How do you handle your religious beliefs in an affair?

[Owl]

Are you seriously looking for the answer, or just surround yourself with a pack of "mob mentality" that will support you?

 

Actually, I think this was a very valid question.

 

Some people ask a question with the intent of only hearing the answers that they want to hear. They're only really wanting responses that support the choices that they've already made.

 

Some people ask a question with the intent of honestly listening to all the answers they get. They're truly interested in all the responses, even if those responses might conflict with their pre-disposed viewpoint.

 

I often respond to the question "What do you think?" with a "Are you asking to really hear what I think, or are you wanting to hear what you want to hear?".

 

On a volatile subject like this...I think its a valid question.

[SerenityX2]

Oh yes you're so right...

 

Do you like to surround yourself with the same mob mentality?

 

Have you heard of the deadly sin of pride? Or are you just one to quote verses against adultery?

 

Perhaps you should step down off your pedastal and when you reach the real world perhaps you should take off your rose colored glasses and look at your life...Let he who is without sin cast the first stone...

 

Never said I don't sin. That was your false assumption.

 

Never said I was morally superior...I answer to a higher power, so I'm actually very humble..I'm speaking "his" truth not my made up morally superior views.. either you get that or you don't. Irrelivant to me.

 

I do look at and fully enjoy my life...but I'm always learning, however I wasn't the one that brought "God" into the q the OP did...she asked I answered...ppl get it or they'd prefer to deny...free will baby.

 

I'm not getting involved in pi$$ing matches on here.

[herenow]

Never said I don't sin. That was your false assumption.

 

Never said I was morally superior...I answer to a higher power, so I'm actually very humble..I'm speaking "his" truth not my made up morally superior views.. either you get that or you don't. Irrelivant to me.

 

I do look at and fully enjoy my life...but I'm always learning, however I wasn't the one that brought "God" into the q the OP did...she asked I answered...ppl get it or they'd prefer to deny...free will baby.

 

I'm not getting involved in pi$$ing matches on here.

 

What I have found on this site is that people live in their own reality of what is right and what is wrong. Society has made it clear that affairs are not an act of good morals, but time after time there are posts about how that thought does not apply to some of those on this forum because they are the ones to choose what is morally correct for them. I then have to ask if there is nothing wrong with an affair, why is it a secret? But, I don't really expect an answer as much as I expect to be called a bitter BW. I don't have any problem what that, I'd rather hold that title because it's what works for my moral compass.

[bish]

Along with all of the other heartache attached to an affair, does anyone else feel plain guilty?

 

I'd say if you are involved in an affair, then you can't be all that religious.

[bish]

I haven't read this whole thread but you want my personal opinion and I'll give it to you...

 

Is any one person perfect? Is there any one person anywhere who is without sin?

 

Well that answer to that is no. But we are talking about boning other peoples' spouses and people boning people OTHER than their spouses.

 

I'd say that is a freakin' whopper of a sin.

[bish]

I'm sure you don't get it...

 

And since I'm not one to shed TMI on this forum, if you don't already get it, you never will...

 

I'm sure she will never get it either as she has enough decency to not hook up knowingly with a married man.

[Tomcat33]

In terms of how to balance the guilt with our religious beliefs I suppose it all depends on what religion we are speaking of. As we all know Catholisism and Judaism are both heavily based on the very basic principals of "guilt". I think there comes a time in our lives where we need to reach in to ourselves to make peace with our choices, and that means at times we have to negate our core beliefs in order to do so.

In the time of despiar I found peace in talking to god and I had asked him to lead my path, I don't live in regret or feel any sort of guilt at all for any of my actions. I have made changes to appease and abolish any guilt I could feel, the rest is strictly my relationship with my soul and how I choose to view my life based on what my experiences have been.

 

I know that god had put my ex in my path for a reason and I lived it out as intended, and every emotion that was produced from that experience was a direct product of what the lesson was to be. So I don't feel judged or outcasted or even dismissed by god, or that my core belief system had to be regigged much because I acted on what was put infront of me. I feel like I got what I needed to get from it to continue on the journey of growth. I should remind you that I don't go to church nor am I into religion but I do believe in god and I have a special connection with him and am very in tune with my core.

 

 

 

Hey GEL, so instead of fixing the problem that caused the guilt, you chose to ignore the guilt and continue in the exact thing that caused your guilt? I don't get it...

