OWoman Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 And does his kids know about you? Their mother know about you? Is he D from his W? He told his kids some time back (they're teens). His wife more recently, when he told her he was moving out. She didn't believe that there's "someone else" and still doesn't. Divorce in his country takes a very long time so no, he's not divorced yet. He and his kids are currently going through family counselling around the break-up of the family (his wife refuses to go) and to inform issues like custody and access. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I call BS on this one. My H gave me HPV. Had I not found out about the affair and went to get tested for STD's I would have never known I had it and it could have killed me if I never did anything about it. What the W doesn't know CAN hurt her. Even KILL her. Period. If you get your annual pap smears it will show up on it if it's cancerous or the cells are abnormal...So you would know about it... Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 If you get your annual pap smears it will show up on it if it's cancerous or the cells are abnormal...So you would know about it... I was thinking the exact same thing. The thing is though HPV can be dormant for up until 10 yrs so he could have had it from someone else before depending on how long she has been with her H, OR she could have had it from a previous sexual partner herself. Or it could be that he was just with a very promicuous woman, either way yuck! Geni warts sound pretty gross. I am sorry he gave you that, it turned my stomach to read about that, I am so so sorry! I don't know HOW people have unprotected sex, I think having and affair is bad but having unprotected sex is just plain stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
kchiapet95 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Yes, HPV is very common. Some strains show up as warts, some are cancerous, and some are completely benign. You could not even know you have it, and transmit it unknowingly. And even if you use a condom, it can be on the skin surrounding the genital area and you can STILL get it. This is why it's one of the most common STDs. Link to post Share on other sites
KnownTruth Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 In so many of the threads I have read on LS, the betrayed is not considered to be part of the affair. I don't get this concept. Some OW say that they are not part of the marriage and the BW is not part of the affair. How can that be? Yes, the blame should be placed on the married cheater, but it's not possible to say that by having an affair with a MM or MW you are not enabling someone to cause harm to their spouse. So many threads from OW ask: "should I tell the wife?" I don't think it's the place of the OW to tell, but I do think that the OW should make an effort to get the MM to tell his wife on his own. Instead there is the constant game of hiding the truth from the BW at all costs so that the affair can continue. Wouldn't it be better for everyone if MM just went home and told the truth so that his wife could have the choice to stay married to a cheater or move on to find her own happiness? At least that way everyone has control of their of life. For the MM who say they stay for they kids. Why do they get to make that choice? Maybe the BW would rather be apart and happy. You never know until you are honest. Some OW say that BW's use their children against the MM. I'm sure this happens, but I would think it's rare that a BW would use her kids so that she can stay married to a man who wants to be with another woman. If a MM truly loves an OW, he owes it to her and his wife to be honest. To every OW that helps the MM hide the truth, you are just doing yourself a disservice. The best way to know for sure if he really loves you is for him to be honest with his wife. I do think MM should come out and tell their wives. Being the OW I have encouraged MM to do this and end all the lies and games. He did tell his W part of what was going on about how he is in love with me, and how he wanted to end the marriage. He didn't take any action at the time such as leaving because of "the stay for the kids" line. Now W is in a sort of denial that MM and I are not talking, even though we do everyday and that if she doesn't see me I don't exist. I believe she really knows what is going on still, but does not want to leave or change her life. I guess my point is if MM wants to leave Marriage come out straight with it, don't lead W or OW on. Make a decision and follow through with it. Let us all get on and live out lives. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 OK, back on subject. Yes the H should be the one to tell....will he ever NO, unless of course he thinks he will be caught, and then only sometimes. No matter how stupid his reason for staying is. It's still a reason (in his mind) to keep his family. and if he doesn't get caught the first A....he will countinue to do it forever....or until his thing doesn't work....(my opinion) If he does get caught....thats a different story Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 If bs are waiting for WS to tell, forget it, Maybe Hall Mark should have a new line of cards, Ow can send one to the bs to let her know. ( in secret of coarse) What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 If you get your annual pap smears it will show up on it if it's cancerous or the cells are abnormal...So you would know about it... Uh... pap smear and a test for HPV are different things. Believe me, I know all about it now unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I agree a card, but all OP know if the BS finds out...they are in trouble (in some way) even if it is a secret....... I would tell, I would shout it from the roof how much of a cheating piece of >>>> my XMM is, if I didn't have to fear any repercussion. Link to post Share on other sites
suregirl1122 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 (((Also, I don't know any mother that would choose to destroy her H by using, and at the same time destroying, her kids. I don't think that's the norm. Just me I guess.)))) I know a BS who told thier adult children the minute she found out. so it does happen. Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 What the W doesn't know CAN hurt her. Even KILL her. Period. This goes for STD's in general. If the W doesn't know her H is out getting his jollies with OW and he brings diseases home to her and and she contracts them and doesn't know about it to get tested, it can make her severely sick and even kill her if not treated in time. I had to have a HPV test done before they could tell me I have it. Not a pap smear. I'm glad I was able to catch it in time I have a strain that causes cervical cancer. I am still doing follow-ups to make sure it is going away. I lost my virginity to my H- so I know it wasn't me. Plus once you catch one strain you can't catch it again so if he had it before we got together I would have caught it over six years ago! So, in conclusion he had himself a drug whore. And I had to pay the price. Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I call BS on this one. My H gave me HPV. Had I not found out about the affair and went to get tested for STD's I would have never known I had it and it could have killed me if I never did anything about it. What the W doesn't know CAN hurt her. Even KILL her. Period. This is so true, jj2007! I had a scare last year over that, and had the gynecologist tell me it was nothing so far but recommended another pap in 6 months and even said to have my family doctor do an HPV test. She stated it could lay dormant for years, and I'd not had this kind of trouble with abnormal paps, before the A, which was 5+ years ago. So, yeah, I'd say too,what a BW doesn't know can hurt her. Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 He told his kids some time back (they're teens). His wife more recently, when he told her he was moving out. She didn't believe that there's "someone else" and still doesn't. Divorce in his country takes a very long time so no, he's not divorced yet. He and his kids are currently going through family counselling around the break-up of the family (his wife refuses to go) and to inform issues like custody and access. I feel sorry for the BW and kids. Obviously they love husband/father very much. How sad for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 If you get your annual pap smears it will show up on it if it's cancerous or the cells are abnormal...So you would know about it... I'm assuming her point was that she wouldn't have anything life threatening if it hadn't been for her cheating spouse and his whore. Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 This goes for STD's in general. If the W doesn't know her H is out getting his jollies with OW and he brings diseases home to her and and she contracts them and doesn't know about it to get tested, it can make her severely sick and even kill her if not treated in time. I had to have a HPV test done before they could tell me I have it. Not a pap smear. I'm glad I was able to catch it in time I have a strain that causes cervical cancer. I am still doing follow-ups to make sure it is going away. I lost my virginity to my H- so I know it wasn't me. Plus once you catch one strain you can't catch it again so if he had it before we got together I would have caught it over six years ago! So, in conclusion he had himself a drug whore. And I had to pay the price. Why are you still with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I was thinking the exact same thing. The thing is though HPV can be dormant for up until 10 yrs so he could have had it from someone else before depending on how long she has been with her H, OR she could have had it from a previous sexual partner herself. Or it could be that he was just with a very promicuous woman, either way yuck! Geni warts sound pretty gross. I am sorry he gave you that, it turned my stomach to read about that, I am so so sorry! I don't know HOW people have unprotected sex, I think having and affair is bad but having unprotected sex is just plain stupid. I think she stated she was a virgin when she M him. Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I would be SO UTTERLY offended if my husband did me in for a drug whore I could never EVER touch him again. Yuck! Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 (((Also, I don't know any mother that would choose to destroy her H by using, and at the same time destroying, her kids. I don't think that's the norm. Just me I guess.)))) I know a BS who told thier adult children the minute she found out. so it does happen. My kids found out about the A because the OW called the house, to which my oldest dd(who was 13 at the time) found out. So, it's not always the BW who spills the beans to MM's kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I would be SO UTTERLY offended if my husband did me in for a drug whore I could never EVER touch him again. Yuck! I know your comment was directed at jj2007, but I have to post that any BW is offended by any whore her H has an A with. Whether she's a crack whore, drunk whore, gold digger, or just Jane from receiving who's got no life and thinks boss man Bill (who's M) is "cute". Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Why are you still with him? Honestly, I love him. Addiction is a powerful thing and when he ran out of money he had sex with her to pay for the drugs they were doing. So I guess I could also consider him a drug whore too. He is doing everything he can now to make it up to me and I am willing to give it one more shot. He is also in a drug treatment program as that was one of the things I stated he would have to get into if he wanted me to stay. So far, he is still sober and is a far better person and husband. I have already told him though, if this sh## happens again I am gone. No second chances. Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I know your comment was directed at jj2007, but I have to post that any BW is offended by any whore her H has an A with. Whether she's a crack whore, drunk whore, gold digger, or just Jane from receiving who's got no life and thinks boss man Bill (who's M) is "cute". Well of course the BS sees any woman as a whore, the woman who diverts a WH away gives him something the BS couldn't. So of course she would be labeled a whore. Women usually call other women they are threated by, "whores" as soon as the word comes out so do the claws and it happens in any type of setting it doesn't have to be about affairs. I am sure you work with "whores" as well. LOL The word gets thrown around way too loosely which is why I always laugh when I read it. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
sarme Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Honestly, I love him. Addiction is a powerful thing and when he ran out of money he had sex with her to pay for the drugs they were doing. So I guess I could also consider him a drug whore too. He is doing everything he can now to make it up to me and I am willing to give it one more shot. He is also in a drug treatment program as that was one of the things I stated he would have to get into if he wanted me to stay. So far, he is still sober and is a far better person and husband. I have already told him though, if this sh## happens again I am gone. No second chances. Oh I didn't realise he was a drug addict, so they were both exactly the same thing, only you love him but she was a "whore". See what I mean....? anyway, people do all sorts of nutty stuff while under the influence it's like they are possessed by another being. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Well said... Me too... it goes 25 ft over my head now... Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 (edited) Oh I didn't realise he was a drug addict, so they were both exactly the same thing, only you love him but she was a "whore". See what I mean....? anyway, people do all sorts of nutty stuff while under the influence it's like they are possessed by another being. Well, I did say he was a whore too so if the shoe fits.... I do know now that he is not (he has to submit to random drug testing) as for her, she was at the time- I have no idea now and I don't really give a sh**. I do feel sorry for her H and children though. I can only imagine what she's taking home to him. Edited January 8, 2008 by jj2007 Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Well of course the BS sees any woman as a whore, the woman who diverts a WH away gives him something the BS couldn't. So of course she would be labeled a whore. Women usually call other women they are threated by, "whores" as soon as the word comes out so do the claws and it happens in any type of setting it doesn't have to be about affairs. I am sure you work with "whores" as well. LOL The word gets thrown around way too loosely which is why I always laugh when I read it. LOL No, actually, I don't work with whores. I work along side a group of nice older women. Nice, church going, God fearing women. LOL Speaking of God, that'w where I get the "whore" from. Says it in plain black and white, what a woman who sleeps with a MM is. Don't blame the messenger for this one. Link to post Share on other sites
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