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This is harder than I thought it would be...


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Yeah, Star. Some good, strong coffee is what you need. Wake up and smell it.

 

I think you are still hanging on to hope with this guy. I think that's a mistake. If you aren't able to make yourself let go now, then the disappointment will be more severe later when you allow him to take the last of your hope away from you.

 

Analogy/metaphor: When cornering a car or bike, if you examine every inch of the corner as you go, worrying about little bumps and stones, etc. you'll take a bad line and end up losing speed or going off course altogether. On the other hand if you look up around the corner at where you want to go, you'll naturally take a smooth line and will carry more speed.

 

This works in many aspects of life. You are focused on the day-to-day interactions with this guy, and you aren't looking at where you really want to go. If you train yourself to look past him, you'll pick a better course overall. In the big picture, he's just a little bump.

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GIVIN IT TO YOU STR8

I Wonder If He Told Her To Jump Off A Cliff And Meet Him At The Bottom, If She Would?

 

It Seems He Says Jump And She Just Asks How High

 

It Makes You Wonder What Kind Of Bad Parenting Caused Her To Be Such A Doormat!

 

Star Gazer I Will Tell You This Once, Men Like To Feel Like They Have To Work For Their Lady, We Like A Chase And It Seems, Dear Girl, That He Does Not Have To Work Too Hard With You!

 

Why Dont You Just Handcuff Yourself To His Bed And Be Done With It?

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I Wonder If He Told Her To Jump Off A Cliff And Meet Him At The Bottom, If She Would?

 

It Seems He Says Jump And She Just Asks How High

 

It Makes You Wonder What Kind Of Bad Parenting Caused Her To Be Such A Doormat!

 

Star Gazer I Will Tell You This Once, Men Like To Feel Like They Have To Work For Their Lady, We Like A Chase And It Seems, Dear Girl, That He Does Not Have To Work Too Hard With You!

 

Why Dont You Just Handcuff Yourself To His Bed And Be Done With It?

 

Any chance you might start using capitals properly? That's seriously hard to read.

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Citizen Erased
Any chance you might start using capitals properly? That's seriously hard to read.

 

No Chance Of That, But I Must Say It Is Quite Fun.

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GIVIN IT TO YOU STR8

I Wonder If Star Gazer Is Getting Her Lipstick Back On To Go Meet Him Again

 

If My Daughter Acted This Way With A Man I Would Lock Her In The Attic

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I think I understand what you're getting at here, but can you explain?

I don't think it is relevant to your situation (what a surprise, there), but Trialbyfire covered it pretty succinctly.

 

Anyway, my thinking is that if he really wanted to be with you, then he would move mountains to make it so. His vibe is of a person who can't make up his mind. It's fundamentally a communication problem - he has closed up, and isn't prepared to share his full and frank feelings with you. And he seems quite prepared to risk any future he might have had with you, instead of talking it through.

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He stood her up because he doesn't want to deal with the interpersonal aspect of the "big goodbye."

 

He stood he up because he knows it is over.... getting laid is no longer an option.

If you remember he was more than willing to be nice to her after they broke up when she was putting out.. Now that she cut the sex off he is recognizing that it is over..

 

 

Sorry SG...

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He stood he up because he knows it is over.... getting laid is no longer an option.

If you remember he was more than willing to be nice to her after they broke up when she was putting out.. Now that she cut the sex off he is recognizing that it is over..

 

 

Sorry SG...

 

The sex hasn't been cut-off though. I did temporarily, but then I caved.

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He just can't be a man and handle this conflict maturely. He does care, but is too weak to level up and end it in the most caring way possible. He feels guilty over hurting her, and the initial "friendship" was a way of assuaging that guilt. Realizing that things are final, and not wanting to deal with her feelings, he's being a pussy.

 

I agree Star, you still love him, but you know longer like him. Sometimes you have to stand up for the other person's feelings even if it means hurting them. He seems more concerned about his feelings. Like when you said "I don't think I could do friends" he freaked out. Why? It's about HIM. It was all about his feelings and he is avoiding dealing with you so you don't have the chance to get emotional and say something that makes him feel bad.

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He stood he up because he knows it is over.... getting laid is no longer an option.

I think if he wanted sex, then he could just "go with the relationship flow." I agree with Story - I see this as conflict avoidance.

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I think if he wanted sex, then he could just "go with the relationship flow." I agree with Story - I see this as conflict avoidance.

 

Oh.. weel since she didn't cut him off then I would agree

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Nope. Refer to SG's previous post.

 

I just read it after I posted..

 

I do agree.. Conflict avoidance.. and he is also making the break...

