Update from Stampdaddy

[stampdaddy]

I have been with MW for over 3 1/2 years now.. Just about everyday, and totally had found my beautiful Angel.. I really thought that everyday, we were one step closer to becoming WE.. Dday was in July. Threats of kicking her out did not stop the A. Several other Ddays since. 2 weeks ago H told her that he wanted a Divorce, told his parents that he was divoricing his W, and almost told the children. 2 weeks ago I was being begged to "wait for her" to last week being told "goodbye". Needless to say, I am VERY hurt, lost and confused.... I always believed...

 

Is what new, the development or my story? I have posted a few threads before.. The development is new and I am reeling. 3 weeks ago we were at lunch, and she promised me HER.. After lunch, H shows up in the parking lot, face to face, her 2 worlds collided.. He told her he wanted a divorce, called his parents that already knew about the situation for the past 6 months.. He was going to tell the kids, but was talked out of it until after the Holidays.. 2 days later, she is pleading with me to wait for her.. Last week, she told me good bye, she wasnt coming.. However, they hadnt talked yet.... 3 1/2 years of thinking, hoping and believing that you are getting there.. and then, BAM! It feels like I just ran off of a cliff and am free falling. I can't hear anything, see anything, feel anything and I know nothing...

[Kasan]

I am so sorry Stampdaddy--very sorry, I remember your thread well.

 

One day at a time.

[whichwayisup]

((SD)) x100 because you need hugs from everyone right now.

 

I hate to hear this has happened to you, you really have given everything to her from day one and continued to put your life on hold for her. You deserve better and more!!

 

Take things minute by minute, hour by hour...Try not to be alone for too long - Call your daughter, see a movie with her...Call a trusted buddy, go for afew beers, shoot some pool.

 

Take care of you now.

[stampdaddy]

((SD)) x100 because you need hugs from everyone right now.

 

I hate to hear this has happened to you, you really have given everything to her from day one and continued to put your life on hold for her. You deserve better and more!!

 

Take things minute by minute, hour by hour...Try not to be alone for too long - Call your daughter, see a movie with her...Call a trusted buddy, go for afew beers, shoot some pool.

 

Take care of you now.

Thanks.. I am trying. I am busy. I start coaching my sons baseball this week.. I just can't believe it.. My gut tells me that she finally got hit by the reality truck. She saw her 2 worlds literally collide right in front of her eyes. Watching the kids at Christmas had to be so hard for her... (PLEASE EVERYBODY, let me talk, PLEASE do not bash her.. I've heard it all already. thanks)

She said that she needs to find herself, that she is so lost. She can't depend on herself and all of the lies for so long that she needs to make decisions HONESTLY for once, and being HONEST does not mean asking me to wait, while THEY figure things out.. Having me waiting in the wings is not fair. She said that I was her Prince, she said that I was her "yesterday, today" and then started crying and whispered, "and my tomorrow.." BUT, I have to say goodby to you, I have to let you go... Again, bawling her eyes out..

 

SO, I have to give her space and time, but I was told GOODBYE and that hurts so deeply

[Can'tGiveUp]

Thanks.. I am trying. I am busy. I start coaching my sons baseball this week.. I just can't believe it.. My gut tells me that she finally got hit by the reality truck. She saw her 2 worlds literally collide right in front of her eyes. Watching the kids at Christmas had to be so hard for her... (PLEASE EVERYBODY, let me talk, PLEASE do not bash her.. I've heard it all already. thanks)

She said that she needs to find herself, that she is so lost. She can't depend on herself and all of the lies for so long that she needs to make decisions HONESTLY for once, and being HONEST does not mean asking me to wait, while THEY figure things out.. Having me waiting in the wings is not fair. She said that I was her Prince, she said that I was her "yesterday, today" and then started crying and whispered, "and my tomorrow.." BUT, I have to say goodby to you, I have to let you go... Again, bawling her eyes out..

 

SO, I have to give her space and time, but I was told GOODBYE and that hurts so deeply

 

I am sorry you are going through this...and I completely understand.

 

I have had my 3rd "goodbye" and it hurts as much as the first time he said it. And the 4th is coming...although I think that it will be the last.

 

My only advice is that if you have the opportunity, make it clear that unless she can offer you everything, she should stay away from you. Obviously I didn't follow that advice and you might not either. And that's OK too...we all do what we have to.

 

Take care.