 

No, actually it sounds like what she is saying is that she took that guilt and stopped it dead in its tracks to reevaluate what was best for her and what suited best with her soul. Guilt is an alarm it is not intended to be a permanent "emotion" guilt's only purpose is to serve as a bell going off to warn us that the decision we have taken does not coincide with our core belief/moral system. So when faced with this the adult thing to do is to make a change, we either change the course of action to reflect that core belief or we restructure our core belief to adjust to our new course of action. It DOES NOT mean the only solution is to change what we are doing, we have both choices in fact.

 

I think GEL TOTALLY fixed the problem as she saw fit and she did the adult thing to do. The idea that some people don't believe in changing core belief systems, is fine but you have to accept it is not for everyone.

[Tomcat33]

Never said I don't sin. That was your false assumption.

 

Never said I was morally superior...I answer to a higher power, so I'm actually very humble..I'm speaking "his" truth not my made up morally superior views.. either you get that or you don't. Irrelivant to me.

 

I do look at and fully enjoy my life...but I'm always learning, however I wasn't the one that brought "God" into the q the OP did...she asked I answered...ppl get it or they'd prefer to deny...free will baby.

 

I'm not getting involved in pi$$ing matches on here.

 

 

I've read a few of the posts here and forgive me for saying but you don't sound very humble or like you even mean to relate the good word of god, you sound very caught up in your own ideas and like the thoughts put forth come from a negative place of unsolved issues and resentment. I don't think that is what god intended for his "Disciples" to do. Just my observation.

[herenow]

No, actually it sounds like what she is saying is that she took that guilt and stopped it dead in its tracks to reevaluate what was best for her and what suited best with her soul. Guilt is an alarm it is not intended to be a permanent "emotion" guilt's only purpose is to serve as a bell going off to warn us that the decision we have taken does not coincide with our core belief/moral system. So when faced with this the adult thing to do is to make a change, we either change the course of action to reflect that core belief or we restructure our core belief to adjust to our new course of action. It DOES NOT mean the only solution is to change what we are doing, we have both choices in fact.

 

I think GEL TOTALLY fixed the problem as she saw fit and she did the adult thing to do. The idea that some people don't believe in changing core belief systems, is fine but you have to accept it is not for everyone.

 

This is why we need to maintain a legal system. If we left it to people who think like this, nothing would be sacred. If a person has no problem having sex with a married person, they would certainly not think twice about the possessions of another person. Before ya'll get on me, I'm not comparing a human to possessions, I just think that if you have no guilt over messing with human emotion, then why would you care at all about things?

 

Thank goodness that there are legal consequences to protect us from those who live by their own set of morals. I guess since there are no legal ramifications for most affairs, it's all good for anyone who chooses to live that way. Such is life I guess.

Edited January 10, 2008 by herenow

[Tomcat33]

This is why we need to maintain a legal system. If we left it to people who think like this, nothing would be sacred. If a person has no problem having sex with a married person, they would certainly not think twice about the possessions of another person.

 

Thank goodness that there are legal consequences to protect us from those who live by their own set of morals. I guess since there are no legal ramifications for most affairs, it's all good for anyone who chooses to live that way. Such is life I guess.

 

Well with all due respect Herenow, we all have our OWN set of morals that is why we are INDIVIDUALS. In regards to what you are saying though I didn't make a pact in front of god's eyes to love charish and honour my partner til death do me part.

 

Please leave the law out of this because falling in love with a person who is married is not breaking any law. Until it does we cannot equate that to acts punished by the law.

 

When I went for my first communion I did make a pact with the church to follow the guidelines of sin free living in order to accept the body of christ into my own body, on a weekly basis. I later, found out that in life we cannot truly live as it is intended when we are 13yrs of age. At 13 or 14 I would sit infront of the priest and confess my weekly sins in order to receive the body of Christ, and I realised that for all the sins I could commit, like talking back to my mother or spending more time reading or chatting on the phone with my friends instead of doing homework, all I had to do was tell the man behind the speckled window on sunday what my sins were, and with heavy prayer I was absolved of my weekly inadequacies and I was newly ready to receive the body of Christ again.

 

In time I also realised that what made me feel good about not committing my "sins" wasn't the receiving of the communion or the drawn out mass preformed by the monotoned preist, it was the fact that I was willing to have my own relationship with god, he in fact constantly tested watched and watched me grow and THAT is what would prompt me to make the right choice from the wrong one his doing and MINE.

 

I also learned that the pratice of religion as an institution is HEAVILY flawed, so if there was such room for grave mistake within the HOME of god, what faith (pardon the pun) could I have in adapting a system IMPLEMENTED by the chuch that was supposed to reign my core?

 

So when you think about restructuring your core based on what you exprience in life, having that option to do so is just a valid as not doing what is deemed as wrong because someone is watching us.

