Should I settle for the sake of kids and commitment if marriage is lame or get help?

[maritallyconfused]

Having an affair outside of work (which is over) will not and would not ruin my career silly. It is outside of work and my personal business. Friends are not friends if they disown you because you have had an affair. Life is not so cut and dried douche.

 

Posts which started out innocent and seeking advice, quickly became irate with the flamers and bashers...Which in turn made me become a troll. A troll who enjoys pushing the buttons and say all the controversial things to the self righteous do gooders out there. You got a rise out of me instead of offering good advice (not all of you) and I enjoyed getting you back. Paybacks are a bitch.

 

Go enjoy your mocha and watch Dr Phil..... Good day. To those who did not judge or flame early on, I am sorry this thread had to take such a turn.

Edited January 23, 2008 by maritallyconfused

[serial muse]

I fail to see how this:

 

I currently am having a torrid affair with a co-worker, and I am trying to break it off, but I am in love with her. Her and I in both know in our hearts there is no way I am going to leave my marriage, due to my kids and finances, etc. so it is inevitable to end it and we BOTH will be hurt because I know she is my soul mate. We both have a grasp on things and know this is the direction it will go.....I think we both know the sex is so mindblowing that we are just gonna let it run its course, and we actually have been backing off the emotions.. which is good. It is a process.

 

...snip...

 

And for Computers... I am not back into my affair, as I sort of expressed above.. we discussed things and now we are just banging each other, so its not an affair anymore! It is going to run its course. I know that may sound repulsive to you but its not so bad. The sex is THAT good!

 

equals this:

 

I made a mistake. The stray is over. OW accepts that. We are working on it. We are BOTH communicating and doing what it takes to make each other happy and hopefully it is a long term resolution.

 

I realize that is alot for very conservative and idealistic minds to handle, it is what it is..The prognosis is very good for my marriage to work out. Communication is in order. Love is there. Everything is on the table. It has been a blessing in disguise.

 

 

That is why you're being called a liar, MC. Your career, such as it may be, has exactly zip to do with it. You're lying about the state of your affair. I suspect your wife doesn't know that little detail, either, about how having an affair isn't the same thing as banging somebody. Seriously, what?!?

 

Also, ew:

 

whena nubile young princess jumped on me

 

and, in conclusion,

 

I realize that is alot for very conservative and idealistic minds to handle, it is what it is..The prognosis is very good for my marriage to work out. Communication is in order. Love is there. Everything is on the table.

 

 

followed by

 

 

I don't think one needs to be idealistic and conservative to see that you're contradicting yourself.

[bentnotbroken]

I do so hate when the bible is take out of context. (her wifely duty, bull) If you are going to spout that, then you should have read the entire chapter, and then read what it says about adultery. But oh well, in your mind the world revolves around you and the fanatsy you have woven. God bless your wife and family and God help you.

[maritallyconfused]

Thank you for taking the time to cut and paste and read through.. There are contradictions because

 

A. I have stubbornly said some things to ruffle a few feathers on here, by being controversial at times

 

And moreso

 

B. As you could imagine.. things are changing rapidly and practically daily, so the situation has run its course (perhaps differently than some of you would) but have ended up the same nonetheless.

 

 

 

It has taken several discussions with OW (making her realize what we did, the harm we caused, the fact we cannot do this or end up together, keeping things cool between us and professional at work, etc.. It required a great deal of tact to not screw things up there. That, along with introspection and realization and a few counseling sessions with my wife over the last 2 weeks to reach where we are, which is where we should be. This process has made her and realize BOTH OUR SHORTCOMINGS. People can bitch all you want about "oh well it was you who made the choice to cheat and betray...blah blah... That is bunch of crap. Women should not withhold sex and emotion and I was wrong for not addressing it and straying. What's done is done. We have tackled the situation by this all coming out in the wash.. we love each other, and we are going to work to make things good. It is really not as complicated as some would like to make it out, because we are rational people and we love each other...

Edited January 24, 2008 by maritallyconfused

[bentnotbroken]

It's only simple if you stop saying "the devil made me do it". I.E. my wife witheld sex so, I had no choice but to bang. We all have choices and you only own up to yours if you put the blame on someone else first. Remember the young nubile hot coochie jumped you and so you had to do her. Someone else first, you second. Standing behind two women to avoid accepting full responsibility for your actions. Sounds like the ideal person to have protecting a community.

[Computers]

Maritallyconfused wrote this two days ago:

 

I am not back into my affair, as I sort of expressed above.. we discussed things and now we are just banging each other, so its not an affair anymore! It is going to run its course. I know that may sound repulsive to you but its not so bad. The sex is THAT good!

 

And, today, he wrote:

 

It has taken several discussions with OW (making her realize what we did, the harm we caused, the fact we cannot do this or end up together, keeping things cool between us and professional at work, etc.. It required a great deal of tact to not screw things up there. That, along with introspection and realization and a few counseling sessions with my wife over the last 2 weeks to reach where we are, which is where we should be.

Edited January 24, 2008 by Computers

[smartgirl]

While there are a few individuals who have posted some worthy responses, the bashing and the simple attitudes against the act are astounding..

 

I am not arrogant or full of deceit. Things happen in life for various reasons. My wife is a quality person, but we have grown apart. We do nothing together. We are separate at parties. We have never taken a trip. We have sex 10 times a year. She does not like to kiss.

 

Yet, I say she is a great woman and I respect her. People have needs. I am in neglect. I do not feel good about the situation. I am not enjoying it per se.

 

She does not even think there are any problems, that is why we have another one on the way. She loves me immensely, and I love her. However we are more cordial roommates than lovers. I think you should always be in love with your spouse and should build your life together based on common interests. We do not do anything together, other than family activities.

 

I am going to get both of us help to try to rebuild our marriage. I am not blaming her or me. People can just grow apart. It is as simple as that.

 

You cannot see a few of my posts and even get 1% of the overall picture. You do not live under my roof and walk in my shoes, and I do not in yours. So anything other than objective and constructive comments is silly. Simply stating that someone "cheating, or lying" is evil and completely wrong and rotten is silly. I am thinking some or most of the people who post on here are jilted and jaded ex-wives. I am not sure.

 

I want my marriage to work out. I want my wife to be happy. She cannot be happy. We have failed to communicate for a long period of time and this is why we are in this situation. I am going to let the baby come, and I am going to get all of this (minus OW info, because it is irrelevant) and see if we can rebuild and get that spark back.. If not, I will move on. I cannot settle. She deserves more. I deserve more. It will be with or without OW.

 

I haven't read all the posts, but I see what another poster said -- you have a very superior attitude and, from on high, have decided that your nice little wife isn't just quite up to your standards and you are going to work behind the scenes to decide if she can eventually meet your needs.

 

Yes, Mino, I am the dreaded betrayed spouse. But from where I sit, if a man is unhappy at home, if "his needs aren't being met," then he needs to hitch up his pants and tell his wife. THEN and only then, he either gets a divorce or goes into marriage counselling to try and get the marriage back on track.

 

There is no justification for making a fool out of the person you claimed to love for the last xxx years while also making fool out of the person you claim to love for the past xxx months. That is just being a selfish coward and all the "I didn't go looking for this" talk is the really lame stuff. Only a child says "I didn't mean to do it" and really thinks that is an excuse.

 

I understand true emotional conflict. But frankly, you come across as arrogant and self serving and dismissive of the feelings and rights of others. You have entered into a relationship outside of your marriage intentionally and now seek to justify that action and the fact that you are using two women in different ways. Ok, I'll give you that maybe you didn't realize where it was going to lead. Now you know.

 

You claim to know your marriage is "lame", though you seem to have NO inkling that your wife might feel the same way about being married to you. Unless she is a mental defective, 10 years old or in a coma, she has a right to know how you feel and decide for herself if she wants to work with you on your lame marriage. If your OW is willing to go along for this ride, that's her problem though I'd bet the farm you have not given her a really true picture of how you feel. Get out or stay in but in either case, quit using women in whatever way you see fit.

[Owl]

Having an affair outside of work (which is over) will not and would not ruin my career silly. It is outside of work and my personal business. Friends are not friends if they disown you because you have had an affair. Life is not so cut and dried douche.

 

Posts which started out innocent and seeking advice, quickly became irate with the flamers and bashers...Which in turn made me become a troll. A troll who enjoys pushing the buttons and say all the controversial things to the self righteous do gooders out there. You got a rise out of me instead of offering good advice (not all of you) and I enjoyed getting you back. Paybacks are a bitch.

 

Go enjoy your mocha and watch Dr Phil..... Good day. To those who did not judge or flame early on, I am sorry this thread had to take such a turn.

 

Well, to begin with, even YOU admitted that exposing your affair to your boss would cause you to lose you job.

 

That is going to represent a huge problem. I cannot leave my job. I work for a good police department. One that is prestigous. It is hard to get a new job. I cannot talk to the Chief. Unfortunately, it could end up in termination or god knows...

 

So you might rethink about your work and your affair being seperate. They're obviously not, since you work with OW. (in some fashion...you've obfuscated the true relationship here deliberately)

 

And of course your friends shouldn't support when you make choices like having an affair. A REAL friend would help you to see how destructive and foolish you behavior was...

 

But at the end of the day, you've identified in this post that you're not seeking advice, but are in fact a troll who's only goal here is to stir things up.

 

I'm hoping that this is the end of a clear waste of our time. Thanks for at least being honest on that point.

[jaslene2009]

What I say is to Express Your Self To Your Wife first. See what she is willing to do. Some times things are not visible to people unless someone points it put to them. Maybe she will offer some change or compromise. Since, everything else is great about her, talk to her. I wouldn't give up on her just yet. But do tell her what your needs are and if she is not willing to meet you half way. You have to look at your options because you will continue to cheat if you stayed and no compromise was made. Happiness is everthing and is the key to a successful marriage. Now, that level of happiness is different for each couple so you must find out what makes you happiest the most? Good Luck:D

Hello everyone, I have a classic affair for you.

 

First off, I never thought I would be in this situation. I have been with my wife for 18 years, been married for 9.

 

The unfortunate thing is that we have grown apart. I love her dearly. She is a great hommaker, great person, great wife and more importantly mother for our kids. Everyone loves her. But she is

so

simple and I am not and we have a disconnect. With that said, she and I have grown apart. There is no spark. We have sex maybe once a month and are only 36. I am a very sensual, touch feely (not overbearing). She does not like to be intimate, to kiss, to do much. Her life is family and the home. Its not all bad. We get along but its more cordial like friends. We really do not fight or anything, but it is just not doing it for me. I feel like I am 60 in my relationship. I do not know what to do, and have felt this way for a long time. I do love her.

 

Now, about six months ago, comes a hot, smart, funny, spunky, fun attractive 25 year

old

into my life. We had sparks right away. You could feel it. I would NEVER hit on her of course.

So

about a month ago she comes out and tells me she cannot deny the sparks and basically wants to be with me. I felt the same way.

 

I made the trip to her house and we had tremendous sex. Sex 4 times in a night. We did this a few times and our relationship has blossomed, and we have spent tons of time together and talking. We are crazy in lust already and this could go places if I am not careful. She is basically my girlfriend now. She knows my status, she is fine with it. She is scared and we have discussed everything, all the possibilities including breaking it off and or us dating to see if I can improve my marriage and maybe making a change.

 

I just do not know what to do. Should I settle for the sake of kids and commitment if my marriage is lame. Or should I try to get help in my marriage and see if I/we can improve things and go from there and maybe make a change down the road if it does not get better. I feel awful and selfish but I deserve more. My wife is great but something is just not right obviously.

 

Thanks for your input. Just know I am a decent human being, and good provider, husband and father. I want to be happy and minimize pain and risk.

 

[jaslene2009]

You didn't even need us ! I think you got it. Despite some of the post from some of the people on here, I think you are doing the right thing by not telling her about your OW. How many of us know about the OP? You are not ready to end your marriage but do tell her how you feel. I like the outcome already and Iam pulling for you. I agree having small children does not justify being in a unhappy marriage. That is my opinion and I am sticking to it ! You guys can be great parents whether you are together are not. But do talk to her first and try to find a resolution.

 

 

 

 

Wow, Thank you for all the responses. I went to the movies with my family today and came back and there were 11 responses since I posted.

 

I did not get flamed nearly as bad as I thought. I do realize on the surface, this is probably classic male jerkiness in most people's eyes. In no way can anyone really truly justify and affair. I did not ask for, or seek this out.

 

The

OW

as you guys call it, is a quality person. She understands all my feelings and and I am really surpised she wants any part of it. She knows I will make an effort with my wife and perhaps will be there in the long run if need be. What started as a scandalous tryst (which I Did NOT start, because I do not chase women) has grown into

so

much more. I do not know what it is and where it will go. It has only been a few weeks and everything is above board- except toward my wife. The

OW

really has nothing to do with my wife, regarding how I feel.

 

I will be talking to my wife and letting her know all of the things that I feel. She will be floored. She probably feels everything is perfect in our 60 year

old

way. (which is the whole damn problem, and I dont think having small kids is an excuse) I will not be letting her know about this affair. Although, depending on her reaction and any progress, I will be putting the

OW

on hold. It has to be that way. My marriage has no intimacy, very little sex, and no common interests, other than the kids. Having kids is simply not enough to stay happily married. I cannot get in that rut. I have been in it most of my marriage. Divorce is not an automatic devastation of families. I am not a wife beater, jerk, substance abuser or anything like that. I would support my kids and be very active in their life whether I am married or not should things end up that way.

 

We have never taken a trip more than a weekend. We rarely go out. We rarely kiss, cuddle, watch tv, have sex. It is awful. Yes she is pretty and nice to everyone, and goes to church and our house is suburban with white picket fences, but is that enough for most I ask? What are we then? What is normal. I have no idea. I dont think I am supposed to feel the way I have for most of our 9 years. I am more complicated than that. I am not a simple enough person to work my little cube job and go home to a very very stale marriage. Some people that will work for, but not me. My wife is a great great woman, I will give her a chance. I will give her a chance to tell me what I can fix. She is a good woman. This is nobody's fault, it is quite possible we just need to snap out of it with a good conscious effort, or perhaps we are just not right for each other. We shall see.

 

[bentnotbroken]

Then he should leave and allow his wife to find someone who is faithful and honest. Allow her the same happiness that his penis seeks. He is just having his a cake and eating it too. Using two women for his on gratification is the aciton of an inmmature person.

[thankful15289]

From reading these posts, it sounds like the OP has been bottling up his anger at his wife for some time, and now it is coming out and he is so angry he's thinking of no one but himself. He feels justified in doing whatever he wants because he's suffered (in his eyes) for the past however many years.

 

I doubt it has really been that bad, but it probably feels that way to him now. I think this is the reason his posts seem to get angrier and less reasonable as the thread goes on. First his marriage was stale. Then his job was also unbearable. Finally he has never been happy and his wife has no good qualities. To me, it sounds like mounting anger. The more he writes, the angrier he gets.

 

I hope that writing calms him down enough to realize what he's doing. Because I really doubt his marriage is all that bad, and certainly that it can't be fixed. But as many other posters have noted, what is built up over years of love and trust can easily be destroyed by careless acts. And then there is no going back.

[maritallyconfused]

Well things are still quite interesting.. It is so easy for everyone to judge and by all accounts most people are pretty reasonable.. I am extremely confused obviously. I am trying to reconcile with my wife and since I work with the OW, I am in contact with her. I am not sneaking around or doing anything, but it is so hard to not have feelings.

 

My wife is coping well but she has good days and bad days. I understand that. The worst part is that the trust has to be rebuilt.. That hurts because I have always been trustworthy and could pretty much do what i want when, and now every single second outside of work and home with my friends has to be accounted for and has a great deal of scrutiny attached. That is horrible for both of us, but I understand. Whatever problems with our "being soul mates" and intimacy and our bad sex life is only worse now as a result of the affair, but I do feel that with concessions from both parties we will work things out.

 

I believe I am going through a typical midlife crisis, as I reassess my life and what i want. I am not sure where it is going to go, but I am trying to work with my wife, who is a great woman to rebuild the connection, trust and intimacy and being best friends. The intimacy and being best friends is something that has lacked greatly for most of our 10 year marriage. I do believe we have the foundation to rebuild it. I am prepared for anything.

 

There are many issues.. I am not really a "family man" kind of guy. She is very into being a suburban mom and being very simple. I am not simple. Simple is not bad, we have just grown different. I like my time and space and get very ornery when i dont get it.. Call me selfish. I am a good hard working man, but like things to be ever changing and exciting. It does not make me wrong or bad. I am not happy living a boring suburban life and going to birthday parties with clowns and having tea and crumpets with the same people on the circuit. I have always had very stressful jobs and many changes. That has added to stress. We have had compatibility issues with her large family. That has caused us stress because I push her over bearing italian family away. We are both good people. As I said we have the foundation. However, there are incompatibilities with marriages and families and how each of us have grown that have impacted our sex life, our friendship, etc..

