Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I'm upset today, and not just about the end of the romantic side of my relationship, but I'm also upset that I'm upset. I've been trying very hard to be strong here, and was doing pretty good for the past few days...moments of choking up, but not full-on tears. Perhaps I was calm because I wasn't allowing myself to mourn the relationship - I had convinced myself somehow that through BF's behavior that I was still in a relationship...and hoping that there was still something there on his end. Well, I have to admit to myself that I'm still hoping... I vacillate between thinking that he did/does have strong feelings for me (but that he has to be selfish and do what's best for him right now, and a relationship is not part of that equation) on the one hand...and then jumping over to the other side and thinking that he doesn't really care about me, and that perhaps he never really did. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think. But I admit that I am starting to feel used...and it hurts. It hurts bad. I still cannot believe that I literally handed him my heart, and he literally handed it right back. I'm officially heartbroken. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 It won't last a long time, Star. You didn't date him that long. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I'm sorry SG. All I can say is that he is not intentionally using you, but if you feel that way in effect, stop allowing him. When relationships end, if fills us all with self doubt. He has not made it clear to you "I don't feel like our connection is right" or any of the definitive things that you probably want to hear even if they would crush you. There is never a perfect thing to say in a breakup. Most of us want the band-aid ripped off and the person to say "I don't love you and never will" on some level, just so we know to kill our hopes. You've been through this before. You will have to grieve this relationship ending. You do have to mourn it. So get sad, get angry, get sad again, get mean at him if you have to. Feel your emotions and work through them. You have a lot of people on LS, and surely many in real life, who care about you and love you. It is going to be hard, but you will get through it and come out the other end resolved and happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Well, Whatever you do just be real Star. Believe in your heart that he loves you and see what happens when he's gone. Then he'll realize his feelings for you (whatever they are). (I just hope he doesn't die in that war, God forbid, because he is too distressed thinking about you, that's my impression) Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Part of the reason I'm so upset (I think) is because we had plans to hang out tonight. It's 6:45 p.m. and I haven't heard from him... I called about 40 minutes ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Part of the reason I'm so upset (I think) is because we had plans to hang out tonight. It's 6:45 p.m. and I haven't heard from him... I called about 40 minutes ago. Ah, That sucks. Maybe he doesn't know what to do with you anymore. Guys sometimes try and get you to dump them, keep that in mind. Not an easy situation for you. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Ariadne, he already dumped her (sorry for the harsh words SG). This is what I mentioned the other day, that if you keep seeing him, he'd probably become busy and unavailable his last few days. How would that impact you? The answer is, of course, unimportant, which makes you doubt the feelings he had/has. I was in a similar situation, only a 6 week summer fling, but by the end she "was curious" not to have a long distance relationship but wanted to come see me at my school from a couple states away. I didn't know how to handle it. That is not in the same league because we weren't bf/gf, but I assure you, he's not thinking in his head "I never cared about her and am just going to use her until I leave." What matters for you, however, is that you don't feel that way in application. This will all end soon. Don't wait around on him. Move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Hi, Ariadne, he already dumped her (sorry for the harsh words SG). Yes, but he continued to seeing her, having sex with her, being loving, and making appts to meet again today. So now he's probably thinking he has no power over this whole ordeal and is trying to get her to be pissed at him and not want to see him. Just another possibility, the other one, most likely, is that he doesn't know what to do with her, since things continued just like before after that talk. It had no effect. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Part of the reason I'm so upset (I think) is because we had plans to hang out tonight. It's 6:45 p.m. and I haven't heard from him... I called about 40 minutes ago. You need to stop calling him and texting him. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 You need to stop calling him and texting him. I fully agree with Touche. Put some distance between the two of you. He knows where to find you. Let him do all the work to keep you around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 I know I should, but I can't. Actually, I'm rarely the caller/texter - he does most initiating. I wish I knew why this breakup is so much harder than any other I've ever experienced (well, with the exception of one other). Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I know I should, but I can't. Actually, I'm rarely the caller/texter - he does most initiating. I wish I knew why this breakup is so much harder than any other I've ever experienced (well, with the exception of one other). He is leaving in two weeks, probably less by now. Not a good idea to play the ego games. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 This is what I mentioned the other day, that if you keep seeing him, he'd probably become busy and unavailable his last few days. How would that impact you? The answer is, of course, unimportant, which makes you doubt the feelings he had/has. You did mention this when we chatted, and I've been thinking about it (er, worrying, really) a lot. The truth of the matter is that he will become quite busy in these last 10 days or so. He's got two friends coming in from out of town to help him move, and he's having dinners/lunches with other friends that are here just in case it's a permanent goodbye. I'm just one of many people he wants to spend time with before he leaves. He has to find a way to fit me in in between all of that, and it's hard for him...more pressure. I assure you, he's not thinking in his head "I never cared about her and am just going to use her until I leave." Honestly, I really do know this to be true. I really do. I guess in moments of weakness I assume the worst. I fear I'm causing a self-fulfilling prophecy here. He called - I'm late to meet him. I have to fix my makeup and put my happy face back on... Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 , but I'm also upset that I'm upset. I'm upset that you're upset about being upset. It's like a chain reaction. Well, not really. Now that I think about it some more, I don't think anybody really cares that I'm upset that you're upset about being upset. Which is probably a blessing in disguise. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think. There should be a manual, or a guide, for this sort of thing. A lot of people are wishing a loving relationship your way, so I think it is definitely going to happen. Who knows whether this guy will turn out to be the right person for you, but we all want your next chapter to be a happy one. Your next novel, even. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 A lot of people are wishing a loving relationship your way, so I think it is definitely going to happen. Who knows whether this guy will turn out to be the right person for you, but we all want your next chapter to be a happy one. Your next novel, even. That is honestly... the sweetest thing I've ever read towards me here. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 That is honestly... the sweetest thing I've ever read towards me here. Oh, so sweeet Nemo. What a romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 HE STOOD ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad::mad::mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 What an ass. Forget the romance, it's tough love time. I wonder what his excuse will be? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 HE STOOD ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad::mad::mad: Why are you still seeing him for? Honey really, you are only going to get even more hurt by this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Why are you still seeing him for? Honey really, you are only going to get even more hurt by this guy. Fantastic question. It's because the less love you show the more people want you I guess. At least, that's what I'm learning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 What an ass. Forget the romance, it's tough love time. I wonder what his excuse will be? He won't have one. I have a feeling I'll never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 He won't have one. I have a feeling I'll never know. I really, really hope that's not the case. If so, what a complete ass. What's with guys like this who don't have the balls to man-up and end things, like decent human beings? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 My roommate says that when (if?) he calls, I shouldn't answer and make him wait a few days to respond. Thoughts? (Keep in mind I spent 2 hours waiting in my car in the rain for him. I called twice and texted to see where he was, and he never responded.) Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 My roommate says that when (if?) he calls, I shouldn't answer and make him wait a few days to respond. Thoughts? (Keep in mind I spent 2 hours waiting in my car in the rain for him. I called twice and texted to see where he was, and he never responded.) Star, it's over. There's no point in strategizing anymore. Or planning how to respond if he contacts you. You have to look past him now. I suggest you arrange it so that you don't have to associate with him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 If he calls, take the call. Tell him that the distance between the parking lot, to your complex, up the elevator, to your door, is approximately 400 feet. If he's capable of crawling all the way to your door, from the parking lot, you might consider responding to him. *click* Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts