How do you handle your religious beliefs in an affair?

[precious1357]

Along with all of the other heartache attached to an affair, does anyone else feel plain guilty?

[marlena]

Guilty no! Sorry for the pain the affair is causing, yes.

[nextel]

Along with all of the other heartache attached to an affair, does anyone else feel plain guilty?

 

 

The funny thing is, I have never felt guilty about my A with MM. Maybe its because I have known for a long time that he loved me, and maybe because I knew him before he was married.

 

I have always known that having an A with a MP is wrong, and I did everything in my power to push MM away from me. For years I would not return his calls, refused his invitations etc etc....but he kept coming. During that time, I prayed that he be removed from my life because he was M, needless to say he never went away and now I believe that we were meant to be.

[precious1357]

I sort of feel the same way. My MM pursued me, I never set out to hurt

anyone. His wife knows and she rolls her eyes, his children know and they

look at me with venom..and I know God knows all of this and I feel as if I

let God down...how can I be blessed in an affair with a MM whom I love

with all my heart, why would God allow love to come in this manner...its crazy!

[ElvenPriestess]

I sort of feel the same way. My MM pursued me, I never set out to hurt

anyone. His wife knows and she rolls her eyes, his children know and they

look at me with venom..and I know God knows all of this and I feel as if I

let God down...how can I be blessed in an affair with a MM whom I love

with all my heart, why would God allow love to come in this manner...its crazy!

 

Because while God instills with in us a sense of right from wrong, good from bad, a conscience, if you will, he still gives us free right to choose. Which direction we take is not up to Him, He allows all thing because of that free will He gives us.

[OWoman]

Along with all of the other heartache attached to an affair, does anyone else feel plain guilty?

 

I'm not religious, and the moral code I live by doesn't regard marriage as sacred or inviolable, so no. I wouldn't do anything I know I'd feel guilt about after - I regard guilt as counter-productive and destructive.

[nextel]

I have just reached a point in my life were I am thankful for alot of things. I am no longer a spring chicken and I have to be honest with myself as opposed to wondering about the what ifs....

 

In my lifetime, I have dated only single men. Men that treated me very well. Men that most women would have loved to have, but my heart was never content. There was always something missing inside of me. No matter how good a man was to me, something inside of me was not happy. For the first time in my life, I have met a man that has all the ingredients I want in a man. We share the same passions.....

 

My point is this....if he wants to be with me, it is not my job to make it easy on the W to keep him. I am always going to take care of me, and if that involves being happy with him, oh well, thats life.

[Owl]

I have a question Owoman. Please don't take this as an attack...its not. I really am curious about how you deal with this, and will take no offense nor mean any offense in my question.

 

I understand that:

I'm not religious, and the moral code I live by doesn't regard marriage as sacred or inviolable, so no. I wouldn't do anything I know I'd feel guilt about after - I regard guilt as counter-productive and destructive.

 

How do you deal with that fact that many others DO feel differently than you do? How do you make decisions when you know that your choices may conflict with other's beliefs, opinions, and feelings?

[precious1357]

I have just reached a point in my life were I am thankful for alot of things. I am no longer a spring chicken and I have to be honest with myself as opposed to wondering about the what ifs....

 

In my lifetime, I have dated only single men. Men that treated me very well. Men that most women would have loved to have, but my heart was never content. There was always something missing inside of me. No matter how good a man was to me, something inside of me was not happy. For the first time in my life, I have met a man that has all the ingredients I want in a man. We share the same passions.....

 

My point is this....if he wants to be with me, it is not my job to make it easy on the W to keep him. I am always going to take care of me, and if that involves being happy with him, oh well, thats life.

 

Well, you do what you feel is best! Sounds like a plan

[OWoman]

I have a question Owoman. Please don't take this as an attack...its not. I really am curious about how you deal with this, and will take no offense nor mean any offense in my question.

 

I understand that:

 

 

How do you deal with that fact that many others DO feel differently than you do? How do you make decisions when you know that your choices may conflict with other's beliefs, opinions, and feelings?

 

My MM is not religious either, but either way: at the point where I started to put the moves on him, I sat him down and discussed what I had in mind, where I saw it going and what my conditions were. I asked him to consider the proposition and think carefully in terms of the consequences it would have, and whether he was comfortable with that. He did, we sat and discussed it. I wanted everything absolutely upfront and on the table so that there could be no misunderstandings down the road. I also did not want him to find himself in a position where he felt he'd been misled or that he'd not actively chosen the route he was following. He thought about it, and only once he stated definitively that he was comfortable with where things were headed did anything really commence.

 

That's the route I've followed with every sexual relationship I've had, whether they were single or married.