[OWoman]

Thanks.. I am trying. I am busy. I start coaching my sons baseball this week.. I just can't believe it.. My gut tells me that she finally got hit by the reality truck. She saw her 2 worlds literally collide right in front of her eyes. Watching the kids at Christmas had to be so hard for her... (PLEASE EVERYBODY, let me talk, PLEASE do not bash her.. I've heard it all already. thanks)

She said that she needs to find herself, that she is so lost. She can't depend on herself and all of the lies for so long that she needs to make decisions HONESTLY for once, and being HONEST does not mean asking me to wait, while THEY figure things out.. Having me waiting in the wings is not fair. She said that I was her Prince, she said that I was her "yesterday, today" and then started crying and whispered, "and my tomorrow.." BUT, I have to say goodby to you, I have to let you go... Again, bawling her eyes out..

 

SO, I have to give her space and time, but I was told GOODBYE and that hurts so deeply

 

 

Stamp first of all let me say how sorry I am that this has happened to you. I can only imagine what you must be going through - what I would go through in your position... I hope you're coping. I see you don't have PMs yet but just keep posting here, letting us know how you are.

 

She's right though Stamp it ISN'T fair to keep you waiting in the wings. You can't live your life on a string like that. She may be back at your door in two days time to tell you she's changed her mind, or she may bite the bullet this time and go through with it. But she's cut the string now and given you the freedom to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start moving of your own accord... and if the two of you DO get back together in the future it will be a decision of two equals, not one calling the shots and the other having to fit in with things.

 

But dwelling on futures and ifs is not where you need to be now. I hope you can draw the strength to keep moving, keep busy, keep happening, your life centered around Stamp and not MW until things settle and you can smell the coffee once more.

 

(hugs)

[stampdaddy]

I am sorry you are going through this...and I completely understand.

 

I have had my 3rd "goodbye" and it hurts as much as the first time he said it. And the 4th is coming...although I think that it will be the last.

 

My only advice is that if you have the opportunity, make it clear that unless she can offer you everything, she should stay away from you. Obviously I didn't follow that advice and you might not either. And that's OK too...we all do what we have to.

 

Take care.

There is NO way we could see eachother again, unless it was decided that they were going to D. And NEITHER of us would want it any other way. I keep telling myself that this is a "necessary decision" for a solution.. And quite honestly, I dont see how they can make it, based on all of the posts that I have read here from BH's and how they feel... BUT, I will NOT be second fiddle.... If this turns out to be what my gut tells me, then I won't. It HAD to be done because our NC wasnt working as it should have.. If I listen to her heart, well, we will get there someday.. If I listen to everybody else, it's over so I should say f*** it!. If I listen to MY HEART, I love her and will not give up....

[Can'tGiveUp]

If I listen to her heart, well, we will get there someday.. If I listen to everybody else, it's over so I should say f*** it!. If I listen to MY HEART, I love her and will not give up....

 

and that's how I got to where I am...

[stampdaddy]

and that's how I got to where I am...

which is WHERE exactly??

[Ronni_W]

If I listen to MY HEART, I love her and will not give up....

Well, I think the best any of us can ever do is just listen to our OWN heart.

 

I sense that there is as much pain for her, in this, as for you -- that could be kind of a "double whammy", I guess.

 

Have you figured out yet what you mean by I "will not give up"?

 

Sending Love, Light and Healing.

[whichwayisup]

She said that I was her Prince, she said that I was her "yesterday, today" and then started crying and whispered, "and my tomorrow.." BUT, I have to say goodby to you, I have to let you go... Again, bawling her eyes out..

 

SO, I have to give her space and time, but I was told GOODBYE and that hurts so deeply

SD, you need to say goodbye back. In every way...She has. The tomorrow means, she will always love you, tomorrow...That doesn't mean she's coming back to you.

 

IF she comes back it won't be for a long long time. You wanna wait a year or two to see? Put your life on hold, miss an opportunity that could make you even happier with someone else?

 

Yes, she got hit with the reality truck big time. If she was so sure her marriage was over, she would be divorcing him shortly. That hasn't happened and honestly, this emotional rollercoaster ride everyone has been on probably woke up some feelings inside of her that she thought were long gone. I think she finally realized how much pain she's caused her husband, how selfish she's become over the past 3+ years and it's good she's woken up and will now fix herself, let alone stop the betrayal, the lies and deceiving everyone involved.

[stampdaddy]

Well, I think the best any of us can ever do is just listen to our OWN heart.

 

I sense that there is as much pain for her, in this, as for you -- that could be kind of a "double whammy", I guess.

 

Have you figured out yet what you mean by I "will not give up"?

 

Sending Love, Light and Healing.

