Need on GF's feelings

[luther]

Hello all and thx for taking the time to help me out with this one.

 

Me and my GF have been together for a little over 9 years and over the summer she cheated on me. We broke up on and off all summer long, she wanted me one week left, then went to him for a week and so on. Finally said screw it and didnt see her for almost a month, in that time she didnt come over to pick up any of her things. One day she stops in to get some of her things and ended up staying for about 1/2 an hour then left without taking anything. Every other day she would stop by and each time she spent a little more time but always left.

 

Then two weeks ago she comes over and tells me she missed me wanted to be with me and that she been living with him for the past month. She wanted to tell me for the past week but he wouldnt let her leave the house and when she did he would follow her. I was floored by this news, first that she was living with him and that she wanted to come back.

 

So I tell her well, he needs to be gone, no calls no txts nothing. She agrees and I take her back. First couple days he calls and txts her and she ignores them. He stops in at her work and she told me he did and that she ignored him. A week of this goes by and she finally cracks and calls him. She says she's just worried about him cause he was falling back in with the wrong crowd blah blah blah. I tell her its not your concern anymore let it go. Again a day or so goes by and he starts calling and txting her some more and she ignores them. So what does she do...goes to his apartment, she "needed" to talk to him. So I bitch and moan about it, she says she sorry but she still cares about him, I tell her I dont give a **** and so on.

 

Now, she has a journal she keeps online for the world to read and it just so happens Im part of that world so I read it. This is what she wrote last night

 

 

 

"I've really done it now. Not sure if I'll survive this one. This ache is just building with each passing day that I don't get to see your beautiful face or hear your sweet voice.

 

I find myself stopping mid-task just because the current thought of you is so intense that I can't even concentrate on doing anything but standing there and staring off into space. I have a hard time having a conversation because I'm too consumed with thoughts of you. Work has been really interesting lately due to that.

 

I can't believe I broke my own heart, and even worse, yours. And that is the ONLY thing that is keeping me from contacting you. I just need to stop causing problems for you. I need to let you go so you can move on and be happy. I think we could have been REALLY happy together if I wasn't such a ****ing wreak. I'm a wreak and I wreak everyone and everything around me. And I wreaked you and I'm so increadible sorry for that. That was the very last thing I ever intended.

 

I know you'll grow to hate me if you don't already and I really don't blame you, but I wish you didn't. My intentions honestly were pure and clean at first, then I got all mixed up and confused and just went crazy and really, really ****ed up everything for both of us. I'm so truely sorry for that. I wish you knew. I really do love you. I don't know what my problem is.

 

I really wish we could be happy together, but we can't and it's all my fault. If I'm going to suffer and drag anyone down with me I'd rather it be him then you. You're too special to deal with this ****.

 

And as much as I try to forget you I can't help myself to do or buy things to remind me of you. I, ironically, finally found that soap you used that I loved so much, I bought it. Every day I listen to songs that remind me of you. But I don't even need to do anything to remind me of you. Everywhere I turn there you are, which is weird considering we've only known each other only 6 months and most of those months we didn't spend much time together. But the time we did spend together must have been really intense soul-sharing because everywhere I turn there's an iron cross, or Black Lable Society, or so many other things that make you spring up into my mind if I happen to stop thinking of you for a mili-second.

 

God, you're so beautiful inside and out. I only wish you could see yourself through my eyes. You're so wise and yet so innocent and it's absolutely so beautiful. To be able to retain your innocence amoung everything that you've been through, but still learned from them is just amazing. You absolutely are the most amazing person I've ever met, and I can't imagine meeting someone like you ever again. That's one of the reasons it's driving me crazy to lose you."

 

Needless to say Im extremly hurt and pissed about this. She does have a drinking problem and only writes in her journal when she's drunk. But during the day when shes sober I get no idication of any of this. Shes loving with me, tells me she loves me, shows me she loves me but then writes this crap at night. I guess Im confused. Why did she want to come back to me after we were apart for a month and lived with him if this is the way she feels about him? Does it mean she doesnt love me as much or at all?

 

Could someone who's been in a similar situation offer me some sort of explanation? I know alot of you if not all will say cut your losses and leave her. Im just not sure what Im going to do about this. I cant approach her about this cause she doesnt know I read it. Im just at a loss.

[Cobra_X30]

It doesnt matter if you stay with her or dump her. Either way she will never love you or respect you.

 

Do you think that you deserve to be treated this way?

 

Are you afraid to be without her? Or are you afraid she is the best you can hope for?

[Whyme_wtf]

You should not be treated like this.

Have more respect for yourself and loose her.

I find it pathetic that she is crying over him to him and leaving him. She is playing a game with both of you.

If you want her to go ahead and ruin your life, keep her, she will do just that.....

Think higher of yourself my friend.

[Jordane]

You are going to lose it whether you let her walk all over you and walk out at her convenience or if you decide to end it and save yourself some dignity.

