Why are guys mean to the women they like?

[EnigmasMuse]

"My problem is getting him to stop playing games with me".

 

As soon as he sees that you are no longer playing it with him, he will more than likely stop.

[makemyblackrosesred]

Hey Spanks. Nah he just called her his friend today. I think he uses the word ladyfriend so people won't think he is gay since he is a commmitment-phobe, lives by himself, and doesn't want to get married. Plus when I was like "why don't you get your friend to do it" (meaning her) he said "i should that's what friends are for" so he says they're are friends..which is what his friends say that they are, "just friends" because he is divorced and wants to be a player or whatever. He hardly uses the term ladyfriend..and like I said he does it so people won't be like "what are you gay or something?" believe me he jokes around a lot, but cares what people think about him. He's single and likes it, you can't take what he says seriously. As I've said before..dating him due to his ways and "player" status isn't my problem anymore. My problem is getting him to stop playing games with me. I don't care if he sleeps with someone he has known for 25 yrs because I know he is good friends with her and is comfortable with her enough for both of them to have a no strings attached friend- relationship(if its FWB..but I don't think he screws her). Hell, I don't care if he is a player, its perfect because he doesn't want commitments. If he wanted to be with her..he would commit to her and not address her as a friend and joke about dating and seeing other women, oh and being so cynical about marriage too. Every person needs a little sex in their life. Idc who he screws..because I'm almost positive he wants to stay available. That use to be my biggest fear..him running off with another woman. I just got lucky he's the single type, but now I'm trying to figure out his feelings for me. Everyone picks up his flirtiness and he can just be so incredibly sweet, but lately the stuff he says makes it seem like he hates me. Its just so confusing!!!!!!!! Oh and the age difference might be an issue too..

[makemyblackrosesred]

Hey MUSE- Yeah I am going to try to stay away from him completely. Its hard because he runs the program I work for. Tomorrow I have to go over stuff with him again because I don't understand it. I can't tell him he is wrong about anything or he yells at me and becomes cruel. So I'm trying to figure out a way to ask some of my concerns again without him thinking I'm annoying for asking them.

[EnigmasMuse]

Hey MUSE- Yeah I am going to try to stay away from him completely. Its hard because he runs the program I work for. Tomorrow I have to go over stuff with him again because I don't understand it. I can't tell him he is wrong about anything or he yells at me and becomes cruel. So I'm trying to figure out a way to ask some of my concerns again without him thinking I'm annoying for asking them.

 

 

Must be difficult to feel you have to walk on eggshells just to ask a question about work. I would imagine its tough to be in that situation since you work together. Hopefully you will be able to move on though.

[makemyblackrosesred]

I hope so.. it took almost 3 years to get over the last guy..

[EnigmasMuse]

I hope so.. it took almost 3 years to get over the last guy..

 

Did he treat your poorly too? And play games?

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I can't tell him he is wrong about anything or he yells at me and becomes cruel. So I'm trying to figure out a way to ask some of my concerns again without him thinking I'm annoying for asking them.

Hold up you work for this man and hes behaving like this?? Thats just totaly unexcaptable you do know there are companey rules agenst such things in any companey??

 

Hello were not liveing in the 50s were that kinda crap may have been excaptable between a boss and his workers even more so his female ones.

 

I'm sure he has some one over his head right? get proof of his abuse/harassment because thats what all this is oh and harassment as in sexual harassment by the way.

 

And present it to his manager and I'm sure you will find your work enviroment will emprove greatly. Now far as his feelings for you let me try to help you with that once again.

 

He dosent like you he likes the fact he can scr*w with you like a little puppet on his strings. Its fun for him to watch you dance when ever the mood hits him. And then throw you a little bone of sweetness to keep you comming back for more!

[SpanksTheMonkey]

"My problem is getting him to stop playing games with me".

 

quote]

I would think that a nice talking to by his supieriours at work about the evils of abuse and sexual harassment and who knows maybe if still need be a nice shiney restraning order would do the trick if it was me anyways.

 

I would def give him the loud and clear message that this kinda behaviour has gone on long enough and that its NOT excaptable any more stand up for yourself and grow some b**ls!!

[JackJack]

I'm curious to know, if he treats other women like this or just you. Either way, you do need to be in contact with someone above him and make them aware of what is going on.

[makemyblackrosesred]

Is it really that bad? I mean most of what he does is in a joking manner. I am the only one I know of, but he has a slight temper with others..he looses patience really fast, becomes angry almost. He makes me feel like other people shouldn't know me or will say negative things about me to implicate that he doesn't like me. Yet, because everything is said with a smirk or with a laugh at the end, I know he is joking. I just wish everyone could see when he flirts. It's bizzare behaivor. Hot and Cold all the time. I wonder if he realizes it's wrong to like me(due to our age and working conditions) so he flirts, but then becomes really nasty, to try and not get too close. It actually reminds me of Paula and Simon on American Idol. Except, he is not as mean as Simon is to Paula (but that back and forth flirtiness). It's not like I am the innocent one in all of this either. I can make cocky comments to give him a taste of his own medicine..which might fuel his anger, but all in all he is quite immature for his age. He's really got a hold on me.

[makemyblackrosesred]

Thanks again guys for your help..lord knows I need it when it comes to this man..