 

My choices are not conflicting with the opinions or feelings of others; they're negotiated together with the participants and they're given the choice to participate or not, once it's on the table.

[sb129]

 

How do you deal with that fact that many others DO feel differently than you do? How do you make decisions when you know that your choices may conflict with other's beliefs, opinions, and feelings?

 

Isn't that just part of life? Nearly every solution to every moral dilemma conflicts with someones moral code.

 

Moral conflict exists between different cultures, between religious denominations and often within religious denominations, between the sexes, between races, between classes etc etc.

Under Sharia law in some countries, Owoman would be stoned to death for committing adultery. Does that mean that she should refrain from an affair even though the country she lives in doesn't observe Sharia law?

 

If we had to consider everyone elses moral code as well as our own when we made a moral-based choice, nobody would ever do anything. Not to say we should completely disregard the moral codes of others, far from it.

But you have to draw the line somewhere and live your own life as you see fit.

 

Note: I am not condoning "taking the law into your own hands", nor am I necessarily condoning an affair.

Edited January 9, 2008 by sb129

[Trialbyfire]

sb129, infidelity is one of the few moral standards, that is almost globally considered unacceptable. So many members on LS use France as an example of a more civilized approach to infidelity, where it's rampant. Perhaps so, perhaps not, considering that the French Civil Code covers infidelity or adultery as a valid reason for a one party "fault" for divorce.

 

As for morality based on religious doctrine, most organized religions don't condone infidelity.

Edited January 9, 2008 by Trialbyfire

[sb129]

sb129, infidelity is one of the few moral standards, that is almost globally considered unacceptable. So many members on LS use France as an example of a more civilized approach to infidelity, where it's rampant. Perhaps so, perhaps not, considering that the French Civil Code covers infidelity or adultery as a valid reason for a one party "fault" for divorce.

 

As for morality based on religious doctrine, most organized religions don't condone infidelity.

 

Yes, yes, I know that. I did say that I wasn't condoning having an affair, nor was I defending Owomans actions- just her right to choose her actions.

 

I just thought it was an odd question when the answer was so apparent.

 

If someone about to embark on an affair DID take others moral codes into consideration more thoroughly, surely they would refrain from doing so?

 

I have been an OW, however, my personal moral code did a complete U-turn since the A ended. (I have zero tolerance for infidelity- some may say its hypocritical, I call it learning the hard way via a bad experience).

 

I'm ashamed to admit, I had total an utter disregard for anyone elses moral code, and in fact I got a perverse thrill out of the illicitness of it.

Even writing that makes me feel dreadful.

 

However, my moral code was rewritten during the course of that, and despite being totally non-religious, I would never condone an affair again.

Exactly why that is I am unsure, it could be because I was witness to and a victim of an immense amount of pain and destruction that could have been avoided if two selfish people hadn't indulged their "desires". I think infidelity is avoidable in the majority of cases.

Edited January 9, 2008 by sb129

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, yes, I know that. I did say that I wasn't condoning having an affair, nor was I defending Owomans actions- just her right to choose her actions.

 

I just thought it was an odd question when the answer was so apparent.

 

If someone about to embark on an affair DID take others moral codes into consideration more thoroughly, surely they would refrain from doing so?

 

I have been an OW, however, my personal moral code did a complete U-turn since the A ended. (I have zero tolerance for infidelity- some may say its hypocritical, I call it learning the hard way via a bad experience).

 

I'm ashamed to admit, I had total an utter disregard for anyone elses moral code, and in fact I got a perverse thrill out of the illicitness of it.

Even writing that makes me feel dreadful.

 

However, my moral code was rewritten during the course of that, and despite being totally non-religious, I would never condone an affair again.

Exactly why that is I am unsure, it could be because I was witness to and a victim of an immense amount of pain and destruction that could have been avoided if two selfish people hadn't indulged their "desires". I think infidelity is avoidable in the majority of cases.

It's why I have no difficulty in respecting you a lot. You own it and have learned so much from it. Not everyone is willing to do so.

[Cobra_X30]

and I know God knows all of this and I feel as if I

let God down...how can I be blessed in an affair with a MM whom I love

with all my heart, why would God allow love to come in this manner...its crazy!

 

Are you blaming God for your actions?

 

On one level I understand your guilt. However, we know the faithful by thier actions... because faith without works is dead.

 

So if you bear no fruit... where is your faith?

[Owl]

Thank you Owoman. I appreciate your response.

[bentnotbroken]

I sort of feel the same way. My MM pursued me, I never set out to hurt

anyone. His wife knows and she rolls her eyes, his children know and they

look at me with venom..and I know God knows all of this and I feel as if I

let God down...how can I be blessed in an affair with a MM whom I love

with all my heart, why would God allow love to come in this manner...its crazy!