 

Being drunk is not an excuse for anything...if I got drunk, I wouldn't go writing in a journal about how I would llike to hurt m boyfriend because this other guy is so beautiful. Come on...are you kidding me? So what if she doesn't know you read it, tell her...it's not like it's some big secret...the rest of the world can.

 

I hope you think that you deserve better because you do. Do not let her do as she pleases with you until you have completely lost yourself. She pretty much said that she prefers someone else over you and that if she had a real choice you would be the one to go...why would you want to be someones unfortunate inconvenience?

[Nevermind]

There is only one thing for you to do: Tell her you read it. Demand an explanation.

[Phateless]

Hello all and thx for taking the time to help me out with this one.

 

Me and my GF have been together for a little over 9 years and over the summer she cheated on me. We broke up on and off all summer long, she wanted me one week left, then went to him for a week and so on. Finally said screw it and didnt see her for almost a month, in that time she didnt come over to pick up any of her things. One day she stops in to get some of her things and ended up staying for about 1/2 an hour then left without taking anything. Every other day she would stop by and each time she spent a little more time but always left.

 

Then two weeks ago she comes over and tells me she missed me wanted to be with me and that she been living with him for the past month. She wanted to tell me for the past week but he wouldnt let her leave the house and when she did he would follow her. I was floored by this news, first that she was living with him and that she wanted to come back.

 

So I tell her well, he needs to be gone, no calls no txts nothing. She agrees and I take her back. First couple days he calls and txts her and she ignores them. He stops in at her work and she told me he did and that she ignored him. A week of this goes by and she finally cracks and calls him. She says she's just worried about him cause he was falling back in with the wrong crowd blah blah blah. I tell her its not your concern anymore let it go. Again a day or so goes by and he starts calling and txting her some more and she ignores them. So what does she do...goes to his apartment, she "needed" to talk to him. So I bitch and moan about it, she says she sorry but she still cares about him, I tell her I dont give a **** and so on.

 

Now, she has a journal she keeps online for the world to read and it just so happens Im part of that world so I read it. This is what she wrote last night

 

 

 

"I've really done it now. Not sure if I'll survive this one. This ache is just building with each passing day that I don't get to see your beautiful face or hear your sweet voice.

 

I find myself stopping mid-task just because the current thought of you is so intense that I can't even concentrate on doing anything but standing there and staring off into space. I have a hard time having a conversation because I'm too consumed with thoughts of you. Work has been really interesting lately due to that.

 

I can't believe I broke my own heart, and even worse, yours. And that is the ONLY thing that is keeping me from contacting you. I just need to stop causing problems for you. I need to let you go so you can move on and be happy. I think we could have been REALLY happy together if I wasn't such a ****ing wreak. I'm a wreak and I wreak everyone and everything around me. And I wreaked you and I'm so increadible sorry for that. That was the very last thing I ever intended.

 

I know you'll grow to hate me if you don't already and I really don't blame you, but I wish you didn't. My intentions honestly were pure and clean at first, then I got all mixed up and confused and just went crazy and really, really ****ed up everything for both of us. I'm so truely sorry for that. I wish you knew. I really do love you. I don't know what my problem is.

 

I really wish we could be happy together, but we can't and it's all my fault. If I'm going to suffer and drag anyone down with me I'd rather it be him then you. You're too special to deal with this ****.

 

And as much as I try to forget you I can't help myself to do or buy things to remind me of you. I, ironically, finally found that soap you used that I loved so much, I bought it. Every day I listen to songs that remind me of you. But I don't even need to do anything to remind me of you. Everywhere I turn there you are, which is weird considering we've only known each other only 6 months and most of those months we didn't spend much time together. But the time we did spend together must have been really intense soul-sharing because everywhere I turn there's an iron cross, or Black Lable Society, or so many other things that make you spring up into my mind if I happen to stop thinking of you for a mili-second.

 

God, you're so beautiful inside and out. I only wish you could see yourself through my eyes. You're so wise and yet so innocent and it's absolutely so beautiful. To be able to retain your innocence amoung everything that you've been through, but still learned from them is just amazing. You absolutely are the most amazing person I've ever met, and I can't imagine meeting someone like you ever again. That's one of the reasons it's driving me crazy to lose you."

 

Needless to say Im extremly hurt and pissed about this. She does have a drinking problem and only writes in her journal when she's drunk. But during the day when shes sober I get no idication of any of this. Shes loving with me, tells me she loves me, shows me she loves me but then writes this crap at night. I guess Im confused. Why did she want to come back to me after we were apart for a month and lived with him if this is the way she feels about him? Does it mean she doesnt love me as much or at all?

 

Could someone who's been in a similar situation offer me some sort of explanation? I know alot of you if not all will say cut your losses and leave her. Im just not sure what Im going to do about this. I cant approach her about this cause she doesnt know I read it. Im just at a loss.

 

This girl is a wack-job and you've given her no reason to respect you. I don't respect you for taking her back, I can guarantee that she doesn't. Grow some balls and move on bro. Sorry...