xMM wants to meet!!

[Meaplus3]

I don't for a minute expect anyone to understand or condone what I am doing. I am simply stating what is going on I am not looking for affirmation or acceptance. i am not prud of myself and i know I am path of self destruction, but obviously I have sunk so low I do not care. I know i am such a horrible , coward and selfish person. I have said it so you guys don't have too.

 

FF, If this is the path that you have choosen then you need to leave your H. Let your H have the chance to move on.

 

AP:)

[LucreziaBorgia]

FF, you need to cut your family loose - give your husband a divorce and give him primary custody. Your husband and children need more out of life than a wife and a mother who chooses being with a MM over them.

[OWoman]

I don't for a minute expect anyone to understand or condone what I am doing. I am simply stating what is going on I am not looking for affirmation or acceptance. i am not prud of myself and i know I am path of self destruction, but obviously I have sunk so low I do not care. I know i am such a horrible , coward and selfish person. I have said it so you guys don't have too.

 

FF I am not going to beat up on you - enough people here think my choices suck too - but I AM going to ask you why you chose to go back into this? You know how unhappy you were. You know the pain it caused you (aside from anyone else, that's a separate matter right now). Obviously you're getting something from this that you're not getting from anyone or anything else, that's sending you back there despite all that pain and unhappiness. What is it? Are you happy with the choice you've made?

[Chrome Barracuda]

I could berate you, scream at you, holla and see mean stuff, but what would it change.

 

Like I said a while back.

 

You make your own hell.

 

And only you can break it.

 

You need to tell your husband the truth. Necause I bet if he whipped the XOM's ass and exposed the affair to everyone you would stop then wouldnt you?

[whichwayisup]

FF, all I can say is please get to therapy because the this path you've chosen is about to ruin your life. You know this man is POISON to you, yet you cannot stay away from him.

 

I WILL continue to support you when the time comes this blows up. And it will, it's a waiting time bomb....Your husband WILL put two and two together eventually.

 

You're in my thoughts though and I wish you all the positive energy and strength to realize this path is a big bad mistake and you can get off of it soon.

[bentnotbroken]

FF, all I can say is please get to therapy because the this path you've chosen is about to ruin your life. You know this man is POISON to you, yet you cannot stay away from him.

 

I WILL continue to support you when the time comes this blows up. And it will, it's a waiting time bomb....Your husband WILL put two and two together eventually.

 

You're in my thoughts though and I wish you all the positive energy and strength to realize this path is a big bad mistake and you can get off of it soon.

 

 

It is my prayer that it doesn't blow up in a violent way. Her husband has been lied to for so long and had his emotions played with by both of them and the MM wife is in the same boat. This thing is going to get uglier real fast.

[whichwayisup]

Because FF and her exMM have been distant for so long, both her husband and exMM's wife WILL notice them talking more and being friendly again. They WILL wonder why all of sudden the 'friendship' has blossomed again.

 

FF, it's your life, your choice here but please PLEASE don't jump back into the A so quickly. Seek the counselling and do some thinking...Maybe you need a holiday ALONE so you can figure things out. Time alone and space from both your H and the MM.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

FF,

 

Forget your family, forget his family. What do you think can possibly come from this? What outcome would you like, what in reality will/can possibly happen? You need to answer that question for yourself.

 

I know you are crazy about how "this guy" makes you feel but you KNOW that you love who you want him to be, not who he is. You're in love with your own fantasy. N's don't change, they are master manipulators, they play on your every vunerability and it is more than a game to them, it is the air that they breathe. He isn't capable of loving and in your own state at the moment you are not either. I KNOW you know that this is the most detrimental thing you could do for yourself, you've got to find out WHY you want to hurt yourself. Get some counseling please, this is as useless as drinking yourself to sleep every night. It might make you feel good for a while but it isn't fixing what's broken and it's adding to your problems.

 

I swear I'ld love to send you my well worn but retired, "Hold me and tell me lies t-shirt". Geez honey this isn't going to play out any differently this time except that it will be worse. If this guy leaves his wife tomorrow and takes you, you just become her. He wasn't flirting with that other woman to make you mad FF, he was doing it because that's who he is and who he will always be. YOU DON"T WANT THAT. There is no possibility for happiness with him, only with out him.

