UGH jealousy.

[Spoonandfork22]

theres two bars in my town. When we all have a night out (which is once a week), we go to one of them most of the time. I have a new job where I have to work 8-5 that I started this week and needless to say its really making me realize how much sleep I really need!

 

To get to the point there is this girl (haha why does there always have to be someone?!) that has been frequenting the bar lately. Shes made it prettttty apparent that she is interested in my bf. Although he claims she has a boyfriend and they are getting married, etc. My bf is EXTREMELY naive when girls hit on him or make a play at him and I know better. Well last Wednesday when we were out I went home early and the next morning my bf told me that when he was leaving the bar she was waiting at the door and said that her friends had left her so she needed a ride home. I thought to myself, well, isnt that convienant for her. So my bf drove her home and that was that.

 

 

I find myself EXTREMELY jealous about this situation and this girl. Once when we were at the bar she had wrapped her arm around my boyfriends and he immediatly said "this is my girlfriend!" and brought me over. Even once he did this, she asked for his number and said they should hang out.

 

Now Im not going out with everyone tomorrow like usual. I have to sleep now due to work and I really just cant afford to be out until 2 or 3am. My bf and his buddies will be going to the SAME bar and honestly, Im worried about this girl. If theres one thing I cannot stand its girl who interfere in relationships and try to be strategic to get what they want. My bf keeps tellig me 'shes nice!" and 'shes not hitting on me'. How can boys be so naive?

 

Anyway....due to my jealousy about all of this I am thinking of going out tomorrow night just to make sure she doesnt cross the line. I dont want to go out at all. I just want to make sure shes not waiting at the door again for a ride...who does that anyway? At the same time, I trust my bf and know hes just beig nice when it comes to her and I dont want to go out tomorrow at all..i want to sleep! I know that I need to trust my bf but I cant stand that this girl is out there just waiting to get her claws into him...and honestly it bothers me that she expected a ride from him. She doesnt even know him.

 

Enough of my raving....anyone been in this situation? I want to just believe that he will handle it but Im the type of person who has a little bit of jealousy issues and cant let things rest until they are taken care of. My bf likes to brush things aside to avoid conflict.

 

Any thoughts? I feel like Im going to go out tomorrow just so she stays away.....

[D-Lish]

Oh yeah, we all know girls like this... the dreaded boyfriend stealers.

Even when you trust your bf, it's still a slap in the face when another woman purposely interferes in your relationship.

 

You're very right- most men are quite naive when it comes to things like this.

 

I had a friend who was married- and she made a concerted effort to make a pass at every single guy I brought around.... there was never an exception. Many of the guys I dated began with the same notion "oh- she's just being nice".... but eventually they realized how manipulative and brutal she was being- both to me, and her husband.

 

One of thwo things are apt to happen.... you will blow a gasket on her... or she will step across the line and show your bf her true colours. It's inevitable that she will make "the pass" at some point.

 

I think if it were me... I would be getting to the point where I would confront her. With things like that I have trouble holding back. It seems like you are exercising good restraint.

 

Did you let your bf know it's unacceptable to be driving her home?

 

Your situation would be driving me nutty too.

I would probably go just for a bit to see what is up...but act like everything is normal.

 

Does she interact with you at all? Is she mean to you, or does she just act like you are not in the room? If she is ignoring you- but chatting up your bf, I'd make your presence known by chatting her up as well. Once she humanizes you as a person instead of an obstacle- she may develop a conscience and back off.

[Spoonandfork22]

she was very rude to me when my bf introduced me to her. Like I said, she still told him how good looking he was, while I was standing next to him, and asked him to hang out and get his number. He declined her invitations. When we left the bar she kept asking him to stay and hang out. I finally walked up to both of them and told him we were taking off. She gave me a dirty look and I said "If you dont take your hands off my boyfriend I will do it for you". (sometimes I cant control how I react).

 

When he told me he drove her home I blew up. I didnt mean to but it makes me very frustrated when people dont see whats really happening right in front of their faces. He told me she lived right down the street and he wasnt going to let a girl walk home alone at 2 in the morning. He said all she talked about was her bf but I somewhat think he was telling me that so I wouldnt know she was hitting on him. My boyfriend is just a nice guy and I know he didnt mean any harm in driving her home, but where was her boyfriend at 2am? Thats my question.

 

Thanks for your reply D- Lish. Its nice (scary at the same time) that we girls know how other girls act in certain situations. How can people do that! I just think its so disrespectful. To both me and my boyfriend. I guess I just have to trust his judgement.

 

Do you think I should tell him that giving her rides home isnt something that is going to happen again? I have never been one to make rules for my bf's and I dont want to push anything on someone. I prefer they make their own decisions. I really just want to tell him not to go to that bar anymore and then we wont have to worry about running into her at all, ever. But I cant uproot all of our friends too due to my worrying about some pushy girl

 

I hate my jealousy.

