Sobriety Sux

[Kittiecat]

OK. . . maybe sux is a strong word. . .

 

I'll abbreviate my long story by simply saying that after some soul searching I've decided to give AA a shot, because I was most certainly headed for jail or worse thanks to my lifestyle. My boyfriend, who I love dearly and who introduced me to AA, is having a boys night out and just called me from a bowling alley, sounding mighty drunk. His sobriety has been an off/on thing for a few years and he seems to use AA as a bandaid for when his drinking gets out of hand. This is only the second boys night out in the 9 months we've been together. He's been nothing but supportive of me and truly is the best boyfriend I've ever had. But yeah, I'm a little disappointed right now. I have to keep reminding myself that he's human and stop putting him on a pedestal.

 

Anyway, I went to a meeting tonight and am actually feeling a lot better. It'll be 90 days next week. I struggle with feeling like an alien here on Planet Alcohol but it's nice to escape to meetings and hang out with people who can relate. The holidays were challenging, of course, but I made it through and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

 

I don't know. . . this will sound silly, but I have this weird feeling that I'm supposed to be sober, and that I have a lot of good things waiting to come to me. I think anything is better than risking life and limb getting wasted and driving home from the bar. That BS had to stop. Last month while out having breakfast, I was whining to my boyfriend about sobriety and how I felt weird and uncomfortable all the time, etc. The check came and I'll be damned if it didn't have the serenity prayer stamped on the back of it. If that's not a sign I don't know what is.

[Touche]

Wow, KC. That's so great. I think I owe you a PM from a while back. I was just too ashamed to respond. It's an ongoing battle for me still. You sound strong. Stay strong. You're inspiring me. I totally caved, especially during the holidays.

 

Time for me to get serious...again. Ugh.

 

You should be so proud that you're not a weak person like I am.

[Pyro]

OK. . . maybe sux is a strong word. . .

 

I'll abbreviate my long story by simply saying that after some soul searching I've decided to give AA a shot, because I was most certainly headed for jail or worse thanks to my lifestyle. My boyfriend, who I love dearly and who introduced me to AA, is having a boys night out and just called me from a bowling alley, sounding mighty drunk. His sobriety has been an off/on thing for a few years and he seems to use AA as a bandaid for when his drinking gets out of hand. This is only the second boys night out in the 9 months we've been together. He's been nothing but supportive of me and truly is the best boyfriend I've ever had. But yeah, I'm a little disappointed right now. I have to keep reminding myself that he's human and stop putting him on a pedestal.

 

Anyway, I went to a meeting tonight and am actually feeling a lot better. It'll be 90 days next week. I struggle with feeling like an alien here on Planet Alcohol but it's nice to escape to meetings and hang out with people who can relate. The holidays were challenging, of course, but I made it through and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

 

I don't know. . . this will sound silly, but I have this weird feeling that I'm supposed to be sober, and that I have a lot of good things waiting to come to me. I think anything is better than risking life and limb getting wasted and driving home from the bar. That BS had to stop. Last month while out having breakfast, I was whining to my boyfriend about sobriety and how I felt weird and uncomfortable all the time, etc. The check came and I'll be damned if it didn't have the serenity prayer stamped on the back of it. If that's not a sign I don't know what is.

 

Wow, I had no idea that your drinking had gotten out of hand. Nothing wrong with having a few social drinks with friends, but if you are unable to control that, then sobreity is the only way to go.

 

I can't speak from personal experience, so I will wish you the best of luck because from how it looks, alcohol looks like a tough thing to overcome, but I have faith in you.

[Always Wrong]

The hardest thing with my struggle to be sober, that I just realized today!... bless my stupid heart, is letting go of my closest friend who is not the slightest bit interested in giving his liver a break.

 

And to top that off, realizing he doesn't give a rats *ss about me! He only cares about having someone to share his pain with... misery loves company!

[Kittiecat]

Wow, KC. That's so great. I think I owe you a PM from a while back. I was just too ashamed to respond. It's an ongoing battle for me still. You sound strong. Stay strong. You're inspiring me. I totally caved, especially during the holidays.

 

Time for me to get serious...again. Ugh.

 

You should be so proud that you're not a weak person like I am.

 

Thanks for the support! AA helped me be strong. I've tried doing it on my own, and I've tried every conceivable method of controlled drinking, but none of it has worked. So I figured I'd hand over the reigns to this "Higher Power" they keep talking about, just for kicks, and so far it's worked.

 

No need to be ashamed. Everyone is different, and when you're had enough you'll do what you need to do. I'm not sure it has anything to do with being weak or strong. Personally, I was just really scared of being arrested for DUI. I realized that my powerlessness came because I could not stop drinking at 0.08 BAC.

[Nemo]

I have faith in you.

Well, Rid's an excellent judge of character, in my opinion, so this makes me think that you're not a complete waste of space, after all.

I realized that my powerlessness came

Technically speaking, powerlessness doesn't really come. You become powerless when you lose power. So the drink takes your power away. Amazing that I can type this crap without any alcohol in my system, isn't it. Makes one think that some people should be permanently drunk.

 

Anyway, I hope this epiphany stays with you, because you clearly have the inner strength to take control of your life. My very best wishes go out to you.

[blind_otter]

I remember when I first started on my path to sobriety I would often complain about how I was boring without drugs/alcohol. I also have an SO who drinks (although he claims to have given up alcohol, I have to say I'll believe it when I see it...) and this can make it much more difficult to stay sober. My SO also goes to AA when it suits him, and is on again/off again with drinking. Right now he's off again, and I hope he stays that way.

 

Congratulations on making the steps to stay sober. I know from personal experience how difficult that can be.

[Kittiecat]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

 

I've heard stuff about a "pink cloud" and sobriety being all euphoric but I have yet to experience anything like that. Right now I feel so out of place and at the same time weirdly relieved that I don't have to worry about making an ass out of myself or getting pulled over. So I guess the relief is the only good feeling that's come out of all of this. But now I'm even more neurotic and "in my head" than I was before.

 

As for my boyfriend, he knows how I feel about his complacency towards sobriety. I can't make him feel enthusiastic about it, and that's the part that really sucks. So, when I start to feel cruddy about this "thing I cannot change," I remind myself that I have to accept the good with the bad, and it really does help.

 

And as a side note mini rant: I hate that in some ways drinking equals masculinity in our culture. Guys apparently can't hang out with each other and shoot the breeze without a few cold ones. I have this feeling that guys who don't drink are perceived by other guys as wimpy and the like. So high school peer pressure lives on. Wonderful.

 

OK, I'm done whining. Time for dinner.

[Pyro]

And as a side note mini rant: I hate that in some ways drinking equals masculinity in our culture. Guys apparently can't hang out with each other and shoot the breeze without a few cold ones. I have this feeling that guys who don't drink are perceived by other guys as wimpy and the like. So high school peer pressure lives on. Wonderful.

 

OK, I'm done whining. Time for dinner.

 

Sad but true. I cut back on my drinking greatly and the gang that I use to hang out with on a regular basis has not and the few times I attempted to hang out with them turned into be being called a wimp or being accused that I was better then them.

[Kittiecat]

Sad but true. I cut back on my drinking greatly and the gang that I use to hang out with on a regular basis has not and the few times I attempted to hang out with them turned into be being called a wimp or being accused that I was better then them.

 

That's so annoying! I was once a member of that crowd and always thought the sober people felt like they were better than me. I just don't get how machismo and drinking became intertwined. The big construction worker guys that go to my meetings aren't pansie-like at all.

 

One thing I've noticed about AA is that it's basically a cross-section of the demographic (with the exception of gender -- in general it's mostly men). When I go to meetings near my office, it's a lot of white collared professional types, and the meetings by my house are a little more blue collar. Drunks come in all forms, I guess. I'm most inspired by the single women around my age who got sober YEARS ago and are completely happy and content with a lifestyle I always thought would be boring.

[blind_otter]

I'm most inspired by the single women around my age who got sober YEARS ago and are completely happy and content with a lifestyle I always thought would be boring.

 

It definitely took me a good year to get to the point where I was used to being sober. Now, though, being around people who are drinking/drunk gets really annoying and irritating and I can get snappy. It's almost embarrassing to see people let themselves go that much.

 

But I have to admit that compared to my drinking/drugging days my life is pretty calm now. I stay home a lot, and have become addicted to watching movies. I watch at least one a day. I suppose we all have to have our escape.

[Pyro]

That's so annoying! I was once a member of that crowd and always thought the sober people felt like they were better than me. I just don't get how machismo and drinking became intertwined. The big construction worker guys that go to my meetings aren't pansie-like at all.

 

One thing I've noticed about AA is that it's basically a cross-section of the demographic (with the exception of gender -- in general it's mostly men). When I go to meetings near my office, it's a lot of white collared professional types, and the meetings by my house are a little more blue collar. Drunks come in all forms, I guess. I'm most inspired by the single women around my age who got sober YEARS ago and are completely happy and content with a lifestyle I always thought would be boring.

 

I blame it on pop culture. They portray a mans man as one who can slam shot after shot of whiskey and still manage to slam a 12 pack.

 

Years ago for part of my probation, I had to attend a few NA meetings and members of that group came in all forms. No one is safe from the addictions of drugs and alcohol.

[AlleyCat77]

Why in the world is alcohol legal and pot isn't? Alcohol destroys people and makes them do crazy dangerous things. Luckly booze makes me sick so I have no interest in it.