johan Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Yeah, Star. Some good, strong coffee is what you need. Wake up and smell it. I think you are still hanging on to hope with this guy. I think that's a mistake. If you aren't able to make yourself let go now, then the disappointment will be more severe later when you allow him to take the last of your hope away from you. Analogy/metaphor: When cornering a car or bike, if you examine every inch of the corner as you go, worrying about little bumps and stones, etc. you'll take a bad line and end up losing speed or going off course altogether. On the other hand if you look up around the corner at where you want to go, you'll naturally take a smooth line and will carry more speed. This works in many aspects of life. You are focused on the day-to-day interactions with this guy, and you aren't looking at where you really want to go. If you train yourself to look past him, you'll pick a better course overall. In the big picture, he's just a little bump. Link to post Share on other sites
GIVIN IT TO YOU STR8 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I Wonder If He Told Her To Jump Off A Cliff And Meet Him At The Bottom, If She Would? It Seems He Says Jump And She Just Asks How High It Makes You Wonder What Kind Of Bad Parenting Caused Her To Be Such A Doormat! Star Gazer I Will Tell You This Once, Men Like To Feel Like They Have To Work For Their Lady, We Like A Chase And It Seems, Dear Girl, That He Does Not Have To Work Too Hard With You! Why Dont You Just Handcuff Yourself To His Bed And Be Done With It? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I Wonder If He Told Her To Jump Off A Cliff And Meet Him At The Bottom, If She Would? It Seems He Says Jump And She Just Asks How High It Makes You Wonder What Kind Of Bad Parenting Caused Her To Be Such A Doormat! Star Gazer I Will Tell You This Once, Men Like To Feel Like They Have To Work For Their Lady, We Like A Chase And It Seems, Dear Girl, That He Does Not Have To Work Too Hard With You! Why Dont You Just Handcuff Yourself To His Bed And Be Done With It? Any chance you might start using capitals properly? That's seriously hard to read. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Any chance you might start using capitals properly? That's seriously hard to read. No Chance Of That, But I Must Say It Is Quite Fun. Link to post Share on other sites
GIVIN IT TO YOU STR8 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I Wonder If Star Gazer Is Getting Her Lipstick Back On To Go Meet Him Again If My Daughter Acted This Way With A Man I Would Lock Her In The Attic Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I think I understand what you're getting at here, but can you explain? I don't think it is relevant to your situation (what a surprise, there), but Trialbyfire covered it pretty succinctly. Anyway, my thinking is that if he really wanted to be with you, then he would move mountains to make it so. His vibe is of a person who can't make up his mind. It's fundamentally a communication problem - he has closed up, and isn't prepared to share his full and frank feelings with you. And he seems quite prepared to risk any future he might have had with you, instead of talking it through. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 He stood her up because he doesn't want to deal with the interpersonal aspect of the "big goodbye." He stood he up because he knows it is over.... getting laid is no longer an option. If you remember he was more than willing to be nice to her after they broke up when she was putting out.. Now that she cut the sex off he is recognizing that it is over.. Sorry SG... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 He stood he up because he knows it is over.... getting laid is no longer an option. If you remember he was more than willing to be nice to her after they broke up when she was putting out.. Now that she cut the sex off he is recognizing that it is over.. Sorry SG... The sex hasn't been cut-off though. I did temporarily, but then I caved. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 He just can't be a man and handle this conflict maturely. He does care, but is too weak to level up and end it in the most caring way possible. He feels guilty over hurting her, and the initial "friendship" was a way of assuaging that guilt. Realizing that things are final, and not wanting to deal with her feelings, he's being a pussy. I agree Star, you still love him, but you know longer like him. Sometimes you have to stand up for the other person's feelings even if it means hurting them. He seems more concerned about his feelings. Like when you said "I don't think I could do friends" he freaked out. Why? It's about HIM. It was all about his feelings and he is avoiding dealing with you so you don't have the chance to get emotional and say something that makes him feel bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 He stood he up because he knows it is over.... getting laid is no longer an option. I think if he wanted sex, then he could just "go with the relationship flow." I agree with Story - I see this as conflict avoidance. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I think if he wanted sex, then he could just "go with the relationship flow." I agree with Story - I see this as conflict avoidance. Oh.. weel since she didn't cut him off then I would agree Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 SG took a stand and removed sex from the table before his avoidance. Nope. Refer to SG's previous post. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Nope. Refer to SG's previous post. I just read it after I posted.. I do agree.. Conflict avoidance.. and he is also making the break... Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I just read it after I posted.. I tried to edit. Sorry, I suck. And, I'm told, I'm quite good at it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Conflict avoidance is a weakness in character and something that's so difficult to retain respect, for someone who indulges in it. If you're avoiding the conflict, you're afraid to man-up and take it on the chin, if necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Conflict avoidance is a weakness in character and something that's so difficult to retain respect, for someone who indulges in it. If you're avoiding the conflict, you're afraid to man-up and take it on the chin, if necessary. He also knows he only has a mere 10-14 days left in town as well... He might very well be making the break so as to not have all this heavy heart stuff to deal with for the next 2 weeks... I do think he needs to man up some.. but by man up I think he needs to leave SG alone and SG needs to make the break stick as well.. Both people trying to make it look like they are holding onto the relationship even though they really aren't.. If he was holding onto the relationship his attitude would've been different the last few days or weeks.. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Conflict avoidance is a weakness in character and something that's so difficult to retain respect, for someone who indulges in it. If you're avoiding the conflict, you're afraid to man-up and take it on the chin, if necessary. I find that most men are conflict avoidant. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I find that most men are conflict avoidant. Some guys who are willing to risk life and limb are especially scared of emotional confrontation. I don't know why this is. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 He also knows he only has a mere 10-14 days left in town as well... He might very well be making the break so as to not have all this heavy heart stuff to deal with for the next 2 weeks... I do think he needs to man up some.. but by man up I think he needs to leave SG alone and SG needs to make the break stick as well.. Both people trying to make it look like they are holding onto the relationship even though they really aren't.. If he was holding onto the relationship his attitude would've been different the last few days or weeks.. She deserves some finality. That's my version of man-up. I find that most men are conflict avoidant. To an extent, yes they are but primarily for the little things. If a man is conflict avoidant for the big things, like the cessation of a relationship, he's no man at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 He also knows he only has a mere 10-14 days left in town as well... He might very well be making the break so as to not have all this heavy heart stuff to deal with for the next 2 weeks... I do think he needs to man up some.. but by man up I think he needs to leave SG alone and SG needs to make the break stick as well.. Both people trying to make it look like they are holding onto the relationship even though they really aren't.. If he was holding onto the relationship his attitude would've been different the last few days or weeks.. He leaves a week from Tuesday. It seems that this "heavy heart" stuff is going to exist no matter what, so why not have the last week or so be PLEASANT, and not full of tears? I'm getting angrier by the minute. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 No Chance Of That, But I Must Say It Is Quite Fun. SG, I hope that made you laugh. It made me laugh.. He leaves a week from Tuesday. It seems that this "heavy heart" stuff is going to exist no matter what, so why not have the last week or so be PLEASANT, and not full of tears? I'm getting angrier by the minute. Sorry this turned out the way it did. The guy I think really was looking for a way out and instead of being completely honest from day one - He wanted to love you but because of his future plans, it wasn't in the cards. That doesn't explain his behaviour, or you allowing him to treat you badly. So, whatever you do, don't have a "goodbye" f**k with him as he doesn't deserve to have his cock inside you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Some guys who are willing to risk life and limb are especially scared of emotional confrontation. I don't know why this is. Neither do I... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 SG, I hope that made you laugh. It made me laugh.. Sorry this turned out the way it did. The guy I think really was looking for a way out and instead of being completely honest from day one - He wanted to love you but because of his future plans, it wasn't in the cards. That doesn't explain his behaviour, or you allowing him to treat you badly. So, whatever you do, don't have a "goodbye" f**k with him as he doesn't deserve to have his cock inside you anymore. I agree with this.. and double agree with the bolded part... Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I don't think it is relevant to your situation (what a surprise, there), but Trialbyfire covered it pretty succinctly. Anyway, my thinking is that if he really wanted to be with you, then he would move mountains to make it so. His vibe is of a person who can't make up his mind. It's fundamentally a communication problem - he has closed up, and isn't prepared to share his full and frank feelings with you. And he seems quite prepared to risk any future he might have had with you, instead of talking it through. Exactly. If you had managed to stay together for any longer, these personality traits would only have ended up rearing their ugly heads eventually- possibly after you had sacrificed things for him, which would have been a thousand times worse than finding out now he has no balls. Speaking of balls, I agree with the others- stay away from his balls. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Speaking of balls, I agree with the others- stay away from his balls. Have him go down on you until orgasm and then tell him "ok. Time for you to leave. How does it feel to be used?" Link to post Share on other sites
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