut it. Link to post Share on other sites
hearingweddingbells Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I am in almost the same sit. but we live in a new house have lots of material things that I don't really need. We have a 6 month old together and I let him know when we where pregnant that I want to married before our son was 1 year. He keeps saying that he want to make sure we have the wedding we want because you only do it once. I agree with him there, however I believe that we could do a fairly cheap nice wedding that is perfect for the two of us. I try not to talk about it because he says I am ruining the element of surprise when I do but I want him to get it in his head that I don't need a huge wedding. At the same rate he is fine to put a 61" tv on credit but not an engagement ring because he wants to pay for the ring in cash. That to me sounds like he is putting the things he wants ahead of my wants. He also has a car that he is finishing that he will need to spend about 2-3 thousand on to get on the road for the summer. I keep telling him we need to stop spending on stupid stuff like paint for the house,video games, xbox 360, the big screen tv and other material things. He continues to keep spending foolishly. I do benefit from some of the things he buys (the paint for the house). I the same as you don't want to do the ultimatum because that will make thing worse. I do love him more than anything(I had a child with him) but I do not want to put the thing that matter to me off for the things that matter to him. I started travelling two years before I got pregnant and didn't get to go this year but was dealing with that because I thought we would be getting married soon and be going on a honeymoon anyways. That won't happen for another two years or longer I feel like. Anyways sorry this is so long but I need to vent somewhere because this is very hurtful:( Hope to get some in put soon. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
amymarieca Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I was in a similar situation a couple of months ago, minus having kids with the person. In fact, you may have seen my post "Dating for 8 years and still no ring." It has become quite popular I can see- LOL. Anyway, I am not dating this guy anymore. I ended it a couple months ago. I have learned that every relationship comes to a point where you either get married or you don't. If you wait too long, then that spark just dies. The spark was long dead for me. Some people may disagree with that theory, but I believe it to be true. I say give him a time line. He can chose to marry or not to marry you, but he cannot string you along like this for 7 years. That is unfair. If he feels you are not the one, then he needs to move on. I would advise breaking it off because you are looking for someone who will give you a commitment. If he comes back then you know he is worth it. If he doesn't then you did yourself a favour! Link to post Share on other sites
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