Yes, I believe that she is indeed, overwhelmed.. Being a mother of some little, sweet hearts, I am sure Christmas, with all of their laughter and the mountain of "reality" has buried her.. Those are the only hearts SHE hasnt hurt yet... (speaking from her point of view when I say that)

But I know what we had, I know what I mean to her.. I AM HER JOY... Now in my heart, I believe, when "their" reality starts to live and breathe again since the Holidays are now over and when she starts to miss me. maybe then she can come to terms with what she can and will do.. For me, my purposeful saying will be,"how disappointed will she be if in 6 months she comes back and I have NOT continued on with my goals...? Did what I said I was going to do.. "Moved forward", which does not have to mean: "went and found someone else", but just moved forward.

[stampdaddy]

SD, you need to say goodbye back. In every way...She has. The tomorrow means, she will always love you, tomorrow...That doesn't mean she's coming back to you.

 

IF she comes back it won't be for a long long time. You wanna wait a year or two to see? Put your life on hold, miss an opportunity that could make you even happier with someone else?

 

Yes, she got hit with the reality truck big time. If she was so sure her marriage was over, she would be divorcing him shortly. That hasn't happened and honestly, this emotional rollercoaster ride everyone has been on probably woke up some feelings inside of her that she thought were long gone. I think she finally realized how much pain she's caused her husband, how selfish she's become over the past 3+ years and it's good she's woken up and will now fix herself, let alone stop the betrayal, the lies and deceiving everyone involved.

 

Which is good... (hard to accept, but good.. He said that he hasnt had a "wife" for over 3 years) I feel I have a small window of time, and I can't let go... not yet, and I know I can't wait for long, and I can't wait for H to have had enough of his lying, cheating wife.. cause then I am the consolation prize, and I can't be that.. I need to be her Prince:(

[whichwayisup]

Noone expects you to find someone else and start up a relationship. To you, this was a long term relationship, not just an affair. As you've said before, she was your everything for the past 3 1/2 years, so you're in no shape to go looking for other women anyway.

 

Live your life for you, your kids and do what you can to move through the pain, in hopes to get over her. Don't just bury it all and hope that in a year she'll be back.

[Ronni_W]

For me, my purposeful saying will be,"how disappointed will she be if in 6 months she comes back and I have NOT continued on with my goals...? Did what I said I was going to do.. "Moved forward", which does not have to mean: "went and found someone else", but just moved forward.

Totally "moving forward" does not at all mean "found someone else."

 

But, in your personal situation, what does "moving forward" mean to you? -- what was it that you promised/hoped for, when you set that as a goal?

 

Would you pursue the goal SO THAT she won't be disappointed or because it's something you want to do for your Self?

[stampdaddy]

Totally "moving forward" does not at all mean "found someone else."

 

But, in your personal situation, what does "moving forward" mean to you? -- what was it that you promised/hoped for, when you set that as a goal?

 

Would you pursue the goal SO THAT she won't be disappointed or because it's something you want to do for your Self?

BOTH. I hear what you are saying, I do.. I will tell you that when sje asked me to wait for her, I had the strongest purpose I have ever felt.... And then when she said Goodbye, it sucked the life right out of me... HOWEVER, I know I must go FORWARD..

 

***side note: I just got back from eating Chimese, got my fortune cookie, cried and begged God to hear me.. "Please, Please let me love her...." Fortune Cookie said: "Good things are coming to you in good due time..."

 

I must believe.....

[Lyssa]

BOTH. I hear what you are saying, I do.. I will tell you that when sje asked me to wait for her, I had the strongest purpose I have ever felt.... And then when she said Goodbye, it sucked the life right out of me... HOWEVER, I know I must go FORWARD..

 

***side note: I just got back from eating Chimese, got my fortune cookie, cried and begged God to hear me.. "Please, Please let me love her...." Fortune Cookie said: "Good things are coming to you in good due time..."

 

I must believe.....

 

Stampdaddy, I am so sorry for what happened to you.

 

I am sure good things will come your way. It's a new year - focus on what you want to do - differently this year. Move forward and let her go. You deserve so much more than the pain that you're going through.

 

[[[[hugs]]]]

[nextel]

What I am about to say to you Stampdaddy is easier said than done. But I hope that you take these words as words of encouragement. I understand the hurt, pain and anger. I also know very well that love takes time to heal when you are hurting inside. But what is certain is that pain DOES NOT last forever.

 

Stop waiting and starting becoming proactive. I would even suggest that you start dating. There is no point in putting your life on hold, not for as long as you have. Yes she has been considerate by ending things, but you on the other hand need to start trying to move on in some fashion. Whether its movies, hanging out with buddies, or going to the club/bar by yourself. But it is important that you find a way to make yourself happy. You deserve to be happy.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

I will NOT be second fiddle.... If this turns out to be what my gut tells me, then I won't. It HAD to be done because our NC wasnt working as it should have..

 

Oh, come on. You were second fiddle for like three years and now you care. Like that is going to work.

