This is harder than I thought it would be...

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I know this. He does too - he admitted it. He said he wants to make it up to me, that he'll do whatever it takes to show me that my feelings are a priority. I know it's a little too late for that, but should I not let him try?

 

let him try for what, though? he has shown you time and time again that you are pretty much last priority. i am sure that pride has a lot to do with your not wanting to think/believe/admit that, but it's true. i want you to be happy, i think everyone here does, but this is like watching a train about to wreck and not being able to stop it. how much more of you does he get before he finally leaves and breathes his sigh of relief from getting away from it all and still getting all he got from you, while your on the floor in a ball crying your eyes out over someone who didn't deserve you in the first place?

 

this is going to be one of those things you look back on and ask what yourself "what was i thinking?! i would never do this now."

 

you're not 'innocent' only in the sense that he treats you this way because roll over and take it all. but that doesn't mean you deserve it.

[sb129]

But you've been hurt, in little bits and pieces, for the past month, since Thanksgiving, right? I know there has been lots of good in there too that you have not mentioned, but there has been a lot of hurt too.

 

I am glad that I am not the only one who has noticed this.

 

I agree with this to an extent. It hurts more for sure, but I wouldn't be any less angry with a platonic friend if they did the same thing as he already has. But I would give them another chance to redeem themselves..

 

 

The difference between a friend doing this to you and him doing it to you is that you know that a friends love is unconditional, and they will still be your friend afterwards. You are hypersensitive to his actions because you still care so much about him and want him to feel the same way about you.

 

 

I guess I'm still living in fantasyland.

 

You are a little. Because I know a teeny part of you hopes that he will realise that he can't live without you, and that you will live happily ever after. And I am NOT criticising you for that, its totally normal to feel that way when a R breaks down. I have done it for sure. thats the difference between a friend doing this to you and him doing it to you.

 

Thats why NC is so important as Oppath says. You can't be friends so soon after breaking up. Someone always reads too much into the others actions and gets their hopes up or gets hurt.

 

I care about you SG, I don't give a moneys about you-know-whos feelings, and to be honest, he has had MORE than enough chances to redeem himself to you, and he keeps failing to do that.

 

I probably should have said more before, you probably feel like I am the friend who only says bad things about your BF AFTER you have broken up.

The incidents you and I have discussed over the last few months would be OK in isolation, and if he actually did follow through with his promises to make it up to you.

 

However, the big picture, and recent events, make me think that he is no longer worthy of any more of your time.

[Star Gazer]

let him try for what, though? he has shown you time and time again that you are pretty much last priority. i am sure that pride has a lot to do with your not wanting to think/believe/admit that, but it's true. i want you to be happy, i think everyone here does, but this is like watching a train about to wreck and not being able to stop it. how much more of you does he get before he finally leaves and breathes his sigh of relief from getting away from it all and still getting all he got from you, while your on the floor in a ball crying your eyes out over someone who didn't deserve you in the first place?

 

this is going to be one of those things you look back on and ask what yourself "what was i thinking?! i would never do this now."

 

I hear you. I do. But to answer your question ("for what, though?")...perhaps redemption? To show me that he knows he's made mistakes, wants to make it up to me and and wants to show me that in reality I'm not last on his priority list after all...?

[Star Gazer]

You are a little. Because I know a teeny part of you hopes that he will realize that he can't live without you, and that you will live happily ever after. And I am NOT criticizing you for that, its totally normal to feel that way when a R breaks down. I have done it for sure. That's the difference between a friend doing this to you and him doing it to you.

 

Okay, you caught me.

 

The incidents you and I have discussed over the last few months would be OK in isolation, and if he actually did follow through with his promises to make it up to you.

 

However, the big picture, and recent events, make me think that he is no longer worthy of any more of your time.

 

I know I come across as being in denial, but I'm really not. I can't explain the change, but something has changed inside of me as far as my feelings towards him are concerned.

[sb129]

Oops. A few bad edits back there. And upon reading your most recent posts SG, I fear that you are in danger of starting to make excuses for him again.

 

STOP IT. Don't even think about starting to defend his bad behaviour or blame yourself for "miscommunication".

[sb129]

Okay, you caught me.

I know I come across as being in denial, but I'm really not. I can't explain the change, but something has changed inside of me as far as my feelings towards him are concerned.

 

Its OK to feel the way you do, it really is.