[D-Lish]

Well good for you- I am glad you told her to take your hands off him. You had every right to say that.

 

I don't think telling him he can't drive her home is making rules.

He shouldn't be driving her home. She can take a cab!

I think it's okay to tell him how it makes you "feel"... he can't argue with feelings- he can argue with ultimatems.

 

He has to have some sort of recognition that her behaviour is overly flirty... it sounds as if she is super obvious.

 

If she is rude to you in front of him... and he still befriends her- I would go off the deep end too.

 

She's a manipulative b*tch... And the fact that she goes out of her way to hit on him and be rude to you should not be acceptable to your bf.

 

I don't know how to give advise on this... it's hard to be in the situation where you know what is really going on and your bf is naive.

I think I'd be having a confrontation with her in the near future.

[bish]

theres two bars in my town. When we all have a night out (which is once a week), we go to one of them most of the time. I have a new job where I have to work 8-5 that I started this week and needless to say its really making me realize how much sleep I really need!

 

To get to the point there is this girl (haha why does there always have to be someone?!) that has been frequenting the bar lately. Shes made it prettttty apparent that she is interested in my bf. Although he claims she has a boyfriend and they are getting married, etc. My bf is EXTREMELY naive when girls hit on him or make a play at him and I know better. Well last Wednesday when we were out I went home early and the next morning my bf told me that when he was leaving the bar she was waiting at the door and said that her friends had left her so she needed a ride home. I thought to myself, well, isnt that convienant for her. So my bf drove her home and that was that.

 

 

I find myself EXTREMELY jealous about this situation and this girl. Once when we were at the bar she had wrapped her arm around my boyfriends and he immediatly said "this is my girlfriend!" and brought me over. Even once he did this, she asked for his number and said they should hang out.

 

 

Maybe someone should tip off her bf and let him know she is asking for guys' phone numbers.

 

her behavior is unacceptable. Maybe you should ask her point blank, "you are getting married, and he is my boyfriend, what possible good do you think will come of getting his phone number when its obvious you want him?"

 

 

My bf keeps tellig me 'shes nice!" and 'shes not hitting on me'. How can boys be so naive?

 

He's not being naive. he knows what he is doing. You think he'd stand for a guy getting your digits?

 

Any thoughts? I feel like Im going to go out tomorrow just so she stays away.....

 

Well part of the problem here is your boyfriend. My take on it is he likes the attention and is poo-pooing your concerns with it.

 

anyone at the bar you know that could fill you in on what happens so you don't have to wake up for work like a zombie the next day?

 

Some people might say you are overly jealous and are jumping the gun.

 

But lets look at the facts....she wants his phone number, doesn't know him, and he thinks this is ok. Of course he will say, "she is nice"...she wants in his pants.

[oppath]

You are not jealous for being upset with this.

 

I tell girls all the time: if a guy doesn't really know you, and he wants to get to know you, it means he is interested unless there is some context like work. If you are in a relationship, and you meet a new guy and he wants to hang out, just the two of you, it is because he is interested. Otherwise, he'd respect the relationship and invite both of you out or only invite you out to group situations.

 

Women have a greater ability to just be friends, but if a girl asks for my number at a bar I'm not naive. there is no context for it. It's not like she was on my softball team and wanting to invite me to a bbq.

 

So you are not jealous. You should get pissed. Tell your boyfriend "I don't care if she is nice. She wants you and wants to mess with our relationship. Why do I think that? Because if I were to meet a guy at a bar and ask for his number, it would mean I was interested. And if you were to meet a girl at a bar and ask for her number, it would mean you were interested. Giving her a ride home is unacceptable."

[ElvenPriestess]

You wanted to know if anyone else went through this? I have! And you are not out of line, and your second post I just kept thinking "You go girl!" He should have ditched her crap the second she was rude to you. Hanging on the arm, give me your number, I don't think she HAS a b/f. She's full of crap.

 

Last weekend I went to a bar, and my sort of H, really just legal at this point, is leaning in to the bar tender after telling me to leave him alone ALL NIGHT. Nobody knew he even knew me! Bartender goes to hit on him while they are leaned in (so he says this stuff I didn't hear it, just saw it) and he SUPPOSEDLY puts up his hand and says "I'm married." Then they all laugh. I didn't see any of that even though I could see them. He didn't point me out, OR talk to me at all. I was five bar seats down away from him and our friends BY MYSELF! SO YES, I know how you feel!

 

 

Why are guys like that? I don't know. They don't know what it means to respect the relationship around other females. (Not all guys, just mine and hers fellas) And if I were you I'd say "No more rides, I'm not comfortable with it due to the way she is around you, and please keep your distance from her."