Edited February 18, 2008 by maritallyconfused

[bentnotbroken]

Maybe if you figure out what state you actually live in, you won't be so confused or bored.

[whichwayisup]

If you really want it to work, you'll do everything possible to detach from the OW, even at work. Hold yourself accountable in every way. And, that means, when/if you see or talk to OW at work, you DO NOT allow yourself to "think" about her, let alone desire her. Do NC in your mind.

 

Read ALL the threads started by Thumbingmyway. You can do a site search on his name.. The reason why I'm suggesting you read his threads is his passion to want to save his marriage, to work hard with his wife (she was the one who cheated on him), and together they had enough faith to work through the problems, her affair and the fallout. If you really want your wife, your marriage, your family intact, then get counselling as well.

 

As for the OW, you MAKE yourself get over her and those feelings. It serves no purpose in your life anymore.

[Impudent Oyster]

I just do not know what to do. Should I settle for the sake of kids and commitment if my marriage is lame. Or should I try to get help in my marriage and see if I/we can improve things and go from there and maybe make a change down the road if it does not get better. I feel awful and selfish but I deserve more. My wife is great but something is just not right obviously.

.

 

I wouldn't. Settle I mean. I would never stay married to someone for kids/commitment, I couldn't tolerate being married to someone I didn't love or that I felt I was "settling" for.

 

That's not to say you shouldn't get help, you need it, if only to find out that how you feel about your wife isn't just a temporary reaction to this new, hot, younger, fantasy fling you're screwing with.

 

On the other hand, if you come clean with your wife, she may decide that she doesn't want YOU, and will cut you loose to pursue the hot young thing, whose shelf life is debatable.

 

So yes, get counseling, and stop cheating immediately. If the hot young thing is the real deal she can wait, you can always resume the, er, relationship after you've ended your marriage. You should never end a marriage over a fling, anyone can tell you that. Don't be stupid, you have a lot too lose.

 

And if you do end the marriage, you can pursue all the women you want without being a lying, cheating, creep of a husband and father.

[Impudent Oyster]

There are many issues.. I am not really a "family man" kind of guy.

 

You probably should've realized that BEFORE you got married and had multiple children with your wife of TEN years. If the father of my children and man I was married to for a decade told me he wasn't really a "family-man" kind of guy I'd have a hard time not strangling him.

 

You're just discovering this NOW? Jesus, grow-up and stop being so g-d selfish.

 

Have you gotten any counseling yet? You need a real man to counsel you, that statement is pathetic.

[maritallyconfused]

Did you not read my statement on how I intend to reconcile? Cheating once with a woman who could possibly be a soulmate is no less worse than being cold and fostering a virtually sexless marriage for the bulk of 10 yrs. We grew apart, had almost no common interests outside the kids, could barely communicate and had sex maybe 12 times a year.. Woo hoo!!! I have been very good and patient. Despite all that, and the fact that having an affair is wrong but a logical manifestation of YEARS of problems.. we have love and the foundation to move ahead.

 

Funny how people jump on you for statements without all the facts. Let me clarify... I am a family man, but I like to have fun and diversify my existence. ... Just because I may want more and more freedom does not make me an *******. So when I say I am not a family man, I did not mean literally. But I just cant work my job and do the same stuff every single day...day in and day out... ugh. If divorce is the unlikely outcome, i would still be financially supportive and very involved in the day to day lives of my children.

 

Married life to date has been kind of ho hum and boring...Its not her fault or mine. We are working on it to resolve our differences and grow together. Thank god I have an interesing job. I pity people who work in a boring corporate cube life and go home to their boring little marriages and call that the "good life". Now that is pathetic.

 

We are only here once, everyone deserves to be happy regardless of the outcome.

Edited February 18, 2008 by maritallyconfused

[bentnotbroken]

Did you not read my statement on how I intend to reconcile? Cheating once with a woman who could possibly be a soulmate is no less worse than being cold and fostering a virtually sexless marriage for the bulk of 10 yrs. We grew apart, had almost no common interests outside the kids, could barely communicate and had sex maybe 12 times a year.. Woo hoo!!! I have been very good and patient. Despite all that, and the fact that having an affair is wrong but a logical manifestation of YEARS of problems.. we have love and the foundation to move ahead.

