Help, I need some good advice

[helpmeplease]

Hi all, I've been browsing these forums and hope that i can get some good advice from someone that won't cushion there words.

 

I've been with this guy for 4+ years, lived with him for 3 years. I moved out recently after I realised that things weren't going the way I wanted. I needed to get my head together and try and figure out what to do. I also had other issues. During the time we lived together I caught him cheating on my with cyber sex in the first 6 months and I forgave him for it, but after that things weren't the same. He would go out 4+ days a week and we drifted far apart. I then began to cheat on him with cyber myself even though I thought i would never ever do something so horrible to someone,concidering i was so adamantly against it happening to me. I did that for a year, and things drifted even further apart at home, where I didn't even go out with him and his friends, and I felt like he didn't even want to talk to me. And then the sex ended. We had sex maybe once every 4 months, and it got worse as time wore on..

 

After some time I ended my cyber relationship and felt like I could return to the relationship at home and see what to do to fix it. I even entered therapy about it. But he didn't respond to me and was cold. There was so much space..anyway to make a long story short I ended up cheating on him AGAIN with another cyber guy and this one went on for about 4 months. At this point i knew that it was time to move on , but I chickened out at this time because all of a sudden my boyfriend reformed. He was sweet, told me how much he loved me, tried to talk to me, include me in his life, do all the things he should have before. I am a sucker for his sweetness and I decided to not do it, but to move out instead and see what happened.

 

But here's the rub, I'm still cheating on him online and I am getting serious about that too. I basically chicken out every single time I try and break it off and he keeps trying to make things better. I am torn, between moving on with my life and seeing where this thing leads me, and staying where I am and giving his 'reforms' another serious try. I really really need someone to talk to about this and i hope you can help.

 

Thanks:)

[Bill]

Your online relationship will lead you no where. You need to end that if you want to stay with this other guy. You both cheated, and if you want to continue to see him, then you need to end the cheating. Cheating is wrong.

 

Online will lead you no where. You will end up with some geek that can't get out of his parent's basement and weighs 93 pounds. You don't really know someone online. They can tell you anything they want. They could be anyone. I had a girlfriend who cheated on me this way. I know the pain it created. I would never cheat. It's so disturbing that someone could hurt someone this way, but I guess it doesn't hurt you that much or you would not have done it yourself.

 

Stop and save yourself. Remember, online is just a bunch of 0's and 1's. I can be anyone I want. Is my name even Bill? That's one to ponder.

[Tony T]

It's pretty obvious you don't love your boyfriend and you need to be free from that. If you cared about him, you would not be doing the silly cyber stuff and you would not be so uncertain.

 

Like Bill said, the cyber stuff will get you nowhere. Right now you are in a terrible self destruct mode you need to move out of. Get all of all your relationships, have some down time and sort out your thoughts and feelings away from all distractions. Take some time for yourself to collect yourself and ease away from this chaos.

 

After a bit of time alone, you will know yourself better and you will know more about what you want. I don't think the guy you're with is the one. Your trust for him is gone.

 

You need a fresh new start. You also need to reconsider how you conduct relationships. If somebody wrongs you, take swift and decisive action to heal the relationship or get out of it. Don't just go out and start doing your own spiteful things. That's not how healthy love relationships work...and not how mature people deal with life.