WWYD? My H called someone at 4:25 am!

[whichwayisup]

But was he understanding and sympathic of why you felt you had to call that number? Does he understand that his cheating, and his behaviour at times has/is contributing to how you are in the marriage? I just hope HE is trying to bring comfort to you, to show he is and can be trusted again. I'm not sure he's done alot of that, atleast recently.

[mopar crazy]

Thanks havnlife...but I ain't sticking around...this place is a serious downer...no wonder there are so many unhappy ppl on here.

 

I can't believe how my posts got construed into bible thumping diatribes and how I became a superior beyotch.

 

This place makes me sick...I thought I could help...I'm wrong...I'll stick to to things IRL.

Serenity, plz don't leave. There are some depressing posters here but they do come here for help and advice. LS has some fun other parts to post at, not just here.

I don't think you're a bitch and I'm not going to put you down for your faith. havnalife and I both share the same view points on religion. Don't let the ppl who have different beliefs run ya off.

[whichwayisup]

If SGs were such a prize, why aren't MW dumping their Hs in their droves to take up with SGs?

 

You are joking, right? Or is this a serious question.

 

SerenityX2, I hope you stick around, not all is bad and negative.

[mopar crazy]

But was he understanding and sympathic of why you felt you had to call that number? Does he understand that his cheating, and his behaviour at times has/is contributing to how you are in the marriage? I just hope HE is trying to bring comfort to you, to show he is and can be trusted again. I'm not sure he's done alot of that, atleast recently.

 

WWIU, he isn't sympathetic why I called it. He thinks I'm paranoid

 

He said he does understand about my concerns about the 4:25 in the morning call though.

Ya know, he brought this **** on himself. I don't like that I was concerned about this phone call but I would rather find the facts that live not knowing.

[whichwayisup]

He thinks you're paranoid...Yet it's HIS fault you are like this. He SHOULD be sympathetic and understanding! You send him here and I will smack him!

[stampdaddy]

LOL!!! Thanks but that is ok, I will call it. In fact I think I will call it now, from H's phone.

good job! take a deep breath, and TALK about this and how it made you feel, maybe over dinner, not where it can cause a big blow up where either of you feel "cornered". As for a "date" and talk......

[sarme]

Hi Mopar I am glad to see it was nothing. Please don't let this little hiccup set you back for all the hard work you have done in the past years.

I'm glad it worked out in the end but I still think it is very unfair that your hubby thinks you are being paranoid. I think you were being cautious not paranoid. Hopefully he will understand it comes with the territory, a territory that he created.

[justice]

Go with what your gut instinct tells you, it is always right on. I'd both call the number and see who answers, question them if you have too, you'll kinda get a feeling on who it is one way or the other by how they react to you calling. Let them know who you are, that way you can watch your H's reaction if the person calls to let him know that you called them. And, I would show him the cell bill and ask him who the heck he was calling at that early hour and why. You have a valid reason for asking and a right to know. Best of luck. I hope it's innocent, but if not, then you need to know.

[justice]

Go with what your gut instinct tells you, it is always right on. I'd both call the number and see who answers, question them if you have too, you'll kinda get a feeling on who it is one way or the other by how they react to you calling. Let them know who you are, that way you can watch your H's reaction if the person calls to let him know that you called them. And, I would show him the cell bill and ask him who the heck he was calling at that early hour and why. You have a valid reason for asking and a right to know. Best of luck. I hope it's innocent, but if not, then you need to know.

 

Oops, sorry I posted this before reading the other comments. Glad it worked out.

[Havn_a_life]

Thanks havnlife...but I ain't sticking around...this place is a serious downer...no wonder there are so many unhappy ppl on here.

 

I can't believe how my posts got construed into bible thumping diatribes and how I became a superior beyotch.

 

This place makes me sick...I thought I could help...I'm wrong...I'll stick to to things IRL.

 

I don't blame you one bit, Serenity. I'm getting my net turned off for quite a while this month. I could do with a break from it all. LOL

[Havn_a_life]

Ok, I called it, and it was H's work. I told him I wanted to call it and so he handed me his cell. It was a guy that answered, I asked him who I was speaking to and he said his name. I apologized and said I got a wrong #. After I got off the phone H said "Let me guess, it was R or B, right?" He was right. Ok, I admit, I freaked out for nothing.

 

You didn't freak out for nothing. I hope you don't feel stupid or anything. You have a right to feel suspicious.

