Friends for a while but i need help with a current situation

[Jamesith]

Okay heres the thing me and my friend have been friends for about 6 months because she recently just moved here and attends the same school i do.We hangout and talk a lot in person like everyday for hours and we talk through MSN and stuff.Theres so much that we do together that makes me like her,we have a lot of fun we both care about each other our lives,and through these 6 months i liked her a lot.Not for all the wrong reasons that guys fall in love with girls but i like for all the right reasons.I know i told her i liked her before at the wrong time because she was already involved with someone.And now there no longer together maybe had i waited things would have worked out.But heres the that recently just happened so one of her Muslim friends decides to make her an arranged relationship kinda like the marriage one.She's told me that there talking and stuff and i know that he lives far and all.But i was never really able to tell her how i truly felt about her that night i told her because it wasn't in person.I feel like i should tell her how i feel but this time do it in person and see how that works.Friends at school tell me at school (this is high school our senior year) that we would be perfect for each other.I don't know who to go about telling her since this whole arranged relationship type thing happened.I really feel a strong feeling for her and i know i should tell her no matter what but since this happened,i haven't found a way talk to her about this or my true feelings for her.

 

 

 

 

Any advice on what i should do or anything would be appreciated

Edited January 8, 2008 by Jamesith
needed to fix title it needed a word in it

[Lucasarts]

tell her now. in person. or you'll just keep thinking about this as a coulda shoulda woulda. Telling her now will help to alleviate the stress and anxiety over this. If she again rejects your confession than there is nothing more you can do, and she will be forced(?) into this arranged marriage. Either way, if she knows how you still truly feel about her than that is the most important thing.

[TotalChaos]

Yes I agree! I think you need to tell her as soon as possible. Otherwise you may look back and have regrets on the situation.

[Phateless]

I say don't tell her. I say gradually up the the touching over the course of a couple weeks (GRADUALLY!!) and see how she reacts. If she's ok with hugs and with a very brief hand-hold here and there, you might be able to go in for a kiss. If you blindside her with the "i'm in love with you" talk it will put her on the spot, make her uncomfortable, and chances are she'll pull back. Think about it... that talk is a lot to hear from someone who you thought you were platonic with.

 

Now there is a chance she returns the feelings, but there's really no way to tell. If she likes you, she'll be ok with the gradual ramping up thing. If she doesn't, it's not as awkward as the full talk.

 

Do whatever your intuition tells you is right, after all, you're in the situation and not us, but what I posted is what my gut tells me.

 

If you really do want to tell her, go with "I'd like to take you on a date sometime" as opposed to "I've been pining for you for X months/years/whatever"

 

btw, watch the movie "Just Friends" it's surprisingly telling, lol.

[Jamesith]

Thanks guys for all the advice it all makes sense I"m going to see what happens in the next few days.Sure it pains me to wait to go in a go hey you know i love you and then that really might make her uncomfortable like you said.So I'm going to see how things go gradually i mean shes not really even dating the guy yet cause of the distance.But once like summer hits then it may happen,so i think what said is very helpful.I just hope I'm like able to show her how much i care and love her without the full-on talk first.Thanks Phateless it really shows another way i could do this it really helps.

[Phateless]

Thanks guys for all the advice it all makes sense I"m going to see what happens in the next few days.Sure it pains me to wait to go in a go hey you know i love you and then that really might make her uncomfortable like you said.So I'm going to see how things go gradually i mean shes not really even dating the guy yet cause of the distance.But once like summer hits then it may happen,so i think what said is very helpful.I just hope I'm like able to show her how much i care and love her without the full-on talk first.Thanks Phateless it really shows another way i could do this it really helps.

 

You're welcome. I hope it works out.

[Jamesith]

Yeah it really helped today since school was back from break i was able to do the same things with her.But with the things that were said here made me feel more confident in myself so it went good.

[Phateless]

Yeah it really helped today since school was back from break i was able to do the same things with her.But with the things that were said here made me feel more confident in myself so it went good.

 

Awesome. Now keep pushing forward until you get slapped or kissed.

[Jamesith]

Yeah ill keep that up,i almost got very explosive last night cause i saw a pic of her and her bro,but i thought it was the arranged guy lucky i asked her so i didn't explode at home and it wasn't.Wow i think that was really stupid of me judging it before i actually knew.Yesterday i was contemplating if i should hang with her one on one like over the weekend or something like that,And just hang with her and then later on be like hey can i tell you something and then tell her how i really feel about her.And hopefully she feels the same way about me but ill never know unless i stop saying things and not acting on them.Its like my coach said yesterday in soccer if you want something you have to do something about it cause if you don't then you'll never accomplish it.So i think I"m going to take the advice that was given here and by him and think things out before i ask to hang one on one.

[Jamesith]

Oh man oh freaking man i think my shot at telling her my feelings have gone from like slim down to gone.I was going on myspace and i saw the guys myspace and it said that he is committed to her.I don't think things with her will ever work out as i planned and i had everything set for the day we hung out.I just can't believe what i saw just now and it makes me sad to know this.But I'm still not 100% sure on how this is going to work i mean shes been hurt by LDR's before and i don't get why she would go back into one it doesn't make sense to me.Wouldn't she learn from the ones that she has had before and stopped doing this idk.I wanna say that things will change later on but there has to be a way to get her to have her feelings for me.I don't want to think that its over cause i truly really love her in my life,I've never met anyone like her cause she is sweet,respectful,caring,loving,honest,trustful,funny,outgoing and an all around amazing person.There is one thing that really puzzles me is if he says he is committed to her,what if he finds another girl where he lives in North Dakota in the 5 or 6 months they won't see each other.This is what i don't get maybe she hasn't thought what if will cheat on me cause she is so caught up in it.

 

Any advice on this situation at this current point would really really be helpful.I don't want to give up on her and I.

[trueluV]

If you like her so much and think she is a very special person to you, why just let the chance go of just worrying and not taking any action?

You never know how she'll react when you express your feelings to her.

She could be happy and accept it, or she could tell you sorry she is already involved with a guy. It's her choice, too.

 

If I were you, I would first ask her out as a casual date, and see her response, and then once you are on a "date" you can slowly talk about your worries or confession-whatever that'll be. Can't guarantee everything's gonna be fine after that, but hey, at least you tried, and you won't look back. Even though things don't turn out as you planned or wishing for and you could feel pain, but you won't regret about that. It's really hard to ask her out, express your feelings-much easier said than done, I know, but some things, you just have to give it a try.

 

Good luck!

[Jamesith]

Hey thanks trueluv it means a lot and it makes sense i think I'm going to go with that and see how she reacts.Things can be good like you said and its all up to her but thanks ill keep you filled in on how that goes.And expressing how i feel and my worries about her in this arranged thing might open the floor for a lot of conversation.Cause i do like/love her a lot and your right i shouldn't sit on the side lines anymore its time to take some action.

Edited January 11, 2008 by Jamesith

[trueluV]

I'm happy to know you made a decision, and will finally take the action!

I wish you the best, and let's see what happens.

 

Keep me posted.

[Jamesith]

Well i think i waited to long and my chance ended there now in the dating stage and it stinks for me.I really loved her and it makes me ticked off more than i have ever been before and it hurts to find out there dating by going onto the guys profile and seeing it.I'm just really down and idk what to do anymore i still love her and now all im thinking about is having whats his name dump her in 5 or 6 months im just jealous and mad and hurt.I'm sorry i am just not in a cheerful mood and this hurts me even more since its a girl i really loved for all the right reasons.And i really don't know why im hoping that happens to her maybe its just my anger getting to me about this.

[Jamesith]

wow i must be the dumbest guy in the world i over analyzed things,i can't believe i do this ever time.Man phew there just in the talking phase still which makes me happy but what makes me mad is that he is putting that there in a relationship when she says there still talking.I think this guy is trying to play around with me and my feelings for Brooke cause yesterday night i was feeling so down.But im not done yet i still have fight left in me and im not giving up that easy ever again.

 

Right now me and Brooke have been talking a lot today,i was telling her that i was talking to my sister about this situation.I told her not to tell me that there are other people out there for me and she thought that it was good that my feelings for her were so strong.And Brooke was like really you found some1 you want to spend the rest of you life with? And i was like yeah the only prob it's kinda hard and what not,but i've seen what the world and school has to offer and so far what i've seen hasn't been what i thought.but idk.

 

then shes like well i mean your only 18, and you have like your whole life to find some1 that will "complete" you. yadamean?

 

i mean it might seem hard right now but, trust, it will get easier...

 

my last message to her was...well the only thing is i know i found her like theres no other girl i would want to spend my whole life with.

My sister was like oh theres other people for you but she doesn't know how much i feel about her and stuff.And she was like im glad your like this and i would probably have to be in your place to understand your feelings.

 

Right now Brooke thinks I'm talking about someone else but im trying to tell her that its her im talking about without actually telling her.I love her so much and its true there is no other girl i would rather spend my whole life with but her.I just wish i could do something.

 

Any advice on this would be helpful thanks =]

[Jamesith]

well it seems i was able to get everything out into the open with Brooke today.I really didn't lay all my cards on the table but what happened was i wrote a blog but it happened to be a love poem.So her freaking muslim friend sees it and decides to write this...

 

(cenk says) If indeed this is about who i think it is...im really sorry you feel this way about her.....i have told you and josh that we have already arranged for her someone else...im really sorry..but it is time to move on...and writing petty things only annoys and drags on this misrable attempt of winning her....again im really sorry i ask for you forgiveness...but please do not write things like this again...or no longer associate with her..verily we have found someone worth her time. Surely we will pray that Allah will lead someone that will love you as much as you love her..

 

To me seeing that he gave me 2 options was like okay wow I'm not going to listen to him or what he was saying.So Later on about 10 Brooke comes on and we talk about everything she told me that she viewed me as a friend and not a boyfriend type,but then i don't i kinda reacted to the way where i was like well God is ultimately in control he can put people together and take people apart.So i said don't you think things can change or happen later on in life then Brooke told me,James don't worry to much its in God's hands...so i want to think that she is following what i am saying with this and that maybe hopefully later on in life things will change.

 

I know being optimistic after talking for 2 and a half hours and hearing what i heard.My feelings are still going to be the same for her no matter what happens in life I'm always going to love her.I just hope she finally opens her eyes and sees what a great guy i am and that where is at right now i honestly think she is stilling trying to figure herself out.Cause she has 6 or 7 months now till they see each other so who knows things could happen then or in the near future.Thats why i liked to think things will happen but thanks for your help guys it really helped me out.=]