Very strange thing with this guy who had stalker tendencies...

[Just A Girl2]

Last summer I'd met a guy through the online personals. We seemed to have a lot in common and met in person shortly after "meeting online."

 

Had gone for a drink to start. He seemed very nice and interesting, but there wasn't a whole lot of physical attraction there (on my part, toward him)....but I decided that due to the fact that he seemed nice, I'd give it a little time to see if the attraction developed.

 

He soon became very clingy and needing a lot of reassurance about things/how I felt about him......which was even more crazy considering we'd only seen each other about 2 times. He seemed absolutely *desperate* to have a girlfriend (any girlfriend, just 'someone') and it was a real turn off. He also seemed to be rather controlling about little things (eg...didn't think I should smoke in my own home, etc) and that was also a turn off.

 

I ended up telling him in email that his behavior was a turn off and that we were not a good match, good luck to him.

 

On a couple of occasions, he'd be back at the online personals site we'd met at, and he'd changed his username and would strike up a conversation with me.....shortly after telling me it was him and how he knew I thought he was a 'weirdo' and 'needy' but that he wasn't, bla bla. He was really very pathetic.

 

On one occasion, he was chatting to me there, telling me how depressed he was that he couldn't find a nice woman on there, and how he'd met this one who was really hot/cold with him (they'd dated a couple of weeks, etc). He ended up phoning me while on chat (which caught me off guard. I was really only chatting with him to be nice because he seemed rather discouraged). To make a long story short, the next day I was standing in my kitchen and out of the corner of my eye, saw HIM standing in my backyard, examining my fence (he worked out in my area). I'd had a fence built with the neighbor on that side, he'd not done the greatest job I'd previously mentioned this to "Bob" (who was a professional carpenter).....Bob was checking out the fence, then got in his SUV and left.

 

I found this amazingly creepy. He called that day twice, but I ignored his calls. I can't recall if I ever confronted him about how weird it was to find him in my backyard. I don't think I did.

 

That night before on the phone, also, he'd told me how he'd been working out in my area (building new homes) previously, and had driven by my house a couple times (sounded like he'd done so being all 'sentimental' which I thought was bizarre because like I said, we only went out twice).

 

So lately I've told a couple of friends (guys I met on the personals) about this Bob guy, the backyard thing.

 

Well out of the blue, the other day, Bob emails me.........all defensive, wanting to explain to me WHY he was in my backyard that day, checking out my fence..how he was just trying to be a friend and inspect my fence, bla bla..how he was not a 'weirdo or creep' bla bla.

 

I find this very strange that 10 months after the fact, out of the blue, he's contacting me to bring up this fence incident.

 

He apparently had dated a chick in the past who'd stalked HIM (well, so he said)...who'd hacked into his computer, who's apparently got acces to his voicemail passwork and listened to his phone messages, etc. I remember at the time wondering if maybe HE was really the stalker. There were weird things about him, too (like always telling me about his manic depressive friend).

 

This is really crazy, but it got me to wondering if he's somehow intercepted my phone calls and (i know this sounds bizarre) heard me telling a friend a week ago about him (bob) and this fence thing..........

 

There's this box thing on the outside of my house......a pipe that runs up along the bottom side of my house..has a plate on the front that has 2 screws in the plate to secure it to the "thing"..and there's a large cable/wire in it. It's all about a foot away from the "phone box" on the side of the house. I noticed last week that one of the screws was missing from the plate, and the other one was half unscrewed. Have never noticed this before. Not sure WHAT this is for.

 

Could he have done something to tap my line? I will have to call the phone company to have them check, I guess......

 

Thoughts?

 

It just seems like so much more than a coincidence.

 

I did email him back, simply asking him why now, out of the blue, was he choosing to mail me back and bring up this 'fence' incident and offer his 'explanation'......that was 2 days ago, he's not responded at all.

 

JAG2

[Rob]

My advice would be to cut off all contact with him whatsoever. The only reason a hungry cat comes back to someone's porch is because somebody's leaving food out for it... the same applies for those clingy, needy people. By your talking to him, he still thinks he has a chance.

 

I would also contact the phone company or whoever and have them inspect that box. I don't know if that costs anything or how much, but it's for your own safety. If the phone company asks, don't get into that whole stalker thing with them, just say you think it's been tampered with.

 

And if this guy comes into your backyard, your private property again, CALL The POLICE! You may need to get a restraining order on this guy if he keeps it up.

 

Good luck.

[Tony T]

That fence has brought some real excitement into your life. How did you ever resolve the situation with your neked neighbor staring at you from his house??? Is he still married?

 

I think this guy you dated twice is just a pathetic weirdo. Don't email him, don't answer his calls and don't enagage him in any way and he will disappear...find another person to harass. As far as why he came back around so many months later, that's just one of the things weirdos do.

[km82794]

Boy can I shed some light on this one....

 

I had a stalker who stole my visa #, threatened to snap my neck, threatened to get me fired from my job, threatened my boss and even threatened to sue my local police station after I reported it to the cops. He tried to say THEY WERE HARASSING HIM.

 

Without my knowing it, one night he followed my sister home from my house. He called me and said he kidnapped her. I thought it was b.s. at first, but he was describing her to a tee so it kind of made my heart drop. Turned out it was only a mind game, THANK GOD.

 

Another night as I was in my living room talking on the computer (I lived alone), he told me I had a candle burning on my computer stand and sure enough I did. You wanna talk about freaking out.

 

I changed my s/n, my phone number, but the guy worked for my phone company, so every time I changed the phone number he got it even though it was unlisted. Finally I grew a little more wise and switched carriers.

 

Justa, I am not telling you this story to compare stalkers, I am only trying to show you the lengths these kind of people will go to terrorize their victims.

 

So here is my advise...

 

1. Contact the phone company and have them check your phone

lines. They HAVE to tell you if your phone is tapped.

2. Change your phone number to a non-published number.

3. Get a restraining order and if possible, a dog.

4. If he comes around again, call the cops. Call them every time

and make a report. IT IS NOT CONSIDERED A POLICE REPORT

UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY SIGN SOMETHING STATING THE FACTS

OF WHAT HAPPENED. Calling the cops is just that, calling the

cops, so I found out. There are no records unless you sign

something.

5. Change your screename and avoid all contact with Bob.

Talking to him only gives this stalker the impression he still has

a chance with you.

6. Anything this guy says online doesn't mean a thing. I printed

page after page of his threats towards me and it didn't mean a

thing. It's amazing but the police can do nothing to the guy

until he actually touches you. What a sick and unjust world we

live in!!!

7. So I've found out, you can also call your local police station and

have them send over an officer to show you the various ways

an intruder may break in to your home. GOD DID THIS MAKE

ME SLEEP BETTER AT NIGHT!

 

Be safe and Good luck!

[Just A Girl2]

I'd posted a few days ago ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=21969 ) about a situation where this wingnut from a year ago had out of the blue, contacted me by email.......which in and of itself was very strange...but the content of his email was to give me some lame excuse as to why I'd found him standing in my backyard one morning last summer.

 

His "explanation" was that he knew I was concerned that the neighbor I was splitting the cost of having the fence built with, was charging me too much for my 'half' of the fence...so Wacko-Dude took it upon himself, apparently, as a "friend" to come onto my property unannounced and unexpectedly, and inspect my fence (he's a carpenter) and unbeknownst to me, write me up an estimate so that I could give to my neighbor, should I need it....so that if I felt I was being ripped off for the cost, I could show him this estimate "from a professional carpenter."

 

Well of course, being that I'm not psychic (and not totally believing this is the reason I found this guy in my backyard), how the hell would I have known this was the apparent reason? He's lucky I didn't call the police/for him trespassing. Keep in mind, this is someone I'd met twice in person....we were not in a relationship at all. Just becoming friends and prior to this "fence" incident, I'd had to tell him I was not interested because I found him to be too clingy and desperately needing a relationship (there's more to it than that...let's just say the guy was starting to give me the heebie jeebies).

 

So anyway, prior to posting all this a couple of days ago, my curiosity had gotten the best of me and I'd written him back and very politely but matter-of-factly asked him WHAT sparked this sudden need for him to write me, out of the blue, offering this (lame) explanation for his behavior last summer.

