onmyownagain Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 My wife and I have seperated yesterday morning almost two years to the day after we got back together. Think it was mostly my fault, she says I treat her and my daughter badly because I have quite a temper, something I gained after going back the last time. Says I have promised her before I would try to stop but I don't seem to know I am doing it. Says I have zapped all her energy and she doesn't have any strength left to try to rebuild us. She was a complete mess when I left, really crying and don't think she was in a very good frame of mind at all. I texted later yesterday morning to appologise and she says she needs to some space from me at the moment. Just spoken to my parents (where I am going to be staying for the moment) and they say I am like that with people so this is all my fault. Really gutted Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Let her be for now. This is a crucial time to do some work on yourself. Go to individual counselling and try to deal with your temper issues. In the meantime, don't contact her unless if it is to do with your daughter. Use this time to focus on your daughter. Don't talk to her about the relationship. I would say to her: 'I understand why you feel the way you do. I am going to try and deal with my issues because I want to become a better person whith or without you'. Go to the gym, go out with friends, but maintain a friendly relationship with her. Good luck Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 Think I may have just made a mistake. Just texted her to say I will get councilling for my issues and where does that leave us? No reply so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 (edited) I texted her again to see if she got my first text (she had) but said she is at work and doesn't want the distraction! Seems to be turning a bit bitter now. Been through all this before, I know NC is the way to go but it is only day one I guess :-) Edited January 8, 2008 by onmyownagain Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 You say you made a mistake by texting and then you text again to ask if she recieved the first one? My ex was like this and all you will do is push her away and re-iterate the fact that she has done the right thing by splitting up! Leave her alone for now and let her contact you and you must work on your temper. NO ONE will put up with a guy with a bad temper and nothing is more unattractive than a guy who loses his rag with women and kids. My ex lost the lot his son wont even see him now as he is scared of him! He had a nervous breakdown when he knew I had left for good and he had bullied me so much with his hot temper that I didnt even care! Thats my opinion anyway! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 I would just give her space. Texting is so impersonal and sending it twice when she specifically said to give her some time. Listen to her and things may get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Listen to the advice that LS people are giving you. They have been through it all at either end. JUST LET IT BE for now! If she calls, be brief and to the point. Don't apologise! Focus on yourself. It is not good to carry all that anger with you! Chill. It will be hard at first, but you will start to enjoy being on your own. Your wife is very upset, you will only upset her more if you carry on contacting her. Let her miss you. Take it from me I KNOW. Take care Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 Thanks guys, I know you are right and I need to leave her alone. Just hoped for a quick and simple solution but I guess her pain is too deep for that to happen. This is just so frustrating, I know this problem was caused by me and I am the only one who can fix it, but will back off a bit now. Link to post Share on other sites
smileysmile Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Onmyownagain.. Listen. If you have a temper..believe me now..SORT it out! Once and for all please sort it out. It scares the hell out of women and children and if you don't do something right now you will forever regret it. I don't have one outside my relationships. Not in work or with family or friends JUST with my M. I have anger issues brought on by frustration. Unable to process my thought and communication when frustrated and because of it I get angry. I am not some kind of lunatic or monster but when I got frustrated with my STBXW rather than stay calm because I thought irrationally for whatever the reason would be I turned angry. I have anger issues I have to seek help for because it has ruined my M. It drove my wife away (read my situation elsewhere) and my D who is 13 mths old. She couldn't take anymore. What comes with anger are things you say but don't mean. A little to late for me. Once said then they never forget even if you didn't mean them at the time of being angry. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow and I hope he takes me seriously. I can't afford the prices they charge privately. But even if I don't someday reconcile with my ex at least I can do it for me and besides she said a few days ago how wonderful it is to see me doing something about it although in the same breath pity it wasn't when she said do something about it when we were together. But who knows if I actually show some change in the hext few months. So please seriously go and see somebody NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Look, I have a bit of a temper as well, BUT have learned to control it because all it does is make ME feel bad in the end. So, take care of your problem while she is gone and if and when she comes back, YOU can show her and yourself that things can and will be better ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 She replied to my texts in the end. Very curt, I asked her not to be bitter, she texted back to say she is not bitter but very angry. Not going to contact her until she contacts me unless it is about our daugher. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 Help me! Desperate to contact her to see if she is okay or is missing me, know I shouldn't do it but keep finding myself picking up the phone and then putting it back down before I dial/text. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 To late. I texted her and said "Are you still mad at me? Am serious about getting help, perhaps we could meet for a drink to discuss at some stage?" Link to post Share on other sites
smileysmile Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I don't think you need to have her with you to discuss it. ACTION speaks louder than words. You should have made an appointment with your doctor for referal to an anger management counsellor or if you can afford it go privately. I think you should be doing this NOW. Give your spouse space and work on yourself. Trust me. Unfulfilled promises will push her further away. If she won't come back right now she may stay away for good Only wish I had done something sooner than later. Cried my eyes out yesterday to the doctor. I am a 41 year old man for gawds sake! I have to wait between 4 and 6 weeks for a counsellor. Again, if this was done this time last year just maybe I would be in my marital home with my my W and D. DO it before it is to late. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Give her some space. Texting everyday is likely to annoy more than help. Work on yourself right now. Get help for your anger and seriously if she is angry you are only going to make it worse by contact every day. I know it hurts but give it a few days for her to breathe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 I know I shouldn't contact, but you know what is like. You get into a tiss and can't stop yourself even though you know it isn't the right thing to do. I want to get help but feel it probably wouldn't help at the moment because of my frame of mind, perhaps in a couple of weeks I will have a clearer head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 She is just ignoring me, didn't reply to last text. Boy, she must be mad. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 When you get the urge to text her or phone, go and do something to take your mind off it. Go to the gym, see friends or family......anything to distract you from pressing those buttons. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 You need to stop texting her Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 I know Lishy, I haven't texted her since the one yesterday afternoon. As I say she is ignoring me completely now. I know I have caused her much pain and I guess I deserve it. But on this site I always read the dumpee has to walk away and go into NC and it is up to the dumper to contact. I guess it is just to soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I think she is quite serious about this split Give her time on her own hon, it's make or break time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 I really hope that is not true. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Ok I didnt mean to freak you out but she is very upset by the sounds of it You could screw this up in a heartbeat You need to remember that fact and just back off now - No calls or texts or mails, let her see what she is missing! Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 Thanks Lishy, I have my daughter coming to stay for the weekend from this evening so at least I can spend some quality time with her. Think the more I come here instead of picking up my phone, the better. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Thanks Lishy, I have my daughter coming to stay for the weekend from this evening so at least I can spend some quality time with her. Think the more I come here instead of picking up my phone, the better. AGREED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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