 

Funny how people jump on you for statements without all the facts. Let me clarify... I am a family man, but I like to have fun and diversify my existence. ... Just because I may want more and more freedom does not make me an *******. So when I say I am not a family man, I did not mean literally. But I just cant work my job and do the same stuff every single day...day in and day out... ugh. If divorce is the unlikely outcome, i would still be financially supportive and very involved in the day to day lives of my children.

 

Married life to date has been kind of ho hum and boring...Its not her fault or mine. We are working on it to resolve our differences and grow together. Thank god I have an interesing job. I pity people who work in a boring corporate cube life and go home to their boring little marriages and call that the "good life". Now that is pathetic.

 

We are only here once, everyone deserves to be happy regardless of the outcome.

 

 

And for some life isn't boring and they love the choices they made. For some pathetic is not being adult enough to handle your choices in a mature way,instead they act like their genitalia is the be all end all to what your missing in life, instead of what is missing is in your character.

[Owl]

Personally, I still just don't get the confusion here.

 

If you want to be married, you need to end contact completely with OW. Period. If that means changing jobs even though you hate the idea...so be it. Marriage means giving up the OW...and giving up the lifestyle that allowed you to conduct the affair. Lose your job, keep your marriage. This isn't rocket science.

 

If you want to be with OW...then you file for divorce, move out, and end your marriage with your wife. Keep your job, lose your marriage. Still not into quantum physics here.

 

The ISSUE here is that you don't seem to like either choice.

 

No shock...but its not reality. You can't have both. You can't have everything YOUR way.

 

So...man up, make a choice, and do what you have to do. I really can't think of any other advice you truly need at this point.

[OpenBook]

Personally, I still just don't get the confusion here.

 

If you want to be married, you need to end contact completely with OW. Period. If that means changing jobs even though you hate the idea...so be it. Marriage means giving up the OW...and giving up the lifestyle that allowed you to conduct the affair. Lose your job, keep your marriage. This isn't rocket science.

 

If you want to be with OW...then you file for divorce, move out, and end your marriage with your wife. Keep your job, lose your marriage. Still not into quantum physics here.

 

The ISSUE here is that you don't seem to like either choice.

 

No shock...but its not reality. You can't have both. You can't have everything YOUR way.

 

So...man up, make a choice, and do what you have to do. I really can't think of any other advice you truly need at this point.

 

But so many MM out there DO have both. They DON'T have to choose. That's the reality. They're getting away with it... there is no compelling reason in their life to stop seeing both (or more) women.

[Owl]

Well, you're right, OB. And this is a classic example of exactly that.

 

They SHOULD make a choice. But they don't. Until something FORCES a choice.

[Impudent Oyster]

Cheating once with a woman who could possibly be a soulmate is no less worse than being cold and fostering a virtually sexless marriage for the bulk of 10 yrs.

 

 

 

Married life to date has been kind of ho hum and boring...Its not her fault or mine. We are working on it to resolve our differences and grow together. Thank god I have an interesing job. I pity people who work in a boring corporate cube life and go home to their boring little marriages and call that the "good life". Now that is pathetic.

 

We are only here once, everyone deserves to be happy regardless of the outcome.

 

I disagree, cheating once IS worse than being cold and "fostering" a virtually sexless marriage...aren't you a part of that sexless marriage? Why didn't you do something about it? Cheating isn't the solution.

 

If you don't want to be married just say so and get on with it, but don't whine about your sexless marriage, you're 50% of that marriage and should've broached the subject BEFORE you cheated.

 

Yes, marriage can be boring (it can also be wonderful and comfortable), I suggest you go for the exciting lifestyle of a divorced dad in the wonderful world of dating and possibly starting a new family you can abandon when it's not so exciting anymore...have fun!

 

I promise you, having 2 ex wives, possible stepparents and all that baggage probably won't be boring.

[maritallyconfused]

Oh the flaming is funny. You just wait in the bushes like you have all the answers.. Its quite humorous. Its not so cut and dried.. Thanks for trying though.

[Owl]

Explain to me how its not so cut and dried?

 

Its far easier to see how cut and dried it is from the outside. That's why people tend to ask for advice in the first place.

 

In your case, you're already working from an agenda that prevents you from taking the advice you've been given.

 

I'm not waiting in the bushes. I've been out in the open the whole time.

 

I don't have all the answers by any means. But I'm curious what you're really wanting to hear from everyone? Do you want advice...or validation? If its the latter, just say so, and I'll stop posting to your thread.