 

This was his response:

 

 

 

I was working down the street from you last week. When I drove by your house. It just bugged me that you stop talking to me again over something silly. It really gets to me that you think of me as just another nut case you met on the net, when I not. Like I explained before, I was trying to be helpful and you assumed something else.

 

I quite enjoyed our chats and talks we had. I was never trying to play games with you or anything of the sort. I just wanted to get to know you, thats all.

 

 

To note, both times he's mailed me, he's had a "different" last name each time. I don't recall specifically what his last name is, but he comes from Scottish parents/background, and the one he's using now couldn't possibly be his name (it's very Ukrainian or Polish). In total, he's used 3 different last names. Very weird. If I DID have to call the cops on him now, I wouldn't even be able to tell them his last name, I don't know it.

 

So I suppose rather stupidly, I wrote him back and told him it shouldn't have been so difficult for him to understand how 'weirded out' I was to find someone I barely knew, totally unannounced (he'd never previously offered to come over and write me up an estimate), standing in my backyard..then leaving without even informing me why he'd been there (he knew I was at home that day).

 

I was also creeped out again this time, to read that he's admitting to driving by my house. He did this a year ago, after I'd told him I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship. Back then I found it creepy.....we'd only met twice.....surely not enough time for him to have become all "lovey dovey" over me and so smitten and disappointed that it would spark him to drive by my house and take a trip down memory lane or whatever the f*ck.

 

This is a guy who works on NEW Homes..ones just under construction. He's now lying and saying he was working down the street from me, and due to same, just so happened to be driving by my house, which is what apparently spurred him onto contacting me to give me his 'explanation'........there is no longer any "new-home" construction in my immediate area, and I live in a cul-de-sac of sorts..so it's not a through-road or a road one would have to access to get to another area. The last new house anywhere on my street that was under construction, was finished a year ago. So he is full of sh*t.

 

I decided to write him back one last time and tell him that I am not impressed with him continuing to give me lame and weird explanations for him driving by my house STILL.....and I am telling him to stop contacting me completely..to not phone (I've lately found "blocked" numbers on my caller ID, might be him,might not be..but most people leave a msg on my voicemail)...to not email me, and to stay off my property.....for if I find him anyway near or on my property, given my past and current dealings with him, I will prompty contact the police....the same goes for if I see his hunter green Eddie Bauer Ford Explorer driving by my house (he has no need to be on my street......he doesn't even live in my small town, he lives in the city). I hope he will have enough sense to leave me the f*ck alone.

 

Thanks for letting me vent. Not sure what more I can do to protect myself. He's not a big guy at all (5'7").....but he's definitely not playing with a full deck, he knows where I live obviously.

[Tony T]

There are these kinds of weirdos around. Now that you have put him on notice you want no further contact with him whatsoever, I wouldn't hesitate to call the police if you see him near your home. Clearly he is unbalanced or at best lacks acceptable social skills and is somebody who is not welcome in your life.

 

I really don't sense he would harm you in any way but you can never tell. Nothing he has done thus far indicates that he is dangeroous or has any intention of harming you...he's only crazy. A guy as odd as he is probably a very lonely man. Even normal guys will buzz by gal's homes just out of curiosity...as sick as it is.

[Just A Girl2]

No, you're fairly correct..he's not really done anything so far that would cause me to believe he's dangerous ...BUT...that day I caught him in my backyard, for all I know he was looking in the windows prior to that, too. Who knows? A guy's gotta have brass balls to pull that. And if he had such nerve to do that, after I'd specifically told him I was not interested in seeing him anymore and that he was not my type, it shows he's got a lot of nerve. Who's to say he doesn't drive by my house late at night and wander into my backyard and try peeking in the windows or something sick? The fact that he can boldy lie and say he just happened to be in my neighborhood, working down the street (what a crock of sh*t).....who knows how far a liar can go?

 

I didn't share this because I'd already written a virtual novel......but there were things he'd shared with me way back then, about some supposedly stalker-type chick HE had met through the personals........that since, I've really wondered if maybe it was HIM who'd stalked her and not the other way around.