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Conflict avoidance is a weakness in character and something that's so difficult to retain respect, for someone who indulges in it. If you're avoiding the conflict, you're afraid to man-up and take it on the chin, if necessary.

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Conflict avoidance is a weakness in character and something that's so difficult to retain respect, for someone who indulges in it. If you're avoiding the conflict, you're afraid to man-up and take it on the chin, if necessary.

 

He also knows he only has a mere 10-14 days left in town as well...

He might very well be making the break so as to not have all this heavy heart stuff to deal with for the next 2 weeks...

 

I do think he needs to man up some.. but

 

by man up I think he needs to leave SG alone and SG needs to make the break stick as well..

Both people trying to make it look like they are holding onto the relationship even though they really aren't..

If he was holding onto the relationship his attitude would've been different the last few days or weeks..

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Conflict avoidance is a weakness in character and something that's so difficult to retain respect, for someone who indulges in it. If you're avoiding the conflict, you're afraid to man-up and take it on the chin, if necessary.

 

I find that most men are conflict avoidant.

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I find that most men are conflict avoidant.

Some guys who are willing to risk life and limb are especially scared of emotional confrontation. I don't know why this is.

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He also knows he only has a mere 10-14 days left in town as well...

He might very well be making the break so as to not have all this heavy heart stuff to deal with for the next 2 weeks...

 

I do think he needs to man up some.. but

 

by man up I think he needs to leave SG alone and SG needs to make the break stick as well..

Both people trying to make it look like they are holding onto the relationship even though they really aren't..

If he was holding onto the relationship his attitude would've been different the last few days or weeks..

She deserves some finality. That's my version of man-up.

 

I find that most men are conflict avoidant.

To an extent, yes they are but primarily for the little things. If a man is conflict avoidant for the big things, like the cessation of a relationship, he's no man at all.

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He also knows he only has a mere 10-14 days left in town as well...

He might very well be making the break so as to not have all this heavy heart stuff to deal with for the next 2 weeks...

 

I do think he needs to man up some.. but

 

by man up I think he needs to leave SG alone and SG needs to make the break stick as well..

Both people trying to make it look like they are holding onto the relationship even though they really aren't..

If he was holding onto the relationship his attitude would've been different the last few days or weeks..

 

He leaves a week from Tuesday.

 

It seems that this "heavy heart" stuff is going to exist no matter what, so why not have the last week or so be PLEASANT, and not full of tears?

 

I'm getting angrier by the minute.

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whichwayisup
No Chance Of That, But I Must Say It Is Quite Fun.

 

SG, I hope that made you laugh. It made me laugh..

 

He leaves a week from Tuesday.

 

It seems that this "heavy heart" stuff is going to exist no matter what, so why not have the last week or so be PLEASANT, and not full of tears?

 

I'm getting angrier by the minute.

 

Sorry this turned out the way it did. The guy I think really was looking for a way out and instead of being completely honest from day one - He wanted to love you but because of his future plans, it wasn't in the cards. That doesn't explain his behaviour, or you allowing him to treat you badly.

 

So, whatever you do, don't have a "goodbye" f**k with him as he doesn't deserve to have his cock inside you anymore. :p;)

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Some guys who are willing to risk life and limb are especially scared of emotional confrontation. I don't know why this is.

 

Neither do I...

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SG, I hope that made you laugh. It made me laugh..

 

 

 

Sorry this turned out the way it did. The guy I think really was looking for a way out and instead of being completely honest from day one - He wanted to love you but because of his future plans, it wasn't in the cards. That doesn't explain his behaviour, or you allowing him to treat you badly.

So, whatever you do, don't have a "goodbye" f**k with him as he doesn't deserve to have his cock inside you anymore. :p;)

 

I agree with this.. and double agree with the bolded part...

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I don't think it is relevant to your situation (what a surprise, there), but Trialbyfire covered it pretty succinctly.

 

Anyway, my thinking is that if he really wanted to be with you, then he would move mountains to make it so. His vibe is of a person who can't make up his mind. It's fundamentally a communication problem - he has closed up, and isn't prepared to share his full and frank feelings with you. And he seems quite prepared to risk any future he might have had with you, instead of talking it through.

 

Exactly.

 

If you had managed to stay together for any longer, these personality traits would only have ended up rearing their ugly heads eventually- possibly after you had sacrificed things for him, which would have been a thousand times worse than finding out now he has no balls.

 

Speaking of balls, I agree with the others- stay away from his balls.

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Speaking of balls, I agree with the others- stay away from his balls.

 

Have him go down on you until orgasm and then tell him "ok. Time for you to leave. How does it feel to be used?"

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