And the flustered ex keeps playing games

[Rowen]

Ohh ex when will you just tell me your true thoughts and feelings like a real woman and grow up like I told you to way back after you dumped me.

 

The past 4 weeks, once or twice a week, she has been asking me to hang out.. well not asking.. hinting.. and wanting me to ask her out, and I went the first time.. but since then, she just keeps hinting, and doesn't ask and is not upfront about it. So I just play dumb and she says "k well im gonna go have a nap" The one time I was cheeky about it and texted her "hey.. were you implying you wanted to hang out with me?" All she has to do is ask! But she wnats me to chase her!

 

IF she wants to hang out with me and misses me so much, why doesn't she dump her bf! Who is abusive to her! If she even has one!

 

then last night, she comes online and says hi... then immediately she says "k im gonna go smoke a joint with **** il be back"

 

Needless to say.. she never came back last night.

 

Ohhh exx.......... YOu need to grow up... all you gotta do is ask

Edited January 6, 2008 by Rowen

[Blue Bird]

Sweetheart, you need to wipe this one off your list. She's not worth your heartache. When a bf/gf needs to grow up, they must do it on their own. See if you can't find one that's already grown up!

[brothermartin]

Sweetheart, you need to wipe this one off your list. She's not worth your heartache. When a bf/gf needs to grow up, they must do it on their own. See if you can't find one that's already grown up!

 

Yeah. Grown up and maybe with a lot more control over her insecurities.

Good luck finding one though!

[Rowen]

Yeah. Grown up and maybe with a lot more control over her insecurities.

Good luck finding one though!

 

Yeah, she needs to work on those bigtime. I'm not going to play her game and bite on it.. I just sit back and relax and see if she comes crawling back, because she wants me to chase her. And it aint gonna happen with that attitude.

[torranceshipman]

How do you know she wants you back? I only say this cause having false hope sucks! It stops you moving on...Has she given you any specific indications that she regrets her decision and wants you back as a boyf? Especially as you say she's already got a new boyf?

 

She might just miss you/want to hang out with you as a friend-girls often miss the company of an ex even when they don't want to be that persons girlfriend anymore.

 

I hope I'm wrong and she wants you back! But...

 

Maybe NC might be the bst thing - that'd make her really miss you...

[Rowen]

How do you know she wants you back? I only say this cause having false hope sucks! It stops you moving on...Has she given you any specific indications that she regrets her decision and wants you back as a boyf? Especially as you say she's already got a new boyf?

 

She might just miss you/want to hang out with you as a friend-girls often miss the company of an ex even when they don't want to be that persons girlfriend anymore.

 

I hope I'm wrong and she wants you back! But...

 

Maybe NC might be the bst thing - that'd make her really miss you...

 

Yes.. I know false hope really does suck.

 

The signs shes given me...

 

1.She misses me

2.Does not want to tell me about her bf.. unless its bad things

3. Said things like "we really doknow each other well dont we"

4.Wanted to hang out 4-5 times in the last few weeks

 

5.SAid things like "you're a forgiving person"

6. When she wanted to hang out.. she always would want to go places we would go on romantic dates. IE our first meeting/date.. restaurent we would go to.

 

her "BF" of about two months .. they have been fighting, he hit her, she moved back into her house, and took the cat she had ther eback to her moms.

 

At our coffee 'date" she repeatedly asked me if I was taking back my old best friend who had acted horribly to me after the breajk up.... and asked me all sorts of questions about my ex ex.. who wants to get back together with me.

 

She got jealous when i talked to my female friend on the phone at coffee.

Those are just the facts of stuff that has happend.

 

Im trying to be distant, and have rejected 4- of the 5 times she wanted to hang out.

 

She contacts me every 2 days now...

 

I had periods of 16 days of NC as well as 14.. and she always initiates contact.

 

She also said she misses talking to me and msises me.

 

She would also try and seduce me by saying she would wear clothes she knew i loved on her at our dates.

Edited January 7, 2008 by Rowen

[Rowen]

Monkey wrench...

 

ex jhust informs me after work.. she dumped him over drinking.

[Lee725]

If she wanted to be with you she would be upfront.

 

She is playing you because she likes the feeling of being chased... who doesnt?

Of course she wears the clothes and makes the remarks, if she does come back and it does not work out she will blame you - she wants you to be upfront without her doing it so if it goes south she does not have to carry the guilt of pursuing you again and leaving you again.

 

She wants this to be instigated by you so she has an out without guilt when she wants one.

 

If she dumped him and she does come back ... how long will it be for?

I have a sneaking suspision that any reconcilliation would be not as intense as you might like it.

(Sorry - dont want to sound mean).

 

She is a game player, she cant be upfront and she may just hang out with you untill the next object of interest fumbles his way into her lap.

 

I am sorry -

it just annoys me when people know that there is someone out there who loves them and they play on that.

She has stayed with the other guy even tho he abuses her because he is a challenge.

She wants to try to break him down to what she wants him to be, the same as she is trying to do to you.

 

Dont you deserve someone committed and upfront?

Someone who appreciates you and appreciates YOUR company.

Keep away from the game players and the manipulaters - they only cause as pathway of destruction and pain where ever they go.

[Rowen]

If she wanted to be with you she would be upfront.

 

She is playing you because she likes the feeling of being chased... who doesnt?

Of course she wears the clothes and makes the remarks, if she does come back and it does not work out she will blame you - she wants you to be upfront without her doing it so if it goes south she does not have to carry the guilt of pursuing you again and leaving you again.

 

She wants this to be instigated by you so she has an out without guilt when she wants one.

 

If she dumped him and she does come back ... how long will it be for?

I have a sneaking suspision that any reconcilliation would be not as intense as you might like it.

(Sorry - dont want to sound mean).

 

She is a game player, she cant be upfront and she may just hang out with you untill the next object of interest fumbles his way into her lap.

 

I am sorry -

it just annoys me when people know that there is someone out there who loves them and they play on that.

She has stayed with the other guy even tho he abuses her because he is a challenge.

She wants to try to break him down to what she wants him to be, the same as she is trying to do to you.

 

Dont you deserve someone committed and upfront?

Someone who appreciates you and appreciates YOUR company.

Keep away from the game players and the manipulaters - they only cause as pathway of destruction and pain where ever they go.

 

I am fully aware of this and will think hard about this if she wants back.

 

Sure . it can look like that is the way she is. She may be. But If I get into another mess, I take the blame. I love this girl, even with all her problems. She just needs to grow up.. i told her that.

 

Also.. I have done no chasing at all.. shes been coming at me over a month solid and I have not budged. Ive rejected her to hang out etc.

[Trialbyfire]

Monkey wrench...

 

ex jhust informs me after work.. she dumped him over drinking.

Rowen, make sure this is true and not another story she's feeding you. This wouldn't be the first time she's lied, to get what she wants.

[Lee725]

I am fully aware of this and will think hard about this if she wants back.

 

Sure . it can look like that is the way she is. She may be. But If I get into another mess, I take the blame. I love this girl, even with all her problems. She just needs to grow up.. i told her that.

 

Also.. I have done no chasing at all.. shes been coming at me over a month solid and I have not budged. Ive rejected her to hang out etc.

 

Oh Honey, Dont take what i am saying the wrong way.

I think that you may have miss-interpretted what i was saying, maybe i did not write it properly.

 

I am on your side here, i am here to help you as best i can not to upset you and if i did that i sincerely apologize.

Maybe i have stepped in half way and missed some serious points in your journey and that being the case i am sorry.

 

I know what it is to love someone and not have them.

I know what it is to do silly things to be with them including sacrificing your own needs, wants and desires, just to hold them and have them hold you.

I know what it is like not to have them love you back and to desire that so greatly that it consumes your every waking moment.

 

In regards to the chasing what i am saying is she is be evasive.

She wont say it outright, which forces you into the corner of having to do it if you want to see her.

If it does go south because she has not said it directly she can say that it was you that "said all these things".

You have already had to do it once (you said this in your opening thread).

 

I really hope that this works out for you.

I hope you find happiness wether it is with her or someone else.

 

If you do go back and it does not work out (which i hope it does), i will (along with the others on here) offer you all the help we can muster if you so want it. No one including yourself can blame anyone for who we love - it just happens.

 

Good luck.

[Rowen]

Oh Honey, Dont take what i am saying the wrong way.

I think that you may have miss-interpretted what i was saying, maybe i did not write it properly.

 

I am on your side here, i am here to help you as best i can not to upset you and if i did that i sincerely apologize.

Maybe i have stepped in half way and missed some serious points in your journey and that being the case i am sorry.

 

I know what it is to love someone and not have them.

I know what it is to do silly things to be with them including sacrificing your own needs, wants and desires, just to hold them and have them hold you.

I know what it is like not to have them love you back and to desire that so greatly that it consumes your every waking moment.

 

In regards to the chasing what i am saying is she is be evasive.

She wont say it outright, which forces you into the corner of having to do it if you want to see her.

If it does go south because she has not said it directly she can say that it was you that "said all these things".

You have already had to do it once (you said this in your opening thread).

 

I really hope that this works out for you.

I hope you find happiness wether it is with her or someone else.

 

If you do go back and it does not work out (which i hope it does), i will (along with the others on here) offer you all the help we can muster if you so want it. No one including yourself can blame anyone for who we love - it just happens.

 

Good luck.

 

Thank you for your post.

 

IN all fairness, I am going to defend myself. Sure I am defensive. But I have made her do all the work. She has asked me 4-5 times to hang out.. i rejected 4 of those times... when she does not ask out right I do not say yes.. the one time she actually asked me.. it took her 20 minutes to ask me.... i went out with her.. i knew she had a bf and at coffee I made it clear that I despise cheaters.

 

I have been a stronger person than she thought and she is realizing this.

 

She asked me to go for dinner tonight, and I said "no.. you need to get over him first"

 

And told her to ask me at a better time.

 

I feel I have dealt with this in a good manner.

 

She has to come get me if she wants me. Im not budging.

[torranceshipman]

Hey sweetie,

OK this is what you got to do....she still has control as you are still wondering exactly what her intentions are. You need to ask her 100% straight out - your flirting etc suggests you wants us to get back together - do you or not? Don't hint, or send her a cheeky message - ask her flat out.

 

If she says no, not sure or doesnt answer or is evasive - WALK AWAY as all this flirting she is doing is attention seeking and loving the feeling of you chasing her/wanting her.

 

If she say yes, say ok cool, lts go for it.

Job done (-: