SeeinStarz Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 Hi everyone new member here... anyway here's my little prob. There's a guy I've liked for a little over a year now. I confessed to him my feelings late last year, and we spoke about it and he explained to me that he didn't have time for a relationship. I had thought he liked me enough to go out with me, however it obviously wasn't the case. I still see him (we're in the same uni course) and he comes to speak to me every now and then, and I catch him looking at me, but other than that we're not really close anymore. What do I do? I still like him... Should I wait for him? Link to post Share on other sites
R2litefan Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 I have been in your situation and I would not wait. Maybe if he sees that you are getting on with your life and involving other men, maybe he will re-think his situation and make a decision on how much he likes you or not. If he sees that you are not going to just wait around for him, and he knows that you like him, he may just give you a call, but wait for him to make that first move. Don't pressure him, if and when he makes a decision, he'll let you know. If he doesn't approach you or call, then accept the fact that he just wants to be friends and accept his friendship. Who knows what the future may bring, but if you totally blow him off, then the chances of you ever getting closer becomes even slimmer. Just remember, most relationships start with the best friendships. Maybe that's all he wants in his life for the time being, so be his friend, but don't sit around waiting for him either. Life is too short to sit and wait for something that may never happen, and if it doesn't, at least you'll have a good friend out of the deal. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeeinStarz Posted June 15, 2003 Author Share Posted June 15, 2003 Thanks for that always helps to see an outsider's opinion. Another fact I didn't bring up(don't know how important it is), but I tend to be the one sending sms's to him, and he always replies to them-really nicely too I guess little things like that makes me still have feelings for him. But yeh...u don't think I should make any other 1st moves anymore ah? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 Not only should you not be making any of the first moves anymore, but you should be moving in other directions. He was very clear about the fact that he doesn't want a relationship with you. You have to understand that if the right situation came up with the right person that could change. Don't sit around hoping this guy is going to come around in the future. He may or may not decide you'd be nice for him. Get some power within yourself to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeeinStarz Posted June 15, 2003 Author Share Posted June 15, 2003 I could add alot of 'but's to that, saying how so and so prevents me from just moving on and forgetting him altogether. I see him everyday (uncontrollable circumstance) and I keep thinking he'll realise what he really wants. Nevermind I'm just avoiding exam study by whinging on this board sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 Our advice can only be based on what you write in your posts. If you hold back on all the if's or but's, how are we supposed to know what the additional information is? Despite our lack of complete information from you, I can't think of any possibility where this is right for you. Yeah, I suppose miracles do happen. I know how this stuff happens because I have been in identical situations and hung around for lady friends' feelings to change...and they never did. Oh, once in a while I'm sure, but if a friend gives it to you as straightforward as this guy did right from the start...it ain't gonna happen. You are getting this information from a guy who's been there, done that, got the trophy, got the T-shirt, and the President Medal of Honor for wasting time. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 15, 2003 Share Posted June 15, 2003 All the "buts" in the world aren't going to help your situation. Don't try to make excuses about why you haven't moved on. You haven't moved on because deep down you have hope that he will change his mind, so you aren't choosing to move on. If I tell you he won't, does that help you move on? He told you he didn't want a relationship! So, what are you waiting for, exactly? For him to tell you that again? For him to find someone new so you finally believe him? He wasn't lying. If he wanted a relationship with you, he would tell you. If he even wanted to leave the door open, he would make some moves or initiate some things with you. You still like him because you haven't moved on. I understand that you see him every day, but you still need to move on or you are only going to make yourself miserable. People decide fairly quickly what they want and don't want. Don't think that by just being in his proximity he is going to magically change his mind. Please, do anything to get your mind off this guy--go out with your friends, go shopping, go to the gym, date other guys, whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeeinStarz Posted June 15, 2003 Author Share Posted June 15, 2003 I've tried! Since we had that 'talk' I've been trying to move on... but I just keep comparing everyone to him and find myself just where I started. Link to post Share on other sites
register Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 I personally dont think he likes you, I think you want him to like you and have imagined in your head that he likes you in return I think you need to get over him,because from what i gather he doesnt like you at all, you say that you catch him looking at you, he probably looks up at the same time and think "why is she still looking at me" You need to move on, cause he doesnt like you He really doesnt, not one bit Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeeinStarz Posted July 22, 2003 Author Share Posted July 22, 2003 I'm not sure.... I understand guys aren't like that at all, don't notice the little things much...however he's the type that would even mention to me that I was sitting in a different seat during class, or if I'm in the same lab even if I'm on the opposite end of the room. And with the looking thing...I'm just looking back because I notice it and he comes to speak to me not the other way around. This leaves one very confused girl. But its ok, a forum won't solve my problem, I just have to keep doing what I've been doing-leaving distance Link to post Share on other sites
register Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 i think a lot of distance is best Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeeinStarz Posted July 22, 2003 Author Share Posted July 22, 2003 ...and keep running away each time he comes near me Link to post Share on other sites
register Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 let go all you want to do is wait he will not wait for you he has no desire to be with you LET GO Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeeinStarz Posted July 23, 2003 Author Share Posted July 23, 2003 You're obviously not reading my messages... I already said I let go etc etc..its his behaviour that confused me-the speaking, messaging etc. Anyway no need to be angry 'register'! The situation will deal with itself and obviously doesn't affect you Link to post Share on other sites
R2litefan Posted July 23, 2003 Share Posted July 23, 2003 SeeinStarz, you're on the right track with the distance thing, it has made a world of difference in my situation, and as far as the smiles and the responses you get from him, don't read into them too much or you're going to end up just building yourself up for a bigger hurt. Take his friendly responses as just that, friendly. Be there as a friend, but not too often, and try and keep your conversations short, not taking up too much of his time. It's been 7 months since my "falling out" with my friend, and not being around all the time has made so much of a difference. When I did talk with him I kept the conversations short but nice and he has just started to come around and tell me jokes and we really had a good laugh together today for the first time. It made me feel so good to be able to laugh with him again, but I can't let myself start building hope again. I am thankful that he is my friend and I sure hope that in your situation you'll end up being friends too. Time is an amazing thing, it really does make things better as long as you take a step back and let the time thing work for you. Please remember that the most lasting relationships start from a good friendship. Give yourself the chance to be his friend. I really do wish you all the best, and I hope you'll be able to say the same as I am, and that is that we may not be lovers but at least we are friends and I would rather be "just" his friend than not have him in my life at all. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeeinStarz Posted July 24, 2003 Author Share Posted July 24, 2003 That was awesome you read my mind...thats exactly how it seems to be going Link to post Share on other sites
km82794 Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 I am not trying to be cold by any means, but if he wanted a relationship with you, he would have one. There are so many men out there. Find one that's crazy about you. Just the same way as you are for this guy. My motto.... Don't waste your time on a guy who won't waste his time on you. Life's too short, don't waste it! Goodluck! Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 I totally agree with km82794! If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you! You already said he told you that he THOUGHT he liked you enough to go out on a date with you. He obviously isn't sure. That within itself isn't a good sign. Seriously, you will know when a guy is crazy head over heels for you. He'd do anything for you and wouldn't be playing these games with you. You deserve to be with a guy like that. This isn't the one. Save your heart for the one who will be just as crazy about you in return. He's out there!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sunflower Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 SeeinStarz, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Believe me I have been there and have heard the "I am not ready for a relationship, the timing isn't right," yada yada yada! speech a few number of times already and each time I analyzed and rationalized and tried to see why he could feel this way, am I giving the wrong signals? Is he confused? whatever. And you know what? I learned the hard way and the forum members here helped me so much to put things into an objective light, because in almost all of my cases, their advice was right. When a guy wants to be with you, you won't get this complicated speech. They are not trying to be "cautious" they are not "taking things slow." They just don't want to be with you in a serious committed relationship, but may like having you around until their shining lady appears, or they just want you around well just because. In other words, they really are not ready to be with you. I just posted recently about yet another episode of a "not ready" speech given to me, and again I was swayed because this guy was so convincing, so sweet, didn't try to get any "physical more than friends benefits" crap, and I honestly thought "hey maybe this time this guy means it." Well, I found out that the jerk had been seeing someone,already was in a relationship with her, yet he was feeding me this bullcrap line. I am sorry but I won't sit around to be second best and strung along like that. And what does that make the girlfriend? My goodness. But I guess life can be quite fair when you least expect it because a friend that I knew along, a friend who's always been by my side, someone who treated me so wonderfully finally revealed his true feelings to me. And you know what? I realized how stupid I was. How simple and wonderful the way he acted around me. How he'd drop everything at the drop of a hat when I needed someone to talk to. How he'd call and bring me stuff when I was sick. And I was wasting my time analyzing guys who obviously didn't have the 100% feelings for me needed for a relationship. Sorry this was so long, and my experiences may not be what you are experiencing, but I just wanted to let you know that when a guy truly wants to be with you, they will "move heaven and earth to do so" ( as a forum member so wisely told me about 6 months ago when I first posted here). Don't wait for him. If you can handle being in touch with him and being pals and stuff, then totally go for that. Maybe he will realize you are the one for him. But go out there and find someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. Cuz when that happens, it is the best feeling in the world. Good luck and I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeeinStarz Posted August 7, 2003 Author Share Posted August 7, 2003 theres been a turnaround in events We're giving it a try (long story...) Link to post Share on other sites
R2litefan Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 Oh my gosh that's wonderful SeeinStarz I wish the two of you all the best and remember one thing please, don't make an issue of "the yesterday" if you know what I mean, just live for today and tomorrow and what happened yesterday and before that is long gone and can't be changed. He is giving you a chance for a reason, just remember to be the loving, caring person that you seem to be and all should go well for you. Keep in touch okay? Good Luck and God Bless both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
jackie Posted August 16, 2003 Share Posted August 16, 2003 congrats Seeinstars Originally posted by Sunflower SeeinStarz, I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Believe me I have been there and have heard the "I am not ready for a relationship, the timing isn't right," yada yada yada! speech a few number of times already and each time I analyzed and rationalized and tried to see why he could feel this way, am I giving the wrong signals? Is he confused? whatever. And you know what? I learned the hard way and the forum members here helped me so much to put things into an objective light, because in almost all of my cases, their advice was right. When a guy wants to be with you, you won't get this complicated speech. They are not trying to be "cautious" they are not "taking things slow." They just don't want to be with you in a serious committed relationship, but may like having you around until their shining lady appears, or they just want you around well just because. In other words, they really are not ready to be with you. I just posted recently about yet another episode of a "not ready" speech given to me, and again I was swayed because this guy was so convincing, so sweet, didn't try to get any "physical more than friends benefits" crap, and I honestly thought "hey maybe this time this guy means it." Well, I found out that the jerk had been seeing someone,already was in a relationship with her, yet he was feeding me this bullcrap line. I am sorry but I won't sit around to be second best and strung along like that. And what does that make the girlfriend? My goodness. But I guess life can be quite fair when you least expect it because a friend that I knew along, a friend who's always been by my side, someone who treated me so wonderfully finally revealed his true feelings to me. And you know what? I realized how stupid I was. How simple and wonderful the way he acted around me. How he'd drop everything at the drop of a hat when I needed someone to talk to. How he'd call and bring me stuff when I was sick. And I was wasting my time analyzing guys who obviously didn't have the 100% feelings for me needed for a relationship. Sorry this was so long, and my experiences may not be what you are experiencing, but I just wanted to let you know that when a guy truly wants to be with you, they will "move heaven and earth to do so" ( as a forum member so wisely told me about 6 months ago when I first posted here). Don't wait for him. If you can handle being in touch with him and being pals and stuff, then totally go for that. Maybe he will realize you are the one for him. But go out there and find someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. Cuz when that happens, it is the best feeling in the world. Good luck and I wish you the best. btw sunflowers does this go for a guy aswell? Link to post Share on other sites
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