Why are guys mean to the women they like?

[torranceshipman]

Lol, he made you vacuum?!?:lmao: How does someone make you vacuum?!

 

He's an old guy you work with who thinks he's younger (peter pan thing) sounds like he has no social skills - not a killer package and hence probably not usually too successful with the ladies - hell, he is probably loving that for once his horribly inept attempts at 'flirting' are actually working-thats why he makes sure everyone sees it!!

 

I sense a serious case of you being bored and needing a shag, lol...don't get it off him! I cant explain any other reason for the life of me why you are crushing on this guy. Are you just REALLY bored at work or is this a lack of decent dating options?! He sounds like a class A assclown. I bet if you did end up hooking up once you'd then think, oh dear, I regret that, but then you'd never forget it cause your entire workplace would know about it and would have seen the whole sorry salacious 'seduction' aka vacuum / staring routine going down for WAY too long!

 

:lmao: This post really did get me laughing! Does anyone remember the thread about the midgets because the vacuum part of this is almost as funny!

 

Lol please let us know what happens!

[j_hunt_12]

Ohhhhh you just want a one-night stand. Sorry, I see (and date) good girls and relationship types religiously now and you threw me for a loop. I've been in a conservative country too long and forgot that one night stands existed.

 

OK. That really is wierd, most guys I know are willing to sleep with attractive girls on a one night stand, and once they can see that they got them, they go for it. Maybe he is actually a fairly decent person and doesn't want to date you; therefore he doesn't want to ask you out or hook up with you because he doesn't want to lead you on (not likely). There is also a very slight chance that he's good at flirting but nervous about actually going for it. I've seen this a few times, but mostly in college... and this guy's older (Highly doubt it).

 

I bet he'd be willing to sleep with you. You could just ask if you really wanted to. I bet he'd say yes; or if you like playing these games, like he's doing extremely well, say you are seeing some new guy and ignore him just a little less. I bet he'll go after you or speak-up. Guys love when they know they got a girl and hate when that fades off, they feal weak and like some other guys doing better than him.

 

How to forget about him??: I always could forget girls and lose long-term attraction to them by hooking up with them or knowing I could hook-up, BUT that probably will not work the other way around. Ask girls about that.

 

peace

[velvet1]

He manipulates you, he knows it and enjoys it. I don't understand why you keep following that kind of behavior and how you keep allowing someone to treat you bad. Their is other men out their that can treat you so much better and you waist your energy on someone that keep playing games .

 

If you work with him, tell your boss where you work if you can move some where else or is their any other alternative.

[Kamille]

Agreed. You are bored and this guy provides you with excitement at work. Not only are you bored, you are also not looking for anything long term or serious. If you were, none of his behaviour would seem acceptable.

[makemyblackrosesred]

Thanks for all the imput. I have strong feelings for him. Like today he made me dust, well not made, but I happily did it. He told me to use one of the shirts in the dollar box because he ran out of papertowels. Then I handed him the shirt and he threw it at me. literaly just shoved it and he thought it was sooo funny. All that kind of stuff indicates that he flirts with me, and of course, stares at me an awful lot. Its just I feel like even if I didn't go in there, the happiness he brings me is better than the little negative things he does and says. He is always on my mind. Always. I wake up to him and go to sleep with him in my thoughts. Under certain work standards I can't make a move right now, but I could come June. There is also a HUGE age difference. I am young enough to be his daughter. None of that seems to matter by the way he goes about flirting with me..but at the end of the day my fears is that him and his friend will will become more serious, hell stop liking me, or he'll suddenly become ethical because i can never predict his moods. I do want to get over him, or at least try and stay away from him long enough that I am the one he is chasing not vice-versa. Any ideas??

[EnigmasMuse]

"Like today he made me dust."

 

I have one question for you concerning this. The other day you said he MADE you vacuum. Now he is MAKING you dust. So, exactly how is it that he is MAKING you do any of this?

 

"Then I handed him the shirt and he just thre it at me." All that kind of stuff indicates that he flirts with me."

 

No it doesn't.

 

"I am young enough to be his daughter."

 

This explains alot then. He has some kind of control over you, he knows you like the attention, so therefore he can treat you anyway he likes, and knows you'll be ok with it. Even though you say you don't care for it. You think if he treats you that way he likes you or flirts with you.

 

"Any ideas?"

 

Try to build up some self esteem, and figure out why you think you need someone like that in your life. Dump him and move on.

[underpants]

Is this guy your boss?

[makemyblackrosesred]

No he is not my boss, but we are not equals though, he is in a higher position then I am. He DOES flirt with me..believe me he does. He just likes having control..like I said before I think he gets off on it.

[j_hunt_12]

enigmasmuse is right on... wow... this is too much for me too handle... ...

 

I have strong feelings for him. Like today he made me dust, well not made, but I happily did it.

 

Get attracted to another guy that will, at very very least, give you some jewelry and take you out to dinner a few times before making you do stuff for him and treating you like crap... MY GOOD GOD

 

If you forget him right now, I will regain complete faith and not shake my head and say "some women"... :laugh:... Seriously though, I'm pulling for you...

 

peace

[halfarock]

Well J-Hunt he is older..he definetly should know better. He loves toying with me. He gets off on it I think. I wish I could take a magic potion to forget about him, but theres nothing I can do. He's got me where he wants me and he knows how to manipulate me to do what he wants. I think being mean is his way of not making it obvious that he likes me. For instance he'll whisper about me to someone and make it noticable so I go up to that person and be like what'd he say? All they tell me he said is lets pretend we are talking about her or he'll call me by my first and last name like he loves saying it..so when I'm not paying attention to him i'll look up. He is very egotistical and loves that I ask about him. He checks me out and when he looks into my eyes I melt. We have chemistry. I've noticed too that he doesn't like it when I am serious with him..or try and have a serious discussion, he somehow makes it into a joke at my expense. or if I talk to a guy he'll be like "you dont wanna know her" or he'll say "he doesn't want you to talk to him" its so odd..its like he pushes guys away from me, yet does it in away that they think he doesn't like me. You know what? I am not the commitment type either. All I want is a one night stand..but I dont know if he wants that. I don't know what he wants anymore..

 

 

From this and your other posts it sounds to me as if he likes you but is too insecure to approach you the way a man full of confidence would. He treats you the way he does because he gets a reaction out of you without having to worry about rejection. It’s also immaturity.

 

If he were to approach you as a man does to a woman there is the chance that you would reject him and the harm to his ego and pride would be too much to bear. By teasing you, even if you get mad you are still interacting with him and, in his mind at least, he still comes out on top.

[Spectre]

Heck, I know girls who get treated like crap constantly by their bf's, yet they keep going back. So I assume the answer to why guys are mean to girls they like is the same reason girls continually allow themselves to be treated like garbage rather than go find another guy?

 

Not saying all are like that, but some chicks flat out like the drama.

[malaclypse]

Maybe he's playing some kind of Sub/Dom game...

[THE THRONE]

O.P., THE THRONE says you need to seek some type of professional help asap.

[makemyblackrosesred]

Could be? Today he was down right awful to me again! He always has a hurtful comment/joke saved up for me. His "ladyfriend" and him are just friends though..I guess that's good. I know because he asked me to sow something for him because its a "woman's job" and I said "No, maybe if you were nicer to me" he said I guess I'll have Robin do it. I'm like "Why do you ask your friends to do tasks for you?" and he's like "My friends love being around me..they do whatever I want. Plus she is off work today so she shouldn't mind." He said that's what friends are for. So obviously since they've known each other 20 plus years and have been friends for that long..they are not together if he refers to her and has convos with people addressing her as a "friend". I guess I was over worried. Now all that seems minute. Yeah he is single..but wtf?? Why does he flirt and stare and do all these little things to make me want him and then make stupid comments to me like when I said I'll see you tomorrow around 11 he sarcastically was like "oh god I guess so" but he is really mean about it. He also will raise his voice at me(he does this with other people too) when he shouldn't be raising his voice at all..he has a temper. I just don't understand how someone can be so sweet half the time and flirty and then say things that are derogatory and hurtful the next..guys are such jerks!!!!!!!

Edited January 15, 2008 by makemyblackrosesred

[underpants]

That is just creepy, and it won't get better.

 

For your sake don't get involved with him. Stop trying to figure out why he is 'unbalanced' or 'jerky'. Don't feed into it or just call him on his b/s and say....dude, you are an a'hole.

 

His next tactic will be to flirt heavily with another female in front of you or step up the 'mean' games a bit.

 

He sounds like a gamer and through identification you can prevent a painful situation.

 

Trust me, all guys are not like this and the ones that are do not suddenly become a prince.

 

Run away from that one.

[makemyblackrosesred]

Thanks Underpants! I really do try. Any suggestions on how to get over him? Do you think he wants to sleep with me..or what? He'll try to shove me off on other guys too. Like he'll either be like "Don't talk to him he doesn't want to listen to you" or "Why are you standing so close to him?" but then he'll be like "why dont you walk with her or carry her bag? Be a gentleman." But he does it in away where its like he knows me and his other friends are just friends but he wants to make sure that we are just friends cause he knows we'll both be like "ugh no". Its so strange..really. I told him yesterday why he didn't say anything good about my presentation and he said "your not even suppose to be going to the next level. I am giving you the oppurtunity". The whole soeing thing is odd too. "Do you know how to sow?" Its like thats all he sees in me or he wants to know because he has some fantasy that thats all I'm good for or something. He is so hot and cold. I just don't get it. I do notice that by ignoring him, he comes after me more, that could be just me though. I have noticed it in the past..

[underpants]

Thanks Underpants! I really do try. Any suggestions on how to get over him?