[herenow]

Well with all due respect Herenow, we all have our OWN set of morals that is why we are INDIVIDUALS. In regards to what you are saying though I didn't make a pact in front of god's eyes to love charish and honour my partner til death do me part.

 

Please leave the law out of this because falling in love with a person who is married is not breaking any law. Until it does we cannot equate that to acts punished by the law.

 

When I went for my first communion I did make a pact with the church to follow the guidelines of sin free living in order to accept the body of christ into my own body, on a weekly basis. I later, found out that in life we cannot truly live as it is intended when we are 13yrs of age. At 13 or 14 I would sit infront of the priest and confess my weekly sins in order to receive the body of Christ, and I realised that for all the sins I could commit, like talking back to my mother or spending more time reading or chatting on the phone with my friends instead of doing homework, all I had to do was tell the man behind the speckled window on sunday what my sins were, and with heavy prayer I was absolved of my weekly inadequacies and I was newly ready to receive the body of Christ again.

 

In time I also realised that what made me feel good about not committing my "sins" wasn't the receiving of the communion or the drawn out mass preformed by the monotoned preist, it was the fact that I was willing to have my own relationship with god, he in fact constantly tested watched and watched me grow and THAT is what would prompt me to make the right choice from the wrong one his doing and MINE.

 

I also learned that the pratice of religion as an institution is HEAVILY flawed, so if there was such room for grave mistake within the HOME of god, what faith (pardon the pun) could I have in adapting a system IMPLEMENTED by the chuch that was supposed to reign my core?

 

So when you think about restructuring your core based on what you exprience in life, having that option to do so is just a valid as not doing what is deemed as wrong because someone is watching us.

 

Maybe you should read the last sentence or two of my quote again ending in "such is life". I'm just thankful that our society does have rules against some people who decided for themselves what is moral and what is not.

 

As far as affairs, I agree there are no laws, so carry on. We also don't have any laws that say we should respect each other, maybe we should. I respect other peoples choice to live their live however they want. But, that doesn't mean I can't have an opinion about it and voice that opinion. We still have free speech don't we?

[Tomcat33]

. But, that doesn't mean I can't have an opinion about it and voice that opinion. We still have free speech don't we?

 

Absolutely!!

 

Opine away my friend, I never implied you were not entitled to your opinion, not intentionally at least.

[Enema]

"God gave you free will" is the normal copout answer religious people use when they try to explain why god doesn't ever do anything.

 

He doesn't stop affairs

He doesn't stop murders

He doesn't stop poverty

 

The list goes on. The simple answer is that god does nothing, because there is no god.

 

The worst thing about accepting an inactive god is that some of you use it to justify poor moral behaviour:

 

During that time, I prayed that he be removed from my life because he was M, needless to say he never went away and now I believe that we were meant to be.

 

God didn't respond to nextel's prayer to remove the MM (because there is no god), so she takes it as confirmation that she's supposed to have the affair!

 

This reminds me of Moai's thread titled: The Religious Position is Harmful. When I see things like the above quote, I can only agree.

[SerenityX2]

I've read a few of the posts here and forgive me for saying but you don't sound very humble or like you even mean to relate the good word of god, you sound very caught up in your own ideas and like the thoughts put forth come from a negative place of unsolved issues and resentment. I don't think that is what god intended for his "Disciples" to do. Just my observation.

 

 

Forgiven ...just teasing you haven't done anything wrong..you have your opinion.

 

Look, I could go on a huge diatribe of what my past was...left faith, found faith..explored diff faith and back again and there's no point. I've made my mistakes. I learn from them so I'd like to help others.

 

They are not MY ideas/thoughts...actually they come from the bible not even this or that formed religion, if you don't believe in the bible...well again, your choice.

 

I think it's ridiculous to try to get in a theological debate on this site let alone this thread...it would become as I said a pi$$ing match and for what? If you read that as arrogant, that's your choice.

 

I can also argue why I am not bitter and have no unresolved issues, but the fact is you are going to paint me how it makes you feel good...I don't need to put others down...that doesn't make me feel good. You apparently need to find fault w/me choosing to believe I'm really not happy...I'm not going to turn this into a 20pg thread back and forth that I am...I have nothing to prove to you, if that bugs you it's your choice.

 

I'm sorry you have issues with the RC church, really I am...I don't and it isn't some robotic, guilt or fear based complex, but again you will believe what you will. I've done much research (many years) b/c I had my doubts at one point...my eyes were opened...I'm not trying to convert anyone here...I'm not...I'm here to help..but if you ask a q such as was posed..well it is "his" truth....again not mine....I get it now, and my life has been incredibly blessed.

 

I'm sorry that I'm not as eloquent and approachable as BNB...perhaps she speaks things better on a msg board I do really enjoy her posts...I do fine in real life...it's hard on here....perhaps that's why you think I'm coming across on a pedestal...I am far from that....but you said it, your perception.

 

You can lead a horse to water...

[bentnotbroken]

"God gave you free will" is the normal copout answer religious people use when they try to explain why god doesn't ever do anything.

 

He doesn't stop affairs

He doesn't stop murders

He doesn't stop poverty

 

The list goes on. The simple answer is that god does nothing, because there is no god.

 

The worst thing about accepting an inactive god is that some of you use it to justify poor moral behaviour:

 

 

 

God didn't respond to nextel's prayer to remove the MM (because there is no god), so she takes it as confirmation that she's supposed to have the affair!

 

This reminds me of Moai's thread titled: The Religious Position is Harmful. When I see things like the above quote, I can only agree.

 

 

 

Just because you don't believe something doesn't make it true. She had the affair because she chose to. She chose the path that she is on, just like you chose the one you are on. Does God guide you? Only if you want him to i.e. you believe in him and his infinite mercies. My belief in God does not hurt me in any way. Other people's response to my beliefs sometimes hurt, but He said that would happen too.

[Enema]

She had the affair because she chose to. She chose the path that she is on, just like you chose the one you are on.

 

Exactly... the difference is that I take responsibility for my actions.

 

The christian I quoted doesn't. She believes god wants them to be together because he hasn't stopped them.

[whichwayisup]

She believes god wants them to be together because he hasn't stopped them.

Everyone SHOULD take responsibility for their choices in life. It has nothing to do with God. Freewill........

[bentnotbroken]

Exactly... the difference is that I take responsibility for my actions.

 

The christian I quoted doesn't. She believes god wants them to be together because he hasn't stopped them.

 

 

 

 

 

She didn't read her bible or ignored the part about adultery, or conveting.

[Cobra_X30]

Have you heard of the deadly sin of pride? Or are you just one to quote verses against adultery?

 

Perhaps you should step down off your pedastal and when you reach the real world perhaps you should take off your rose colored glasses and look at your life...Let he who is without sin cast the first stone...

 

Listen... be very careful when using lack of perfection in yourself and others to justify your actions.

 

In this you are correct, none among us today is perfect.

 

However, the good people repent when they do wrong, and actively try to be better.

 

I hope you are like this.

[Tomcat33]

Just because you don't believe something doesn't make it true. She had the affair because she chose to. She chose the path that she is on, just like you chose the one you are on. Does God guide you? Only if you want him to i.e. you believe in him and his infinite mercies. My belief in God does not hurt me in any way. Other people's response to my beliefs sometimes hurt, but He said that would happen too.

 

It appears what you meant to say was, just because you don't believe in something it does not make it UNtrue.

 

Ok I can work with that, so what if I were to ask you this:

 

I might believe that monogamy is not humanly possible I also might believe that when vows are broken it is the duty of said participants in those vows to adhere to those vows, so if you don't agree with my way of seeing things and given your above statement then it also can be said that just because you don't believe in my way of seeing things it does not make it UNtrue?

 

But a more tangible example:

 

In the Jehovah's Witness faith "his" truth indicates that if a person is ill and needs a blood transfusion you are to abstain from doing that because the bible makes no reference of this practice.

Does this apply to you and your faith, and if not why not? And if someone were to say to you, HIS word is to let your child go as intended by the bilble, what would you say to that person?

 

 

I think it's ridiculous to try to get in a theological debate on this site let alone this thread...it would become as I said a pi$$ing match and for what? If you read that as arrogant, that's your choice.

 

Are you saying you are incapable of delivering a message without resorting to a pi$$ing match? I don't think it should be that ridiculous to have an adult conversation and exchange ideas without having it get to that, the question is can it only be had if both parties agree on something or can it be had regardless?

 

 

I'm sorry you have issues with the RC church, really I am...I don't and it isn't some robotic, guilt or fear based complex, but again you will believe what you will. I've done much research (many years) b/c I had my doubts at one point...my eyes were opened...I'm not trying to convert anyone here...I'm not...I'm here to help..but if you ask a q such as was posed..well it is "his" truth....again not mine....I get it now, and my life has been incredibly blessed.

 

 

Don't feel sorrow for me, my life is just as blessed and it doesn't involved the church.

 

Question: What is "helping", to you?

 

In regards to the bible comment please see my above point re. the Jehova's Witness, feel free to answer it as well.