 

 

 

God didn't allow love to happen, you did. He gave you free will. He gave us all the guidelines for living, it is up to each of us to decide if we want to follow his guidelines. You made the decision not to in this instance.

[bentnotbroken]

The funny thing is, I have never felt guilty about my A with MM. Maybe its because I have known for a long time that he loved me, and maybe because I knew him before he was married.

 

I have always known that having an A with a MP is wrong, and I did everything in my power to push MM away from me. For years I would not return his calls, refused his invitations etc etc....but he kept coming. During that time, I prayed that he be removed from my life because he was M, needless to say he never went away and now I believe that we were meant to be.

 

 

Did you pray for the strenght to resist temptation? Or just that he remove the temptation?

[GreenEyedLady]

Along with all of the other heartache attached to an affair, does anyone else feel plain guilty?

 

I haven't read this whole thread but you want my personal opinion and I'll give it to you...

 

Is any one person perfect? Is there any one person anywhere who is without sin?

 

Do they go around feeling guilty all the time?

 

When I first found out, I felt very guilty, to the point where I felt sick and hurt most of the time...

 

And then I let him go and try and work it out with her...And he came back to me...And I am not going to live another day of my life feeling guilty...

 

It does nothing for your spirit or your life...It is a useless emotion and one that I will not let control me...

[Trialbyfire]

Hey GEL, so instead of fixing the problem that caused the guilt, you chose to ignore the guilt and continue in the exact thing that caused your guilt? I don't get it...

[GreenEyedLady]

Hey GEL, so instead of fixing the problem that caused the guilt, you chose to ignore the guilt and continue in the exact thing that caused your guilt? I don't get it...

 

I'm sure you don't get it...

 

And since I'm not one to shed TMI on this forum, if you don't already get it, you never will...

[Trialbyfire]

I'm sure you don't get it...

 

And since I'm not one to shed TMI on this forum, if you don't already get it, you never will...

You're right GEL, I will never understand someone who can actively participate as an affair partner, guilt and remorse free.

[SerenityX2]

Are you seriously looking for the answer, or just surround yourself with a pack of "mob mentality" that will support you?

 

If it's the the latter...can't help...otherwise

 

God doesn't condone cheating...it's not some superior attitude, it's just a pretty well known fact, but ppl who do indulge will justify.

 

Heard the expression what God has put together let no man come between? I'm sure most here will say it's antiquated, others who know the truth...well they just know.

 

God never stands for selfishness, and stepping on others. Kinda sad that most prob even know this b/c they say ...I "know" this is wrong...but too bad...I want....well that's not God.

 

You know it but you want validation for A b/c it feels too good to stop, he gives us free will....but don't mistake that for knowing what's wrong and indulging anyway but then expecting him to condone and even bless, that's a dangerous road.

 

People make up their own rules and thereby their own moral superiority and are too caught up with blinders to see it.

 

Good luck.

[GreenEyedLady]

Are you seriously looking for the answer, or just surround yourself with a pack of "mob mentality" that will support you?

 

If it's the the latter...can't help...otherwise

 

God doesn't condone cheating...it's not some superior attitude, it's just a pretty well known fact, but ppl who do indulge will justify.

 

Heard the expression what God has put together let no man come between? I'm sure most here will say it's antiquated, others who know the truth...well they just know.

 

God never stands for selfishness, and stepping on others. Kinda sad that most prob even know this b/c they say ...I "know" this is wrong...but too bad...I want....well that's not God.

 

You know it but you want validation for A b/c it feels too good to stop, he gives us free will....but don't mistake that for knowing what's wrong and indulging anyway but then expecting him to condone and even bless, that's a dangerous road.

 

People make up their own rules and thereby their own moral superiority and are too caught up with blinders to see it.

 

Good luck.

 

Oh yes you're so right...

 

Do you like to surround yourself with the same mob mentality?

 

Have you heard of the deadly sin of pride? Or are you just one to quote verses against adultery?

 

Perhaps you should step down off your pedastal and when you reach the real world perhaps you should take off your rose colored glasses and look at your life...Let he who is without sin cast the first stone...

[bentnotbroken]

We all sin and fall short of the kingdom. Sometimes people call others judgmental and superior just because they say what they believe and back it up with scripture. I don't have the right to judge anyone. I am a sinner. I sin daily and daily I have to ask for forgiveness. I think that some people point out adultery because it seems to be the thing that is bragged about and condoned in so many social circles. Unlike gluttony, which most Americans are guilty of, it is the one that is kind of a lightening rod because adultery includes so many other things, bearing false witness, coveting, anger etc.