 

I know what I mean to her.. I AM HER JOY... Now in my heart, I believe, when "their" reality starts to live and breathe again since the Holidays are now over and when she starts to miss me.

 

Sure. She is going to fight with her nails not to get divorced from that guy. She had it good for all these years, a life of comfort, she didn't have to work, etc.

 

Like she is going to give all that up to "get a job" so that she could be with the new-and-improved you (that is, you with a job and not a kept man that she disrespects completely).

 

Ariadne

[Chrome Barracuda]

You know stamp if she wanted to be with you, she would.

 

You say he should have not tolerated her cheating for 3 years, but yet, your the OM for 3 years your just the side piece he is the husband.

 

But when he actually throws her into your arms screaming he wants a divorce then she chickens out.

 

She really cares about you huh???

 

Let's be real man, she enjoys having two men at her beck and call. Your just an idiot that falls for her bs as alot of these ow on this board have done.

 

Where's your self respect, man?

 

3 years and following your heart, what has it gotten you???

 

Really what has it truly gotten you.

 

I aint trying to give you a downer, just trying to keep it real. You need to wake up and let her go, she isnt no good. She cheated on her husband for 3 years with you, Then when she hooks up with you expect 3 years she'll cheat with someone else, when she's bored.

[whichwayisup]

I must believe.....

 

Believe until you realize you're wasting time on someone who more than likely isn't coming back. Believe until you get fed up waiting....

 

I mean, if 2-6 months rolls on by and she hasn't contacted you at all, I would seriously take that as a sign to close your heart off from her and really consider the fact she isn't coming to look for you. I really hope that she isn't expecting you to sit and wait for her.

 

If her marriage ends, let it end. If you two are meant to be together after she is officially divorced, and she calls you, decide then. Who knows, in 1 or 2 years you may not want to invest so much of yourself in someone who caused you alot of pain and you may not think she's worth it anymore. Anything can happen, so just take each day as it comes.

[stampdaddy]

I WILL be her Prince!!!!

[bentnotbroken]

I have not been keeping up with your story, but are you begging God to let you have another man's wife? You seem to be in so much pain.

[sarme]

Hi,

Like she is going to give all that up to "get a job" so that she could be with the new-and-improved you (that is, you with a job and not a kept man that she disrespects completely).

 

Ariadne

 

 

What kept man? did I miss something here because as far as I have read Stampdaddy is no kept man!?!? He has a job and works so not sure who that jab was inteded at?

 

Stampdaddy I am really sorry things turned out like this I know you must be really hurting but you don't know yet how things will eventually pan out. Her husban might have pulled back because he is just fighting you for her, not wanting you to get her. I think you might be right though a lot of BM cannot get over the betrayal, women seem to cope better in the long run, men seem to be more willing to give it all up for a new start. Women's egos seem to be smaller in this respect, men try but just can't seem to get over it. BUT some men do so you have to decide if you will put your life on hold for the decision of another man, it could take him years to decide this. Question is when she eventually comes running back to you will you be as willing to take her back?

 

I have read your story and I don't have much faith in that marriage recovering, no matter how hard you try you cannot have what was never there. Three years is a long time of neglect and general disconnect.

 

I hope you can get to a point where it's you who calls the shots and not leave it up to two other people who should have no entitlement of deciding what is best for your life. Hang in there.

[stampdaddy]

What kept man? did I miss something here because as far as I have read Stampdaddy is no kept man!?!? He has a job and works so not sure who that jab was inteded at?

 

Stampdaddy I am really sorry things turned out like this I know you must be really hurting but you don't know yet how things will eventually pan out. Her husban might have pulled back because he is just fighting you for her, not wanting you to get her. I think you might be right though a lot of BM cannot get over the betrayal, women seem to cope better in the long run, men seem to be more willing to give it all up for a new start. Women's egos seem to be smaller in this respect, men try but just can't seem to get over it. BUT some men do so you have to decide if you will put your life on hold for the decision of another man, it could take him years to decide this. Question is when she eventually comes running back to you will you be as willing to take her back?

 

I have read your story and I don't have much faith in that marriage recovering, no matter how hard you try you cannot have what was never there. Three years is a long time of neglect and general disconnect.

 

I hope you can get to a point where it's you who calls the shots and not leave it up to two other people who should have no entitlement of deciding what is best for your life. Hang in there.

Thanks.. The feeling of becoming a consolation prize is NOT a feeling that I can live with.. It makes "beautiful" now "ugly"... There is a limited window of time that I have generally put into place that I would be able to live with, as it takes TIME to dismantle a marriage if that is what THEY decide to do... IF all of the sudden they are "trying", it would probably mean that "I" am thrown under the bus, and was a "mistake, a 3 1/2 year mistake"...