He needs to take a step back and reevaluate our relationship.

[amydlove]

My boyfriend recently told me he still loves me, but needs to take a step back and reevaluate our relationship. Here's the background...I'm going through a divorce and he is divorced...met him online and we messaged back and forth every day and night. He pursued me and showed a great deal of attention and affection to me...He said all the right things and we both fell in love.

 

We then began speaking over the phone and he would call me everynight. We would talk for hours. We found out we have several things in common as far as growing up, interests, children, hopes, dreams, dislikes etc... He would constantly reassure me that WE are in this together and WE will be married someday. We agreed with eachother to keep our relationship discreet for the sake of our children and because I am not divorced. We agreed that we would not be intimate with eachother except for kissing because we both believe that should be saved for marraige.

 

We met in person and the sparks flew...instant chemistry that validated the feelings we had for eachother. We ended up after seeing eachother several times caving in and having sex...our relationship became very sexually charged. He then began showing me less and less attention. He would talk less on the phone, not text me as much, not spontaneously say affectionate things...I began questioning his feelings for me and he would get upset and defensive that I even questioned his love for me and then not talk to me or return my phone calls. I would always put all the blame on myself. Then he would say he was coming over to see me and call last minute and say he couldn't...there was always a valid reason... like on night there was a snow storm, the other night he had to have his children. I would get very upset and not believe him even though it was very bad outside and he did have his children...I just always thought he didn't really want to see me and would say that to him...he would get upset and angry that I wasn't understanding he just couldn't come out. I would always apologize profusely, but then continue to get upset if he did it again.

 

We did see eachother a few times in the past month, but our communication and his affection and pursuing me went way downhill. I then went online and found out he has been flirting this whole time with other woman telling them things like "you are the only one for me" etc...then I saw he had his profile on a couple different personals websites and it was active. My heart sank and I confronted him. He said yeah maybe ur right maybe we are not a good fit. Then today he tells me he does still love me but several red flags went off when I was misunderstanding...he then said he needs to take a step back to reevaluate our relationship.

 

Please give me some insight/advice. I'm more than ok with everyone being very real with me.

 

Thank you!

[s_n_d]

I think you deserve better than what this man is giving you.

 

My ex and I met online too.And after knowing him for a LONG time online, we met and there were definitely sparks between us. After getting to know eachother in person, he asked me out. It got really serious with him...I met his parents..His sister and his little niece..Anyways..getting back to the point I was going to make..Throughout our relationship and even before we started seeing eachother, He NEVER flirted with any other girl.

You dont really want to be with a man like this do you? Someone who tells you they love you but tells someone else the same thing as well..

You dont need this man in your life.Especially since you have children to worry about as well.

[vivrantflo]

100 percent agree.. you don't need this man in your life...

 

Taking a step back, and re-evaluating the relationship, means he wants time to see what it's like with the other woman he's playing.. do you want to put up with that?? No, I don't think so. You deserve better.

 

Oh, and do you think it's merely a coincidence that he somehow lost interest after you two had sex a couple times?? I don't..

 

He's a heartbreak waiting to happen.. stay away.

[GIVIN IT TO YOU STR8]

He Is A Dog

 

Kick Him To The CurB Like He Has Rabies!

[amydlove]

S N D thank you so much! No I don't want to be with a man who tells me he loves me and is telling someone else the same thing. I'm realizing that I tend to hold onto hurtful relationships...I did it for nine years with my husband...I guess I was thinking that maybe I pushed him away, but now I realize that I didn't push him away he wasn't really all here to begin with. Thank you!

[amydlove]

Yeah vivrantflo, ur very right on! I need to stand up for what I believe in! The man who God puts in my life will respect that and know he has a really really good thing to wait for!!! I'm confident in that!!! Now I need to stand on that!!! Thank you!!!

[amydlove]

Thank you also Givin it to you str8!!! I'm taking a step back as well and reevaluating myself!!! A man who loves me, truly loves me won't flirt behind my back...I mean comon...my perceptions of reality here were not off!!! I felt he was not pursuing me as much because the reality was that he wasn't...it wasn't like he was still showering me with affection and I felt this way...I'm kickin!!!

