Author Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Have him go down on you until orgasm and then tell him "ok. Time for you to leave. How does it feel to be used?" That's harsh. He really has not had such an intention. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 That's harsh. He really has not had such an intention. I think hes kidding sweetie. How are you today? Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 How are you doing, Star? I've been thinking of you. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Star, I know that was harsh. Apologies. I just think it is ok to get mean, ok to get mad, ok to get angry at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 I think hes kidding sweetie. How are you today? I don't think he was kidding. How are you doing, Star? I've been thinking of you. I'm doing better. He contacted me yesterday via email to apologize, to which I responded harshly, and he wound up begging for forgiveness... literally wound up on his knees begging. I'm enjoying torturing him a little bit. He knows he's not off the hook, but I'm not as rabid angry and hurt as I was earlier yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 He knows he's not off the hook, but I'm not as rabid angry and hurt as I was earlier yesterday. But you've been hurt, in little bits and pieces, for the past month, since Thanksgiving, right? I know there has been lots of good in there too that you have not mentioned, but there has been a lot of hurt too. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 What was his excuse? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 This guy is addicted to drama! If it isn't in his life, he creates it. I mean he has completely ruined everything between you two, overreacted and treated you poorly, using his moods as an excuse, his moving stresses etc..WTF. Star, a relationship should NOT be this filled with negative and bad emotions, bad energy...He is sucking the life out of you and it's unhealthy. It's a good thing he's leaving soon because then rollercoaster ride will end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) He didn't have an excuse. He put his phone on silent, got carried away in his conversation with his buddy over what they were going to do after they get out of the military, and didn't give our plans a second thought. He thought he'd catch up with me afterward and that everything would be okay. He didn't realize how late it had gotten until he got in the car to go home. He pulled out his phone to call me, read my texts and heard my messages, and felt like he had destroyed everything we had...he knew I was P*SSED so he didn't call because he didn't think I'd ever talk to him again. Yesterday evening, he sent me an email to apologize and explain (he never emails me, really) because he thought I'd never talk to him again, but wanted to chance to try to make things right. I responded (harshly), and then we wound up IM'ing (something else we never do) because he again wasn't sure I wanted to talk to him, and eventually wound up on the phone. He called himself every name in the book, owned up to his behavior, and acknowledged that his actions spoke volumes about his selfishness. That's what he kept calling himself: selfish. And I didn't disagree with him. He said his absence had nothing to do with avoiding me, or saying goodbye, or cowardly ending our relationship, or anything like that. He just didn't think about our plans, and didn't think about how flaking on me would affect me. The f*cker never thinks ahead...it's like he doesn't know how to think about anything but what HE wants RIGHT NOW. he thanked me profusely for even being willing to talk to him, and understood that he's done permanent damage. What saddens me is that even as just a friend, I feel like I cannot trust him - either to keep his word, keep his promises, or be there like he said he always would. Edited January 7, 2008 by Star Gazer Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 SG.. you need to really let this guy go.. Why put yourself thu more heartbreak over someone who has clearly already left the relationship Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 What saddens me is that even as just a friend, I feel like I cannot trust him - either to keep his word, keep his promises, or be there like he said he always would. that is because over the past month, his actions have indicated that you can't. I hate to be so harsh, Star, and sound so cold. I understand you loved this man and still believe him to be amazing. And I have no doubts he is mostly a great man and that he does care about you. Nonetheless, he has been a selfish douchebag. One of the reasons friends with an ex is hard, even MONTHS LATER, is that a friend can flake every now and then and it is not a big deal. But for some reason, someone who was once more, if they flake, it hurts more because of the intimacy you once had. Before he broke up with you, you were hurting because you didn't feel like a priority. I really think you need to put some finality on this. Again, if there is any hope, it will come about later, once he has gone and has time to think about what he did. You can't do anything to keep the spark alive before he leaves, and your attempts just keep getting you burned. He is culpable. He is being the schrutebag right now. I know he is not a bad guy, but he is hurting you nonetheless. So please, stop letting him. If he wants to be in your life, even as a friend, it has to come LATER. MONTHS LATER. Even as a boyfriend, that needs to come LATER if he changes his mind, and he'd better be doing some ass kissing if that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I think his behaviour is pathetic. Even the way he grovels to you is lame. Calling yourself every name in the book doesn't make up for what is essentially immature and inconsiderate actions. He is supposed to be your friend, but friends don't do that to eachother. He should be on his BEST behaviour given the circumstances, and he consistently lets you down in this department. He was inconsiderate when you were dating, he is even worse now that you are not. Please SG, cut this guy loose from your life. He doesn't deserve you as a friend, girlfriend, FWB or otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Calling yourself every name in the book doesn't make up for what is essentially immature and inconsiderate actions. He is supposed to be your friend, but friends don't do that to eachother. I know this. He does too - he admitted it. He said he wants to make it up to me, that he'll do whatever it takes to show me that my feelings are a priority. I know it's a little too late for that, but should I not let him try? Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 I know this. He does too - he admitted it. He said he wants to make it up to me, that he'll do whatever it takes to show me that my feelings are a priority. I know it's a little too late for that, but should I not let him try? Personally, I think he has blown all his chances of showing you that. Every time he messes up (and there have been a few times in a short space of time) he beats himself up and says he will make it up to you. Thats all hot air IMO, because not long after he lets you down again. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 but should I not let him try? No, you should not, because in all honesty, he'd mostly be alleviating his own guilt for behaving that way, and I feel it would be less about you and your feelings than his, and him feeling bad that you were mad at him, because that would make him a bad person. He is not a bad person. You would not have fallen for him if he was not a great man. But he has hurt you, and then hurt you some more. I know how much you want this to be amicable and pleasant and that you don't want it to go out on a sour note, but what is going to happen next week when he flakes again because he is too busy packing? I really feel you need to end this. Accept his apology, make it clear that you like and care, but assert your need for some space. He's not a bad guy just because he is not handling this well. But that is no excuse for not handling it well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 One of the reasons friends with an ex is hard, even MONTHS LATER, is that a friend can flake every now and then and it is not a big deal. But for some reason, someone who was once more, if they flake, it hurts more because of the intimacy you once had. I agree with this to an extent. It hurts more for sure, but I wouldn't be any less angry with a platonic friend if they did the same thing as he already has. But I would give them another chance to redeem themselves. I guess I'm still living in fantasyland. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 He didn't have an excuse. He put his phone on silent, got carried away in his conversation with his buddy over what they were going to do after they get out of the military, and didn't give our plans a second thought. He thought he'd catch up with me afterward and that everything would be okay. He didn't realize how late it had gotten until he got in the car to go home. He pulled out his phone to call me, read my texts and heard my messages, and felt like he had destroyed everything we had...he knew I was P*SSED so he didn't call because he didn't think I'd ever talk to him again. Yesterday evening, he sent me an email to apologize and explain (he never emails me, really) because he thought I'd never talk to him again, but wanted to chance to try to make things right. I responded (harshly), and then we wound up IM'ing (something else we never do) because he again wasn't sure I wanted to talk to him, and eventually wound up on the phone. He called himself every name in the book, owned up to his behavior, and acknowledged that his actions spoke volumes about his selfishness. That's what he kept calling himself: selfish. And I didn't disagree with him. He said his absence had nothing to do with avoiding me, or saying goodbye, or cowardly ending our relationship, or anything like that. He just didn't think about our plans, and didn't think about how flaking on me would affect me. The f*cker never thinks ahead...it's like he doesn't know how to think about anything but what HE wants RIGHT NOW. he thanked me profusely for even being willing to talk to him, and understood that he's done permanent damage. What saddens me is that even as just a friend, I feel like I cannot trust him - either to keep his word, keep his promises, or be there like he said he always would. Bull**** he forgot. What does he have, the short term memory of a goldfish? That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 I know how much you want this to be amicable and pleasant and that you don't want it to go out on a sour note, but what is going to happen next week when he flakes again because he is too busy packing? I really feel you need to end this. Accept his apology, make it clear that you like and care, but assert your need for some space. He's not a bad guy just because he is not handling this well. But that is no excuse for not handling it well. Not to defend yet again, but he's done packing. He's literally surrounded by boxes with nothing to do but ... think. He's not handling this well, that's for certain. But neither am I... Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Bull**** he forgot. What does he have, the short term memory of a goldfish? That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard. I agree. He knew that if he called you, he would be canceling on you because he was CHOOSING his friend over you, and he did not want to deal with hurting your feelings. Thus, he emailed after skiing the next day, rather than be a man and call you at 9PM saying "I am sorry, but I have to cancel. I am a jackass, I am sorry." And yes, you would be pissed at your friends too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Bull**** he forgot. What does he have, the short term memory of a goldfish? That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard. Not really that he forgot about our plans, just forgot about texting me to tell me his status. He literally thought (most likely due to my own behavior up until this point) that I'd be waiting for him to finish with his friend, that's he'd call me "and it would all be okay" (his words), and then I'd go running off to see him as soon as I received word because I'm a doormat (my words). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 I agree. He knew that if he called you, he would be canceling on you because he was CHOOSING his friend over you, and he did not want to deal with hurting your feelings. Thus, he emailed after skiing the next day, rather than be a man and call you at 9PM saying "I am sorry, but I have to cancel. I am a jackass, I am sorry." This is probably true. In retrospect, he acknowledged that's what he should have done, because he'd be an a** either way for flaking, but at least this way he would have preserved more of my trust in him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Like I've said before, I've created a monster. Yes, he's been a jerk. But I'm not innocent here... Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Not really that he forgot about our plans, just forgot about texting me to tell me his status. He literally thought (most likely due to my own behavior up until this point) that I'd be waiting for him to finish with his friend, that's he'd call me "and it would all be okay" (his words), and then I'd go running off to see him as soon as I received word because I'm a doormat (my words). But didn't he realize you would be waiting for him in your car that whole time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 But didn't he realize you would be waiting for him in your car that whole time? No, he didn't. When he called me to tell me his door was locked, he believed I was at home or in my neighborhood, not his. I'm not entirely clear that I informed him I was on my way to his place, and I know I never told him I'd be waiting at his door. When he told me the door was locked, I said something like, "Aw man...okay, well, I'll do some other stuff around here while you're busy..." I don't think I told him my whereabouts until after I was there and his phone was on silent. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Like I've said before, I've created a monster. Yes, he's been a jerk. But I'm not innocent here... You are not innocent because you love him and value him and enjoy time with him and because you are a trusting person who would treat someone with honesty, care, and respect. It's not your fault if other people don't have the same values in moments of crisis. Are you culpable? Yes, you allow it to happen, but that doesn't make it ok. It's 80% on him. Since you wouldn't treat someone like this, all you are doing is staying true to your values. Does that make you a doormat? I'd say it makes you a loving, trusting person, and the reason I want you to put your foot down is because you are those things, and I am sure you will attract a great love into your life. You are an LS Goddess, Star. Link to post Share on other sites
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