Mimic Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Hi everyone. I recently met this girl which I like very much, but I haven't told her yet. I arranged for a date, but this week she is busy, so we agreed on next week. Now, my doubt is this: she is going out this weekend with her ex for his bday, what could happen? They dated for 1 1/2 years. I don't know who broke up, but I do know that he was not treating her the way she should be treated, he cheated on her... She told me that because of that, as a new year resolution, she wanted to like herself more ( sorry, can't explain it better). So what can I expect of this situation, how likely is it that they might get back together? Is there something I could do or should do for her to be my gf and not to getr back together with him? Also girls, what brings you back in the arms of a guy who has treated you in this way? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 When a girl is hanging with her ex still then it usually means they will proberbly hook up again and your the rebound guy incase he hurts her again. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Very good questions. Let me break this down. she wanted to like herself more: Very simple. When some one cheats many times they ask what is wrong with me? Am I not cute enough? Pretty enough? Funny enough? Etc. Self esteem issues ensue. Thus the need to learn to like one's self again. So what can I expect of this situation, how likely is it that they might get back together? You can't expect anything. Because you don't know her o the situation well enough to guess. Is there something I could do or should do for her to be my gf and not to getr back together with him? Don't think like this. Don't think you have to compete. If, and I'm not saying this is true, she does want to be with him again, isn't over him or whatever, you don't want to get caught in the middle. Also girls, what brings you back in the arms of a guy who has treated you in this way? Because we as women tend to blame ourselves and justify his actions, make excuses for him. Then we think we are the ones that need to change when it's really him that needs to. It can also be a confidence problem, a fear of leaving the familiar relationship, thinking one deserves no better, etc. Many different reasons make women do this. How long have they been broken up btw? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mimic Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 Very good questions. Let me break this down. Is there something I could do or should do for her to be my gf and not to getr back together with him? Don't think like this. Don't think you have to compete. If, and I'm not saying this is true, she does want to be with him again, isn't over him or whatever, you don't want to get caught in the middle. I don't want to compete or whatever, it,s just that I like her and don't want to loose her over someone who doesn't deserve being with her... How long have they been broken up btw? I don't know how long exactly, all I know is they broke up a few months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Well you gotta let her do what she wants and let her make her own choices. Wait and see what happens, but also remember you have the date to look forward to right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mimic Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 Well you gotta let her do what she wants and let her make her own choices. Wait and see what happens, but also remember you have the date to look forward to right? Yes, but kind of as friends, as I said, I din't let her know yet that I like her. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Yes, but kind of as friends, as I said, I din't let her know yet that I like her. Well at this point there's nothing to worry about. Fact: She's going to an event and will see the ex. Fact: you have a date with her. Don't worry about him. You're the one to focus on. You and her and how things progress. Forget about him. If things go wonderful on the date tell her you want a second date and go from there. This is all new and fresh. So just give it time, and again who cares about him? As of right now, he's just an ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Yes, but kind of as friends, as I said, I din't let her know yet that I like her. Just slow down with your emotions. Expect that she will handle her business. Remember your not actually dating her yet. Even once you are dating her... I suggest you force her to go really slow, not physically but emotionally. She is going to need time and space to recover from this. She needs to know that you find her attractive and desireable, plus that other women want you also. Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mimic Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 so basically you're telling me to consider her meet with her ex as a social call instead of a date?! Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 so basically you're telling me to consider her meet with her ex as a social call instead of a date?! It is just a social call as far as you know right? He is an EX not a b/f right? And if it really bothers you why don't you casually inquire? Something like "so how is it you and your ex were able to remain friends? I've never had luck with that." You see how you can ease your mind if it REALLY bothers you with out being offensive or assuming? Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 (edited) You should be cautious but you aren't boyfriend and girlfriend. If you date and agree to be exclusive, then I would say "you're going to see your ex? Can I come too? No!?! Well, I don't feel comfortable with that. I think it is ok for you to remain friends, but I'd be more comfortable if I am able to meet him. You don't want to hurt his feelings? Well, if that is the case, is what you have a friendship? Do you feel you are actually healed enough to be in a relationship? It's not a jealousy thing, I just feel in healthy relationships, your new bf gets to meet the ex if you are friends." Those are my boundaries. If we have gone out several times, yes, I'll be suspicious, and I've learned to ask "so when did you break up? Are you ready for a new relationship?" If I get the sense the ex is a priority in her life, I'll likely end the relationship. Friendships are possible but I'd prefer them to be friendly aquaintances, primarily because ex's often do cause problems in new relationships. For me, it is best to create some distance as I believe it is what is fair for new partner. Not everyone shares that belief, it is just I don't feel it is irrational to be concerned about an ex unless you get to meet that person and witness there is nothing there. You have a long way to go before being bf/gf though, so you really have no say. I'd wait until date 3 and then inquire about him casually. Edited January 8, 2008 by oppath Link to post Share on other sites
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