rosebud6712 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 hi everyone. i am a very jealous/insecure person, i've been like this for my entire life, i am now in my 30's. i have had a rough childhood, and i am aware of my insecurites, but they are very hard to control at times. i have been dating this guy who is younger then me, and at first it was great, but for the past couple of months it's been a communication nightmare. he is very spoiled and HAS to always get his way with everything, and i'm very intreverted. when things go wrong, i tend to pull away until i am ready to discuss the situation w/o feeling as though he is attacking me or making me feel wrong for my feelings. we are both aware of our problems, and we do need to fix the communication, but it gets extremely frustrating at times. which leads me to my story. i have a best friend who is absolutely gorgeous! in my eyes she is, and in everyone elses also, i want my b/f to be upfront with me, but when i ask him how he feels towards her, he says the most mean things about her, which in the back of my mind makes me think the complete opposite, basically that he is just covering up how he really feels about her. he tells me he isn't attracted to her, that she isn't his type..but like i said she is so damn beautiful how can she not be his type. this is just one of the things we are fighting about this time. when i try to express myself, he gets angry..... does that mean he is covering up his true feelings? or he is just frustrated cuz he is really telling me how he is feeling. idk if i can take much more, of the misunderstandings...please help, any feed back will do! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Why would you continue to bring her up to him? It only brings her up in his mind again. Trust me, I know in a way what you're going through. My husband has a friend who is female he's had for 15 years and she is a stone cold fox as they would say. A size two, blonde hair, blue eyes, perfectly dressed and turned out every time you see her. They have never dated or anything like that but have supported each other over the years. I would never ask him to give up his friendship with her, that would be wrong. They talk every couple of weeks and we go out to dinner periodically with either her or her and her boyfriend every couple of months. I always play it cool although I'm a little intimidated by her. But hey, he's my man, he is in love with me and I truly have nothing to be jealous of. That's the way you need to look at it and quit bringing her up. What do you expect him to say "Yeah, I think she's fine and I'd bang her in a heartbeat?" That would be hurtful to you. Silence is golden sometimes- think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Rose, how much younger is he than you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosebud6712 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 he is 6 years younger Link to post Share on other sites
Author rosebud6712 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 you are absolutely right!!! why am i bringing her up? expecting him to tell me that horrible truth? i guess him saying mean things is better then him saying he'd "bang" her so to speak. so the fight isn't even worth it. thank you, if he loves me then i have to take that with me regarding every situation Link to post Share on other sites
bozwa Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Has he given you any reason to think he wants your friend? Just because she's "gorgeous" doesn't mean he'll automatically want her. Are his "attacks" on your friend more about her personality or her physical? If it's about her personality, then most likely she IS ugly to him because he doesn't like her as a person. My bf admitted to me he thought my best friend was cute when he met her (we tell eachother when we find someone goodlooking), but there have been some things said and done since then that has since changed his mind on that. I have also been insecure and jealous in my current relationship, but I've had to take a step back and look at things. My bf has given me no reason whatsoever to doubt what's he told me. Best advice I have for you is take what he says at face value until you see a reason to do otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
MakeLemonade Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 If he knows you are insecure/jealous - as I am sure he does if you two have been together for awhile. He very well could be doing it to make you feel better, so that you don't get insecure or jealous over her. Kind of a pre-emptive thing maybe? Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts