forbidden fruit Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 My xmm and I have been trying to be civil and friendly. I thought I could do it and today we had a long talk and things got heated. He wants me in his life , but does not want to hurt both of our families by leaving. He told me he loves me and started crying. I lost it and I agreed to meet him tommorrow, but now I have changed my mind. I am going to tell him I don't want to be just his friend never have and never will. I love him and if I can't have him 100% then I don't want him at all. It will be final goodbye to him and I will close the door. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Are you freaking stupid!!?!?!? Why are you being such a freaking coward!!! XMM cannot be your friend!!!!! Get it through your head!!!! If I can't have you?!?! What are you a grown adult or a young girl?!!? You need to put your big girl panties on and end this!!! completely. You prolong the pain and bring it on yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 My xmm and I have been trying to be civil and friendly. I thought I could do it and today we had a long talk and things got heated. He wants me in his life , but does not want to hurt both of our families by leaving. He told me he loves me and started crying. I lost it and I agreed to meet him tommorrow, but now I have changed my mind. I am going to tell him I don't want to be just his friend never have and never will. I love him and if I can't have him 100% then I don't want him at all. It will be final goodbye to him and I will close the door. FF you are so not over this guy. You know he's never going to leave. You know things will never changed. You either have to settle for this, how it's going to be, for always - or walk away. And in your case, that's most likely going to have to be literal. As long as he is living next to you, seeing you every day, your kids playing together, you'll be in this state of limbo. You've resisted telling your H. You're maintaining an investment in keeping things as they are. You know the suffering is not going to get any better until things change one way or the other and you know the only one who can make that change is you. FF - do you WANT to suffer like this? Link to post Share on other sites
totallyfedup Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Don't meet. Don't talk. Neither of you can have the best of both worlds. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 You do know why he wants to be friends, dont you? So he has an adoring female around that he can contact whenever he needs an ego stroke. He doesnt actually want a bona fide regular friend, he wants an ego booster. What a loser...don't hang out with a loser!! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 (edited) Why are you continuing to let this guy emotionally murder your family, using your hand to do it? "Love" is no excuse. Edited January 10, 2008 by LucreziaBorgia Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I agree with Owoman on this one. You seem to want to live in this crisis situation. You need to stop and realize that you cannot go back to a 'just friends' relationship after the affair. PERIOD. You also need to have someone to be accountable to. In your case...you really should tell your H the truth of what happened. Yes, its going to hurt him...yes, it could even end your marriage. But its also entirely possible that this could be the force that helps rebuild your marriage into something BETTER than it is now. And if your H knows about OM, he can help you stay strong in recovering from the affair, and in breaking off any contact with OM. What do you want from all of this? Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 You are right by changing your mind and not going through with seeing him. You've gone this long, stick it out. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 FF, you do know now that he is only after sex, to continue the affair, right? And, there is NO WAY you two cannot be platonic friends ever again. Your exMM has totally taken advantage of your husbands kindness of allowing him back "in." You know that your exMM is a narcissist, he isn't going to leave his wife and kids - So, what is the point of all this? Really think about it clearly. Don't try to figure out what HE wants, figure out what YOU want. What YOU are going to get out of this. Have you thought that maybe now is the time to come clean to your husband? Because if you let the exMM in a tiny bit, everything you've done, all that hard work you've put into getting over him will be thrown out the window. Your husband deserves the truth now so he can decide what he wants to do. I know you more than likely are disagreeing with me, but I think telling him will either push you TO the exMM or it will make it all end forever. I am worried that you are going to slip back into the A. The exMM knew all along you'd cave, give him another chance, all he had to do was wait you out, pick the right moments till he felt you were vunerable and ready again. Know why? Because HE KNOWS you still want him. FF, I wish you strength, I wish you the power to end it completely with the exMM. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 My xmm and I have been trying to be civil and friendly. I thought I could do it and today we had a long talk and things got heated. He wants me in his life , but does not want to hurt both of our families by leaving. He told me he loves me and started crying. I lost it and I agreed to meet him tommorrow, but now I have changed my mind. I am going to tell him I don't want to be just his friend never have and never will. I love him and if I can't have him 100% then I don't want him at all. It will be final goodbye to him and I will close the door. I knew the reason she didn't tell her husband is that she was hoping MM would leave his W and take her back. She is still allowing this man to destroy her family and in particular her H. He deserves to know the truth, but we all know you aren't going to do that. "If I can't have 100% then I don't want him at all." You want this man so bad. So much more than you want your family and certainly more than you want your H. YOU are absolutely trying to have your cake and eat it too. He is a maggot of a human, but you dont' care. You just care how tingly your genitals get when you 2 are together. Everyone could see that your anger for him was really you not making progress in untangling yourself. The only way to assure that this will end is to tell your husband. How much longer will you continue to help keep the trauma and drama going on in your life? How much longer are you going to disrespect your husband and family? How much longer are you going to play mind games with a master butt hole? You hold all the cards, you just choose to not play them:sick: Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I agree with OWoman 100%. I agree with bentnotbroken. I would add more, but I don't think it is necessary. What is necessary is for you, FF, to take action. Choose today who you want...your husband or your MM. Choose today what you want.....honesty or dishonesty. Choose today what you want as your priority.....short term happiness and long term anxiety or short term hurt and long term peace. Choose today what you want....problem avoidance or problem confrontation and resolution. Posting is great for venting, but please don't use it as a way to avoid personal action. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I agree with OWoman 100%. I agree with bentnotbroken. I would add more, but I don't think it is necessary. What is necessary is for you, FF, to take action. Choose today who you want...your husband or your MM. Choose today what you want.....honesty or dishonesty. Choose today what you want as your priority.....short term happiness and long term anxiety or short term hurt and long term peace. Choose today what you want....problem avoidance or problem confrontation and resolution. Posting is great for venting, but please don't use it as a way to avoid personal action. I know this is childish and remedial, but we all know that she isn't going to make that choice. She is going to have to have it made for her. Either her BS, MM, BW or some other party that she didn't even know had any idea about what was going on. If there was a show of hands, most folks would vote that she is going with the inaction, unless MM dumps his wife. Then she would leave her husband faster than a $2 ho can jump a car at a red light. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Then she would leave her husband faster than a $2 ho can jump a car at a red light. Ho's know how to jump start cars? humm, much teach that in Ho-school... Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Ho's know how to jump start cars? humm, much teach that in Ho-school... Clarification: Jump in a car at a red light. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I know, just trying to make you smile Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I know, just trying to make you smile Rough day at school and the weather is horrible, I needed it, good job. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Can you picture your car stalling a red light and a hooker jumping out behind a trash can with jumper cables all ready to go??? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Can you picture your car stalling a red light and a hooker jumping out behind a trash can with jumper cables all ready to go??? :laugh::laugh::laugh:Lord I hope she isn't jumping out for me, since I would probably pull out my bible and read her a few passages.:laugh::laugh:. But the pre affair me would have b!tch slapped her and told her no fingerprints on Bessie(my truck) Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 My xmm and I have been trying to be civil and friendly. I thought I could do it and today we had a long talk and things got heated. He wants me in his life , but does not want to hurt both of our families by leaving. He told me he loves me and started crying. I lost it and I agreed to meet him tommorrow, but now I have changed my mind. I am going to tell him I don't want to be just his friend never have and never will. I love him and if I can't have him 100% then I don't want him at all. It will be final goodbye to him and I will close the door. FF, Please do close the door !!! He's trying to real you in again hon and you know that! Look at how far you have come.... Be strong, and put your foot down, you can do it! Gosh this xmm of your's is really starting to get om my nerves! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author forbidden fruit Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 FF, you do know now that he is only after sex, to continue the affair, right? And, there is NO WAY you two cannot be platonic friends ever again. Your exMM has totally taken advantage of your husbands kindness of allowing him back "in." You know that your exMM is a narcissist, he isn't going to leave his wife and kids - So, what is the point of all this? Really think about it clearly. Don't try to figure out what HE wants, figure out what YOU want. What YOU are going to get out of this. Have you thought that maybe now is the time to come clean to your husband? Because if you let the exMM in a tiny bit, everything you've done, all that hard work you've put into getting over him will be thrown out the window. Sorry to disappoint all of you especially wwiu, but I am back in the A. We met yesterday and while we did not have sex we are very much in an emotional affair. So I guess I will be ruining my life, my h and my kids. So yes all the hard work I have done is in the toilet and he is back in because I let him. I guess in the end I am not as strong as I thought and he is stronger than me. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Sorry to disappoint all of you especially wwiu, but I am back in the A. We met yesterday and while we did not have sex we are very much in an emotional affair. So I guess I will be ruining my life, my h and my kids. So yes all the hard work I have done is in the toilet and he is back in because I let him. I guess in the end I am not as strong as I thought and he is stronger than me. Congratulations! You took action. Now you will at least have chosen a path. You have chosen a priority. You have chosen between honesty and dishonesty. You have chosen between immediate "happiness" and immediate hurt. And above all, you will face the consequences. Don't stop at the EA. At least fulfill your happiness and continue back into the PA. It should be all or nothing, I would say. Keep us updated. Sorry if I am pessimistic, but my instinct says this is not the choice that most would have taken. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 FF, you do know now that he is only after sex, to continue the affair, right? And, there is NO WAY you two cannot be platonic friends ever again. Your exMM has totally taken advantage of your husbands kindness of allowing him back "in." You know that your exMM is a narcissist, he isn't going to leave his wife and kids - So, what is the point of all this? Really think about it clearly. Don't try to figure out what HE wants, figure out what YOU want. What YOU are going to get out of this. Have you thought that maybe now is the time to come clean to your husband? Because if you let the exMM in a tiny bit, everything you've done, all that hard work you've put into getting over him will be thrown out the window. Sorry to disappoint all of you especially wwiu, but I am back in the A. We met yesterday and while we did not have sex we are very much in an emotional affair. So I guess I will be ruining my life, my h and my kids. So yes all the hard work I have done is in the toilet and he is back in because I let him. I guess in the end I am not as strong as I thought and he is stronger than me. Please at least be woman enough to give your husband his walking papers so that he can find someone who will love him and respect him. TELL HIM THE TRUTH PLEASE. And just carry this mental picture with you. You have children right, imagine someone like you and mm doing to one of them what the two of you have done to your families. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forbidden fruit Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 Congratulations! You took action. Now you will at least have chosen a path. You have chosen a priority. You have chosen between honesty and dishonesty. You have chosen between immediate "happiness" and immediate hurt. And above all, you will face the consequences. Don't stop at the EA. At least fulfill your happiness and continue back into the PA. It should be all or nothing, I would say. Keep us updated. Sorry if I am pessimistic, but my instinct says this is not the choice that most would have taken. I don't for a minute expect anyone to understand or condone what I am doing. I am simply stating what is going on I am not looking for affirmation or acceptance. i am not prud of myself and i know I am path of self destruction, but obviously I have sunk so low I do not care. I know i am such a horrible , coward and selfish person. I have said it so you guys don't have too. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I don't for a minute expect anyone to understand or condone what I am doing. I am simply stating what is going on I am not looking for affirmation or acceptance. i am not prud of myself and i know I am path of self destruction, but obviously I have sunk so low I do not care. I know i am such a horrible , coward and selfish person. I have said it so you guys don't have too. Repeat it louder. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 FF- So when are you going to tell your husband that you're no longer in love with him and start the divorce proceedings? Link to post Share on other sites
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