 

I'm sorry for this turn of events and for what's to come. Good luck, IWWH

[underpants]

Maybe the MM isn't the only narcissist in this situation?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Well, at the very least perhaps H will find out on his own now what is really going on. It will become apparent to him as time goes on. FF will spend her time and energy on "love" with MM, and H will begin to put two and two together instead of the one and two lies by omission that FF fed him the first time around. I predict a dday within six months, with a particularly ugly outcome. Its probably for the best. This has to end one way or the other.

 

FF, at the very least keep your "lover" away from your husband. MM gets off on knowing that he is f*cking his wife (I know you said it was only an EA - I give it less than a week before you are back in bed with him or wherever it is you two have sex), and he especially enjoys the fact that you will humiliate your husband on his behalf. Your H has had quite enough suffering at your hands, and he doesn't even know the half of it! At least be decent enough not to let MM continue pretending to be your husband's "buddy". That is probably the most cruel thing you could do to him.

 

Seriously. If you have even an inkling of love left for your husband, save him from you. Cut him loose. Let him raise his children in a better environment than the one you are creating.

Edited January 11, 2008 by LucreziaBorgia

[forbidden fruit]

I know you all don't understand why i am doing what I am doing. Neither do I , but I feel like I am being brainwashed by mm. He says we can be friends and hang out and that is better than not being around each other. Then I think okay we can be friends at least I still have in my life.

 

No sex and I get to see him everyday. He says we know what we have, but why hurt everyone for our happiness. I know this is warped, but when he says it , it sound doable. Then he says we just have to figure things out and when the time is right we will be together. He told me to relax and just live in the moment and as long as we are friends we are not doing anything wrong.

 

Of course he starts crying telling me how much he cares about me and how i will never know and it is not as simple as just leaving. He says i am not ready for the sh** storm that will hit if we tell our spouses we are leaving.

 

He is not ready to hurt everyone and he would rather hurt us then our families. I said we already hurt our families, but he thinks leaving would be worse.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. He told me to relax and just live in the moment and as long as we are friends we are not doing anything wrong.

 

2. it is not as simple as just leaving...

 

1. Do you really believe that you are doing nothing wrong?

 

2. That's the excuse you'll hear again and again.

[underpants]

I know you all don't understand why i am doing what I am doing. Neither do I , but I feel like I am being brainwashed by mm.

 

Then find the strength and conviction to deprogram yourself. You have acknowledged it so you are not that brainwashed. Don't play the weak card, it is unbecoming.

 

He told me to relax and just live in the moment and as long as we are friends we are not doing anything wrong.

 

 

If I had a nickel.

[Meaplus3]

I know you all don't understand why i am doing what I am doing. Neither do I , but I feel like I am being brainwashed by mm. He says we can be friends and hang out and that is better than not being around each other. Then I think okay we can be friends at least I still have in my life.

 

No sex and I get to see him everyday. He says we know what we have, but why hurt everyone for our happiness. I know this is warped, but when he says it , it sound doable. Then he says we just have to figure things out and when the time is right we will be together. He told me to relax and just live in the moment and as long as we are friends we are not doing anything wrong.

 

Of course he starts crying telling me how much he cares about me and how i will never know and it is not as simple as just leaving. He says i am not ready for the sh** storm that will hit if we tell our spouses we are leaving.

 

He is not ready to hurt everyone and he would rather hurt us then our families. I said we already hurt our families, but he thinks leaving would be worse.

 

FF, You know I really believe in my heart here that this mm is reeling you again! Even if you might have a true intention of leaving your H, I just don't see that he really would ever leave his W. It very much seem's he like's having his cake and eating it too! The fact that he said leaving would be worse is proof again that I just don't think he will do it! Your a smart woman and the choice is your's here. Please make the right one! I'm not sure what else to say!

 

AP:)

[annabelle75]

I don't for a minute expect anyone to understand or condone what I am doing. I am simply stating what is going on I am not looking for affirmation or acceptance. i am not prud of myself and i know I am path of self destruction, but obviously I have sunk so low I do not care. I know i am such a horrible , coward and selfish person. I have said it so you guys don't have too.