[amydlove]

By the way, I'm new to this so I hope I'm doing this replying thing right??? If I'm not can you tell me what to do???

[vivrantflo]

You're doing fine, but most people reply with one reply.. you could have typed your responses in one entry.. but that's no big deal.. you're not offending anyone!

[Lee725]

going through a divorce and he is divorced...met him online and we messaged back and forth every day and night.

 

Just a thought but, given he has just been divorced and you are not divorced yet, i am thinking a big rebound is happening here (could be wrong but ...)

 

He would constantly reassure me that WE are in this together and WE will be married someday.

 

This is a bit much (from him), he has not met you in person but he wants to marry you.?

Sorry, but i think that this guy was stringing you along from the very beggining.

 

our relationship became very sexually charged. He then began showing me less and less attention.

 

If you have both come from marriage break downs this would not be unusual as you would both be craving physical attention.

During these times of initmacy, did you continue to express your emotional desire to be with him?

 

I ask this because given the end of your thread, i am thinking (oh gosh this is going to sound mean - sorry) - that you were a conquest.

 

You had the talk about no sex till marriage - there was his challenge.

 

Through no complete fault of your own that was broken, if during these sexy times you were talking further about the emotional relationship that had developed, his attention would have dropped, to him you were a conquest, but to you he was a future partner & husband.

 

He was not interested in further talk of a long term loving relationship.

he got what he wanted.

 

He would talk less on the phone, not text me as much, not spontaneously say affectionate things...I began questioning his feelings for me and he would get upset and defensive that I even questioned his love for me and then not talk to me or return my phone calls.

 

In the end of my last relationship this was one of the tells that gave away the fact i was a rebound.

They go from being intense to drifting away, so very quickly.

 

I remember sending him a TXT asking him if it would be easier for him to do the things he needs to do if i werent around... i get one back "for you to say that you must be really questioning us honey.. blah blah blah"

 

Yep i was, because like what you were getting - the signals he was sending were so mixed that i did not know if i was coming or going.

 

Then he would say he was coming over to see me and call last minute and say he couldn't...there was always a valid reason...

 

there always is, be it the weather, the kids, they seem to give you these reasons untill you push them away, that way they do not have to carry the guilt.

 

I then went online and found out he has been flirting this whole time with other woman telling them things like "you are the only one for me" etc...then I saw he had his profile on a couple different personals websites and it was active.

 

It seems that he has the lines memorised that capture the heart of each person he chooses to be his next conquest.

 

My heart sank and I confronted him. He said yeah maybe ur right maybe we are not a good fit. Then today he tells me he does still love me but several red flags went off when I was misunderstanding...he then said he needs to take a step back to reevaluate our relationship.

 

Run honey, i hate to say it, i really do.. i know that all you want is to be loved and taken care of and that is exactly what you deserve.

You deserve better than this jerk who will keep mucking you around and keep holding you on.

He is playing the field for all he can get and he is not going to stop untill it is out of his system, whether you are with him or not or waiting for him or not.

 

I wish you the best of luck and i hope that you find the strength to get rid of this guy.

It is a horrible feeling to be used, i know that one intimately.

It is a worse feeling to let it go on and do nothing about it.

Dont let this guy call the shots, for your own sake end it now and begin to heal.

[amydlove]

LEE725 I'm in tears...I know in my heart you are so right on. Yes, he was telling other woman the exact words and sometimes verbatim that he said to me. I read online somewhere about the "Player" type of man and he fit the bill but I didn't want to believe it. I really deep down felt that this man was truly my soulmate and would forgive him for anything he did to me...I guess I need to realize that my soulmate won't do this to me. Besides I did the wrong thing anyhow...I should never have had sex with him. I justified our having sex cuz I felt we were in love with eachother. Yeah, guess I was another one of his conquests and that is all. Also, he's been divorced for like 7 years now, so I don't think I was a rebound...just played! I'm sad and heartbroken cuz I opened up my heart and believed and trusted...but I know I need to walk away and move on if I was truly a conquest only...God, I still want to believe and I hate that about myself...