[Havn_a_life]

WWIU, he isn't sympathetic why I called it. He thinks I'm paranoid

 

He said he does understand about my concerns about the 4:25 in the morning call though.

Ya know, he brought this **** on himself. I don't like that I was concerned about this phone call but I would rather find the facts that live not knowing.

 

He can tell you you're paranoid and not be sympathetic simply because he hasn't gotten to the point of what he did to you 5+ yrs ago when he cheated on you. That's why WSs say those things, because they have no idea or don't want to know what the BS has gone through and continue to go through because of the WSs' continued brushing of the A under the rug.

 

Until he sits down and really realizes this, he won't ever be sympathetic toward your fears, thoughts, etc.

 

It sounds like you've never been given "closure' concerning the (true) whys and wherefores of his A.

I know this as fact because my H was like that for yrs after the A. it wears on you and your emotions.

[mopar crazy]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I did fail to mention that I was the one that asked H if he thought I was paranoid and he said yes. Of course I'm being paranoid, look what he did to me. He just thinks the A should be pushed under the rug and I should just forget about it. Well, I will never forget about it but I certainly not going to turn a blind eye if he does it again. I honestly don't think he is cheating, he has no time.

[Havn_a_life]

I for one sincerely hope he isn't. You are too good a person to be done that way again.

Good luck to you, Mopar!

[StillSame]

Serenity is so right that OW/OM are always defensive, as evident by Sarme's posts. Deep down, Sarme knows, even she tried to deny it and lie to herself that what she did was wrong.

[SerenityX2]

Mopar...great!

 

Awesome that it was nothing, but perhaps take it as a sign to get the communication top notch and kiss the worries goodbye forever! Send the kids out...or not, they know you're married and light some candles and go for some dual full body massages...wonderful!

 

Thanks for the kind words folks...I haven't yet decided if I'll pop in now and then or not...school is nightmarishly busy again, however I decided I will not engage in any pizzing matches that are common here.

 

I feel the need to clarify.

 

I had (past jobs lost touch w/) 2 friends that were OW, even if I didn't agree with them, I never preached or anything..basically we didn't talk about it much, b/c it always revolved around how unhappy they are about this or that with the mm...so I'd listen...but I learned with them they liked the drama/complaining...so they just wanted a sounding board....I wanted to know if all OW share a common theme and although there are some slight differences...there are many similarities.

 

After my sit w/my pt...it prompted me to try to get some understanding. I learned that "most" (loosely) OW are very defensive, insecure, w/low self esteem and need validation w/surrounding ppl that agree w/them... that's evident w/the over the top posts of many...and how they deny and lump all ppl who disagree into one cat...it's a recurring theme that can't be denied, funny/sad at same time.

 

With any of my pts I never bring God into the discussion first, they have to initiate and surprisingly quite a few have...and it's been a really cool experience thus far. Otherwise if it doesn't come up it doesn't but they see the way I am so I guess my "light"/heart shows and I'm humbled by that....by far not superior.

 

I told one of my classmates, how I was accused of being a religous zealot and if I "wear my religion?...she laughed and said "no way"...I never force anybody, anything...but it was cool b/c she said I was her r'ship hero b/c of my M and the love we share and how it is diff than my 1st...so it gives her hope...Her H walked out 2 weeks into the program .nice huh! but she said she has never felt in her life what I describe w/my M...so if I can help others to find true happiness I'd like to....it's out there, it's attainable....and to help others, I don't think it's necessary to throw God in their face it's by kindness and example that the light usually just shows.

 

I did make the mistake w/my orig outburst directed at one ...however her "I take no responsibilty" attitude...well nm she'll never see any point but her own...and it's her life...and I've rambled too much already!

 

Take care all.

[jj2007]

Ok, I called it, and it was H's work. I told him I wanted to call it and so he handed me his cell. It was a guy that answered, I asked him who I was speaking to and he said his name. I apologized and said I got a wrong #. After I got off the phone H said "Let me guess, it was R or B, right?" He was right. Ok, I admit, I freaked out for nothing.

 

I am so glad things turned out ok!

I have to say when I first started reading this I thought, yep, he's doing it again and the part about him telling you to wait until he was at work to call was a huge red flag for me but I am glad he was telling the truth.

 

It is just so hard once that trust had been broken to get it back and don't feel like you freaked out for nothing. If he had been faithful it wouldn't have bothered you so much in the first place.

 

I know what you mean about not knowing. This time around I am determined to keep my eyes open and myself alert. If my H cheats again, I WILL NOT be the last to know and I will be gone.

 

Good luck!