 

What were you expecting? Support? What do you think this is? A support forum for people involved in As? Where would you get an idea like that?

 

Its your life and in time I believe you'll figure what's best for you. We all do eventually and often times what really is for the best usually isn't what a bunch annonymous people on the internet tell you you should do. Strange, huh?

[bentnotbroken]

Why say anything else. It's all been said. By OP, by BS, even she said it. She doesn't want him to leave, that's the bottom line. She has basically said so in all previous posts, for weeks. If she could have him in some way, on her terms. But what she has yet to understand is that the terms have never been set by her. She never took that power. She always relinquished it to him.

 

And what did his NPD @$$ do, took what she willingly gave him. Her life, her family, her pride, her esteem, her intelligence and her freedom to live independently of him.

 

Of course he isn't ready for the ***** storm, why should he be? He has his cake and his cookie. He will never be ready because he will always have you as his shelter. Covering for his lies with lies of your own.

[JamesM]

I am a man ( I know...it is obvious ..I hope), and I can say that I recognize lines men use.

 

First, he convinced you that he is your friend. Then he is telling you that you can have your EA again. Then he will kiss you while in a moment of "love." He will apologize and say how he could not help himself, because you are so lovely and irresistible. But this will happen a few more times. You will be confused but willing. Then the kissing will become petting, but the moment will never be quite private enough. You will convince yourself that it won't go all of the way.

 

The next step will be a seemingly impulsive moment where you both find yourself overwhelmed in passion and since he has somehow arranged it to be a private moment, he keeps the moment going to the point of no return. You will weakly try to stop, but yet you want him. At that point, you may as well begin the PA. And you do.

 

Trust me...men may seem simple, but they are devious. When it comes to sex, men are very ingenious at convincing a woman how much he loves her. He can lie very convincingly because he has a goal.

 

As for leaving his wife, your MM loves the secret life. If he and you were single, then he would not consider continuing his affair with you. It is nothing against you...it is simply a game and a challenge to him.

 

This is your life and marriage. It is no game. Choose you today whom you will love. You can still stop this. Just because you began does not mean you cannot quit.

 

So says my masculine intuition...if there is such a thing.

[Meaplus3]

I am a man ( I know...it is obvious ..I hope), and I can say that I recognize lines men use.

 

First, he convinced you that he is your friend. Then he is telling you that you can have your EA again. Then he will kiss you while in a moment of "love." He will apologize and say how he could not help himself, because you are so lovely and irresistible. But this will happen a few more times. You will be confused but willing. Then the kissing will become petting, but the moment will never be quite private enough. You will convince yourself that it won't go all of the way.

 

The next step will be a seemingly impulsive moment where you both find yourself overwhelmed in passion and since he has somehow arranged it to be a private moment, he keeps the moment going to the point of no return. You will weakly try to stop, but yet you want him. At that point, you may as well begin the PA. And you do.

 

Trust me...men may seem simple, but they are devious. When it comes to sex, men are very ingenious at convincing a woman how much he loves her. He can lie very convincingly because he has a goal.

 

As for leaving his wife, your MM loves the secret life. If he and you were single, then he would not consider continuing his affair with you. It is nothing against you...it is simply a game and a challenge to him.

 

This is your life and marriage. It is no game. Choose you today whom you will love. You can still stop this. Just because you began does not mean you cannot quit.

 

So says my masculine intuition...if there is such a thing.

 

Excellent post James! Read this one good FF!

[forbidden fruit]

FF,

 

Forget your family, forget his family. What do you think can possibly come from this? What outcome would you like, what in reality will/can possibly happen? You need to answer that question for yourself.

 

I know you are crazy about how "this guy" makes you feel but you KNOW that you love who you want him to be, not who he is. You're in love with your own fantasy. N's don't change, they are master manipulators, they play on your every vunerability and it is more than a game to them, it is the air that they breathe. He isn't capable of loving and in your own state at the moment you are not either. I KNOW you know that this is the most detrimental thing you could do for yourself, you've got to find out WHY you want to hurt yourself. Get some counseling please, this is as useless as drinking yourself to sleep every night. It might make you feel good for a while but it isn't fixing what's broken and it's adding to your problems.

