oasis Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 My ex and I made plans to get together tonight. There was no set time, but it is almost 9 p.m. and he has not called. We have been broken up for 1 year now but remained in low LC. He calls periodically and constantly talks about getting together. Why do exes make dates and breaks them once they determine that they could still have you? Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 He wants to wait till the last minute? Maybe he is stuck in timbuktu hospital? I think he was wondering why you didn't call him? Maybe he was trying to find out if you still had a thing? If someone stood you up, especially him, you would need to put him back in his place and maybe rethink LC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oasis Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 If someone stood you up, especially him, you would need to put him back in his place and maybe rethink LC. I think that you are right jerbear. I think that he was just looking for an ego-boost and now that he has it, he can now continue on with his life as it were. Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Dancer Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I'm sorry oasis, he could have at least been man enough to call you and say I can't make it or make a set time...You shouldn't have to be the one to make the phone call to see where he is, unless you made the plans to get together then yes pick up the phone and see what is up, if he was the one that made the plans then he should be MAN enough to call and say something... Link to post Share on other sites
s_n_d Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 He wants to wait till the last minute? Maybe he is stuck in timbuktu hospital? I think he was wondering why you didn't call him? Maybe he was trying to find out if you still had a thing? If someone stood you up, especially him, you would need to put him back in his place and maybe rethink LC. I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oasis Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 (edited) unless you made the plans to get together then yes pick up the phone and see what is up, if he was the one that made the plans then he should be MAN enough to call and say something... It was a mutual decision. We had originally made plans to get together last night, but he called yesterday afternoon and had to cancel because of babysitting issues. He asked that we re-scheduled. I asked if today would be good and he said yes. So here we are today and no nothing. Edited January 6, 2008 by oasis Link to post Share on other sites
Lee725 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Why do exes make dates and breaks them once they determine that they could still have you? Some Men like to fish, they hang out the line, get a bite & throw it back. He knows he can have you - there is no challenge there. Even if he does call now, you are busy... u made other plans cause you didnt hear from him, spit the bait out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oasis Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 spit the bait out. Lee, thanks I will. Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Dancer Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Some Men like to fish, they hang out the line, get a bite & throw it back. He knows he can have you - there is no challenge there. Even if he does call now, you are busy... u made other plans cause you didnt hear from him, spit the bait out. So true Lee!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 It was a mutual decision. We had originally made plans to get together last night, but he called yesterday afternoon and had to cancel because of babysitting issues. He asked that we re-scheduled. I asked if today would be good and he said yes. So here we are today and no nothing. He probably forgot all about it or doesn't have much interest. Since it was you who suggested to meet today and he just said yes. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Mutual decision and nothing, well you still have time to do something for yourself tonight! If he contacts you next time, let him bring the stood up issue before you do. If you two make plans again, before things are setup, ask him if he will call to confirm. Treat it like a business meeting aka LC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oasis Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Thanks Jerbear and Ariadne for your replies. I plan to go into NC and avoid any form of dates with him with the future, because in the past he has proven unreliable. Since he is trying to worm his way back in, I thought the leopard would have changed it spots. Link to post Share on other sites
Lee725 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Oasis, Leopards never change their spots, they just sit still and dont try to claw your eyes out when they have a fully belly and feel content. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I plan to go into NC and avoid any form of dates with him with the future, because in the past he has proven unreliable. NC is stupid. No need to buy into that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oasis Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 NC is stupid. No need to buy into that. Ariadne, I am not in total agreement with the theory that "NC is stupid". I think that if I was in NC as oppose to LC, this current situation would never have existed. It would have been "over and out". Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I plan to go into NC and avoid any form of dates with him with the future, because in the past he has proven unreliable. Since he is trying to worm his way back in, I thought the leopard would have changed it spots. Well if he has proven unreliable in the past and you two are LC then keep it LC and make sure the DATES don't turn into a relationship. NC is used to heal and if you want nothing to do with him while you heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oasis Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Well if he has proven unreliable in the past and you two are LC then keep it LC and make sure the DATES don't turn into a relationship. NC is used to heal and if you want nothing to do with him while you heal. Jerbear, I would go into NC with him, but after a period of NC, say about 2 months, then he will make contact. Then he starts up about how much he misses me and want to keep the lines of communications open. Then the plans to get together games which never amounts to anything. But this time, I really thought that he would see them through. I just got suckered again. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Jerbear, I would go into NC with him, but after a period of NC, say about 2 months, then he will make contact. Then he starts up about how much he misses me and want to keep the lines of communications open. Then the plans to get together games which never amounts to anything. But this time, I really thought that he would see them through. I just got suckered again. I see.. well NC is really LC with hope by your actions. You still have some feelings for him. True NC means you won't get suckered again, allows you to heal, and oneday open the lines of communications open. Unfortunately you still have feelings for him and by keeping contact you get suckered in and go back to day 1. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oasis Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 I see.. well NC is really LC with hope by your actions. You still have some feelings for him. True NC means you won't get suckered again, allows you to heal, and oneday open the lines of communications open. Unfortunately you still have feelings for him and by keeping contact you get suckered in and go back to day 1. Jerbear, all the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I do still have quite a bit of feelings for him. He could very well be classified as the "love of my life". So you see, my dilemma is great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oasis Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 (edited) I also want to add, that during those times of not hearing from him. I do very well. I am a very physically active person and a lot of my time is spent in the gym and doing other physical activities. Only when I hear from him, then the dam breaks loose and I get sent back to square 1. When he thinks that I am ignoring him, then he steps up the contact and the sweetness. And that is when I get caught in the spider web AGAIN. Edited January 6, 2008 by oasis Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 He could very well be classified as the "love of my life". So you see, my dilemma is great. I know that feeling, I'm the pursuer/dumper in this case. Anyway... one way to get out of your dilemma is to go NC and not take any calls from him. If you get a call from him, have a friend check it, determine the purpose, and then delete it. Let your friend play intercept so you don't get suckered in and goes back to day 1; otherwise you be stuck in a cycle. While you back in square 1 and stuck; you may be missing out on other opportunities. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oasis Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 I know that feeling, I'm the pursuer/dumper in this case. Anyway... one way to get out of your dilemma is to go NC and not take any calls from him. If you get a call from him, have a friend check it, determine the purpose, and then delete it. Let your friend play intercept so you don't get suckered in and goes back to day 1; otherwise you be stuck in a cycle. While you back in square 1 and stuck; you may be missing out on other opportunities. Good advice! Also, I will let the calls go to voicemail and refrain from any real conversations with him. That is where I get pulled back in. And you are right the cycle must be broken, otherwise, I will be stuck for a mighty long time, thus limiting my interaction with guys who may be really interested in me. Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
kymberann Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 It is just a game to see who can get the upper hand! I am dealing with this as well. And he has finally pushed me over the edge where I don't want to have anything to do with him. No more running back in hanging on to "true love". In the past when i would initiate NC and not reciprocate the ex would make it look like I was all to blame, that it was all my issues. He would "le me go" and then I would call and almost beg to have a chance to talk it out. I finally realized all of this when we were supposed to spend new year's eve and at the last minute changed his mind and told me he could squeeze me in between 5 and 7. At that I walked away! I have not seen him since. He called me yesterday and told me he could tell I needed a break, but asked if I was doing anything. He played the guilt trip on me that I didn't beg him to be with me. I merely hung up and did not call him back. If that is what it takes to get out of this cycle then I will gladly take the blame. Oasis don't get stuck, the longer you are in the trap the longer and harder it is to get out. If he were the love of your life you wouldn't be going through this! Link to post Share on other sites
Author oasis Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 It is just a game to see who can get the upper hand! I am dealing with this as well. And he has finally pushed me over the edge where I don't want to have anything to do with him. No more running back in hanging on to "true love". In the past when i would initiate NC and not reciprocate the ex would make it look like I was all to blame, that it was all my issues. He would "le me go" and then I would call and almost beg to have a chance to talk it out. I finally realized all of this when we were supposed to spend new year's eve and at the last minute changed his mind and told me he could squeeze me in between 5 and 7. At that I walked away! I have not seen him since. He called me yesterday and told me he could tell I needed a break, but asked if I was doing anything. He played the guilt trip on me that I didn't beg him to be with me. I merely hung up and did not call him back. If that is what it takes to get out of this cycle then I will gladly take the blame. Oasis don't get stuck, the longer you are in the trap the longer and harder it is to get out. If he were the love of your life you wouldn't be going through this! Thanks kymberann. I am so sorry that it happened to you. I have concluded that he just wanted to prove that he CAN see me. And he is only interested in the chase - not the catch. It is a very selfish game and it has more to do with their own issues. Link to post Share on other sites
kymberann Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Yep so true! It is their issue not yours at all! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts