SpanksTheMonkey Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Oh and I definetly dont think they work if it stays LDR for too many years. Has to eventualy progress into a regular style relationship Exactly I've been in a few of them and for me it was ok at 1st but then it realy wore me out. Sence there was no for seeable future other then lonley nights and long travels to see him. If its an on line thing do your self a fav and don't let it drag on for to long with out some type of plans for the future belive me.. Meet with in a few monthes and if things work then with in a year or so maybe a bit longer one of you better be ready to make a move other wise don't even bother.. Link to post Share on other sites
jellyfarm Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Hi everyone! Well, regards to the question, from my humble experience, I tried it once and it didn't work. I'm not quite sure what happened but I guess there was a lot of miscomm when two people tend to communicate via e-mail and after a while I realised that the relationship was going nowhere, so it kinda fizzled out. But I wouldn't count it out altogether because I've seen people get married through LDRs...I think it's just fate or karma that whether your date turns out to be the one for you or not. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Much of LDR's are fantasy. Your partner takes on unrealistic positive characteristics, when in reality, they're not even close to that person. Unless you started your LDR in a real relationship, close by, most fail in the long-term, due to reality crashing headlong into fantasy. I think the key is that one person has to make the move, and that's where it gets complicated. The person who does probably feels like they're making the sacrifice to make it work, but someone has to move or else, as you say, it's just fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
corazoncito Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Yes, some LDRs can work, but it's not easy. I think you need to both be very mature, patient, trusting, and committed to the relationships. Regular contact, whether by phone, email, internet chat, snail mail etc. is essential. Also, and this is the tough part, you have to come up with a definite plan to be together, with either one person coming to the other or some kind of mutually beneficial common location for both people. I started dating my husband long distance (trans-Atlantic) a little over 2 years ago. It helped that we already knew each other casually through work. We were VERY lucky and never had to go more than 2.5 months between visits, and our visits ranged between 2 months to 2 weeks. We communicated via phone or internet almost every day. We both relocated to be together after dating 16 months. We got married a month after our 2 year anniversary. It's been about two months, and so far, so good. We're also in our 30's, so we've had a bit of time to date around to know what we're looking for in a partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 I think the key is that one person has to make the move, and that's where it gets complicated. The person who does probably feels like they're making the sacrifice to make it work, but someone has to move or else, as you say, it's just fantasy. Agreed, although complete honesty, trust and commitment to making it work, have to happen beforehand. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Agreed, although complete honesty, trust and commitment to making it work, have to happen beforehand. Not only that, but each person has to be willing to take a chance. ALL relationships are a gamble to an extent. LDR's are no different in that respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 Not only that, but each person has to be willing to take a chance. ALL relationships are a gamble to an extent. LDR's are no different in that respect. Well, an LDR is bigger gamble than a real life relationship. It's only as real as both parties are willing to make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamesith Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Oh man is that ever true,three of my closet friends were in LDR's all 3 on them were either cheated on or one party couldn't take the not seeing each other for long periods of time anymore.Sadly my best friend has gotten herself into her 2nd or 3rd LDR idk what girls think as to why they would get themselves back into another LDR if the others didnt work out.i mean i know she hopes that thing works out but Ive seen many crumble and i hate to see her get hurt.But Trailbyfire i think is right its as real as both sides are willing to go,either they want to keep going or they are going to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Trailbyfire Yes, she leaves a trail of destruction behind her. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Yes, she leaves a trail of destruction behind her. I prefer to call it trail blazing... Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 I prefer to call it trail blazing... Well, if your behind is that hot, then I hope guys have the common sense to smother you from the front. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Well, if your behind is that hot, then I hope guys have the common sense to smother you from the front. Either way works fine, if it's the right guy... Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Either way works fine, if it's the right guy... Guy: I'm really falling for you, TBF. TBF: How do you feel about having your balls singed? Guy: You're worth it? TBF: I'm worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Guy: I'm really falling for you, TBF. TBF: How do you feel about having your balls singed? Guy: You're worth it. TBF: I'm worth it. Quoted for truth with one minor adjustment. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 (edited) Much of LDR's are fantasy. Your partner takes on unrealistic positive characteristics, when in reality, they're not even close to that person. Unless you started your LDR in a real relationship, close by, most fail in the long-term, due to reality crashing headlong into fantasy. I was in one which did start off as a normal (eg both of us living in the same city) relationship. That didn't prevent the whole fantasy aspect from setting in once there was distance between us. What I found was that every time we were about to meet up, I'd have to psyche myself into lover mode. It's not necessarily easy to make an instant sexual connection and leap into bed with someone you haven't seen for months on end...however much you like them. At the end of the relationship, I told him that, and he was pretty appalled. From his perspective, everything between us always happened naturally and felt right. From mine it was an intense emotional strain, which I put constant pressure on myself to disguise....leading to a build up of resentment. I wanted the times we did meet up to be happy, fun and stress-free....which didn't make for a very honest relationship, but I couldn't see a viable alternative. Spoiling the brief times you do share with long, angsty discussions? Saving the little "when you stop calling, I'm left wondering whether or not we're still in a relationship" resentments for emails that will create rather than reduce emotional distance? I did some of that towards the end, and that's partly what ended it. Add a bit of cheating on his part into the equation, of course...(another thing that seems infinitely more likely in a LDR) They can be fun and fairy-tale like in many ways....but it's hard to make a grown up, workable relationship out of a situation like that. You need two people who are extremely good, honest communicators, and I don't think either he or I were as adept in that area as we wanted to believe we were. Edited January 27, 2008 by lindya Link to post Share on other sites
blaze Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Oh and I definetly dont think they work if it stays LDR for too many years. Has to eventualy progress into a regular style relationship Yeah, I agree. Back in the old days, men courted women. They didn't see them everyday and often their only correspondence was through letters. This could go on for quite some time. In our society everything is so rushed, everything happens so quickly we never have time to truly get to know the other person. Perhaps that's one of the reasons that the divorce rate is so high. So I think ldr's can actually be a blessing in disguise. Try to view the ldr as an opportunity to really, truly get to know the other person. Then, at some point the two of you will be able to assess whether or not it's right to continue the relationship into something more serious and permanent or whether it's best to part ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Duck n' Bunnies Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Do LDR's work? Well, it has for me... I was with my boyfriend for a year when I was 19-20 and when I was 21 and 22 hes decided to go to school elsewhere, but we talk everyday, see eachother every Xmas, Easter, Break, etc. but weve been together for over 3 years now. Not to say we havne't had our rough patches... (I miss him like crazy and it's very hard) but if you have dedication and commitment (which is what relationships are all about) then you really don't have anything to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
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