allina Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Are you saying that you want you bf to see his friends only once every two to three months?! Are you ever invited to his "boys night"? Do you know any of his friends? You sound very jealous and controlling to me. My bf and I go out with whoever we want whenever we want, we don't give each others weird restrictions about how often we can go out alone. However I know most of his friends and he knows mine and I am always welcome to come hang out with him and his friends. Your bf shouldn't push you away and not allow you to get to know his friends but you shouldn't tell him that he can only go out once every few months. Link to post Share on other sites
MakeLemonade Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I would agree with some of the other posters that you are acting somewhat insecure and controlling here, but I also agree that there should be a compromise, maybe 2x a month and one of those times, if you and any other SO/W's who want to can come along? Seems fair enough to me if he and the other guys are willing. Once a week DOES seem a bit, just a bit excessive if you are in a LTR. How I wish my H would want to ever go out, I realize these kind of things change once married, but go somewhere, anywhere and hang out with some guys. He is always home and I worry about him, it's not healthy. He is rather jealous and insecure himself though, sometimes I think it is just to keep a closer eye on me. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I hate guys night out. My SO takes it way too far, coming home around 6/7am...not answering his phone...sometimes indulging in narcotics or other controlled substances. If I could be sure that he would be home by 2am, that he wouldn't get wasted on cocaine, that he would actually answer his ****ing phone....I wouldn't mind at all. But he does, so I do. At this point he is in the doghouse. He can't go out with his friends at all. His friends are all losers who drink and drug and have no girlfriends. I've told SO that he can hang out with his buddies during the day if he wants, but that is all. I never have girls night out. I don't drink or do drugs any more. I don't see the lure in going to a bar. At all. Right now my SO is pretty much willing to do anything to keep me from kicking his ass to the curb, so he's submitted. But every time he even suggests that he might go out at night I get really nervous and upset. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I hate guys night out. My SO takes it way too far, coming home around 6/7am...not answering his phone...sometimes indulging in narcotics or other controlled substances. But "guys night out" doesn't have to mean getting totally trashed and crazy. When my bf goes out with his friends they hang out and play Wii, play poker or watch movies/cartoons. They'll drink but no one gets trashed, they have a couple beers and all gf's are welcome to be there (though we usually pass ) Maybe it's because my bf and his friends are respectable professionals and Ph.D. students but to me boys night doesn't represent getting sh*tfaced drunk till 6am or anything shady. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Maybe it's because my bf and his friends are respectable professionals and Ph.D. students but to me boys night doesn't represent getting sh*tfaced drunk till 6am or anything shady. Yeah my SO is definitely unable to control himself...even when he plays poker, the freakish guys he plays poker with will play until 9 or 10 am the next morning... Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Mh...when we were still living together, I sometimes sent my boyfriend to guy's night. Just couldn't have him around me 24/7. While he was there I usually had some girl time and just relaxed or read a book or did something else I enjoyed. When he came back, he told me everything, shared the gossip and was really sweet and caring. So was I. Space, in moderation, doesn't hurt a relationship. Can't see the problem. Why is once a week too much? And why can't you adjust your plans a couple of days ahead? What is so intimidating about your bf being around other people? How often do you see each other during a week? And what's a LTR? Low trust relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I hate guys night out. My SO takes it way too far, coming home around 6/7am...not answering his phone...sometimes indulging in narcotics or other controlled substances. If I could be sure that he would be home by 2am, that he wouldn't get wasted on cocaine, that he would actually answer his ****ing phone....I wouldn't mind at all. But he does, so I do. At this point he is in the doghouse. He can't go out with his friends at all. His friends are all losers who drink and drug and have no girlfriends. I've told SO that he can hang out with his buddies during the day if he wants, but that is all. I never have girls night out. I don't drink or do drugs any more. I don't see the lure in going to a bar. At all. Right now my SO is pretty much willing to do anything to keep me from kicking his ass to the curb, so he's submitted. But every time he even suggests that he might go out at night I get really nervous and upset. This isn't the typical guys night I think of. That's quite different. I wouldn't want to put up with this type of a guys night, either. Link to post Share on other sites
MakeLemonade Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Mh...when we were still living together, I sometimes sent my boyfriend to guy's night. Just couldn't have him around me 24/7. While he was there I usually had some girl time and just relaxed or read a book or did something else I enjoyed. When he came back, he told me everything, shared the gossip and was really sweet and caring. So was I. Space, in moderation, doesn't hurt a relationship. Can't see the problem. Why is once a week too much? And why can't you adjust your plans a couple of days ahead? What is so intimidating about your bf being around other people? How often do you see each other during a week? And what's a LTR? Low trust relationship? In this situation that would fit but Long Term was what I meant. hehe. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 What is you general feeling about a guys night out when you are in a serious relationship with them? I am not ok with once a week. In my standards, that just isnt serious enough for me where he needs to be at a bar or club without me. But what is normal after that? once every 2 months, once every 3 months personally i hate the idea of a guys night out I agree...i don't like the girls night out thing either. I wouldn't mind my SO going out with the girls to dinner and a few drinks now and then...but to make it a regular thing like every week? Hmmmm.....something not quite right. And me personally, I don't want someone that feels the need to go out with friends to a bar or club. In my experience, someone that likes to frequent the nightclub scene alot has never been trustworthy. Ya ya, I know....there are gonna be plenty of ya out there that say you love to go to clubs and cheating is the furthest thing from your minds...sorry....not one club hopper I have ever witnessed could be trusted. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 sungrl.. the best recipe for disaster is to tell your bf, partner, etc. how to live their life... you can't control someone.. Nobody should HAVE to tell a SO what to do. If she expresses to him that she is unhappy or uncomfortable with the arrangement...and it looks like he is going to do what he is going to do anyway...then she reserves the right to dump him and find someone that values her more than partying. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Sungrl - I think you are being insecure and a little controlling. What's the big deal? If you guys have decided you're exclusive, his word should be enough. If it comes out that he's been untrue, you dump his ass stat and move on. and on the other side of the coin...when you completely trust your mate and they feel the need to go out clubbing all the time....THAT is when IT happens. Been there, done that...seen it happen to too many other people as well. Why do people go to clubs? Would you go to a nightclub if it were all men, no women? People go there to interact with the opposite sex...go there to see if anyone eyes them...get their ego fixes. If its about drinking and male bonding...then go to the local tavern. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 and on the other side of the coin...when you completely trust your mate and they feel the need to go out clubbing all the time....THAT is when IT happens. Been there, done that...seen it happen to too many other people as well. You're overgeneralizing. Only people on the prowl go to clubs. Guys' nights out are not exclusive to "clubbing". Bowling, karaoke, paintball, bball, pub crawling, darts, pool, sports... all things I've done on a night out. Clubbing was never a guys' night out activity for me, and I'm sure that's the case for many others. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 All this conversation has me all worked up, I have a sudden urge for some darts, pool, and good beer! Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 and on the other side of the coin...when you completely trust your mate and they feel the need to go out clubbing all the time....THAT is when IT happens. Been there, done that...seen it happen to too many other people as well. Why do people go to clubs? Would you go to a nightclub if it were all men, no women? People go there to interact with the opposite sex...go there to see if anyone eyes them...get their ego fixes. If its about drinking and male bonding...then go to the local tavern. Why to dance of course! Great exercise! And has the wonderful side effect of making you want to go home and jump your man who knows how to make your body say "ahhhh yeahhh" And yes I would go dancing even if there were only girls. I would in fact prefer it. Link to post Share on other sites
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