Edited January 11, 2008 by Tomcat33

[GreenEyedLady]

Listen... be very careful when using lack of perfection in yourself and others to justify your actions.

 

In this you are correct, none among us today is perfect.

 

However, the good people repent when they do wrong, and actively try to be better.

 

I hope you are like this.

 

 

The thing is, I do not feel the need to justify my actions...I am an imperfect person and I accept that...I have issues with people who are pious and sit in judgment of others simply for the sake of judging to make themselves feel they are better than someone else...

 

I have no defense...I love a man with all my heart and he loves me the same; He happens to be married and is going through a divorce...if that is worthy of damnation for all eternity, then so be it...But that is between me and God and no one else...

 

Peace out...

[bentnotbroken]

It appears what you meant to say was, just because you don't believe in something it does not make it UNtrue.

 

Ok I can work with that, so what if I were to ask you this:

 

I might believe that monogamy is not humanly possible I also might believe that when vows are broken it is the duty of said participants in those vows to adhere to those vows, so if you don't agree with my way of seeing things and given your above statement then it also can be said that just because you don't believe in my way of seeing things it does not make it UNtrue?

 

But a more tangible example:

 

In the Jehovah's Witness faith "his" truth indicates that if a person is ill and needs a blood transfusion you are to abstain from doing that because the bible makes no reference of this practice.

Does this apply to you and your faith, and if not why not? And if someone were to say to you, HIS word is to let your child go as intended by the bilble, what would you say to that person?

 

 

 

 

Are you saying you are incapable of delivering a message without resorting to a pi$$ing match? I don't think it should be that ridiculous to have an adult conversation and exchange ideas without having it get to that, the question is can it only be had if both parties agree on something or can it be had regardless?

 

 

 

 

Don't feel sorrow for me, my life is just as blessed and it doesn't involved the church.

 

Question: What is "helping", to you?

 

In regards to the bible comment please see my above point re. the Jehova's Witness, feel free to answer it as well.

 

 

 

My faith and his word says that I am to say what he has done for me and to say that I believe and follow his word. It also says that I am not to argue with someone if thay don't believe in him or his word. I think the scripture referred to me leaving the person( in their time that village or town) and shaking the dust off my feet, so as not to contaminate my belief. So whatever you need to get you through your day is fine with me. And thank you for correcting my misprint.

[Cobra_X30]

The thing is, I do not feel the need to justify my actions...I am an imperfect person and I accept that...I have issues with people who are pious and sit in judgment of others simply for the sake of judging to make themselves feel they are better than someone else...

 

I have no defense...I love a man with all my heart and he loves me the same; He happens to be married and is going through a divorce...if that is worthy of damnation for all eternity, then so be it...But that is between me and God and no one else...

 

Peace out...

 

Correct your salvation is not in my hands. I'm not interested in judging. You need no defence.

 

I believe that though we are imperfect... and that we should accept that... we should also not settle for it. I regret my failings and strive to be better. Does that make me self rightous?

[Enema]

Everyone SHOULD take responsibility for their choices in life. It has nothing to do with God. Freewill........

 

....that is what I said. Everyone should take responsibility for their own actions but this poster isn't, because of her religious beliefs. She's using god's inaction to excuse her affair with a married man.

 

She didn't read her bible or ignored the part about adultery, or conveting.

 

You're both missing the point.

 

Whether she's acting as a "true" christian or not is irrespective. She is still making very poor decisions based on her religious beliefs.

 

Have you ever heard this quote?:

 

"Good men will do good things, bad men will do bad things. But only through religious conviction will good men do bad things."

[OWoman]

Society has made it clear that affairs are not an act of good morals

 

I'm not sure where you live - North America perhaps? - but in my country the "western" cultural paradigm is only one of many, all equally valid in the eyes of "society" and the law. Here there are indigenous and imported cultures that sanction polygamy, and so it's legal, even though there are other cultures which look askance on it as "immoral". "Adultery" here is not against any law, and divorce is strictly no fault (all on the basis on "irreconcilable differences". One spouse may cite their spouse's affair as evidence of a breakdown, but equally another may cite their spouse's unwillingness to tolerate As as a breakdown. All are equal in the eyes of the law, here.)

 

Morality is relative. Laws reflect both some dominant moral paradigm (since they're made in parliament, by public representatives of ordinary people, on a pure numeric majority basis) and some logistical necessity to prevent anarchy (e.g. people may not think it's RIGHT to travel no faster than 60km on the roads, but they may accept that it's NECESSARY to minimise road accident fatalities).