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Why are guys like that? I don't know. They don't know what it means to respect the relationship around other females. (Not all guys, just mine and hers fellas)

 

the guys that do things like this have one major thing in common...they have girlfriends/fiancees/wives who put up with it.

[ElvenPriestess]

the guys that do things like this have one major thing in common...they have girlfriends/fiancees/wives who put up with it.

 

Yes. You got me there, but then in my case oh hi divorce. But other than that, you're right. But is it worth them losing some one over? Why can't they get it?

[KenzieAbsolutely]

But is it worth them losing some one over? Why can't they get it?

 

because they haven't lost someone over it yet. they have no reason to actually believe they will experience this loss because they keep doing what they're doing with no real consequences.

 

(and i wasn't trying to 'get you there'. that wasn't me trying to be mean and say nyah-nyah, it's your fault. i was just making a point in general of why men do these things! i hope i didn't offend you, it wasn't my intention at all.)

[ElvenPriestess]

because they haven't lost someone over it yet. they have no reason to actually believe they will experience this loss because they keep doing what they're doing with no real consequences.

 

(and i wasn't trying to 'get you there'. that wasn't me trying to be mean and say nyah-nyah, it's your fault. i was just making a point in general of why men do these things! i hope i didn't offend you, it wasn't my intention at all.)

 

Oh no, not at all, I just think you made a wonderfully valid point, and one I wish I'd thought of myself in my own situation long ago. You didn't offend me, you made perfect sense.

[Spoonandfork22]

ive decided im not going out tonight. I think a few of my gf's and I are going to hang out and veg. However, I think I am going to make a point of telling my boyfriend "have a good night...but lets make sure we arent giving *insert name here* any rides home at the end of the night".

 

 

I hate even having to say that...but it has to be said. at this point i guess i really dont care if he thinks im overbearing or not.

[ElvenPriestess]

ive decided im not going out tonight. I think a few of my gf's and I are going to hang out and veg. However, I think I am going to make a point of telling my boyfriend "have a good night...but lets make sure we arent giving *insert name here* any rides home at the end of the night".

 

 

I hate even having to say that...but it has to be said. at this point i guess i really dont care if he thinks im overbearing or not.

 

I think that's a great idea. And if he asks why just explain she doesn't act appropriate with you and you aren't comfortable with that.

[Spoonandfork22]

so my bf asked me a bunch to go to the bar with everyone tonight and each time i declined, telling him my gf's and i were going to see a movie (which we did, go see Juno its SO CUTE) anyway....before we hung up i said: 'ok babe have fun at the bar and remember, no driving random girls home' and he laughed and said 'i know i wont, i will tell her to call her boyfriend this time'...NICE! so...i think were on the same page here. at least i hope.

 

im about to go to bed right now and i wont lie i cant help but wonder if shes at the bar chatting him up right now. it will take all i have tomorrow not to ask him if she was there. but i figure the more i badger him about it, the more hes going to lie to me about things, thats just a natural response to someone bothering you over and over about things.

 

anyway..thanks everyone for al lthe advice!!! i appreciate outside sources ALWAYS!!

[ElvenPriestess]

so my bf asked me a bunch to go to the bar with everyone tonight and each time i declined, telling him my gf's and i were going to see a movie (which we did, go see Juno its SO CUTE) anyway....before we hung up i said: 'ok babe have fun at the bar and remember, no driving random girls home' and he laughed and said 'i know i wont, i will tell her to call her boyfriend this time'...NICE! so...i think were on the same page here. at least i hope.

 

im about to go to bed right now and i wont lie i cant help but wonder if shes at the bar chatting him up right now. it will take all i have tomorrow not to ask him if she was there. but i figure the more i badger him about it, the more hes going to lie to me about things, thats just a natural response to someone bothering you over and over about things.

 

anyway..thanks everyone for al lthe advice!!! i appreciate outside sources ALWAYS!!

 

I'm glad he agreed not to give her a ride home. But please don't excuse potential lies based on being nagged. That wouldn't be right no matter what. Lying I mean. You could just ask him how things went, anything interesting happen, the usual you know?

[D-Lish]

I am looking forward to your post tomorrow...

;-)

[Spoonandfork22]

my bf called me when he left the bar last night....i restricted myself from asking who was there or what he did or who he talked to....i just asked if he had a good night and we talked about our plans for today. So it went well!! I could kind of tell he was relieved that I didnt give him the third degree..it made the conversation a lot smoother.

 

so yea!! GO ME!! = )

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Oh no, not at all, I just think you made a wonderfully valid point, and one I wish I'd thought of myself in my own situation long ago. You didn't offend me, you made perfect sense.

 

oh, okay, good.

 

shadowplay, i am glad things seem to working out better. sometimes people are more willing to bend when you're not trying to break them.

 

i don't think what he did was right at all, but that doesn't mean he really did anything wrong, as in really bad. hopefully he has learned from this, and you won't have to worry so much from now on.