my lifes biggest mistake

[emmi]

This is the worst heartache I have ever been through.

I had been together with my boyfriend for a year. We had an extremely close and loving relationship, but I was throughout this whole year a bit scared.. it went in waves (I have always been insecure about relationships). I had been feeling a bit low and my boyfriend was not really understanding for a few weeks. I was thinking about breaking up, and in the confusion of it all I lied to him. I told him that I was going to visit my sister when I was really going to hang out with this guy I felt was a bit attractive at the time. I felt that I needed to meet someone else to understand my feelings. We watched a movie, and then before I left we kissed. I walked home and felt strange... I felt like it all became clear to me... my boyfriend really was everything I could dream of. I had just been looking for reasons to break up because I was scared. The next morning I woke up and felt an incredible panic. I had been unfaithful! I was shaking and crying. I would do ANYTHING to go back in time and change this! It felt like a knife had cut through my heart.

 

At the same time I realized that my boyfriend is all I care about in life.. I love him so much, and all I care about is his happiness... I can't believe it took this bad experience to teach me this though.

 

for a while I felt that I couldn't go on without telling him, but I felt SO bad. Then, I thought about dumping him in the friendliest way possible, for his sake, even if it would be horrible for me. He is such a loving guy that he deserves the best, but no words could come out of my mouth. He would never have been unfaithful to me. So I decided to wait I while so that I have time to reason - all I want is to be with him and to make him happy. He loves me enormously.

 

The pain was unbearable, so I decided to speak with the guy I kissed. I told him what a nightmare this all was, and he swore not to tell a soul, we also decided never ever to meet again. I also swore myself that I would NEVER EVER EVER to lie to him again. Now I don't even see guys walk by.

 

All I want is to be the best girlfriend ever to my guy.

Now - 4 months later, me and my boyfriend have a better relationship than ever.... he is happy, and I am (most of the time) happy...

sometimes I have nightmares and/or panic feelings though..

But, I feel that telling him, is more for me than for him.. and I am thinking.. that maybe I can get through this.. I love him and he loves me.

I still have a splinter in my heart, but he makes me happy everyday..

 

does anyone have any advice?

please be supportive..

[MakeLemonade]

If you don't mind me asking - how old are you emmi? You sound fairly young, but I could be way off. A movie and a kiss in the world of young love are not the worst things in the world. I also understand how when you're young you can feel like maybe you are missing something, and need to test things out just a smidge to see exactly what it is that you have and just how much you want to keep it (luckily - you discovered VERY quickly just what you have and how much you want it, before things went further).

 

My advice is a door #1 or door #2 scenario based on the fact that you are seemingly young and that you are not married:

 

Door #1, keep it to yourself, lesson WELL learned and let go of the guilt so that you can truly move on with your man, love him well, be faithful and be happy together. If this continues to make you emotionally sick and give you nightmares then I suggest....

 

Door #2, gently break it to him, explain the situation and hope he will be willing to move past it, but expect a few hurdles as you work to rebuild his trust again. It's not so much that you had a doubt and went on a date with someone else, it's that you lied, that will break trust faster than anything.

 

or I guess Door #3 do something else, as you can see, I am new around here too - but I have been involved in several serious relationships and have been married for several years now too. So I would like to think I am accumulating a little bit of knowledge and wisdom finally Good luck to you whatever you decide to do. If it were me, personally, I wouldn't want to know. A movie and a kiss with the other guy and now you know you love him more than ever and things are better than ever? No harm, no foul.

[Cobra_X30]

I still have a splinter in my heart, but he makes me happy everyday..

 

does anyone have any advice?

please be supportive..

 

The above advice is fairly sound. However, building a long term relationship on a lie is not smart. This secret will eat away at your soul.

 

If you love him... really, really love him. Then you will tell him the truth and let him make an informed choice.

 

If all you really did was kiss the guy... I'd say you have a good shot.

 

Not telling is the selfish choice, because your protecting yourself at his expense. Like saying he doesnt deserve to know who you are.

 

I'm certain your young though... and will learn in time.

[oppath]

If you love him... really, really love him. Then you will tell him the truth and let him make an informed choice.

 

I personally believe that withholding information from someone that could allow them to make an informed choice over their life is MANIPULATIVE. Why? You deny someone else informed choice over their life by deliberately withholding.

 

I'm not sure what to do in this situation, only I'd advise you to never even put yourself in a situation that could be compromising again. If you do, identify why and break up. As it is, I think you can continue without telling IF you are truly remorseful, but understand it is manipulative. The biggest lesson is don't lie because I guarantee, if he finds out about it later, he'll be more pissed than if you told him "this happened."