 

I swear I'ld love to send you my well worn but retired, "Hold me and tell me lies t-shirt". Geez honey this isn't going to play out any differently this time except that it will be worse. If this guy leaves his wife tomorrow and takes you, you just become her. He wasn't flirting with that other woman to make you mad FF, he was doing it because that's who he is and who he will always be. YOU DON"T WANT THAT. There is no possibility for happiness with him, only with out him.

 

I'm sorry for this turn of events and for what's to come. Good luck, IWWH

 

He has the nerve to tell me if he was with me, do I think he woud actually be treating me the way he is. He says he acts the way he does because he is married.

[whichwayisup]

If you were married to him, or with him (let's say you do end up leaving your spouses for eachother) perminately, he would be cheating on you eventually. This man is a narcissist, you know this. One woman isn't enough for him. Chances are he's cheated throughout his whole marriage and probably throughout his whole life.

 

His behaviour and your behaviour won't ever change until a D-Day happens.

[bentnotbroken]

?????????????????????????? He is a GIGANTIC JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[forbidden fruit]

I am a man ( I know...it is obvious ..I hope), and I can say that I recognize lines men use.

 

First, he convinced you that he is your friend. Then he is telling you that you can have your EA again. Then he will kiss you while in a moment of "love." He will apologize and say how he could not help himself, because you are so lovely and irresistible. But this will happen a few more times. You will be confused but willing. Then the kissing will become petting, but the moment will never be quite private enough. You will convince yourself that it won't go all of the way.

 

The next step will be a seemingly impulsive moment where you both find yourself overwhelmed in passion and since he has somehow arranged it to be a private moment, he keeps the moment going to the point of no return. You will weakly try to stop, but yet you want him. At that point, you may as well begin the PA. And you do.

 

Trust me...men may seem simple, but they are devious. When it comes to sex, men are very ingenious at convincing a woman how much he loves her. He can lie very convincingly because he has a goal.

 

As for leaving his wife, your MM loves the secret life. If he and you were single, then he would not consider continuing his affair with you. It is nothing against you...it is simply a game and a challenge to him.

 

This is your life and marriage. It is no game. Choose you today whom you will love. You can still stop this. Just because you began does not mean you cannot quit.

 

So says my masculine intuition...if there is such a thing.

 

Well James you are exactly spot on because this very scenari you have outlined happened almost exactly as you said the first time.

[forbidden fruit]

?????????????????????????? He is a GIGANTIC JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Why can't I see him for who he is and furthermore why does he turn it around on me like it is all my fault and I am the one letting this happen?

[whichwayisup]

Because you are letting sexual lust and feelings get in the way, that's why. And, he turns it around on you because he knows he has you weak in the knees and can pull the strings, you'll come back to him. FF, he's on a power trip and loving it. It is both of your faults. He just sees that eventually you will cave and so far, everytime, you've proven him right.

 

If you want it all to end, CONFESS everything to your husband, then you and your husband confess everything to his wife. THAT will end it forever.

[PoshPrincess]

What were you expecting? Support? What do you think this is? A support forum for people involved in As? Where would you get an idea like that?

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao: Nice one, Annabelle!

 

FF, I can understand why you have chosen to return to the A. Not so long ago I may well have done the same even though I thought I wanted more (of course I did, but something would have been better than nothing). I am concerned for you though that the A will not be enough and that he is not going to leave his W. You really can't carry on seeing this man behind your H's back. It's not fair on him and, in any case, he's bound to suspect something soon.

 

I don't agree with the poster who says you should give your H primary custody of the kids. I don't believe that someone who opts out of a M is opting out of bringing up their kids. You will still be a good Mum (not that I need to tell you that, I hope!) I do believe though that you should leave your H and give him the chance to find happiness elsewhere. You can't keep him there on standby in case things don't work out with MM.

 

Think carefully about what you want out of all this. Are you prepared to lose your H for what may turn out to be just another bit of excitement? I agree with WWIU that counselling may be the way forward for you. You're craving excitement that you're not getting with your H and expecting the MM to fulfil your needs. Unfortunately this is a quick fix and may not make you happy in the long term.

 

Keep posting. Don't let others who judge you put you off. Some of us ARE here to help.