liv2tell Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Hi all, just curious - anyone ever have sex with the ex (after a while of being broken up)? what did you feel like after? was it as good as you remember it being or not? did it lead to anything meaningful? (possibly a relationship)... Thanks all! Link to post Share on other sites
London Girl Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Well I would not say after a while of being broken up. In my case it was after 3 weeks, my ex and I slept together and it was really good - we had a good sex life. This went on for one year, we were FWB. He was giving me mixed signals and we were still acting like a couple but he was not giving me the commitment and I was hoping I could make him change his mind. Big mistake. It was an emotional rollercoaster and a waste of my time where I got really hurt. In hindsight, I wish I went no contact from the moment he ended things. So you need to decide, sure have sex with your ex if it is only sex and you have no expectation from it otherwise if you are hoping for a reconcilliation I would not personally not sleep with the ex unless you are back together and your needs are met. Don't settle for crumbs or as an option for your ex. They will not respect you and it only just boost their own ego. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Well my ex and I had this amazing sex life. For the first year. The second year it was non-exsistant, too many problems. We broke up, but were kind of roomies, separate rooms, while I was looking for a place. So I come home one day with a book on Tantric a friend gave me. I'm looking through it, ex says what's that. Jokingly we start looking through to the pages that looked like things we used to do. He went from, before the break up, I can't stand the thought of you naked you are a complete turn off (Which btw I'm 5'2 thin and attractive) to instant hard on. Then he comes onto me hardcore. I mean he wants sex and NOW. And I caved. But during I felt like it was some one I didn't know, and it felt unfamiliar. And afterwards we both said "That was a mistake, we know better than to go down this road again." Which I brought up a few times before it actually fully happened. He didn't listen. All over a tantric book. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 OH and btw it never happened again. Link to post Share on other sites
Paper Doll Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 My ex and I broke up, NC for a month and a half, then we started talking again. I decided to visit him and a few friends for New Years. I was desperate for an escape from my life, so I decided to go down a few days early, and stay a few days late. We ended up having sex...amazing sex. We are back together for many reasons. The problem is it's long distance. If we were closer together I wouldn't have any doubts. As it is though, I don't think the decision we made to get back together was a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 My STBXW and I broke up 4 months ago. Since then we had sex about 5 times, 4 of which were probably the best sex we had in 17yrs. Mind you we had a very good sex life throughout the 17 yrs, it's just those times seemed far more passionate and lasted for a long time. It was a sexathon! I really don't know why that happened, but we were in the midst of an emotional rollercoaster and that could have something to do with it. Since then, we were both tempted a couple of times, but we decided against it. I'd say go for it if you both really want to do it, but just enjoy it and don't think about anything else. Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 anyone ever have sex with the ex (after a while of being broken up)? Yes I did.. with my second ex... after over 18 months of NC... we were very much in love.. but I left long story)... what did you feel like after? At first, I was nervous as I thought I would still have feelings for him... but it went well... he had someone else in his life... we then stopped for over a year, last year.. he got married last summer... but I saw him twice recently... was it as good as you remember it being or not? the sex is just as good... less the overwhelming 'feeling' of love.. it's more about the sex now... it's hard to explain. did it lead to anything meaningful? (possibly a relationship)... no relationship.. he got married.. and I know he found the right woman for him.. I want him to be happy and he wants the same for me... Our love has been replaced with a deep friendship now.. he would do anything for me.. I can rely on him for just about anything... he's the best guy on this planet. Link to post Share on other sites
tatiana66 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 OK this is going to sound a bit strange because he is not an ex, we are back together now... only I don't want to be with him anymore. My partner and I always had a great sex life - trouble was, that was the only great part of our relationship. We have been together, on and off, for 15 years. We have separated many times, some separations lasting only a couple of weeks, the longer ones 6 to 9 months. We always got back together through sex. In 99% of the cases, if not all, it was him who started it, and somehow I could never say no. When we are in bed (or wherever) making love, it seems like we are made for each other, it is just great, love, tenderness, passion, communication. Then out of bed... bingo! All sorts of problems start to arise. We stay well for a couple of days, then start to clash. Trouble accumulates, leads to separation... we stay apart for a time... then get together for sex, and start all over again. I think (just an opinion) this ex-sex thing is very personal and depends on too many factors. You cannot draw conclusions from what happened to one or five or ten persons. It depends on the sort of relationship you had, how long you were together, what sort of person you are, how good you are at knowing what you want and keeping things clear (is it just sex? is it reconciliation? what does this mean? once you get tangled up in this maize, you are lost). Whatever you do, save the important life-affecting decisions for another moment - NOT right after sex! Oh, and whatever you do - enjoy it! Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I did with my most recent ex. I think it was 4-5 weeks after the breakup, I was pretty much over him by then. Before breaking up we had plans to go to the Pride Parade, have lunch and just make a day of it, we decided to follow through with the plans although we were no longer together. We had fun, I didn't feel sad or like I wanted him back, we had some drinks and ended up in bed. The sex was good yet it made me realize that I was over it. (I think I lied when I wrote about this on LS saying we hooked up but didn't have sex ) Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Nope, I never have done it. I would do it with certain ex's, depending on feelings. Though in general, if I initiated the breakup, I would not initiate sex. there is too much room for damage there. If both people believe "we aren't quite right for each other," ex-sex can be a way to put finality on the relationship, as you realize "yeah, it's over." Plenty of people have engaged in it and it works out fine. But those people, like Allina, were already "over it." If you are not over it, if you feel like you and the other person are compatible romantically, ex sex is a dangerous place. Link to post Share on other sites
Bummed&Hurt Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I've been on that emotional roller coaster big time with my STBXW. We have been separated for about 3 months now. Just this Sunday we were getting along real good and got into our hot tub and one thing lead to another and the next thing I knew a marathon sex session had occurred. We always had great sex during our marriage but this night was great. After everything was done she went back to her apartment. Before she left she said that maybe we could just be Fck Buddies. At the time it kind of hurt but now I think WTF. We have been getting along better and are trying to work things out but I do get horny and I know she does also. When she gets horny I would much rather come look me up than someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 After my ex and I split after more than 4 years, we had sex regularly for a little more than a year. We were dating other people, but somehow both of us didn't really find anyone good enough and so we ended up in bed together again and again. It was pretty cool, since we both knew we didn't want to be together as a couple, but when one of us felt too lonely or horny, there was a backup... Unfortunately, after that year, she moved to another country and we kind of lost contact... Link to post Share on other sites
Saxis Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I could have, but declined.... While my STBXW and I were living together for a couple months after separating, she asked if we could be FWB. I told her it wouldn't work that way for me, and I'm glad I made that decision! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Hi all, just curious - anyone ever have sex with the ex (after a while of being broken up)? what did you feel like after? was it as good as you remember it being or not? did it lead to anything meaningful? (possibly a relationship)... Thanks all! The rule is NEVER, EVER. If you do, you're just asking for heartache. It almost never leads to a relationship. Where there is no respect, there can not be love. Without love, all you have is meaningless boinking. Link to post Share on other sites
s_n_d Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 The rule is NEVER, EVER. If you do, you're just asking for heartache. It almost never leads to a relationship. Where there is no respect, there can not be love. Without love, all you have is meaningless boinking. CaliGuy, your my inspiration. I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Lee725 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 just curious - anyone ever have sex with the ex (after a while of being broken up)?Yes, once about 4 months after. what did you feel like after?Horrible, i felt like i had taken a step backwards. was it as good as you remember it being or not?It was good because i think we were both trying to "impress" each other. did it lead to anything meaningful? (possibly a relationship)...Yes, the resolve that i would NEVER do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 The rule is NEVER, EVER. If you do, you're just asking for heartache. It almost never leads to a relationship. Yes, it almost never leads to a relationship, but this does not necessarily make NEVER, EVER the right thing... It depends on their expectations - if both can accept the fact that the R is over, then sex with the ex can be a great thing... Where there is no respect, there can not be love. Without love, all you have is meaningless boinking. Oh come on. Sometimes 'meaningless boinking' is perfectly appropriate. A hurray for meaningless boinking with the ex! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Yes, it almost never leads to a relationship, but this does not necessarily make NEVER, EVER the right thing... It depends on their expectations - if both can accept the fact that the R is over, then sex with the ex can be a great thing... The problem is one of them usually tries to fool themselves into accepting the relationship is over and once the sex starts, they get drawn back in, only to be heartbroken. Why give some fool a second or third chance when the right person hasn't had their first chance yet? Oh come on. Sometimes 'meaningless boinking' is perfectly appropriate. If you say so. I wouldn't give any of my ex's the pleasure. A hurray for meaningless boinking with the ex! Not here. No way. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I went back to a love. We broke up when I was pregnant at my dad's request. Six months after I had the baby we hooked up again. I cried almost the whole entire time. I think I was mourning the relationship that would never be. He holds a special place in my heart even to this day. Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 The problem is one of them usually tries to fool themselves into accepting the relationship is over and once the sex starts, they get drawn back in, only to be heartbroken. Why give some fool a second or third chance when the right person hasn't had their first chance yet? Availability of resources and time constraints? The ex might be just a call away, but finding and getting to know 'the right person' can be a time-consuming task... If you say so. I wouldn't give any of my ex's the pleasure. It depends on the R and the break-up...not every relationship to an ex needs to be full of hatred and pain. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 (edited) If you are on a relationship forum soliciting advice -- should I sleep with my ex? -- to me that indicates you are in no way detached enough to sleep with that person. Ex-sex is only viable if you truly believe you aren't compatible with that person. And you'd better be damned sure the other person feels the same way, so if you were the dumper, don't initiate. Edited January 15, 2008 by oppath Link to post Share on other sites
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