A Diary of My Divorce

[Dolly Dagger]

Hello everyone I am new to this forum and this is my first post. I have been reading over this site for the last few days and am ready to ask for some feedback.

 

I had a nice post all typed up but when I went to hit submit it said I had to log in again and everything I typed was lost. So let me see if I can get back to what I was saying.

 

For the first time I am going to post the link to my diary for complete strangers to read. I had turned to blogging as I was unaware that forums like this existed.

 

For that reason I will offer the link to my blog so that you can click and read as you will instead of me copying it and pasting it here.

 

Let me clarify some things:

-We have one child together and his child from a previous marriage lives with us full time.

-We are getting a divorce that I instigated (even though he says he doesn't want to - he sure doesn't ACT that way) The papers have been signed and notarized. We are waiting to complete the mandated parenting class and acquire the filing fees.

-We will continue to live together (even though divorced) until 7.25.2008. This is the date I graduate college and will receive a considerable pay increase/promotion.

- Starting Monday (1.7.2008) he will be taking over the role as the at-home-parent/not earning money (which has been my job for the last 4 years) and I will begin my new job at the frim.

-I will consider allowing him to stay after 7.25.2008 (for a few months max) so that he can find a job that will allow him to take care of himself and his son. I am not asking him for child support.

 

Why am I asking for feedback if I the divorce is imminent?

I just wanted to see if you agree with what he tells me about myself.

He says that I am pushy, over bearing, too sophisticated, complicated, and my personal favorite - "The stupidest smart person" he knows.

I can see from his point of view that I may come across these ways to him (except being stupid and smart all at once). But, is it justified?

 

And, when I tell him that I can understand how he may feel this way about me and I ask him to try to imagine how I might see him/his behaivors from my point of view, what that might be like, he says "No".

 

There are a whole lot of cuss words in my diary. Im not gonna lie. It has been an outlet for my frustrations. So, if I seem like I am unhinged in those words, it is because most likely I was at the height of my anger and frustration and sat down to write about it.

 

Thank you to anyone who will take the time to read it. There are two blogs that were merged into one. So, when you read the January 2007 post it will be talking about that other one that is now them both.

Edited January 6, 2008 by Dolly Dagger

[Jordane]

Ahhh...I'm a sucker for drama but I barely made it through the 3rd post. OMG, lying on a diagnal on the bed so you can't sleep?! Is he not all there?!

[Dolly Dagger]

Yeah, I thought it was pretty nice of him to lock me in the closet, too.

[Gunny376]

First off welcome to the board.

 

I've been hearing this debate all my life ~ about the difference between an educate individual and someone that's not educated.

 

Read that one of two ways?

 

The first is "street smart" vs not "street smart"

 

The second? "Common sense vs "Booksmart"

 

How smart someone is ~ well relative. You could have a PhD, but it wouldn't do you a lot of good if you found yourself in a back alley on the wrongside of town with the wrong crowd?

 

People that are well educated, cannot understand "street people" ~ people that are "street smart" I've known both kinds, and one's in the middle. Judge Mathis on TV would be such a person. He posses both "street smarts, common sense, and education ~ "book smarts"

 

To cut to the chase? You and your DH are intellectually and educationally incompatible. It would take a lot of effort for him to come up to your level, and you his.

 

Its not that he's wrong, nor that your wrong ~ its that you come from different worlds? You have different perspectives, and different attitude the way you approach things? See things? View things! Deal with things?

 

His being male and your being female ~ well that doesn't help matters? You and he started out at one level, but you went and got yourself an education? Sounds as though you and he grew apart? You were growing ~ while he's still the same guy that he was when you meet him.

 

When you married him, he may have been "Mr. Right" at that particular time in your life. But now? He's not! Just that plain and simple. And your not right for him either! You grew, expandend your awarness and consciousness. He didn't.

[Gunny376]

He says that I am pushy, over bearing, too sophisticated, complicated,

 

Translation:

 

I'm ambitious and want to do more with my life than work at McDonalds saying "May I take your order?"

[Dolly Dagger]

First off welcome to the board.

 

I've been hearing this debate all my life ~ about the difference between an educate individual and someone that's not educated.

 

Read that one of two ways?

 

The first is "street smart" vs not "street smart"

 

The second? "Common sense vs "Booksmart"

 

How smart someone is ~ well relative. You could have a PhD, but it wouldn't do you a lot of good if you found yourself in a back alley on the wrongside of town with the wrong crowd?

 

People that are well educated, cannot understand "street people" ~ people that are "street smart" I've known both kinds, and one's in the middle. Judge Mathis on TV would be such a person. He posses both "street smarts, common sense, and education ~ "book smarts"

 

To cut to the chase? You and your DH are intellectually and educationally incompatible. It would take a lot of effort for him to come up to your level, and you his.

 

Its not that he's wrong, nor that your wrong ~ its that you come from different worlds? You have different perspectives, and different attitude the way you approach things? See things? View things! Deal with things?

 

His being male and your being female ~ well that doesn't help matters? You and he started out at one level, but you went and got yourself an education? Sounds as though you and he grew apart? You were growing ~ while he's still the same guy that he was when you meet him.

 

When you married him, he may have been "Mr. Right" at that particular time in your life. But now? He's not! Just that plain and simple. And your not right for him either! You grew, expandend your awarness and consciousness. He didn't.

 

You are very right about growing apart. He completely lacks ambition or the desire for any kind of personal growth. Meanwhile, I see it as a vital part of life.

 

As far as his "Stupidest smart person" comment, that was in re: to him not making any sense when he talks. He speaks in circles and when I tell him that I am confused as to what his point is he breaks out with that comment. I got the CCW permit for the dark alley

 

You are for sure right that I am not the one for him AT.ALL.

[Gunny376]

You and I are probally of the same "crop"

 

We'll never pass by a bookstore ~ we're prepetual readers ~ learners!

 

KNOWLEDGE IS KING!

 

The vast magority? Don't understand you and I? The pursuit of knowledge for knowledge's sake!

 

They call people like you and I?

 

Scholars!

[Jordane]

Hey Now! There are more of you two out there.

 

So I've been reading your blog even though it is now 1:30 in the morning and my boyfriend has resorted to passing out on the couch after his several attempts to get me to go to bed failed. Unfortunately, the puppy is suffering because due to my boyfriends tiredness...he has not yet been able to go to the bathroom and it is too cold for me to go outside.

 

BUT...I think you should write a book as I am so entranced by this "story" that I cannot even phatom sleeping right now. I just finished reading about the closet...

 

Has he heard of rape and holding people hostage against their will? haha, maybe that is a big of an exaggeration but STILL! That was just nuts!