 

Shortly after I'd met him, he told me about this lady he'd met on the personals (local) who apparently had "lots of emotional problems" (um, like him?!).....was very needy and clingy (um, like him?!)..who he claims he finally had to end things with......and apparently when he did, she began to stalk him. Part of his story didn't add up but.....he claimed that her job was at a large Internet Service Provider (the same ISP he used). He said she didn't take the breakup very well....and she used her position and access at her job, to hack into his computer, to read his email...even going so far as to figuring out the password/code for his telephone voicemail and listening to/erasing his voicemail (see, this part makes no sense because the company she worked for was a CABLE ISP company......nothing in her job would have provided her with the ability to crack his voicemail password). He'd apparently find her outside his house.....in his yard (go figure)....her just not giving up. I was shocked to hear all this.....asking him why the hell he didn't call the cops for crying out loud...that what she'd apparently done was against the law and sick. Now THIS is the part I don't really get. He said he "felt sorry for her" and all he did was talk to her boss, she didn't lose her job (come on now...an employee breaches confidentiality and hacks into a customers computer? of course they'd get canned on the spot)....they apparently just gave her a position in which she'd never have access to customers' accounts again.

 

He also spoke a lot about a supposed best friend of his who has manic depressive illness. He was constantly telling me stories about this friend of his, who was clearly being dicked around by some lying woman.....how the saga (this gal had apparently gotten herself knocked up by some guy she was cheating with while going out with this guy, but this guy kept putting up with her lies, for over a year, "because he loved her"...all kinds of unbelievable crap).......he talked about it a lot. an AWFUL lot.

 

So based on a few of the things he'd said to me and the above, (this even before the fence incident), I started to wonder if maybe HE was the stalker...and maybe HE was the one w/ manic depression. Oh, I forgot to mention........he had admitted to me that he'd been hospitalized about 3 or 5 yrs prior, with a 'nervous breakdown'......something to do with the stress of running a business he owned (pub)...and how they kept him in hospital for a week, all loaded up on Xanax and how that stuff really made him feel good.

 

So you see, there were plenty of "concerns" I had about his emotional stability, his clinginess, his constant phonecalls during the day, his hypersensitivity and just a lot of weirdness...then came the "fence incident"..and before that, he'd be back on the personals site we'd originally met on....only he'd keep changing his username there, and msg'ing me.....and not admitting up front who he was. Weird crap.

 

So, who knows what lengths this putz would go to.

 

I'm still very puzzled by this sudden out of the blue contact from him...his sudden need, after 10 months, to email me and explain about the 'fence thing'........when frankly, I don't think I ever even confronted him about it way back then. I was just so p*ssed and freaked out about it, I just had nothing more to do with him, and he didn't contact me either.

 

And like I said, 2 weeks ago, I was talking to a friend on the phone, we were comparing our "stories" about whackos we've met online so far..and I told him about this dude. Now 2 weeks later, whacko dude suddenly contacts me to explain things.

 

Maybe that day he was in my backyard wasn't to examine my fence and write up an estimate (which by the way, I never got)...maybe it was to ?somehow do something to the phonebox outside so that he could tap my line. That side of the house is pretty secluded and there's no windows. I did call up the phone company today to see if they would be able to tell if someone had tampered with my phone line/could have some kind of trace thing on it......of course, as I suspected, they said the only people they know who have access/authority to trace a line are the cops.....so they weren't much help.

 

This guy, as I recall, is not a stupid guy. He's sharp. And a little on the arrogant side in terms of how smart he is. So I wouldn't put anything past him.

[blossom]

I think this guy is obsessed with you and contacted you after 10 months because he HAS been watching you and needs/wants more contact with you. He sure wants you to know he is still around.

 

I agree with you that the "stalker" he described is himself.

 

Your concerns about him are dead on as far as I am concerned. No matter what anybody else says you are the one who is living this experience and you know what your gut is telling you.

 

Cut off all contact with him no matter what. Try not to freak out but watch your back and keep your eyes open. Keep your doors and windows locked and your curtains closed. If anything ever seems out of place or "odd" in or around your house have it checked out. Hopefully this creep is harmless and will do nothing more than what he has been doing, and maybe soon he will tire of that.

 

The most important thing is to have NO contact with him whatsoever. I don't care if he's on fire...don't you even spit on him. This type of person will take anything you say or do in reference to him as an indication that you do "care" about him thus giving him the green light to continue his bizarre behavior. Don't so much as look at him if you do run into him in public.

 

Take care of you...Blossom