 

I agree with Oppath- he isn't a bad guy. He just isn't the RIGHT guy for you.

[Lishy]

I fear that if he called and whispered the right words that Star would be racing back to his, putting on her lipstick in her rear view mirror

 

She would be crazy as this dude cares for no one but his sorry self!

[Art_Critic]

Its OK to feel the way you do, it really is.

 

I totally agree..it certainly is okay to feel the way your do.. is is tough thing to go thru..Hence the title of the thread.. This is harder than I thought it would be...

 

Sorry it didn't work out SG.. I feel your heartbreak in your posts and hope you will be okay..

[Kamille]

I hear you. I do. But to answer your question ("for what, though?")...perhaps redemption? To show me that he knows he's made mistakes, wants to make it up to me and and wants to show me that in reality I'm not last on his priority list after all...?

 

Oh God that hit a cord! I know that feeling, I've been there. You have so much faith in this person and hope somehow they will make it all better.

 

It took me 8 months, with an ex, to realize he would never be able to make up for the betrayal I felt. He had betrayed a love I believed in and the image of him that I had. He had also betrayed the person I was when I was with him, how beautiful he made me feel, the happyness I had felt at times, with him.

 

I'm sorry to say Star, but I doubt he will be able to give you what you deserve. The break up is still too fresh, your feelings still too strong, his actions still ambivalent. My ex was never able to make me feel like he could honor what we had. Now I realize it wasn't up to him to do it (he couldn't do it! He wasn't capable of living up to the image I had of 'us'). That's why most of us feel that you need to put yourself as your own priority and either stop being ms-nice-Stargazer or go NC. Or both.

[Trialbyfire]

What saddens me is that even as just a friend, I feel like I cannot trust him - either to keep his word, keep his promises, or be there like he said he always would.

If I were to guess, when he backed out of a committed relationship, he stopped feeling the same sense of responsibility to you. He put himself first and is continuing in that vein. With this in mind, you have every right to distrust what he says and does.

 

As I've said to you before, some things are unforgivable. Get the items he holds, return his items and walk away. I think you're wasting time and energy on this guy, at the point he's at.

[norajane]

Oh God that hit a cord! I know that feeling, I've been there. You have so much faith in this person and hope somehow they will make it all better.

 

It took me 8 months, with an ex, to realize he would never be able to make up for the betrayal I felt. He had betrayed a love I believed in and the image of him that I had. He had also betrayed the person I was when I was with him, how beautiful he made me feel, the happyness I had felt at times, with him.

 

I'm sorry to say Star, but I doubt he will be able to give you what you deserve. The break up is still too fresh, your feelings still too strong, his actions still ambivalent. My ex was never able to make me feel like he could honor what we had. Now I realize it wasn't up to him to do it (he couldn't do it! He wasn't capable of living up to the image I had of 'us'). That's why most of us feel that you need to put yourself as your own priority and either stop being ms-nice-Stargazer or go NC. Or both.

 

I agree, and I will add that it will make you feel better if YOU make the choice to go NC or let him know in no uncertain terms that yep, he's right, he's NOWHERE near good enough for you AND you have had ENOUGH OF HIM. There is a huge power in choosing to say enough and walk away, instead of letting the ending dribble and drag through new hurts each day.

[allina]

SG I'm so sorry things turned out this way. It makes me sad to see how far you've allowed this to go on

 

I hope that you go get your things, thank him calmly and leave, never to speak to him again, but I know that won't happen.

 

You've let this guy use a long list of excuses for his sh*tty behavior, often supporting his "reasons" and even taking the blame yourself. I feel like in his mind this guy is shocked that you're still talking to him. He's even stated that with his actions came the assumption that you would never speak to him again. I know it's hard to grasp the fact that someone does not return our feelings but although this guy has apologized, begged, man cried, whatever, it seems like he wasn't as in to you as you hoped he'd be.

 

I feel like if he showed up at your door with flowers and said "I'm staying Star, I'm sorry for everything you'd be handing your heart right back, and that makes me sort of sad.

 

So many people here are telling you how great you are and how much better you deserve. There are men on this board who would love to be with you yet you're determined to stay stuck on this guy. I guess it's hard for me to understand how it's even possible to love this guy after how he's degraded you. I wish you realized how much better you deserve (and acted on it).

[GIVIN IT TO YOU STR8]

Somebody Give This Girl A Shot Of Self Esteem!

 

She Needs It!

[shadowplay]

I agree with others. You have two options. One is you could go into NC mode now and start the healing process. This way you'll have some dignity intact and you don't have to drag things out longer.

 

The other is to drag things out until he leaves, delaying slightly but not preventing the inevitable. Either way you're going to lose him. I think you know this on some level. But if you drag things out you're delaying getting over him, and you're disempowering y ourself. You'll feel better if you're the one to end things.

 

Right now you're acting a bit like someone with an addiction. You're addicted to the instant gratification of being around him, and you keep on coming back for more even though you know it's bad for you in the long run.

[underpants]

Star,

 

You are an incredibly smart and strong woman. Not to mention very beautiful.

 

I know that this is so hard for you and that scared part inside has been dreading this for quite sometime. That little girl inside that is afraid of being abandoned has a chance to face and conquer that fear.

 

How are you going to handle this?

 

I know you will find the stength to think about things and handle them in the best and most mature fashion that you can.

 

Be strong and take charge. Go get your stuff and give yourself some distance. He can't begin to miss you if you are always there, waiting and ready.

 

Show him a strong side of you that he might not have not seen yet.

[oppath]

Show him a strong side of you that he might not have not seen yet.

 

He's seen her ass, but I think she needs to show him a side of it he hasn't seen yet: it walking out the door.

 

Star, understand that I've become more stern for a reason; him flaking is not appropriate on top of already hurting you. Would you want to be friends with, let alone date, someone who treats people that way? Of course not. Obviously, this is a big loss for you and yes, he is a great man. You would not have dated him otherwise. But sometimes good people can't deliver. And right now he is not delivering.

[Citizen Erased]

Star, if this was another poster on here, what would you be saying to them?

 

This guy is treating you like dirt and it is about time you stop the little games he is playing. He does not respect you, he thinks he can not show up to meet you and you will automatically forgive him? This is because you have done nothing to show him that he cannot treat you this way. He thinks there are no consequences when it comes to you. Show him times have changed girl!

[Nemo]

Star, if this was another poster on here, what would you be saying to them?

Stop posting under my user name?

[johan]

Star, if this was another poster on here, what would you be saying to them?

 

I'd be pissed if I found someone else posting using my ID.

[Citizen Erased]

Stop posting under my user name?

 

smartass. You know what I meant. And if you don't, keep guessing.

[Ariadne]

Ok,

 

I would be so turned off with this guy already.

 

First he throws a temper tantrum for some skiis. Pretty idiotic in my book.

 

But then, being romantic, I thought that maybe he was just acting stupid to turn you off in his desire to be a spartan. His ideals or whatever.

 

But now, he is calling himself "names"? Ok, that's absolutely retarded.

 

I'd say next.

 

Ariadne

 

Ps: Other than that, follow your heart Star.

[Nemo]

I'd say next.

Yes, we're listening...

[Ariadne]

He's seen her ass, but I think she needs to show him a side of it he hasn't seen yet: it walking out the door.

 

Star, understand that I've become more stern for a reason; him flaking is not appropriate on top of already hurting you. Would you want to be friends with, let alone date, someone who treats people that way? Of course not. Obviously, this is a big loss for you and yes, he is a great man. You would not have dated him otherwise. But sometimes good people can't deliver. And right now he is not delivering.

 

(Gag me with a spoon...el lamo etc)

[Florida]

SG I want to know how you feel about hanging out with him until the very end?

 

Or do you think at this point it doesn't make a difference, may as well keep going?

 

What is really keeping you from turning your phone off?

 

Becuase I *know* it's not any warm glowing feelings towards him..

[Touche]

Ok,

 

I would be so turned off with this guy already.

 

First he throws a temper tantrum for some skiis. Pretty idiotic in my book.

 

But then, being romantic, I thought that maybe he was just acting stupid to turn you off in his desire to be a spartan. His ideals or whatever.

 

But now, he is calling himself "names"? Ok, that's absolutely retarded.

 

I'd say next.

 

Ariadne

 

 

 

Ps: Other than that, follow your heart Star.

 

I agree 100%. That was my first inkling that this was not a man. I mean I didn't say anything at the time other than that Star should pay attention how he responds to disappointments in life. It was a little red flag for me. I can't imagine being with a guy who whines and carries on about a pair of skis for a week. That's not my kind of man anyway. That ONE thing spoke volumes to me.