New feelings

[faire l'amour]

Okay...I have no clue what to think! I just got married about two months ago to the guy I have been with for 4 years. I love him more than anything, and I am happy that we are married. Here is the confusing part:

 

I had a close friend of 8 years die on his birthday. His older sister only 2 years older than us came down for a week for the funeral and stuff. Her and I became such good friends, hanging out most of the week. After she went home to washington, I was so sad, but we kept texting and calling and emailing. it has only been a month since my friend died. Well, my friend decided to move back here to be with her family because she was having a hard time with her brothers death, and then two other friends of ours died. One shot himself and the other one had an accident. WELL......She just got back yesterday and we all went to the bar. I got drunk...unplanned....but she didn't. So...she took me in her car for the night and we went to breakfast with friends and everything. We had to go to my place to wake my husband up at 4am for work. He is friends with her too. He left for work and we started watching movies. We fell asleep on the couch sorta cuddled up...and when I woke up...she was starting to be EXSTREMELY affectionate. The wierd thing, is that I didn't mind so much. Now....she has made it known that she likes girls...and I'm okay with it, cuz I am not bias. But...I am not into girls like that. The thought of doing certain explicit things to a girl makes me cringe a little. BUT....I wasn't minding what she was doing. So I didn't stop her...and things started to progress. Well......clothes were kept on...no questions asked...but....a lot of other things happened. The confusing thing, is that I feel really close to her and I really liked what happened. I still cringe at the thought of doing some things....like going down on a girl and stuff like that....but the rest of it....it's like...I actually want it to happen again. she asked me if it freaked me out and I told her no. I really care about her a lot and she is the ONLY girl that I have ever done anything sexual with....and I am confused because I really liked it, but I'm really not into dating girls or being in a relationship with one. I just don't understand what is going on with me. I do know that the way she did the little things, like touching and kissing was a lot more sensual and passionate than my husband, and I wonder if that is the whole reason...but...yeah.

 

Okay, and I talked to my husband and asked him if I were to do anything sexual with a girl if he would consider that cheating...and he said no. He said he didn't know if he would want me to make a habit of it, but the problem for me, is that I kinda want to. So....if anyone had an opinion...I would like to hear it, but I only ask one thing.....if your opinion is going to be mean and hurtful.....please just skip along and don't say anything. I don't really need negativity right now, I just want to figure out these feelings. Thanks

Edited January 7, 2008 by faire l'amour
mis-type

[ElvenPriestess]

I know that alot of women end up with these curiosities later in life. Such as maybe growing up it wasn't a thought, but after becoming an adult, being married, etc., there becomes a curious nature. It goes from taboo to the unknown. And perhaps it is that you are finding yourself in unexplored territories and learning more about yourself that you were unaware of? I don't know that her being more sensual than your husband has anything to do with it. I just think that you experiences something for the first time and well, you liked it.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong that you enjoyed your experience, and the fact that she's a close friend of yours would make it easier for you to trust the situation. Do you feel like you want to take it another step? Perhaps discover yourself more?

[Ronni_W]

I just want to figure out these feelings. Thanks

 

Hi there.

My sympathies on your recent losses.

 

You are both in deep grief, and grief has a way of...just anything can and does happen when you are in the throes of it.

Comforting each other is natural, and there is great comfort in physical closeness. The act of sex itself is very much about life and creating life -- it helps to affirm our own "alive-ness".

 

If you are at a place where you haven't yet decided what is in your best interest to do next about this, I'd encourage you to do nothing right now.

 

You two could consider joining a local grief support group. It is possible that your own interest will subside after the biggest part of your mourning has been completed.

And if not, you can continue to explore with your g/f at that point, without any unnecessary issues and baggage, fear of guilt and resentment, etc.

 

PS: In your closing, you used the "embarrassed" emoticon -- your experience and feelings are real. If people do decide to play God and judge you, do not let them get to you. That is their embarrassment, not yours.

 

God bless.

 

EDITED TO ADD: Or, of course, you can undertake grief support or counseling on your own -- didn't mean to imply it HAD to be both of you.

Edited January 7, 2008 by Ronni_W

[faire l'amour]

Well, the grief makes sense to be a part of it, but I almost feel there is more to it than that. idk. It's confusing. We seem to be dealing with the loss pretty well actually. There was just this connection with her. When I'm not with her, I want to be. It's almost like I have actually feelings for her.