Kamille Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I would be so mad and I would definitely let him know. I think he is turning out to be underneath the love and respect you have for him. You know Star, in a sense, that is what he told you during the break up: he isn't capable of offering you what you deserve. He is proving himself right, over and over again. He knows it, we know it and yet there you are hoping against all hope that somehow he can do right by you. Last year when I got my heart thoroughly broken, a 50 year old friend of mine, whom I really admire, told me: "you know honey, every smart woman I know has to learn the hard way that not every man can live up to be with a strong woman. Stop trying to make up for your stenght, intelligence and ambition, and you'll see, you'll find men who can." Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 But how does a person who knows you're in love with them treat you so horribly? There wasn't anymore conflict...I was going along for the ride, and he knew it. Well, I think that's the crux of it. Flip that around into a statement: He knows I'm in love with him and I was going along for the ride even if he treated me horribly. Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 to add.....conflict avoidant personalities will seem to always keep mute when asked difficult questions, and seem to always blow up in time, blaming you for most everything they see wrong in the relationship. my ex was extreme conflict/avoidant, and it appeared that i was the only one that felt the consequence. it was much easier for him to run. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 But how does a person who knows you're in love with them treat you so horribly? There wasn't anymore conflict...I was going along for the ride, and he knew it. Sorry to sound harsh but, Star, maybe he never wanted for you to just go along for the ride. Deep down, no one wants someone who will compromise their own self just to be with them. So enough of being considerate and understanding, please! Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I would be so mad and I would definitely let him know. I think he is turning out to be underneath the love and respect you have for him. You know Star, in a sense, that is what he told you during the break up: he isn't capable of offering you what you deserve. He is proving himself right, over and over again. He knows it, we know it and yet there you are hoping against all hope that somehow he can do right by you. This is SO true. Sorry to be the parrot of the thread, bear with me as I ease myself back into LS. He isn't the one for you. Last year when I got my heart thoroughly broken, a 50 year old friend of mine, whom I really admire, told me: "you know honey, every smart woman I know has to learn the hard way that not every man can live up to be with a strong woman. Stop trying to make up for your stenght, intelligence and ambition, and you'll see, you'll find men who can. This is one of the greatest things I have read on LS. In fact, I could have done with hearing that kind of advice a few years back! It is so true though- when you find someone who can live up to being with you, it will be worth the wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Sorry to sound harsh but, Star, maybe he never wanted for you to just go along for the ride. Deep down, no one wants someone who will compromise their own self just to be with them. So enough of being considerate and understanding, please! Yes, I agree. Well said, Kamille. He clearly has no respect for Star. What a jerk! I'm really surprised at this turn of events. He sounded so great. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 My head is spinning. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Star, Can you put your emotions in a box and take care of things? Get your stuff back, tell him that you wish him the best and that you are sorry that his priorities could not also include you and what seemed to be the beginning of a special relationship. Then leave without tears or hugs and make it super quick. Leave with confidence and your head held high. You had a cool dude in your life for a bit of time. It gave you a glimpse into what you wanted to feel. Yet, he could not (by his own issues) continue. I doubt any games or strategy would have yielded another outcome. The true colors of people don't always readily appear. Be strong. This love and unfortunately this loss can make you a stronger person. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I couldn't agree more, undies. Excellent post. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Love it, unders. The only problem is that guys like this will never learn anything from it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Hi, but to not answer at all, to not call back or even TEXT back (2 seconds!) knowing that we had plans and I had driven over there and was waiting for him... I mean, it would take a HUGE A-HOLE to do that. Maybe he got drunk with the friend. (Talking about you and all that). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Sorry to sound harsh but, Star, maybe he never wanted for you to just go along for the ride. Deep down, no one wants someone who will compromise their own self just to be with them. So enough of being considerate and understanding, please! He practically begged me to be his friend and remain in his life. That's what I was referring to. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 He practically begged me to be his friend and remain in his life. That's what I was referring to. It really sucks when your MySpace friend counter goes down. You really don't want to go there. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 He practically begged me to be his friend and remain in his life. That's what I was referring to. Most likely because you being in his life for the next few weeks softens the blow, and eases HIS guilty feelings. Its a selfish approach, but a very common one for the dumper to adopt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Are you OK? Honestly... not really. I would be so mad and I would definitely let him know. I think he is turning out to be underneath the love and respect you have for him. You know Star, in a sense, that is what he told you during the break up: he isn't capable of offering you what you deserve. He is proving himself right, over and over again. I think you're right about this. He told me that he hasn't done anything deserving of my love, and now I can at least see that he's not deserving of it right now. Star, Can you put your emotions in a box and take care of things? Get your stuff back, tell him that you wish him the best and that you are sorry that his priorities could not also include you and what seemed to be the beginning of a special relationship. Then leave without tears or hugs and make it super quick. Leave with confidence and your head held high. You had a cool dude in your life for a bit of time. It gave you a glimpse into what you wanted to feel. Yet, he could not (by his own issues) continue. I doubt any games or strategy would have yielded another outcome. The true colors of people don't always readily appear. Be strong. This love and unfortunately this loss can make you a stronger person. I'm gonna try to do this...but I don't think that's what I'll end up doing. I'll be a crying mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Maybe he got drunk with the friend. (Talking about you and all that). I don't doubt it. The friend he was hanging out with is someone he's flaked on several times (for boozing), and they very well could have been celebrating their respective discharges from the military or something. Sure, I get it. But don't leave me hanging like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Dammit. He made a CHOICE to totally bail on you for over 2 hours and Ariadne's trying to find ways to explain it? There's no way to explain it except that he is a weasel. He made a conscious choice to ignore you. Doesn't that piss you off? Just a little? How can you still have any tears left for this guy, Star? I can't believe you're not blinded by either rage or indifference by this point. If I were you, I would ask him to bring your stuff to you, that way you can just kick him out the door after you guys have sex. Because that's what he would try to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I don't doubt it. The friend he was hanging out with is someone he's flaked on several times (for boozing), and they very well could have been celebrating their respective discharges from the military or something. Sure, I get it. But don't leave me hanging like that. He probably wants to make it hell for you. So that you leave him alone. He is afraid of you. Link to post Share on other sites
latefragment Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Star, I don't mean to change the subject, but I was wondering - it's been a couple years since I've been in a serious, committed relationship - how long has it been for you? From some of your previous posts it sounds like a year or two, or longer? I know there was that one guy you dated for 3 years... how long ago was that? I'm just wondering - not to find any fault with you (not at all) but because I notice that even though I pride myself on being really independent, after a couple years it really wears you down - the whole dating and being single thing, and, like attrition, makes you feel like it's never going to happen. That's how it feels for me at least. I'm meeting lots of guys, just going through an unlucky period right now. It takes a lot of courage and self-examination on my part (neither of which I'm particularly good at, it seems) to get through this and to admit that sometimes, the sky is raining a**holes (who are often inconveniently disguised as nice guys.). Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I don't doubt it. The friend he was hanging out with is someone he's flaked on several times (for boozing), and they very well could have been celebrating their respective discharges from the military or something. Sure, I get it. But don't leave me hanging like that. Star, Do you deserve this? If he loved you he would be making choices based on whats best for you... not whats best for him Understand? Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 If he loved you he would be making choices based on whats best for you... not whats best for him Maybe even what's best for both of you. It's not really all about self-sacrifice, because there is the risk of this sort of thing snowballing into resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Dammit. He made a CHOICE to totally bail on you for over 2 hours and Ariadne's trying to find ways to explain it? There's no way to explain it except that he is a weasel. He made a conscious choice to ignore you. Doesn't that piss you off? Just a little? How can you still have any tears left for this guy, Star? I can't believe you're not blinded by either rage or indifference by this point. If I were you, I would ask him to bring your stuff to you, that way you can just kick him out the door after you guys have sex. Because that's what he would try to do. She doesn't have any tears left for him, but the guy she thought he was. When you're in love with somebody those feelings don't instantly disappear, even when the object of your love treats you like *****. Intellectually she may no longer like/love him but it will take awhile for her heart to catch up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Maybe even what's best for both of you. It's not really all about self-sacrifice, because there is the risk of this sort of thing snowballing into resentment. I think I understand what you're getting at here, but can you explain? She doesn't have any tears left for him, but the guy she thought he was. When you're in love with somebody those feelings don't instantly disappear, even when the object of your love treats you like *****. Intellectually she may no longer like/love him but it will take awhile for her heart to catch up. Exactly. Somehow I still love him, but I don't LIKE him as a person anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 A successful relationship, is usually one where both parties consider the relationship first, most of the time and some of the time, the other person, first. Self also comes into play but not the majority of the time. Of course this only encompasses the important aspects of the relationship. On the other hand, some relationships aren't meant to be, due to compatibility issues. If the two of you have compatible goals and core values, it won't be a constant battle of putting the relationship first before self, because the ultimate goals of self and the relationship, tend to line up. Link to post Share on other sites
GIVIN IT TO YOU STR8 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Men do not like doormats. Period Get off the floor you silly girl and wake up and smell the coffee! Link to post Share on other sites
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