[underpants]

It sounds like you are attracted to the way this guy makes you feel (insecure). His tactics leave you second guessing yourself and expresses your insecurities.

 

He cycles his behaviour to mean/nice. Push away, pull closer, act indifferent, then back to nice. You don't know where you stand with him and that is the game. That is all it is ...a game. In extreme cases some call this sort of thing emotional abuse.

 

From what you have writtern he does not sound that great.

 

If you just want to get laid by a jerk then go ahead. Know that you can polish a turd, but it still stinks. He won't turn into a nice person because he dates you, wheather now or in June, or next year.

 

He has said everything he needs to to ensure that he bears no responsibility to your feelings. He does not want to get married. He is a commitmentphobe. He is on some level probably amazed that you are attracted to him in spite of his behaviour towards you.

 

Why are you concerned about someone's "feelings" when they clearly are not concerned with yours?

 

I would advise you to RUN away from this type of guy.

 

I know you work with him and you have to see him daily. Just start to look at him through a different, more dicerning lens. Then in June, move on and don't 'keep in touch'.

 

I think you have already invested too much concern in him to be able to have the kind of emotionally detached relationship that he grooming you for. Why don't you go downtown and look up his divorce. That might be an eye opener for you?

 

Be careful.

[makemyblackrosesred]

Wow. I never even thought of that. You bring up so many good points/advice. Could it be I'm in love with this guy? I wonder sometimes if that's why I care sooo much about what he thinks. You can't help who you like, and since I like him and he treats me well some of the time I guess that is why I chase after him so to speak. (Well he does most of the chasing) why do you think he looks at me the way he does? With those intense eyes, then just flirt and flirt and flirt. Followed by some mean comment because he is with his friends. PANTS- Why do you think he trys to push people away from me and act like I'm the worst person you could ever meet..then say something sweet? Does my theory on his meaness in previous posts make sense to you? Finally, based on everything..do you think he wants to f*** me?

[underpants]

Take him off that pedestal, he is just a dude. You keep asking "why, why, why".

 

What does it 'really' mean? It means he likes being a jerk. It is simple.

 

He stares at you intensely because he is a predatory jerk.

 

Sure, he would probably do you. From how you describe him I don't think he will care about you and I don't think he will love you.

 

I don't think you are "in love" with him as much as you are "confused" by him. If you get in too deep with this guy I am really afraid you will wind up hurt.

 

You are willing to settle for someone who "treats you well, some of the time"? That is kind of a sad statement. Chin up girl. You can help who you like. Don't let your vunerabilities make you easy prey for some a**hole. You will kick yourself later.

 

Is there another fellow out there that you could fancy?

[makemyblackrosesred]

Fancy? Is that english haha. There are plenty of guys interested in me. I get asked out a lot..but when I do go on dates with these guys, all I think about is him. I've got it "bad" so to speak. I don't know how to get over him. He's always on my mind..

[makemyblackrosesred]

Oh and how do you mean when you say "predatory jerk?"

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Oh and how do you mean when you say "predatory jerk?"

They mean hes a nasty morron who is sexualy harassing you and prob others in his work place!

 

I agree you keep acting coy/surrprised almost like you don't understand what is painfully obvise to others. This guy is no good he is abusive and you eat it up and ask for more!

 

You are inocent far as the work place goes hes your manager or what ever he should know better then to act in this manner bottm line. I think you are very starved for male attention so much so any will do good or bad!

 

Please report him at work and try to remove him from your life as much as possible. For your own good and maybe go do some counceling to help you sort out why this kind of treatment is ok with you in the 1st place cause its not normal.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

all I think about is him. I've got it "bad" so to speak. I don't know how to get over him. He's always on my mind..

Maybe try go reading the abuse forums and see how much fun it really is go get involved with a nasty abusive man.

[makemyblackrosesred]

Yeah you're right, but I can't stop. Maybe my problem is trying to figure out how to fall out of love with someone that cruel. He said even more hurtful things today, luckily, most weren't directed at me. He even asked if I had low self-esteem. Wow..I could make a thread on just how to overanalyze his comments haha

[THE THRONE]

The more you keep saying, "I can't stop" the more you seal your own fate.

[EnigmasMuse]

Sounds like a game of cat and mouse to me.

[makemyblackrosesred]

Oh Muse..everyday its a game. The worst kind because I am always on the losing side. I think my only options are to stay almost competely away from him, untill I have to see him. I am the cute younger woman..he's an old man who thinks he is God's gift to the world. Although he is handsome and his charm has me under his spell, I know being treated the way I am by him and his friends is wrong. If I stay away from him, there is a good chance he'll come after me (its happened in the past). I have to realize the reality is in my favor not his.

[JackJack]

People have given you advice on what they feel you should do. Mostly the advice was to stay away from him. Its a game. He likes it. And as long as you continue to play it, he will continue to treat you the way he does. No matter what others here have said, it has to be your call. If you want to truely stay away from him for good, and end the games he is playing, then you will find a way. If not then expect his behavior to reamain the way it is, and you will continue to feel the way you do.Good luck to you.

[makemyblackrosesred]

Thank you.

[makemyblackrosesred]

oh and muse thank you too..everyone had great advice. Although I still see him.