 

Do you think he wants to sleep with me..or what? He'll try to shove me off on other guys too. Like he'll either be like "Don't talk to him he doesn't want to listen to you" or "Why are you standing so close to him?" but then he'll be like "why dont you walk with her or carry her bag? Be a gentleman." But he does it in away where its like he knows me and his other friends are just friends but he wants to make sure that we are just friends cause he knows we'll both be like "ugh no". Its so strange..really. I told him yesterday why he didn't say anything good about my presentation and he said "your not even suppose to be going to the next level. I am giving you the oppurtunity". The whole soeing thing is odd too. "Do you know how to sow?" Its like thats all he sees in me or he wants to know because he has some fantasy that thats all I'm good for or something. He is so hot and cold. I just don't get it. I do notice that by ignoring him, he comes after me more, that could be just me though. I have noticed it in the past..

 

You need to stop trying to figure out his motives for his actions. Stop thinking why and start just seeing him for who he is.

 

It would be really unwise to embark on a romantic relationship in the workplace. Double so when it starts from a dark place.

 

He knows how to push your buttons and get a reaction. Even if it is a crinkled brow or a perplexed look. He gets off on it.

 

Next time you go to work pretend to be just an objective observer. If he confronts you on a non work issue then just be too busy to talk. If he says something mean then either don't respond (I did not hear you) or respond with I am only interested in professional and friendly interaction with you and be cold.

 

Good luck. Keep it professional and see how he acts in the coming weeks.

[makemyblackrosesred]

Yeah pants..I'll try that. I'm only staying untill June, so next year won't be an issue. I just hope I can stop thinking about him then. That's why neither of us has actually been upfront about our feelings because nothing can happen untill I don't work there anymore i.e. (June). I am a very open person who is not afraid to speak her opinion or confront people on issues. So I think if this were a different situation I would say you know "Hey, lets get dinner sometime" but that can sound plationic since friends do that. Plus I don't want to come off as easy if I'm like "Wanna fool around?" It's soo complicated and ridiculous at this point. One big headache! I am completely stressed out!

Edited January 15, 2008 by makemyblackrosesred

[Woggle]

Not conding his behavior but he does it because it works.

[cutegirl]

OMG that's a well known PUA (pick up artist) tactic.

 

I was reading a guide for "players" and that's one of the tips they had on there, guys use that on girls who are a 9 or 10 to lower her self esteem and make her doubt herself and then they go in for the kill.

 

Another common tactic guys use when they want a hot girl is to hit on her less attractive friends, another way to make her wonder what's wrong with herself so she will in turn want the guy even more to prove herself.

 

There's many worse tactics guys are using such as psychological tricks and even using subliminal messages/hypnosis to get women into bed. Be warned!

[PandorasBox]

Not conding his behavior but he does it because it works.

 

I agree with Woggle. Its being allowed so why should he stop? Stay away from him.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

This guy is bad news and he treats you like crap because you let him its that simple honest.

 

There is no hidden messages in the meanness no decoder ring nessacary to unlock his mysterious ways!

 

Hes not playing coy or cutesy love games hes hurting you and playing mind games because you will play along with him.

 

I bet him and those friends of his have a good hard laugh when your not around about it. How he can twist you around his little finger and make you jump when he says how high...

[JackJack]

This guy is bad news and he treats you like crap because you let him its that simple honest.

 

There is no hidden messages in the meanness no decoder ring nessacary to unlock his mysterious ways!

 

Hes not playing coy or cutesy love games hes hurting you and playing mind games because you will play along with him.

 

I bet him and those friends of his have a good hard laugh when your not around about it. How he can twist you around his little finger and make you jump when he says how high...

 

I totally agree with this.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

His "ladyfriend" and him are just friends though..I guess that's good.

Um I don't mean to burst your bubble of hopefullness but I was always under the idea that "ladyfriend" ment a girl hs doing on the side like FWB type of deal.

 

Or maybe he dosent wanna admit hes doing her kinda thing. Most guys that have reg female friends just say my friend so and so but not my ladyfriend.

 

That to me anyways would make me think there was more to it. Maybe I'm wrong tho I would hate for you to lose out on such a catch.

[makemyblackrosesred]

Hey Spanks. Nah he just called her his friend today. I think he uses the word ladyfriend so he people wont think he is gay since he is a commmitmentphobe, lives by himself, and doesn't want to get married. Plus when I was like "why don't you get your friend to do it" (meaning her) he said "i should thats what friends are for" so he says they're are friends..which is what his friends say that they are just friends because he is divorced and wants to be a player or whatever. He hardly uses the term ladyfriend..and like I said he does it so people won't be like "what are you gay or something?" believe me he jokes around a lot but he's single and likes it, you can't take what he says seriously. As I've said before..dating him due to his ways and "player" status isn't my problem anymore. My problem is getting him to stop playing games with me. I don't care if he sleeps with someone he is known for 25 yrs because I know he is good friends with her and is comfortable with her enough for both of them to have a no strings attached relationship. If he wanted to be with her..he would commit to her and not address her as a friend and joke about dating and seeing other women. Every person needs a little sex in their life. Idc if who he screws..because most likely he wants to stay available. That use to be my biggest fear..him running off with another woman. I just got lucky, but now I'm trying to figure out his feelings for me. Everyone picks up his flirtiness and he can just be so incredibly sweet, but lately the stuff he says makes it seem like he hates me. Its just so confusing.