malaclypse Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Sorry stampdaddy, but 3 1/2 years doesn't really sound like a 'limited time'... After 6 months or maybe a year it should have been clear that she's not going to leave. =/ Link to post Share on other sites
LadyDi Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I'm sorry your hurting. This next week will be awful for you, I should know since I'm 1 full week into NC myself. Can't say it's getting any easier either, but try and keep busy, it seems to help (although not much) I know the feelings your having right now and there is no other pain like it. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Hello Stamp I just want to say don't panic... if that's at all possible. Things sound extreme, she's told you 'goodbye' and so on, but really, nothing much has changed since your last posts. She's still working on that marriage, still finding out what she needs, still making her decision. Take 'goodbye' as a gift to you to turn your mind away from this as much as possible and give yourself and her time to become other people. I remember one of your first posts, could actually have been your first post. In which you were talking of all the problems that could happen after she left, resentment, guilt, etc. And I said she had to work all that out in her mind before you two could have a happy future. And that's still the case, Stamp. You and she have to part, obviously. She has to sort her mind out. And you..? I WILL be her Prince!!!! You have to sort your mind out too. I know you've filled this role for her for so long, but what does it make you into..? You can't live your life, and define your identity, with relation to someone else. You should be Stamp, first and foremost. Not someone else's anything. So here you have a gift: NC, proper NC, a chance to put everything you had with her on the back burner and concentrate on yourself, and getting your individual identity back. That way whatever happens, whether it's a future with her, or with someone else, or maybe some time just being Stamp, you'll be happy... and not half a person reeling because you're not with the one you define yourself in relation to. Chin up... things are good. Really. They just don't look it from where you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I WILL be her Prince!!!! (And the book will be called, from puppet to prince) Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I WILL be her Prince!!!! I know you want to be, and for that I am sorry because I know how much you are hurting right now. It's not your choice, though. Princess has gone back to her castle and pulled up the drawbridge. Your only choice at this point is how soon you choose to say goodbye to her in your mind and heart, and how soon you focus on your own dreams and goals without her as the big central focus of them. I know you're not ready, but the sooner you take her off the pedestal you've kept her on, the sooner you will heal. Don't you feel the least bit disappointed in HER for how she's handled this with both you and her husband? Seeing as how wonderful you believe her to be, didn't you expect she'd handle this with more grace and maturity? Aren't you disappointed it took her over 3 years to even consider a decision, and then it was only due to her hubby finding out about the affair? Yeah, you'll hear from her again - I don't for a minute think this 'goodbye' from her is any more genuine than the NC was. But by waiting for her to contact you again if her marriage thing isn't working out, you are choosing to put yourself in the consolation prize position. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 You should be Stamp, first and foremost. Not someone else's anything. Well said, and I would like to take it further by saying you should never be someone's back up plan or second best choice. Again, one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 some Beautiful thoughts and kind words.... I hope EVERYBODY can see how LS can help here.... I have no idea where this is going for ME, but I can tell you, flamers aside, that there are some wonderful souls here that CAN help.... GOD BLESS! Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Stamp, yes - there are some wonderful souls here as I have stated in my NYE thread. They have helped me through my trying times and also R. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I WILL be her Prince!!!! Hi Stamp, First of all I would like to say I am so sorry. I've followed all or most of your threads and really felt she was coming back to you. But here's the thing: you really are a Prince Charming. And you could be anyone's prince. That note you wrote for her on day 3 or 4 was it (?), well, you would make anyone fall in love with you by the way you write. I know it must kill you to think it won't be her that is with you in the future, but eventually the love you give (and you give it so well) to someone else will surely come back to you. I know you deserve it. Try focusing on you now. Good luck, sweetie, WF. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I'm NOT a flamer! :p Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 I'm NOT a flamer! :p good one Owl... You are not a person who flames me, you are a good bird.. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Well, I just wanted to make it clear...I'm NOT a flamer! I'm not even curious! Just wanted to throw a little levity in here for a few. Link to post Share on other sites
kchiapet95 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Oh Stamp, hugs man. I feel your pain. That's all I can say. Any girl'd be lucky to have you. You can always PM if you need a friend to talk to. Reach out to the people here who truly want to help...you know who they are! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Well, I just wanted to make it clear...I'm NOT a flamer! I'm not even curious! Just wanted to throw a little levity in here for a few. Levity is good.. I have gotten in trouble a few times from the Mod's... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Oh...and my advice for dealing with the stress still stands. Hit the gym. Start running. Do anything physical you can that will help wear you out so that you can sleep better at night. Make sure that you eat...when really stressed, a lot of people stop eating. I lost 25 lbs in two weeks when my wife's affair came out. Spend some time with friends and family...especially anyone you can 'really' talk with about the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
kchiapet95 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Why, Owl? You never know until you try. Cross over to the dark side. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Oh Stamp, hugs man. I feel your pain. That's all I can say. Any girl'd be lucky to have you. You can always PM if you need a friend to talk to. Reach out to the people here who truly want to help...you know who they are! Thanks K, many have reached out and it means ALOT.... Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Hey stamp, recall some of us telling you this was a distinct possibility from day one of your postings. This is what we were trying to prepare you for. I am sorry for your pain, even if not for the way things turned out. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
kchiapet95 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 You're welcome Stamp. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Hey stamp, recall some of us telling you this was a distinct possibility from day one of your postings. This is what we were trying to prepare you for. I am sorry for your pain, even if not for the way things turned out. Good luck to you. I know RB.. There is no way to prepare for this, for ANY of us.. You know that feeling very well.. You have been a good guy too with me, and I appreciate that Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I know RB.. There is no way to prepare for this, for ANY of us.. You know that feeling very well.. You have been a good guy too with me, and I appreciate that Just be prepared for her to come back and try to rekindle your R...This happened so fast and the thing about A's is that they will continue forever if you'll let them... Decide beforehand if you're completely through and if you are then really do no contact... gel Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 He's already decided that the A is over, he doesn't want to be the OM or settle to be her side dish. If she does end her marriage, then they'll talk about the future. Link to post Share on other sites
KATANYA Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Hi Stampdaddy. I have no words of wisdom for you but just want to reiterate what most posters have already said. I'm sorry things worked out the way they did with this R but there is someone out there that is deserving and waiting for the love and commitment you can give....and she will be a very lucky woman! Keep posting, people here really do care. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Aww come on stamp did it to himself! He put himself in that position to be used for 3 years!!!! And he doesnt understand the idea that he's gonna be used as the MW's emotional jumping bag. But hey this is what he wanted! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Why, Owl? You never know until you try. Cross over to the dark side. Now Chia! Don't get started again! Just kidding;) Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts