DDenise Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Hi, I'm in a mess.. On Friday night I decided to have a look at my partners mobile phone and I kinda wish I hadn't now... Firstly, we're together 5 years and have a 7 month old baby.. Our relationship is great (or so I thought), we have fun, make each other laugh etc.. We're just both tired and a bit run down as baby isn't sleeping well due to teething... Sex life isn't really up to scratch since baby arrived but we talk openly about it so it's not an issue really... We do try to make the effort and most Saturday nights ewe go out for dinner while my Mum babysitts... Anyway, relationship seems fine buit when I looked at his phone there were 2 texts which have kinda shaken me up... 1 text in his inbox said "Just put phone on, was writing you a letter hehe. x" This was sent last Tuesday... And then he sent one to that number on Friday morning saying "Good morning, how is the woman I desire :)" Oh my god, I am getting really upset again... this isn't acceptable is it??? I've been really off form today and he noticed and kept asking what's wrong but I kept shrugging it off... I'm so sad.. I thought we are ok.. I do know that there'#s no way he can be meeting this person as it's a uk mobile (I'm in Ireland) and of course he has no time what with working (he gets up at 4am for work, comes home at 12noon), and then coming straight home to mind baby so I can go to work for a few hours ... I don't know what to do though.. Should I confront him but then he'll know I was looking at his texts... But I don't know if I can handle not saying anything.. Also, I had a quick peek Sunday when he was in the shower and there was a text just saying "Hi" sent Saturday afternoon... He's deleted all the others but obviously sometimes forgets or else I wouldn't have seen those... I don't know what to do.. Any advice appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Yikes ! I feel for you, and NO, that is not acceptable. I know talking about it will be hard but A) you can't hold it inside, you'll go crazy, at least I would. and B) If it IS the start of an affair, perhaps you can nip it in the bud, before it goes further and destroys everything. Good luck to you denise, and keep posting, this is a very helpful board ! Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Damn!!!!!!!!!! This is a hard problem I think you will HAVE to say something to him I have a feeling he is having an emotional affair that just makes his life a little lighter How awful for you though! If it was me i would have to say something or it would eat me up I wish you so much luck! Let us know how it goes? Link to post Share on other sites
Whyme_wtf Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Do need to ask about it. Be calm and do not accuse. Tell him it is unacceptable. You need to make sure he knows where you stand and where the line is. I hope he respects your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Well, having just done this myself a couple of days ago you have to tell him you looked and tell him what you saw. I peeked at an email and it wasn't pretty. Sexual flirting and him wanting to learn more about her sexual turn ons. And I'm married. So since you did and found what I did and found, here's what I did and I think you should too. I went to him I said hey, I know you aren't going to like this but your email as up and I looked at a message. And I know bad on me for looking, but bad on you for writing what I found. I then explained my side, how I felt, what I read, how hurt and betrayed I felt, even though our marriage is going down the tube, still. So just be honest about it. Explain why it hurts you, ask for his reasons, details, admit you take responsibility for looking through his phone, then ask him to take equal responsibility for the texts you saw. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 DDenise...you titled this thread "Wishing I hadn't checked his texts". On the contrary...be glad you did. You found out he is a piece of crap. Now you can take the steps to put him where he belongs...on the street. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I wouldn't say a word until you have the opportunity to view more texts. Write down the number he's texting and then check his phone bills for calls with the same number. Once you've gathered up sufficient information, then confront him with it. The reason you need the information is that all cheaters will lie, lie, lie to you, with the hopes of getting away with it. Once you've confronted him with it, have him sit down and listen to you calling the other woman (OW). Don't let him get up and call her first. Be calm and tell her that you're his wife with a 7 month child. Many cheaters will hide this type of information from their affair partners. If she doesn't know, even better because she will take a chunk out of him too and if she has any integrity at all, will rip his heart out on her way out. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 ... Sex life isn't really up to scratch since baby arrived but we talk openly about it so it's not an issue really... Obviously it's an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
peridot Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Well, having just done this myself a couple of days ago you have to tell him you looked and tell him what you saw. I peeked at an email and it wasn't pretty. Sexual flirting and him wanting to learn more about her sexual turn ons. And I'm married. So since you did and found what I did and found, here's what I did and I think you should too. I went to him I said hey, I know you aren't going to like this but your email as up and I looked at a message. And I know bad on me for looking, but bad on you for writing what I found. I then explained my side, how I felt, what I read, how hurt and betrayed I felt, even though our marriage is going down the tube, still. So just be honest about it. Explain why it hurts you, ask for his reasons, details, admit you take responsibility for looking through his phone, then ask him to take equal responsibility for the texts you saw. Good luck to you. This happened to me as well. I read my partners emial and a found very flirty one to a women he knows in the states (we are in the UK). I came on here and asked advise, didn't want to admit I'd read it, never done this in any relationship before but felt so hurt by it. I did however speak to him, he was defensive initially, saying it didn't mean anything, I wasn't meant to see it, he'd corresponded before he'd met me and this was how they always talked. We have been seeing each other a yr, having met via the internet. I put it back to him how would he feel if I'd been doing this with a guy and how hurtand upset I was by it. I also put it to him that I'd had these type of conversations with guys before I met him but I stopped it when we started seeing each other out of respect for him and our relationship. I know that in his head it wasn't anything meaningfull and he did get it wasn't ok. Ddenise, I really feel for you. I couldn't not speak to my partner about what i had done, it really got to me. I hope you find a way for yourself to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
popey Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 To your first question, NO it is not acceptable to me. Beyond that, I agree with TBF's advice. You should know for yourself if he's doing it all the time or if it was a fluke. Bc I predict that if you just confront him about it now, he will (1) try to make you the bad one for looking; and (2) say it was a just a joke that you are totally misreading and blowing out of proportion. (3) blame it on your "insecurities" Link to post Share on other sites
pinkrazr Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 oh I know all too well on the blame the insecurities! Ask him about it casually... or write him a note... say you need to talk. its important. lets make a time. and dont do what I do and come out charging like theres an army behind ya. You need to tell him what you seen. See what he says... the woman he desires lives with him. not on the other end of a text message. Link to post Share on other sites
shanny Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Why has this happened to so many of us ladies? Obviously, I've been there myself. If it is anything like my situation and you confront him, he is going to lie and then say that you violated his trust by checking. If you have the patience to collect more information before you confront him than do it... I however have never had that patience but wish I would have. He is going to know that something is eating you up though. You say you wish you wouldn't have checked... I've said the same thing. Ignorance is bliss right? For the short term absolutely, but be glad you checked. If he is starting by texting, it's most likely going to grow into other things if he thinks he's getting away with it. You picked up his phone for a reason. I really feel for you... I'm new to this site and I've already found it to be incredibly helpful. This is really a site full of caring people. Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
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