nextel Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 and asked you to marry him, would you? Do you love your MM enough to want to be his W? Do you think you can stand being with him every night? How many of you actually want to have a real relationship with the MM? Since I asked, I might as well answer..... I sure would in a heart beat. I love him enough to want to be his W and cook for him. I have been practicing it for sometime now, I know I would love to have him every night. I want a real relationship and not just occassional banging. Link to post Share on other sites
KATANYA Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 With exMM I never thought about marrying him or even being solely committed to each other......and I certainlly didn't feel like we were just 'banging'! I think I would have a hard time being married to MM only because at some point (after that whopper fight, or major disagreement where he and I aren't talking, etc - you know, the stuff that happens in every relationship) there would always be that underlying feeling of 'what if'....when he's not 'reacheable' on the cell phone, starts going out often with the boys, seems distant or argumentative, or any number of other 'signs' that often precipitate finding out your spouse is having an A, I guess I would find it hard to believe he wouldn't do it to me if he did it with me! I would never trust him completely because he has never done anything to have earned my trust completely! (As the former OW, I already know he's capable of cheating and hiding it!) Also, I think before anyone jumps from an A into a M with their MM/MW, you have got to get to know the 'single' person behind the MM/MW - what I mean is, will they themselves really want to go from one commitment (that obviously failed to meet their expectations) directly into another.......how people feel about you when they are married and unavailable can change when they are free from the marriage and able to choose their future without restrictions. I'm certainly not saying your MM is like this - he may be THE ONE and your soul mate, etc. etc. - its just that I feel people who are trapped but want out of their marriage often don't want to re-commit immediately.......at least that's how I feel with my own life! Once my D was final, the LAST thing on my mind was getting right back into a committed R (and I was with exMM by then but with no expectations that it would go beyond the R that we had)----I wanted to live and enjoy my chance to be free and take care of myself for awhile and I think that's only wise - I have to deal with all my own issues and residual feelings from the M, etc. before I can commit to starting a new R with someone else - any break up (no matter how much you want it) leaves baggage that you must deal with before you begin a new R - thats JMO anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 and asked you to marry him, would you? Do you love your MM enough to want to be his W? Do you think you can stand being with him every night? How many of you actually want to have a real relationship with the MM? He already has and I said yes... I do want to be his W when we are both ready....I already know I can stand being with him every night because I've been there and done that and still doing it... It's wonderful to be able to share your life with the one that you love when you know they love you back just as much... And you already know that mine is a real R...Just waiting for the ink to dry... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 (edited) No I would never marry.. never did... never will. BUT I think I would try the common-law thing with only one of my MM.. the youngest one.. he's a lot of fun... plus he works 90 hours a week... he wouldn't get into my 'personal bubble' that much. He's a workholic.. so it's the only condition I would have a man in my space. My other MM is always home... always... the only time we see each other is during work hours... he spends his whole evenings and weekends with his W and kids... so that would get on my nerves big time.. My first ex was like that... I would hate that now... I like my space too much now. Oh I should add.. I'm not 'in love' with any of them... Edited January 10, 2008 by Lizzie60 adding one line. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 And the downside of me ever, I MEAN EVER DATING A MW AND HAVE HER MARRY ME. Is the question: Could I ultimately trust her. And the answer is no.... So what was the point of me even having an affair. She'll cheat on her husband when she's tired of him who's to say it wont happen to me in the long run? Do I want to live with the embarassment of people saying I get what I deserve? Hell no!!! You females need to have more self respect for yourself to go after single men who could keep their pormises because with MM it's onnly a matter of time until he finds a mistress to refill the slot you just left! peace. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 And the downside of me ever, I MEAN EVER DATING A MW AND HAVE HER MARRY ME. Is the question: Could I ultimately trust her. And the answer is no.... So what was the point of me even having an affair. She'll cheat on her husband when she's tired of him who's to say it wont happen to me in the long run? Do I want to live with the embarassment of people saying I get what I deserve? Hell no!!! You females need to have more self respect for yourself to go after single men who could keep their pormises because with MM it's onnly a matter of time until he finds a mistress to refill the slot you just left! peace. Thanks for your well wishes! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 And the downside of me ever, I MEAN EVER DATING A MW AND HAVE HER MARRY ME. Is the question: Could I ultimately trust her. And the answer is no.... So what was the point of me even having an affair. She'll cheat on her husband when she's tired of him who's to say it wont happen to me in the long run? Do I want to live with the embarassment of people saying I get what I deserve? Hell no!!! You females need to have more self respect for yourself to go after single men who could keep their pormises because with MM it's onnly a matter of time until he finds a mistress to refill the slot you just left! peace. Chrome ... I have to disagree... It doesn't guarantee for cheating... she/he would cheat even if they get married for the first time... Cheater can be faithful for a long period of time with their OW... I know.. mine was for 18 years, until I left.. I know I would still be with him, I was the love of his life... Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 (edited) Chrome ... I have to disagree... It doesn't guarantee for cheating... she/he would cheat even if they get married for the first time... Cheater can be faithful for a long period of time with their OW... I know.. mine was for 18 years, until I left.. I know I would still be with him, I was the love of his life... Really then why did you leave??? I dont get it. Why wasnt you content to stay if that's what you wanted so badly? It's possible he like kinda came to that epiphany that if he messed up now he would look worse than he already did. That's a possibility about why he stopped. I have a friend or at least used to be me friend he was a serial cheater. Why were not friends anymore......???? Well let's just say that Rape of my future girlfriend was okay with him. and I Strongly disagreed Edited January 10, 2008 by Chrome Barracuda Link to post Share on other sites
KATANYA Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 And the downside of me ever, You females need to have more self respect for yourself to go after single men who could keep their pormises because with MM it's onnly a matter of time until he finds a mistress to refill the slot you just left! peace. I'm going to have to burst your bubble and fill you in on one thing I've learned.....SINGLE PEOPLE cheat too!!!! I have tons of respect for myself......I just don't believe any person (married, single, monogomous...etc.) can ultimately say "I would never cheat!" Just because he's single doesn't make his promises any more solid or believable....There are way too many people (single and married) that have to eat on those words already!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I'm going to have to burst your bubble and fill you in on one thing I've learned.....SINGLE PEOPLE cheat too!!!! That is so right! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Really then why did you leave??? I dont get it. Why wasnt you content to stay if that's what you wanted so badly? It's possible he like kinda came to that epiphany that if he messed up now he would look worse than he already did. That's a possibility about why he stopped. I have a friend or at least used to be me friend he was a serial cheater. Why were not friends anymore......???? Well let's just say that Rape of my future girlfriend was okay with him. and I Strongly disagreed I left because I didn't love him anymore... not because he cheated... I seriously think that he never cheated on me. For the last 12 years, I wasn't in love with him anymore.. he was more like a good friend to me.. I had absolutely no desire for him.. I even told him to get a mistress... he was furious at me... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I'm going to have to burst your bubble and fill you in on one thing I've learned.....SINGLE PEOPLE cheat too!!!! I have tons of respect for myself......I just don't believe any person (married, single, monogomous...etc.) can ultimately say "I would never cheat!" Just because he's single doesn't make his promises any more solid or believable....There are way too many people (single and married) that have to eat on those words already!!!!! Exactly.. I do ... Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I'm going to have to burst your bubble and fill you in on one thing I've learned.....SINGLE PEOPLE cheat too!!!! I have tons of respect for myself......I just don't believe any person (married, single, monogomous...etc.) can ultimately say "I would never cheat!" Just because he's single doesn't make his promises any more solid or believable....There are way too many people (single and married) that have to eat on those words already!!!!! I have never cheated. The odds of a man not cheating are nil but you have men who honor their vows and keep their promises, no matter what. So in this generation were all messed up but just because you see it alot doesnt mean you never will see the opposite it does exist out there you just gotta find it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I left because I didn't love him anymore... not because he cheated... I seriously think that he never cheated on me. For the last 12 years, I wasn't in love with him anymore.. he was more like a good friend to me.. I had absolutely no desire for him.. I even told him to get a mistress... he was furious at me... Well you was his mistress and you were supposed to do what he said. He was furious because he sacrifised time and money and a marriage for you and you just proved his ex right. That's messed up lizzie. Seriously. How do you be with a man through a marriage, his divorce for so long, then one day, you up and leave? Isnt that what you always wanted? Or was it all just a game? I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I have never cheated. The odds of a man not cheating are nil but you have men who honor their vows and keep their promises, no matter what. So in this generation were all messed up but just because you see it alot doesnt mean you never will see the opposite it does exist out there you just gotta find it. Yes I suppose it DOES exist.. but it's very RARE.. We are in an era that people are less and less monogamous... it will even get much worser ... lol IMO it's not realistic to be faithful to only one person ALL your life... it's just crazy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nextel Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 I have never cheated. The odds of a man not cheating are nil but you have men who honor their vows and keep their promises, no matter what. So in this generation were all messed up but just because you see it alot doesnt mean you never will see the opposite it does exist out there you just gotta find it. Whats the matter Chrome, are you in a bad mood this evening? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 IMO it's not realistic to be faithful to only one person ALL your life... it's just crazy... Like you said, its your opinion. Personally thats how it should be and thats how I like it. Its not crazy at all. If I didn't want to be faithful to one person my whole life, then I would remain single. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Whats the matter Chrome, are you in a bad mood this evening? Huh??? Naw why did you say that? lol. Yes I suppose it DOES exist.. but it's very RARE.. We are in an era that people are less and less monogamous... it will even get much worser ... lol IMO it's not realistic to be faithful to only one person ALL your life... it's just crazy... My grandparents did it but they was baptist and from the deep south, they had convictions and morals and the whole 9. And also they was a part of the past generation so that plays apart of it as well. We're too consumed with instant gratification these days. It's only gonna get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Well you was his mistress and you were supposed to do what he said. He was furious because he sacrifised time and money and a marriage for you and you just proved his ex right. That's messed up lizzie. Seriously. How do you be with a man through a marriage, his divorce for so long, then one day, you up and leave? Isnt that what you always wanted? Or was it all just a game? I'm confused. Confused... it's quite simple I was his OW for 11 years, then his W left him. we moved together, we lived 18 years together, the last 12 years were painful for me cause I didn't love him anymore.. It wasn't a game, trust me, I loved him very much for 17 years... That happens all the time CB.. people fall out of love at one point with their partner... He didn't sacrifice anything for me... he didn't love his W anymore... he stayed for the kids... and his 'comfy' life.. they were financially stable. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Confused... it's quite simple I was his OW for 11 years, then his W left him. we moved together, we lived 18 years together, the last 12 years were painful for me cause I didn't love him anymore.. It wasn't a game, trust me, I loved him very much for 17 years... That happens all the time CB.. people fall out of love at one point with their partner... He didn't sacrifice anything for me... he didn't love his W anymore... he stayed for the kids... and his 'comfy' life.. they were financially stable. Should have stayed. He gave up alot to be with you and in the end you walked anyway's. You pulled the same stunt he probably pulled on his wife. But it's all water under the bridge now. So much time invested to only have it fall apart, So what was the point of the affair anyways!!!!??? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Should have stayed. He gave up alot to be with you and in the end you walked anyway's. You pulled the same stunt he probably pulled on his wife. But it's all water under the bridge now. So much time invested to only have it fall apart, So what was the point of the affair anyways!!!!??? No, I was always faithful... they were married for 13 years... he cheated on her for probably all of those 13 yrs. What's the point of the A? We fell in love with each other... I was only 15 when we met.. I was his OW for 11 years... then 18 years with him... a total of 29 years... Come on.. CB... I did my share.. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Yeah, I never said you didnt. but all that damn time and you walked???? WTF????? It's like me telling a woman I love her, getting her prgnant, proposing, then when the day come for the wedding I'm leaving and telling her oh, it was just a joke. I didnt mean anything by it. See what im saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nextel Posted January 10, 2008 Author Share Posted January 10, 2008 Oh boy. Some heated stuff in this thread. It was not meant to be like this. Link to post Share on other sites
KnownTruth Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 and asked you to marry him, would you? Do you love your MM enough to want to be his W? Do you think you can stand being with him every night? How many of you actually want to have a real relationship with the MM? Since I asked, I might as well answer..... I sure would in a heart beat. I love him enough to want to be his W and cook for him. I have been practicing it for sometime now, I know I would love to have him every night. I want a real relationship and not just occassional banging. Good question! I think about this scenario alot. I honestly just don't know. I think sometimes I could and sometimes I just couldn't. I guess many factors go into it. I would have to move to where he lives. I would have to give up being close to my family and work. It would be a totally opposite life style and I would become a step-mom to young children. It is a lot to think about. I do love MM and would love to be with him, but if I have doubts I don't want to enter into it. I guess I love our life together in our affair and I forget about his other life outside of it that I would enter into. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 and asked you to marry him, would you? Do you love your MM enough to want to be his W? Do you think you can stand being with him every night? How many of you actually want to have a real relationship with the MM? As you know, this is underway with my MM. We've had a "real relationship" for some time, and we've lived together for extended periods so we KNOW we can stand being together and doing all that boring stuff in between all the other great stuff. For me it wasn't a simple decision though. Because of my views on M, I'd pictured our being together as just that, a choice we'd reconfirm each day or move on, rather than something we'd be legally confined into doing. But because of visas and other legalities we'll have to get married it seems, if we want to stay together. But I'll insist we marry in my country where divorce is strictly no fault and quick, and where the marriage vows themselves don't have all that archaic stuff about "foresaking all others" and just stick to the basics. Link to post Share on other sites
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